Shadow of Doubt (9 page)

Jordan pulled her against him once more and gently stroked the side of her face as he spoke.  “I want you too, but we can't.  Not now...not until we're sure.”

“I
am
sure Jordan.  If there was someone else...they would've come for me by now.  At least noticed that I was missing, don't you think?”

“Maybe...maybe not.  Depends on the situation.  We can wait.  We have to wait,” he insisted not at all liking it himself.  He had finally tasted her sweet lips and feared now he wouldn't be able to restrain himself much longer.  Sooner or later...he would have her.

Dolly didn't want to wait.  She didn't want to know anything about her past now.  “What if I am married?” she thought in horror as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the comfort of Jordan's masculine body still pressed against hers.  She wanted to stay with him forever but now feared her past would only separate them.  She could no longer imagine ever having to leave him for another man in some other place.

“This is where I wanna be,” she whispered as she finally dozed off to sleep.

Jordan awoke just before dawn.  Dolly’s heavy breathing and mumbling in her sleep had awakened him again.  He started to shake her but decided to try and make out her quiet stuttering instead.  Hoping maybe she would give a clue as to her past.  Then she opened her eyes wide and stared back at him, sweat beading on her forehead.

“Jordan?” she panted, grabbing his neck tightly for comfort.  As if she was afraid of something.

“Are you alright?  Did you remember something else?” he asked while rubbing her back for comfort.

“I...I'm not sure,” she muttered out, trying to remember the dream again.  “There was music...and singing.  Lot's of people yelling and screaming wildly.  I don't know what it meant or where I was.”

Jordan looked at her like she was crazy now.  “C'mon, let's get showered and changed and out of here.  I think we can blame this one on the alcohol.”

It made absolutely no sense to him.  He figured this was just a reaction to being so drunk the night before.  She probably wasn't used to it.  Dolly looked more like a society woman to him.  Yet she acted like a down to earth ordinary little lady when she was around him.

Dolly dressed in the small bathroom while Jordan rustled around the bedroom.  When she opened the door he made his way passed her rather hurriedly.

“It's about time,” he complained while he shuffled her cosmetics out of the way and finally uncovered his razor.  “Women,” he mumbled out as he lathered his face and began to shave his shadowed jaw.

Just a few minutes later she knocked at the bathroom door again.

“Excuse me...but I've gotta go,” she shyly blushed as she walked in and squeezed around behind him.

Jordan seemed to be gritting his teeth now in disbelief, then stood and stared momentarily.  “Women,” he repeated in a roar, dropped his razor in the sink, grabbed a towel and closed the door behind him.  “You've been locked in there for thirty minutes.  Why didn't you go then?” he yelled through the closed door.

“I didn't have too then,” Dolly answered, hurrying her best to get out so this grouch could finish his shaving.

“Hope I survive through this,” he then mumbled.  He finished shaving and slapped on his after shave.  He liked Dolly a lot, but feared he would not be able to restrain his inner needs until after she regained her memory.  If she ever did.  He had strong feelings for this intriguing little lady and wanted her like no woman he has ever wanted before.  And now he knew she wanted him as well.  Somehow, this was of no comfort to him.

“Better cool it Scott,” he thought as he walked passed her to the front door.

“Where we going?” she asked cheerfully tagging along behind him.

Jordan wanted to tell her to get lost, at least stay behind, but he just couldn't. He wanted her along, he wanted to see her pleasant smile and enjoy her company.  He just couldn't figure out why he was so uncomfortable about it all at the same time.

“I need to check my car out.  Take a trial run,” he finally responded as they trotted down the steps.

“Am I gonna get so see you race today?” she asked energetically trying to keep up with his increasing stride.  She brushed shoulders with him now hoping he would hold her hand.  He didn't take the hint as much as he wanted too.

“Not today.  Just need to get ready for tomorrow's big race.”

Jordan tried not to smile at her enthusiastic face as they now neared the huge garage that housed many of the race cars.  He was beginning to realize the loneliness he himself has felt since his break up with Victoria years before.  But he just didn't want to believe it.  Jordan Scott has been able to manage just fine by himself.  He didn't need a woman hanging around.  Or did he?  He was nearly as confused as she was right now.

Jordan slowed his pace when he saw Martin and the rest of his crew watching his arrival along with his new companion.  He tried to figure an easy way to explain her presence, seeing them all smile wonderingly at them, but the words were jumbled in his throat.  He decided not to even try.  Just to let them wonder.

“Besides, Martin's probably been shooting his mouth off anyway,” Jordan thought as he joined the rest of them, Dolly now shyly smiling behind him.

She only listened quietly while Jordan, Martin and the five others chatted away about the car and upcoming race.  She slowly circled his shiny black and red car, admiring every last inch of it.  Jordan rolled up his shirt sleeves and opened the hood and began inspecting every last inch of the engine inside.

Dolly could see the dedication in his face while he talked with the men then slammed the hood back down again.  They then pushed the car onto the track.  Jordan never spoke another word to her, but she followed behind them trying to stay clear.  She knew he was purposely ignoring her now but didn't quite know why.  After last night she thought things would be different between them from now on.  More than all right...fantastic.

“Maybe he's just busy,” she thought now watching him put on all his safety gear.  “Or maybe he's ashamed to have me around.  He was drinking last night too.  Maybe he doesn't want me after all.”

Jordan climbed through the car window, started the car and gunned the engine.  Dolly covered her ears at first.  The car sounded like clapping thunder roaring in her head until she adjusted to the unexpected noise.  She smiled enviously and pulled herself to sit on top of a table behind the other men and watched Jordan squeal away and onto the track.

Her eyes stayed steadily on his car while he sped rapidly around the oval track.  Then she felt a shoulder brush against her own and looked to see Martin Slater now sitting next to her on the table.  She was so involved in watching Jordan she didn't mind at all that this annoying character was sitting just beside her.

“Something else isn't he?” Martin boasted while quickly scanning her body, clad in a pink tank top and white shorts and tennis shoes.

“He's awesome,” she replied admiringly, continuing to watch Jordan's car move.  “I'm lucky he found me.”

“Think so?” he asked as if it weren't true.  As if he knew something she didn't.  “Jordan's not exactly the type that likes a woman hanging around him all the time.”

Dolly looked at him sort of hurt and confused.  “Why's that?” she asked immediately wanting to retract the question, fearing its answer.

“He's just not the settling down type,” he replied almost proudly.  So sure of himself.  “Like's to play the field.”

Dolly turned her head trying to hide the disappointment in her expression.  She wanted Jordan all to herself and Martin made it sound as if it were an impossible task to even consider performing.  “Maybe he's right though,” she thought sadly as she picked Jordan's sunglasses from the table behind her and put them on so she could watch the finish of the lap.  “He does seem annoyed a lot.  Maybe I had better leave him alone.  Quit trying to push so hard.”

“Who said anything about settling down?” she then asked trying to cover her true desires.

“I can see it every time you talk to him.  He's a good guy I know, but forget it...he's not ready.  Probably never will be either.”

“Ready for what?” she asked dumbly as if she didn't care what he meant.

Martin smiled impishly.  “For just one woman.  He's just like me...likes to play around a lot.”

Dolly could smell the bitter odor of burning rubber as Jordan screeched too a stop and his pit crew swarmed in to check the tires and under the hood.  Jordan emerged from his test run and walked around the car.  Then he eyed Martin and leered at him, watching as he jumped from Dolly's side on the table and strolled over to him.

Dolly wasn't sure if Jordan was unhappy about Martin sitting next to her or if there was something else on his mind.  He didn't look too happy at all.  The two talked shortly and then Jordan disappeared toward the main garage.  The rest of the crew followed shortly behind with the car.

“C'mon darling,” Martin then motioned to her.  “They've got work to do.  Let's catch some lunch.”

Dolly didn't like this guy's constant attention but figured this was one way to keep out of Jordan's hair while he worked on his car.  Evidently he was upset because something was wrong with the car.  She only hoped that was all it was.

“Sounds good to me,” she muttered out as she caught up to him.

Fighting their way through a crowd of spectators Dolly felt Martin's rough strong hand reach out and grasp hers and he pulled her behind him to one of the concession stands.  He smiled pleasantly and looked at her with his big auburn eyes.

“What's your pleasure darling?” he asked, seeming to have no intentions of letting loose of her hand while he leaned against the counter and scanned the printed menu hanging against the back wall.

“Well...this kind of seems like a hot dog event to me,” she replied giggling, now rather enjoying his pleasant attitude for a change.

“All right,” he answered, “Hotdogs it is.”  He then ordered for both of them.

“Maybe he's not that bad after all, I guess,” she analyzed as she watched his fiery red hair blow in the cool breeze.  “His body's not so bad either,” she thought as he finally dropped her hand so he could pick up the tray of food.

She followed his lean body to a nearby umbrella covered table where they sat and ate their lunch together.  “Have you remembered anything about your past yet?” he then asked, plopping relish onto his hot dog.

“Not really,” she replied sullenly.

“Ever been to the track before?” he then asked seeing she wasn't too enthused talking about her amnesia.

“I don't know,” she answered with frustration in her voice.  She picked up the hotdog and took a bite.

Martin chuckled at her sarcastic reply.  After they finished their lunch, Martin again took her by the hand and led her through the crowds and showed her around the rest of the track.

Dolly loved the feel of the excitement that lingered in the air here, watching the drivers working to put the final touches to their cars.  She also couldn't believe how many people showed up just to watch them practice.

She forgot they were still holding hands until they entered the building and she saw Jordan sharply glance over in their direction.  She quickly pulled away and pushed her hands in her pockets as Martin now joined the rest of the gang.  She stayed away and watched from a distance, not wanting to cause Jordan any further embarrassment.

Jordan had finally finished with his car.  He motioned at Dolly to follow him.  “Where have you been for the last two hours?” he finally asked while they walked back toward the trailer.  He didn't seem to really care though, never looking in her direction.

“Martin showed me around the place,” she answered trying not to sound too enthusiastic about it but had actually enjoyed the afternoon with him very much.  Dolly looked to her toes while she fidgeted nervously, feeling as if she and Jordan were sudden strangers again, just meeting for the first time.  “Then he bought me lunch.”

Jordan didn't answer her.  Didn't respond.  Only climbed to the trailer and went straight to the small refrigerator and made himself a sandwich, then sat to watch television while he ate.  He never even offered her anything and seemed to be trying to ignore her presence.

Now Dolly felt even worse.  “Maybe we should've asked him to come with us,” she thought as she took a breath and stared off into space.  Then she bravely decided to confront him.

“Are you mad at me or something?” she finally asked after a few more minutes of deafening silence.

Jordan looked to her shortly then his wide eyes returned to the television set.  “Why would I be mad at you?  Did you get arrested or something?” he asked with a smart aleck tone to his voice now.

“Of course not,” Dolly responded seeing no humor in his question.  “You've just been awful quiet this evening.  You haven't spoken to me nearly all day.”

“I've been busy.  I've got a race to think about.  I don't have time to be babysitting.”

“Is that what he considers it now?” she wondered feeling hurt.  “Babysitting me?”

“I'll stay out of your way then,” she mumbled as she rose and went to lie on the bed, pouting like a small child.  “No wonder he considers it babysitting,” she thought, then raised her head to peer around the corner to see if he were looking in her direction.  Wishing he would take notice of her again the way he had last night.

Jordan watched her sadly disappear down the short hallway and felt badly now about the way he had treated her but didn't intend to make any attempt to apologize.  He did care a great deal for her...but was afraid to pursue it until she remembered more about her past life.  He just had to know if she was married...had a boyfriend, or just what her real name was.  Anything.  He just couldn't feel right starting a serious relationship with someone who could become a total stranger over night.  Or worse...someone else's wife.

“Oh...hell,” he finally blurted then rose and slung his food on the kitchen cabinet.  He just couldn't stand having her all upset and lying around crying.

“Damn soft hearted...” he muttered to himself while making his way to her.

“I'm sorry,” he blurted as he sat next to her on the bed, sounding as if he were only saying it out of a sense of duty.

Dolly quickly sat up, her cheeks suddenly flushed.  “For what?  It's not your fault I'm in your way all the time.  It's not your fault I don't even know who the hell I am.”