Shane's Fall (The Escort Series Book 2) (16 page)

It had all come screaming back though and she’d somehow ended up steering her car towards the gym. She’d walked in and zoned in on the speed bag and now, as sweat ran down her in rivulets and her mass of hair clung to her, she put every ounce of her strength behind each swing. She didn’t know she was sobbing with each punch or that the few early morning occupants of the gym had been and were still watching her with concern. And she didn’t see Gabe until he stepped in front of the bag and gently caught her next throw.

She yanked her arm back from his hold and took a few steps back. She pushed some of the hair that was plastered around her face back and glared at him for the interruption. It was then that she noticed everyone watching her and then she realized why. She was wearing her pink dress from dinner last night. Her hair was loose and sticking to her sweat-drenched skin. Suspecting tears were running from her eyes too, she lifted her fingers to test the theory and sure enough, they came back with more than just sweat on them. Worse yet, she’d left her cardigan behind so her arms were exposed, the scars on the left one as plain as day.

“Oh God,” she whispered as she felt all the eyes on her.

“Hey!” Gabe nearly yelled at her, but his deep, commanding voice did what he had intended and pulled her back out of the darkness she’d been ready to escape into. “None of these men are judging you Savannah,” he said firmly as he motioned towards the room. “Every single one of them knows what you’re feeling.”

She looked around and sure enough, most of the men were nodding. She took a deep breath and watched them return to their workouts. Gabe used the distraction to grab her by the wrist. He pulled her a few short steps to the big weight bag in the corner.

“The speed bag is for precision and working on hand-eye coordination, but it’s useless if you just want something to beat the shit out of,” Gabe said as he worked some small boxing gloves onto her hands and then slapped the big bag. “If you really want to feel that burn, you use this.”

How did he know that was what she was trying to do? He glanced at her arm, the scarred one, and said, “Everybody has a different way of getting the pain out Savannah. Alcohol, drugs, fighting, sex.” He said the last one differently and then she remembered his previous profession. “There’s no shame in doing what you need to do to survive.”

She tested the weight of the bag by pushing against it. The thing barely moved, so she pushed it harder. Adrenaline flooded through her as she began striking the bag over and over. Within minutes her entire body ached, but she kept at it. The bag hardly swung, but the satisfaction that it did at all made her punch it harder. Dark, evil eyes looked back as she struck out. Cruel hands reached for her but she fought them off. That voice that told her to run and hide inside herself called out to her, but she smacked the shit out of it. Her body finally gave out on her and she stumbled to a halt and fell to her knees.

Gabe was there before she did a face plant and his big arm just held her as he settled behind her and eased the gloves off her hands. As her breathing finally began to slow, Gabe released her and she sank down on her ass and drew her knees up against her chest. She felt his presence next to her, but he let her settle for a few more minutes before he spoke again.

“When’s your next appointment with Dr. Henderson?” he asked.

She was surprised that he knew who her doctor was and she answered, “Next week,” automatically before realization sank in.

“He does emergency visits if you need to see him sooner. I can call him for you,” Gabe said.

“Shane got his number from you?” she asked, a shot of pain kicking through her as Shane’s name left her lips. Gabe nodded, then chuckled.

“I don’t really fit the profile, do I?” he mused.

“What profile?”

“Victim,” was all he said.

It took her a moment to understand what he was telling her and then she shook her head in denial. He couldn’t be…

“I guess victim is what you feel like in the beginning, but somewhere along the way you start to think of yourself as a survivor. It took me a while to get that,” Gabe mused.

“You were-” She couldn’t get the word out because it was stuck in her head that such a thing could never happen to someone as big and strong and confident as Gabe.

“Raped,” he finished for her.

Tears welled in her eyes and then they were falling. It was too much – it was just too much. She felt his big hand rub her back in comfort and realized that the touch felt exactly that way. There was no fear or shame. She trusted him one hundred percent now, like she did her brother and Shane. Another flash of pain, but she pushed it away.

“Does it get better the more you talk about it?” she asked.

“Yeah, it does. It sucked at first and it took me a long time to believe it really happened. I was ashamed to have to admit it to Riley especially. You don’t want someone you love to have to suffer through something like that with you.” She nodded because she knew exactly what he was talking about.

“I have to tell Logan,” she finally said. “It’s going to kill him,” she whispered.

Gabe was silent for a moment. “It’s going to hurt knowing that he wasn’t able to protect you from that, that’s true. But he’ll see how strong you are and that will help.”

“I’m not strong,” she said softly. “I couldn’t fight back…not even after,” she muttered. “He destroyed my life and got to walk away and all I could do was this,” she said angrily as she lifted her scarred arm.

“You did what you needed to do to survive. When was the last time you hurt yourself?” he asked.

“Almost a month ago,” she answered. She’d had a couple of close calls but the last time she’d actually done it was the night of her disastrous date with Robert.

“So go another month, then another one after that. Come kick the shit out of this bag or call me and I’ll let you throw me around a little bit,” he joked as he referred to their self-defense training. “Or if you need something girly, call Riley and she can drag you shopping or go do some of that salon crap you girls seem to be so fond of.” He waved his hand around as he spoke – she wasn’t surprised that someone like him wasn’t at all familiar with the goings on at a salon. “Don’t let that asshole win. Don’t let him take even another day.”

They were both quiet for a long time and she wiped at her now dry, but sticky feeling face. God, she was a mess. She was like a raw, open wound and even breathing hurt. But she was also here instead of home in her room watching blood run down her arm.

“I’m in love with him,” she finally said out loud.

“Did you tell him that?”

She nodded. “He doesn’t feel the same. I’d hoped maybe things would change-”

Gabe sighed. “He called me a little while looking for you – he wanted to make sure you were okay.” She looked up at that and she could tell Gabe was debating what else to say to her. “I heard something in his voice Savannah. If I didn’t think it was something, I wouldn’t tell you. But I’ve never heard that fear before – or the loss. Not even after his brother died.”

She wanted to mash her hands over her ears because he was giving her the one thing that had sustained her all these weeks – hope.

“I want to protect you Savannah – I think of you more like a sister now than I ever have before and the last thing I want for you is more pain. But I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s the way I look at Riley.”

She nodded, but emotion clogged her throat, making it impossible to speak. When she felt Gabe’s arm go around her shoulder, she didn’t hesitate to lean into him. Maybe if he just held her for a few minutes, she could find the strength she would need to fight for the future she wanted.

***

His parents were already seated at the table in the hotel restaurant when Shane arrived. He knew he stuck out like a sore thumb with his dirty jeans and faded T-shirt. He’d grabbed the nearest clothes when he’d discovered Savannah had left and hadn’t had the energy to drive home and change. His mother looked at his clothes in distaste as he dropped into the chair next to her.

“Darling,” she began but his father cut her off.

“Linda, we agreed,” he reminded her and she fell silent. His father looked at him and then waved dismissively. “Son, we understand that sometimes a man’s needs take over,” he began as he reached for his coffee. “Just use some discretion in the future. Hotels,” he suggested casually.

“What if it had been Paige who stopped by this morning?” his mother muttered.

Anger went through him at the way they insinuated Savannah was just some toy he was amusing himself with on the side. “Paige and I aren’t together anymore, Mom.”

Linda patted her hair and then stroked an imaginary wrinkle out of her blouse. “Shane, it was a fight – couples have them every day. It’s okay to be nervous-”

“There’s no fucking engagement!” he nearly yelled and his mother dropped her fork, the metal clattering against the fancy plate beneath it. His father was in the middle of taking a sip of coffee and froze, his fist tightening in anger on the delicate coffee cup.

“You will apologize to your mother,” his father announced.

“Or what, you’ll disown me too?” Shane watched the color leech from his mother’s face and all of it seemed to transfer to his father’s because the man’s expression was thunderous.

“You ungrateful-”

“John!” his mother hissed.

His father fell silent and put his cup down. They were having a stare down when Shane felt his mother’s hand close over his. He seethed with anger. It was like the past eight years of having his life decided for him and his acquiescing just so he could get a smattering of love, was catching up with him. His entire life was a joke. He’d bought and paid for their love with his very soul and he had no one to blame but himself. He’d sold his body to escape the shame of being owned by his parents and then he’d snorted drugs up his nose to try and overcome the self-disgust he’d felt at playing the role of whore to any woman who had a wad of cash to throw at him. He’d wrapped it all up in a neat little package and convinced himself it had been his choice and that he’d done it because he wanted to, that he’d enjoyed the rush.

But the truth was clear as day to him now - he’d done it all because it was all he was good at – being someone else. Being the better version of who he actually was. If he was a good enough son or a good enough fuck or a good enough piece of eye candy then he’d never be alone. His parents, the women, Paige – as long as he was exactly what they wanted him to be, they’d stay with him. Without them he was nothing, had nothing. A dead brother and a drug addiction that would consume him like it had Gabe’s mom – that was who he would be when they walked away. And then Savannah had come into his life and blown it all to hell. He wanted her more than any of them, but she was the one thing he couldn’t have.

“Shane, honey, what has gotten into you?” his mother asked as she patted his hand.

“Did you stop loving him when he told you who he really was?” Shane asked, his eyes now on his mother. She shifted uncomfortably.

“Who?” she asked with feigned lightness as she pretended not to know who he was talking about. She picked up the fork and poked at the food on her plate but didn’t actually put anything in her mouth.

“Did you read the note he left?” She gasped and he saw his father tense. “If not, I still have it,” he prodded. “Better yet, I can tell you what it said because after reading it a thousand fucking times, I pretty much have it memorized.”

“Shane,” his father uttered in warning.

“Dear Shane,” Shane began. “I know this won’t make sense to you and I’m sorry, but I don’t know what else to do. Tell Mom and Dad that I’m sorry I let them down, but I just didn’t know how to pretend to be something I wasn’t anymore. Tell them I tried really hard.”

He heard his mother let out a small sob, but he pressed on. “Tell them I love them and that I forgive them.” His mother let out another strangled cry and covered her eyes with her hands. “Shane, don’t lose yourself to them like I did. I love you, little brother. Please don’t hate me.”

He felt his own throat clog with unshed tears. “Love Michael,” he finished and then there was only silence as his mother cried silent tears. For once, his father actually looked torn up and Shane felt pinpricks of guilt.

“I thought I could take his place for you. I thought that if I gave you everything you wanted for him that it would be enough. I thought I could find a way to live with it.” He leaned forward and rubbed his hands over his face as if he could wipe the exhaustion away. “And you know what? If I hadn’t met this incredible, funny, charming, strong, beautiful woman, I probably could have done it. I could have ignored the pain of being a substitute for my brother who turned out to be just a little less perfect then he was supposed to be. I probably could have found a way to live with a woman who only wanted me to be a matching accessory in the background of her next photo op. And I could have sat in the office next to my father and pretended to love defending the lowest of the low, all the while knowing I was putting people at risk every time I helped some son of a bitch get away with his crime.”

Shane stood up. “But I fucked up just like Michael did and I went looking for that little piece of myself that was missing. Only, now I’ve found it but it’s too late to do anything about it.” He walked away and wasn’t surprised when his parents did nothing to stop him.