Shane's Fall (The Escort Series Book 2) (3 page)

In his younger years, Shane definitely seemed the most likely of the three men to enjoy what they were doing. He had always had a girl on his arm though she couldn’t remember anyone serious, or even seeing the same girl more than once for that matter. But whatever his motives might have been, he wasn’t the same, charismatic boy next door that he’d once been. He seemed haunted. It was probably foolish to think of him that way, she was probably just over dramatizing the whole thing. The man was incredibly successful – top of his class in law school with plans to join his father’s high-powered, criminal defense law firm in Chicago next year. He even had a gorgeous, rich girlfriend that he often escorted to fancy parties and functions – she’d never actually met the woman but every once in a while her face would be in the society pages of the paper as she arrived via limo in a fancy dress to some important event, a beautiful but bored looking Shane on her arm. Bile rose in her throat as she realized that not only had she used Shane for her own selfish needs, she had been a part him cheating on his own girlfriend. How had she fallen this far, this fast?

Savannah made her way to the bathroom and turned the shower on. She took the blouse off, her eyes carefully avoiding the mirror. She was glad he hadn’t asked why she’d left the shirt on – lying to Shane was hard, but there was no way she could have shared that part of her life with him. She climbed into the shower and let the water warm her. She ran her fingers over her body and allowed her mind to drift back to how she’d been able to explore Shane’s naked body. The initial fear she had had when she first touched his chest had evaporated when she felt how warm and hard he was, all at the same time. She hadn’t meant to kiss him, but his lips had been too tempting – she’d never actually kissed a man before - and when he had opened his mouth to hers, she’d been stunned at the desire that had flashed through her body. She had nothing to compare the kiss to, but she couldn’t image it got much better than that. She also hadn’t meant to explore his body either – her plan had been to get him inside of her as quickly as possible so she wouldn’t have time overthink things and freak out.

His hardness had been too difficult to resist though. And his moans of pleasure as she touched his length with her tongue had made her bold. She’d read about oral sex and had even snuck a peek at some porn online, but it wasn’t something that had overly appealed to her. But his taste, the feel of him in her mouth…it had been hard to stop when he had called out his warning. If she hadn’t been so desperate to complete the act to prove that she could, she’d have kept going for sure. And then it had all gone to hell.

She didn’t even know her own body well enough to realize that she wasn’t physically ready to take him. When she’d felt that burning pain as she tried to force his length inside her, dark memories had assailed her and threatened to pull her under. Her humiliation was complete when he called her on it and she had wanted to die on the spot. But he had given her a choice to continue, no pressure, no condemnation – just a choice. And then it had felt amazing, like someone had set fire to her from the inside. She had felt so full when he finally slid all the way into her depths and something inside of her just kept winding tighter and tighter. At that point, her instincts had taken over and all she could do was feel.

And just like that, it was gone and she was back under a heavy weight, a heaving, sweaty body ripping her apart as a thick hand covered her mouth to muffle her cries. She’d closed her eyes so she could escape and go to her quiet place, but then Shane’s voice had called to her through the darkness. He’d sounded worried and she had to see what was going on, to make sure he was okay. And when she opened her eyes, he was there and she knew she’d lost time again. It was happening more often now and she was starting to worry that one day she might not be able to find her way back.

As the water turned cold, she climbed out of the shower and dried off, suddenly eager to get out of this room. It was almost worse now because she had had those few minutes of pure pleasure with Shane so she knew it was possible, but it could also turn on a dime and plunge her into darkness. And worst of all, she’d used someone she loved in the most horrific way – she had been selfish and unthinking. She pulled her clothes on and grabbed her stuff. As she passed the bed and grabbed her jacket, she realized that it hadn’t been worth it because she’d lost the one person she’d hope to be able to share that part of her life with and she had no one but herself to blame.

Chapter 3

Where the fuck are you?

Shane glanced at the text on his phone and then tossed it back on the coffee table. It was Gabe’s third text in the past hour and Logan had already left two messages berating him for being MIA the past three weeks. He leaned back against the couch and looked around the room. It was almost entirely done in white except for the occasional black accent. It made him feel like he was in a hospital or institution of some sort, but Paige insisted it was all the rage. Everything in Paige’s life had to be that way – clean, expensive and flawless. At least on the outside where people could see. Inside everything was the color of blood and shit. Dark, swirling and violent. And he had managed to somehow fit perfectly into her fucked up little world. It made sense, he supposed, since he was just as fucked up, if not more so.

The click clack of her stilettos told him she was near, the kitchen probably. Even when they were in her apartment, safe from prying eyes and the ever more important flash of cameras, she was in full garb.

“Babe, don’t forget we’re having dinner with my parents tonight. Wear the blue Armani,” she said as she clicked her way out of the kitchen and towards the front door. She paused at the couch and leaned over the back of it to peck him on the cheek. It took everything in him not to pull away from the sticky, heavily painted red lips. “I left you a little something in the bathroom,” she said brightly as she flung her designer bag over her shoulder and left, her perfect body showcased in a tight, white mini-dress. God, sometimes he really hated her.

Paige Moran was a daddy’s girl, even at 24 years old. Her rich, banker father had bought her the condo that overlooked Puget Sound and had written her a blank check to stuff it full of whatever useless, trendy crap she could. She “worked” as a part-time interior designer, but as far as Shane knew, her only clients were friends of her father’s. Their families had known each other for a few years and he and Paige had had some fun when they were in high school, but it had only been physical. She had had a great body – and knew it – and her dad had given her a BMW Roadster for her 16
th
birthday which Shane got a kick out of driving, but that was the extent of it. By the time he had made it to college, the majority of his memories of Paige were relegated to the back seat of that car and twisted fuck that he was, he got more of a thrill out of the car than the girl. But two years ago she had wormed her way back into his life and now he was practically living with her in this godforsaken, white mausoleum.

He heard his phone ding again, but ignored it and stood and walked to the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the Sound. Ironically, he’d never fucked Paige up against these windows, hadn’t even considered it. She wouldn’t go for it anyway – might scuff up the glass. He studied the street below and then raised his eyes to examine the mountains just beyond the water. It occurred to him that at some point they had stopped amazing him and he tried to pinpoint when that had happened but couldn’t. Dropping his eyes to the blue water, he couldn’t help but think it was too dark…it should be lighter, paler. Like her eyes. Somehow that was the only shade of blue he liked anymore – crystal clear and swirling with passion. He hadn’t actually gotten to see the passion, but his brain had no trouble imagining what her eyes had looked like before he grabbed her. And now it was all he could think about. That and the pure fear when he had twisted her under him and drove into her.

It had been twenty-three days since Savannah had shattered his world with her pleasure and her pain. He’d been a coward to walk out on her in that hotel room when she was hurting, but the helplessness had been too great. His entire life was about becoming what other people needed him to be, but when she had asked for that he had balked. And it wasn’t because she was Logan’s sister or that she was too young or fresh or innocent. No, he’d been afraid, plain and simple. Afraid she would see right through him, through the person he gave to the outside world. And she’d be horrified by what she found and he couldn’t take that – couldn’t see that contempt, that disgust in her eyes.

Scrubbing his hand over his face, he felt the sticky residue of Paige’s lipstick on his cheek and went towards Paige’s bedroom. He refused to think of it as his room, his bed. He passed by the monstrous king-sized bed with the perfectly made white sheets and comforter and went into the bathroom. More white but with a black marble vanity and black and white tiles on the floor. He stuttered to a halt when he saw the “gift” Paige had left him. She was such a bitch.

The small, round mirror lying on top of the middle of the counter stood in sharp contrast to the dark, smooth texture of the marble beneath it. But it was what was on top of the mirror that had his insides churning. Three perfectly straight lines of powder lined up side by side on the mirror, a half-rolled hundred dollar bill sitting next to them. He swallowed hard as that familiar, metallic taste filled his mouth and his body automatically tightened in anticipation. It would only take a couple of steps, a few good inhales and he could be free.

He moved until he was standing over the mirror. Paige only ever bought the best so he knew what he was looking at would be even better than the shit he’d tried in the past. Curling his hands around the edge of the countertop, he leaned over the mirror and studied himself in the reflection, his image broken up by the lines. This was the guy he recognized, the fuck-up who was always just on the edge of losing it all.

Ten seconds passed, then twenty, then a full minute. And he knew he would do what he had done all the other times Paige had tried to “help him out.” He picked up the mirror and dumped the contents in the sink and turned the water on. He didn’t even care that the hundred dollar bill got wet. It was her daddy’s money and there was plenty more of it where that had come from.

Shane was lucky that Paige had yet to figure out that cocaine was just a cheap substitute for him – that the drug his body craved and tormented him endlessly for was heroin. One taste eight years ago was all it had taken for the monster to latch onto something inside and never let go. If she’d left him a needle full of the beautifully ugly brown liquid, his former life would already be a distant memory, his friends and family gone. It would only take one hit and he could let everyone and everything around him go. For eight years he had fought it and won, but it was inevitable that there would be a day when he couldn’t stop himself from sticking that thin piece of metal in his arm and feeling the pain and pleasure as he pushed the plunger down and watched as the drug burned through his body.

He dropped the mirror on the counter and left the room and went to answer his now ringing phone because he knew that if he didn’t, Gabe our Logan would show up on his – no, Paige’s – doorstep, and he didn’t want the few good pieces of his life anywhere near this piece of shit monstrosity that was his future.

***

“Thought I might find you here.”

Shane looked up from the bench he was sitting on to see Gabe striding toward him. Shane considered himself to be a fit guy but Gabe had him beat hands down – he was tall, built like a heavyweight champ and Shane had seen his skills in action – the bulging muscles weren’t just for show. “How’d you find me?” he asked as his friend stopped beside the bench and looked around before dropping down next to him.

“Riley,” was all Gabe said.

“Shit. Your woman has a good memory,” Shane muttered as he leaned forward and dropped his elbows on his knees. He’d mentioned once in passing to Gabe’s girlfriend Riley, that he stopped by to visit his brother every Saturday morning.

“I didn’t know you did this,” Gabe said as he motioned around them.

“Yeah, well, Saturday mornings were our thing right?” Gabe smiled and nodded and then fell silent. Shane turned his attention back to his brother’s headstone. It was big and garish just like his parents had wanted. All around them were subtle grave markers with simply engraved names and dates with the occasional epithet or colorful bouquet of flowers, but Michael’s grave might has well have had a neon sign flashing over it that said, “Rich, beloved dead kid here.” It wasn’t true of course, at least not the beloved part. There were pictures engraved into the marble on each sides of Michael’s name and fancy calligraphy underneath that said
Gone too soon, forever in our hearts.
He suspected his mother had come up with the phrase – it sounded appropriately dramatic.

“I guess ‘disowned gay kid who would rather OD then live in this fucked up world alone,’ was too big to fit,” Shane said coldly as he motioned to the headstone. Gabe didn’t answer and he hadn’t expected him to. Michael had been fucked from the get go and they both knew it. His brother had been only nineteen when he’d taken his own life by shoving a needle full of heroin into his arm. It had happened just hours after Michael had come out to their parents about his sexuality and he’d been quickly disowned and abandoned in response. Shane hadn’t even been able to say goodbye and by the time he got the suicide note the next morning, it was already over and Michael lay on a metal slab in the coroner’s office. Official cause of death – accidental overdose. And it was all because Shane had been too much of a coward to stand up for his big brother. He’d let his parents push his brother away and then cover up the truth about why he was gone.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Gabe said softly. It wasn’t the first time his friend had said it, probably wouldn’t be the last either. And it did nothing to ease the guilt that ate away at his insides.

“What are you doing here?” Shane asked.

“Haven’t seen you in a while. You missed the last three family dinners.”

“Right, family dinner,” Shane drawled, emphasizing the word “family.” None of them were actually family, but they had started the tradition of meeting on Sunday nights a couple of months ago at Riley’s insistence. It usually rotated between Logan and Savannah’s house and Gabe and Riley’s new apartment. He’d never offered to host it at Paige’s place since she and his friends didn’t mix well and he was barely living in his own apartment, which he was still hanging onto for some reason he was hesitant to identify.

“It’s not the same without you there.”

Shane wanted to tell Gabe that it wouldn’t be the same if he was there – how could it ever be the same now that he’d fucked his best friend’s sister? How could he explain that just looking at her tied him up in knots and knowing everything she’d been through, suffered through alone, would make it impossible to ingest anything, let alone keep it down? “Gotta say man, you’re starting to sound like a bit of a girl,” Shane joked but there was no laughter behind it.

Gabe wasn’t taking the bait. “We’re all worried about you.”

“Don’t be – it’s all-”

“Good, I know,” Gabe finished for him. “It’s all good.”

Shane could hear the disappointment in his friend’s voice. “You heard from your mom?” He felt Gabe tense next to him and he glanced over at his friend who had gone pale. Gabe’s mom was a mess, she’d been a junkie for more than half of Gabe’s life and he had spent most of his time bailing her out of jail and getting her into rehab. She’d even resorted to stealing from him, but instead of turning her in, he’d stuck by her.

Gabe had even taken up escorting just so he could get enough money so he could keep paying for the rehab she would always end up leaving early. His friend had hated every second of being paid for sex. He’d even confided to Shane and Logan that he found no physical pleasure in the act. Riley’s appearance in his life had changed all that and he was out for good. Shane had never seen his friend more relaxed and happy. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Shane said, feeling guilty for putting that darkness back in his friend’s eyes.

“She raped me.”

Shane froze, sure he had heard the whispered words wrong. “What?”

“Wow, that’s the first time I’ve said that.” Amazingly, Gabe relaxed and sat up a little straighter.

“What are you talking about?” Shane stuttered, unable to grasp what his friend was saying.

“My mother raped me,” he repeated carefully, as if still testing the words.

“Oh my God. Oh my God!” Shane jumped off the bench and took several clumsy steps away and willed the bile to stay in his gut which was now churning. “When?” he managed to ask in a strangled tone.

“I’m not a hundred percent sure when it started, but I think I was around thirteen.”

Shane couldn’t support his weight anymore so he dropped down to the grass next to his brother’s tombstone. “I’m sorry Gabe, I didn’t know…we didn’t suspect…” Shane said, motioning to Michael’s headstone.

“You couldn’t have known Shane. We were kids. It’s not something that most people can even conceive of.”

Things started clicking into place for Shane. “The escorting…” he breathed in horror. No wonder his friend had hated it. “Oh God!”

Gabe rose from the bench and then sat down next to Shane. “Shane, do you know why I’m telling you this?”

Shane shook his head. He really didn’t – part of him wished he hadn’t.

“All of this came out because of my feelings for Riley,” Gabe started.

“And I encouraged you to go after her,” Shane responded, horrified.

Gabe’s arm dropped around his shoulder and squeezed hard. “Look at me.” When Shane shook his head Gabe nearly shouted, “Look at me!”

Shane forced his eyes up and felt the sting of bitter tears.