Shadows 02 Girl in the Shadows (11 page)

"We're all children at heart in one way or another." She explained when she had to reassure me after a terrible dream. "Don't be ashamed."
Ashamed? It was far too late for that. My nights are going to be filled with endless nightmares. I thought, and I'd have no one to embrace but myself. Maybe that was why I couldn't help enjoying the fact that Echo had come to me for such comfort, despite the way I was reacting to her body pressed against mine. It was all pure and good, truly innocent, wasn't it?
Pull yourself away and end it, a voice inside me urged. You're not capable of innocence.
Relax, another voice persuaded. Let it come and let it pass. Don't deny yourself any pleasure. Fate certainly doesn't deny you any pain.
I'm not sure Echo was aware of what happened to me next, but once again I couldn't stop myself. When it was over. I held my breath and listened to see if she had awoken. She was still breathing softly, regularly. I curled my body tighter and squeezed the pillow against my face so firmly. I almost smothered myself. All I wanted to do was sleep and forget, drive these troubling thoughts and questions into the darkness. For so many of us, sleep is truly a mercy. Finally, it was granted to me.
I woke when I felt a hand on my forehead. Mrs. Westington was standing there looking at me. The first thing I thought was she has found Echo in my bed with me and is very angy, but when I turned and looked. I discovered Echo was gone. I stared at the empty place beside me. Was she here or did I fantasize it? Neither answer would make me feel any better. I thought.
"Well, you don't feel like you have any fever," Mrs. Westington said "How are you feeling, dear? I worried about you all night."
"I'm okay," I said. "Thank you.
"I can't imagine you running in that weather, especially wearing what you were wearing. Well, you're lucky. No sore throat?"
"No."
"That's good. You be more careful from now on. Young people think they're immortal. Take a letter. The Grim Reaper enjoys collecting the souls of children the most. But no more dark talk," she quickly vowed. "Since you're fine, we'll go ahead with our plans to go shopping. Right after breakfast. Trevor will drive us in the old station wagon." she said. "He's up early this morning cleaning it out. It's filthy from his silly vineyard. We'll go to one of those malls," she continued. "I want you to help me pick out some new clothing for Echo. She's growing out of everything, and it's long overdue she get herself a couple of bras. I realized that last night. She needs some new shoes. too. Can you do that?"
"Of course. I'd be happy to help,' I said. "Not that I'm any sort of expert when it comes to clothing."
"None of you young people are that. What children wear these days would make Casanova blush. Torn jeans, blouses you can see right through, panties that are no bigger than rubber bands, rings in belly buttons and noses. I don't want her in any of that," she said. "We'll go to good stores,"
"Okay," I said. but I didn't know what she meant by good stores. She had probably not done too much shopping recently. She's sure to be shocked by what's in fashion. I thought.
She looked at me. "You sure you're feeling okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine." I couldn't help wondering about Echo. Was she still upset. afraid?
"You look down in the dumps this morning. I want you to pick out something nice for yourself, too, when we get to the mall. Some pretty new dress or blouse and skirt, maybe, and new shoes, as well," she said.
"You don't need to do that for me. Mrs. Westington. You've done enough."
"What I don't need is for someone to tell me what I need and don't need to do." she retorted, pulling her shoulders up. 'I got money buried in cans all over this place. If I don't spend it. I'll forget where it is."
"No, you won't," I said. laughing.
"Now, that's better. A smile puts sunshine into your face. Plant one there and happiness will bloom.'
"Okay, Mrs. Westington," I said. If someone as old as she was with what she's been through could still be jolly. I had no right to sing the blues in her home. I thought.
"Well now, get dressed," she said. "You can bet Echo didn't forget about our shopping excursion. She's already dressed and downstairs,'
^.
"She is?"
"She's out there helping Trevor clean up the station wagon, in fact."
Up and dressed? I thought. When did she leave my room? Did I really imagine it all?
I got out of bed, washed and dressed as quickly as I could. When I stepped into the dining room. I found Echo and Trevor seated and eating breakfast. Echo looked up at me and smiled, signing about our trip and telling me we were going to have lunch in a restaurant. I looked at Trevor and at Mrs. Westington. I wanted to ask Echo about her having a nightmare and coming to my bed. but I was afraid to do so in front of them. When we're alone I'll ask her. I thought, and left it at
that.

Echo's excitement recalled my memories of my trips with my parents and Brenda when I was much younger. At fifteen
I
was already hanging out in malls and making trips on my own, of course, but before that, every family excursion was an adventure, a holiday, no matter how short.

"Yes, well, that's what we'll do now, now that you're here with
us." she told me.
But I won't be all that much longer. I thought to myself. I didn't like reminding her. but I could see that I had to leave soon. Brenda would be coming home and making plans for us, for me. I had to get on with my life, whatever life that would be.
At the mall I helped pick out some new clothes for Echo, clothing I knew was in style for girls her age. As I anticipated. Mrs. Westington was critical of almost everything, but reluctantly relented when she saw how pleased Echo was with the selections. We bought her bras and new panties, socks and new nightgowns as well. While we shopped. Trevor went off to get himself some things in the hardware store he said he needed.
At Mrs Westington's continued insistence. I finally relented and chose a new black skirt and a blouse. I hated having to buy anything in the sizes I needed now but I remembered Brenda once saying to wear black because it hides your weight the best. It had been a long time since I had bought anything for myself, actually. The last time was just before my mother had died and my mother never admitted to me or perhaps even to herself that I was a little tank. She hated when I chose things in black.
Echo's attention went from the clothing to the kids moving through the mall. She was fascinated by both the girls and the boys and asked me questions continually about them. How old were they? What did they do in the mall? Do they all know each other? We saw them in the music stores listening to their favorite artists on earphones. Of course. Echo wanted to know what they were doing and I explained that supposedly that was how they decided whether or not to buy an album.
"Most just go there to hang out and listen and don't even buy anything," I told her.
She looked at them again, watching how they shared what they heard, and for a moment I thought of a poor homeless girl standing outside a restaurant gazing in at people enjoying wonderful dinners. It was a world she wasn't to know, but a world she envied. I felt so sorry for her and for a while. I stopped feeling so sorry for myself. After all. I could fix my problems. She couldn't. She could only learn how to live with hers.
Suddenly, surprising us both. Tyler Monahan stepped around a large display in the music store. Echo's face lit up. Mrs. Westington didn't notice him because she had met another elderly lady whom she knew and they were having a long catch up
conversation.
Tyler turned in our direction. The first question that came to my mind was how could he be here? I thought he was desperately needed at his mother's retail outlet on weekends. There was no doubt in my mind that he had seen us, but he didn't wave or smile or walk toward us. He turned instead and hurriedly headed out of the store. Echo panicked at the realization he was not going to greet us. As clearly as she could pronounce it, she shouted his name.
I knew he had heard. Other people near him had turned in our direction, but he kept walking away. Echo looked at me with desperation.
"We'll be right back. Mrs. Westington," I called to her. She glanced at us, but her friend kept talking,
"Don't get lost!" she cried.
I took Echo's hand and we started after Tyler. He was walking very quickly and not looking back. I started to shout for him again when he stopped at a woman's shoe store just as an Asian woman stepped out. I stopped walking. He spoke with her and she turned our way.
His mother was a good three to four inches shorter than he was. She had her hair cut stylishly short and she wore what looked to me to be an elegant light blue desimer suit. We were too far away to see much more detail, but I was sure. I saw her shake her head slightly. She then turned abruptly in the opposite direction. Tyler glanced back at us. I thought he was finally going to acknowledge us and greet us, but his mother called to him and he spun around quickly and hurried to join her.
"Ty!" Echo shouted.
They rounded the corner and were gone. Echo looked at me, her face full of confusion.
"He must have had to get right back to his store," I signed and spoke. I didn't do all that good a job of signing the ideas, but she understood enough.
She looked after him again. How cruel. I thought, no matter what he thought of me or what his reasons could be. He couldn't help but see how excited Echo was at the sight of him. Even if he really did have to get back to their business, why wouldn't he take a few minutes out to explain that at least? What, did his mother have a leash around his neck or something? It made me furious.
This is all going to end badly, I thought. I just have to have a heart to heart conversation with Mrs. Westington. I turned Echo around, but she kept looking back hopefully as we returned to the part of the mall where her grandmother had been talking to an old friend. Trevor Washington had already joined her when we arrived.
"Where did you two go?" she asked.
I glanced at Trevor, hoping he hadn't seen us, and then I told her I just wanted to show Echo the Nature store.
"Oh, well maybe we should go there and get her something," she suggested.
"Actually, we're both hungry," I claimed.
"Oh?" She looked at Echo. I knew she could see the unhappiness in her face.
I
had been with her a short time and already I knew how to read her moods and feelings. Mrs. Westington looked at me as well. I'm not good at lying or covering things up either. I thought. She knew it, but she played along.
"Okay, let's go have something to eat," she said.
We went to a restaurant in the mall. I ordered a salad. Echo was still upset about Tyler, but the excitement of eating in a restaurant overtook that for the moment. She wanted a cheeseburger and a Coke, which was something she never had at the house, of course. Afterward, we bought her a chocolate frozen yogurt.
I
could see that if I didn't order one as well, she'd be upset. so I did, but when neither of them were looking. I dumped it in a garbage can. Buying myself new clothes reinforced my determination to diet. I'm going to shed pounds. I vowed. I didn't need Brenda on my back or Tyler Monahan's attention to get me to do it. either.
Laden down with packages and bags, we returned to the station wagon,
"You wanna drive?" Trevor asked me. It took me by surprise, but I could see Echo thought it was amusing and even exciting. I looked at Mrs. Westington.
"The man's getting lazy," she said, glaring at him. "Just don't go speeding," she warned.
As we headed home, our route took us through Healdsburg and we went by what Trevor told me was Tyler Monahan's retail outlet. I slowed down, tempted to pull over and have us all go in. He couldn't ignore us then. I thought.
"Maybe we should stop by and say hello," I suggested. "I'd like to see their store."
"It's nothing," Mrs. Westington said quickly. "It's just another shop with overly priced things for tourists. Ed never buy anything there."
I drove on, glancing in the rearview mirror at Echo, who sat staring out. How confusing the world was to her, trapped in silences she couldn't
understand. We who could hear and hear well had difficulty with silences as it was. No matter how well I could sign, no matter how well she could read my lips, there were so many things lost between us. Interpret Tyler
Monahan's look and silence for her? I couldn't do it for myself.
I knew when we arrived home. Mrs.
Westington would interrogate me about Echo's sadness, but as it turned out, she didn't have a chance. There was another surprise awaiting her, awaiting us all.
When we turned up the driveway, we saw an old van that looked like it had been tie-dyed, a leftover from the sixties flower people days. One of the rear lights was battered and broken. The bumper was tied on with wires and the rear windows were so caked and clouded with dirt and grime, no one could possibly look out of them.
"Who's this now?" Mrs. Westington asked as we pulled alongside the van.
There was no one standing outside and from what we could see, no one in the van.
"I hope it's not someone coming to sample wine or buy one of your cases." she told Trevor. "Word gets out there's a restricted amount of a wine around here and everyone starts inquiring. Nothing sells like hard to get," she remarked.
"I haven't told a new soul about our wine. I just have my regular customers and there's not enough of our wine to expand the sales."
"Not our wine. Your wine. Mr. Vineyard," she told him. He started to laugh.
The sight of the strange van brought some life back into Echo's face. We were all very curious. When we stepped out of the station wagon, we peered into the van and saw what looked like makeshift beds in the rear. The front seat and passenger seat were torn, the stuffing pouring out. There were empty beer bottles scattered about and wrappers from food as well as some clothing. On the dashboard was a paper plate with what looked to be the remnants of a pizza.
"It must be driven by hogs," Mrs. Westington said. She looked about. "Where are these people? Why are they on my property? Maybe we should call the police immediately." she told Trevor.
He nodded and started toward the front steps and then stopped, holding up his hand.
"What?" Mrs. Westington asked.
He turned slowly to us. "The door's been opened. It wasn't closed completely." he said.
"Good grief. we're being burglarized!" Mrs. Westington cried, and pulled Echo to her. "Stay back, girl," she told me. and I retreated a few steps.
Trevor went to the corner of the house and got a thick-handled rake he had there.
"Be careful," Mrs. Westington said. "Maybe we should just drive down to the nearest phone."
"I'm fine," he said. "Stay back."
He walked up the stairs slowly and then carefully opened the door and peered in. listening. When he turned back to us, he looked confused.
"Whoever's in there has the television on," he said in a loud whisper.
"Make themselves at home, why don't they?" Mrs. Westington said.
Trevor held his arm out to remind us to keep back and then he entered the house. We waited, listening, but my thumping heart was so loud in my ears. I didn't think I'd hear a thing. It seemed like minutes but was only seconds.
"Who the hell are you?" we heard him shout. I stepped back. terrified. Mrs. Westington embraced Echo tighter. She was totally confused and as frightened as I was. We heard a man's voice and then Trevor cried. "Well, I'll be damned!"
A few moments later, he appeared in the doorway. Before he could say a word, a woman wearing a red, white, and blue bandanna came out from behind him. There was a tattoo of a blue dahlia on her right cheek and a string
^,
of what looked like small seashells around her neck, falling down the valley between her ample breasts. She wore what looked like an Arab woman's black robe. She was barefoot. Her hair was long and
stringy, the strands raining down limply over her ears to her neck.
Before she even spoke, I knew who she was. "Hi. Mom," she said.
I guess it's a day for disappointments and nightmares. I thought. Now Mrs. Westington was about to have one of her own.