Shadowed: Brides of the Kindred book 8 (44 page)

Nina put a hand on her hip and glared at him. “So it’s better just to not try at all? Is that it?” she demanded. “Better to break my heart and send me off thinking you’re a jerk who doesn’t give a damn about me because you’re afraid our relationship would crash and burn?”

“I
know
it would crash and burn,” he growled. “I’m just trying to save you the pain.”

“What if I don’t want to be saved?” Nina demanded. “What if I’d rather take my chances?”

He groaned with obvious frustration. “See? This is why I shouldn’t have come. I
told
Saber you’d react like this.”

“You’re damn right I am.” Nina was so angry she could hardly see straight. “You talk about saving me pain, but I think you’re trying to save yourself. You’re just every other guy—you’re afraid to commit.”

“That’s not true,” he growled. “You don’t
know
how much I want to commit to you—to share a life with you—to make you mine
permanently
. But I can’t Nina—I’ll only hurt you. It’s exactly like what the witch showed me—I’d just make you miserable.”

“The witch!” Nina shifted in his lap excitedly, making him groan. “I
knew
it had something to do with her. Was it that potion she gave you? What were the ‘side effects’ she talked about?”

Reddix squeezed his eyes shut briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose, as though trying to drive back a headache.

“She showed me what our life would be like without a bond. What would happen if I tried to make you mine and couldn’t. She…damn it, she showed you leaving me.”

“And you believed her?” Nina felt like crying. “You believed a witch over me? You didn’t even trust me enough to give me the benefit of the doubt?”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “What she showed me—it had the ring of truth to it. She was right, we
can’t
make a life together if we can’t bond. If I can’t give you the Deep Touch, I’d be better off letting you go to find…” He gritted his teeth as though the words hurt to say. “To find somebody else.”

“And that’s how you really feel?” Nina pushed off his lap, and this time he let her go. “You’re ready to give up on us just because you can’t touch me with your mind?”

“I’m afraid so.” He looked miserable but determined. “I can’t ruin your life any more than I already have. I care about you too much, Nina—I have to let you go.”

“What if…what if I don’t want to be let go?” she whispered. She put her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively. It felt like if she didn’t hold on to something she would fall apart. Was he really sitting there telling her it was over—all over between them—before they had even started? Was he really going to just get up and leave her there and never come back?

Apparently so.

“Nina…” He got off the couch and put out a hand to her, but Nina ducked him and stepped away.

“No.” Her voice trembled, but her resolve was firm. “No, get away from me. If you’re too much of a coward to even
try
to make things work then just leave.” She nodded at the door. “Just…go.”

“I don’t want to,” he said roughly, his voice harsh with emotion. “Goddess, Nina, you don’t know—”

“I know enough,” she interrupted, squeezing herself even tighter. God, what was wrong with her? She felt so empty inside—like she was falling apart.

“But the bonding fruit—”

“I’m fine now. You helped me enough,” she lied. “I feel perfectly well—physically anyway. So just go.”

He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded slowly. “All right. If that’s the way you want it, I’ll leave.”

“It is,” Nina said tightly. She jerked her head at the door. “Get out. Now.”

“I’m going.” He walked to the door and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Nina. For everything.”

“It’s too late for ‘sorry.’” She felt like she was going to cry, and she didn’t want him to see her do it.

Worse than that, she felt wrong inside—strange—empty. She told herself it was because he was walking out of her life and never coming back, but the feeling of wrongness grew and grew. Her nipples were getting tight and irritated again, and her pussy felt swollen and hot, as though he hadn’t just made her come multiple times. Nina crossed her legs grimly, determined to wait the weird feelings out. There was no way in hell she was asking him for help again.

Reddix had his hand on the door, about to leave, but then she saw his nose twitch. He inhaled deeply, as though smelling something and turned to look at her.

“Are you all right?”

“Of course I’m not all right,” she snapped, pressing her thighs tightly together. “You’re
leaving.
And since you’re
determined
to leave, could you please just
go?”

“Fine. But—”

“Go!” She opened the door for him and pointed out into the hallway. Damn it, he had to leave
soon
. She was feeling weirder by the second. It wasn’t a feeling of her heart beating too hard and fast this time—it was different. A weird emptiness that made her feel faint—a hunger that seemed to devour her from the inside out.

“Goodbye,” Reddix muttered at last. He stepped out the door, and Nina closed it behind him—not a moment too soon. She could feel the emptiness inside consuming her. She opened her robe and looked down at herself, halfway expecting to see a black hole in the middle of her chest. It felt like something was eating her up from within. Like she was…was…

“Falling,” Nina whispered to herself.

She crumpled to the floor in a heap, her head spinning.
I think I
am
having an allergic reaction to the bonding fruit after all,
she thought numbly.
It shouldn’t be like this, should it? I shouldn’t be feeling this way—it’s too extreme. Too much.
Vaguely she knew she needed to get help, needed to call someone to take her to the med center Reddix had talked about. But she couldn’t summon the strength to get off the floor.

Slowly her eyes closed…

* * * * *

Reddix heard her hit the floor from the other side of the sliding metal door.

“Nina?” he said, panic mounting in his chest.
“Nina?”
He pounded on the metal door panel urgently. Damn it, he should have known the bonding fruit she’d ingested hadn’t run its course, that the small help he’d provided wasn’t enough to get it out of her system.

Turning, he put his shoulder to the door and pressed against it. The door wasn’t set to recognize him and wasn’t meant to open from the outside when it was shut. But though it was shut, it wasn’t locked. Reddix was able to put enough pressure on it to force it open a crack. And once he had a crack he could work his fingers into, he was able to pry the metal panel the rest of the way open.

His worst fears were realized the moment the door finally slid aside. Nina was lying there in a heap, her long dark hair like a shroud across her face. Reddix wasn’t sure if she was breathing or not.

Leaning down, he scooped her off the floor. He was about to carry her straight to the med center when she stirred in his arms and moaned.
Thank the Goddess!
He carried her into the bedroom instead. Laying her on the bed, he looked around for a Think-me—all of the guest suites on the Mother Ship were equipped with one, and this was no exception. He found it lying on a low table beside the bed and quickly fitted the thin silver wire over his head.

“Saber,”
he sent fiercely.
“I’m sorry to bother you, Brother, but I need help!”

“What is it?”
Saber’s mental voice was unusually abrupt.
“I can talk but not for long. I’m in…the middle of something.”

“I understand, I’ll be brief. I went to see Nina, but she’s having a problem. She says she ate some cake at the joining ceremony that had bonding fruit in it. I helped her, uh, take the edge off once, but now she’s worse than ever. In fact, she’s fainted, and she’s barely fucking breathing. Where’s the nearest med center on this end of the ship?

Saber’s response was immediate.
“Don’t take her to the med center—they can’t help her there. Several females who ate the cake are having similar problems, including Lissa and Olivia. We’ve already spoken to Sylvan about it, and he says the fruit was dangerously concentrated.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?”
Reddix sent with frustration.

“You know what to do. You know the only way to neutralize bonding fruit—she needs your essence—your seed— inside her. She needs you to make love to her,”
Saber sent back.

“I can’t do that! I told you—she’s barely conscious. I can’t take her without permission—I won’t fucking
rape
her,”
Reddix protested.

“Do your best to wake her up and explain the situation,”
Saber directed.
“Make her understand so you can give her what she needs. Look, Brother, I have to go—Lissa needs me again.”

“But—”
Reddix began, but Saber had already broken the connection.

Reddix turned back to the bed. Goddess damn it, what was he going to do?

I have to wake her up,
he thought, trying to push down the panic that tried to rise inside him.
Have to make her understand.

“Nina?” he murmured, stroking her cheek. “Listen, I know you hate me now, but you need to wake up. Need to let me help you.”

“Hmm?” Her eyelids fluttered open at last, and she looked up at him, her deep blue eyes filled with confusion. “What happened?” she whispered. “I feel so strange…so empty. I
ache
inside.”

He frowned. “That’s because you are, and you need to be filled.”

“Filled?” She frowned, looking more awake. “What…what do you mean?”

Reddix sighed in frustration. “Exactly what it sounds like. I talked to Saber, and you’re not the only one having trouble from that damn bonding fruit cake—the stuff was fucking lethal. You need the antidote.”

Nina frowned and tried to sit up. Reddix helped her, supporting her head gently with his arm. “What are you saying?” she asked, shaking her head. “Are you saying you need to…”

He clenched his jaw. “This is going to sound bad—really bad—but I swear to you it’s true.” He took a deep breath. “I need to make love to you, Nina. In order to neutralize the bonding fruit, I need to make love to you and fill you with my cum.”

* * * * *

Nina opened her mouth to refuse at once, but just then another pang of emptiness hit her. She moaned and put a hand between her thighs. Before she’d fainted, the hunger had been throughout her body—like a black hole sucking in her chest. Now it was concentrated in one spot—the place between her legs. Her pussy felt hot to touch—swollen and sensitive with need. And this time she sensed his tongue wasn’t what she needed. It wouldn’t be enough.

“I don’t…don’t understand,” she whispered.

“The bonding fruit was more concentrated than you thought—to fucking toxic levels,” Reddix explained roughly. “Saber says that Sylvan—one of the ship’s doctors—told him this is the only way to neutralize it.”

“So you have to…”

“Yeah.” He had the grace to look away. “I don’t blame you if you don’t want to hear that. It sounds like bullshit, I know.”

Nina bit her lip. “Can’t you just…help me like you did before?”

“I’d go down on you all night if I thought it would help,” Reddix growled softly. “But that’s not what you need. There isn’t enough of my essence in my saliva to help. It has to be seed—cum. Deep inside you where you’re feeling empty.”

“I…” Nina could feel her cheeks getting red. “I don’t know…”

“Here.” He pushed the Think-me at her. “Call someone. Bespeak…I don’t know, try Sylvan. He doesn’t know you, but he’s a physician—I’m sure he’ll take your call. Ask him—he’ll tell you I’m not just making excuses.”

“No,” Nina pushed the thin silver wire away. “I…I believe you. I just…”

“Just what?” He looked at her steadily.

“I guess I just wonder why you care. If you’re leaving anyway…”

“I’m not leaving because I
want
to.” His voice broke for a moment, and he had to clear his throat. “Goddess damn it, Nina—I care about you. Care so fucking much it’s like a fist in my gut. Of course I want to help you—to save you—if I can.”

Nina took a deep breath. “So we’ll have sex…” She wasn’t about to say ‘make love’ not when it was obviously going to be a one-time thing purely out of necessity. “We’ll have sex,” she continued. “But just to neutralize the bonding fruit. The same way we, uh, touched each other in order to feed the Hurkon collar when you couldn’t get it off.”

He nodded. “Exactly.”

“And then we’ll go our separate ways, and that will be it?” Nina demanded. “Because I need to know right up front if this is going to change anything.”

“I wish it would but no…” He looked regretful. “I can’t lie to you, Nina. I can make love to you, but I can’t bond you to me. I wish to the Goddess I could.”

“All right.” Nina took a deep breath. “At least we know where we stand. We—
ah! ”
The aching emptiness stabbed at her again, attacking from the inside out as the bonding fruit she had ingested demanded she pay the price.

“Nina?” Reddix was looking at her anxiously. “Are you all right?”

“No.” Her whole body was trembling, and her nipples were so tight they hurt. Her pussy was dripping with her juices, begging to be filled. “No,” she said again. “I…if we’re going to do this, we need to just…just do it.”

“All right.” He cupped her cheek and pulled her down.

“What are you doing?” Nina asked, ducking away just before his mouth met hers.

“Kissing you.”

“I don’t want to kiss.” Nina looked away. “That’s not what I need, and it’s too…too personal.”

“I see. No foreplay, no sweet talk.” His voice was flat. “You just want to get it over? Is that it?”

“Yes. That’s about it,” she said tightly.

“Fine.”

Reaching between them with quick, angry motions he unfastened his black flight trousers, letting the long, hard shaft of his cock loose between them.