Shades of Atlantis (10 page)

Did you have a good time? I asked Amanda.

She put her two hands over her face, rubbing at her makeup. When she pulled her hands down, mascara smudged her cheeks.

It was okay, she replied breezily with her head tilted in the usual way when she was considering something.

Jen rolled her eyes.

Amanda continued. It wasn’t as bad as I expected. I really quite enjoyed it. The party after was great.

Yeah. Jen nodded in agreement.

Yeah, that was definitely the best part, Amanda sighed dreamily. So maybe I hadn’t put her through the torture she was expecting by going with Ben and not having me there.

After they dissected every last detail of the night, I decided I should probably get Lewis’s pickup back to him. Jen walked out with me.

Are you mad at me? I asked with my hand on the door of the truck.

What? She looked surprised. No, not at all. You can’t help who you fall for.

I’m not falling for him, I protested, shaking my head.

Yeah, right, she laughed, wrapping her arms across her body to keep warm.

Really, I insisted. I don’t even really know him. She didn’t seem convinced, but that was crazy. Now she was hopping around and flapping.

You’ve been dancing around each other for weeks. He talks subtly about you; you talk not so subtly about him. Haven’t you ever heard of love at first sight?

Of course I’d heard of it. My parents had felt that way. But this wasn’t the same thing, was it? How would I know, anyway? He talks about me?

Are you mad about the guys last night?

Jen rolled her eyes. I told you I’m not mad. It’s just —

It’s the way Jonathan and Ben are always sticking up for me, I finished for her. It bothered me too that they seemed compelled to protect me all the time.

No. She blew into her cupped hands. I didn’t think it was that cold.

Maybe it was all the extra blood I was pumping lately, all the extra adrenaline.

It’s that they have to, she finished.

I don’t understand.

It just that you’re so — unobservant. You’re oblivious to everything around you most of the time. She sighed. Things like Chris. You couldn’t see the guy was fixated on you, so you just happily went along with it. There’s other stuff too. You never see what’s right under your nose.

Like what? I probed guiltily, fiddling with the keys in my hand. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate my friends concern. It was that I didn’t actively seek it, and it made me feel like a burden sometimes.

Jen’s face turned upward to the sky thoughtfully for a moment. There must have been a lot of examples to choose from.

Caleb, for instance. She looked back to me. He may or may not be as crazy about you as you clearly are about him, but I’m leaning toward may.

But you’ll spend so long dithering over details.

I don’t think a girlfriend is a detail, I reminded her bleakly. You pointed that out yourself.

I only asked if it made you feel guilty. She sighed again. It’s sad but true that sometimes relationships happen that way. Just because you’re involved with someone doesn’t mean you can’t walk into a room one day and come face to face with the person you’re meant to be with. It’s how you deal with it that matters. She eyed me suspiciously. I know you’re doing it right now.

Doing what? I scowled.

Weighing up all the options, examining all the directions. You’ll be eighty by the time you decide that this is something neither of you seem able to fight. You don’t want to admit this is some kind of freaky, we have to be together, love at first sight connection because your parents died. What you fail to remember is they died in a car wreck and not because they followed their instincts about being together.

Her insight startled me. I never thought Jen had that much interest in psychology.

I have to go before I freeze my butt off. She leaned in to give me a quick hug before dashing off across the street. Oh yeah, and think about opening your eyes every now and then, she yelled back from the other side.

I got into the truck and turned on the heater, only noticing how cold it was outside once the cab started to warm up. Jen was right about one thing: I’d never been any good about making decisions. I thought about things too much, and by the time I decided, whatever I was pondering over wasn’t an issue any longer.

At the house, I met Lewis coming down the stairs.

Did you have car trouble last night, babes? He must have already seen my note or noticed the empty driveway.

No, nothing like that, I said shrugging my jacket off. Caleb Wallace brought me home, so my car’s still up at the restaurant.

Oh, he murmured, barely hiding the interest in his tone.

I hung my jacket in the hall closet, avoiding his questioning face. Can you drop me off at work later?

Sure, sure.

Then just when I thought I’d gotten away with it, he asked, Why did he bring you home? He sounded genuinely curious and stood at the foot of the stairs, waiting for a response.

I smiled innocently. If Chris was mouthing off, I would have to say something. Apparently he didn’t take Caleb’s threats seriously. Chris Baxter was making a nuisance of himself, and Caleb wanted to make sure I got home okay.

What kind of nuisance? Lewis asked, a shadow of annoyance marring his features. I’d have to play this down.

Oh, just embarrassing himself, really. I tried to make it sound as much of a non-event as possible. The girls were telling me he was saying that Caleb roughed him up. Stephen, the chef, and I were there, and that’s completely untrue. He made sure Chris got a chance to calm down, and then Caleb took me home. He even tried to keep his dad out of it. I didn’t think he needed to know Chris was drunk.

That was nice of him, Lewis said.

Yes, it was. He’s a nice guy.

Lewis’s eyebrows rose. I squeezed past him to run up the stairs.

I’ll be in my workshop. Let me know when you’re ready to go, he shouted up to me.

The few days that Caleb promised came and went with no sign of his return. A week passed, then two. Even Christmas Day passed, and there was still no word. This time the silence was even harder to take. At least last time he hadn’t left the state to avoid me. I couldn’t bring myself to ask Joshua if he would be back, so I got Jen to make inconspicuous inquiries.

All Joshua said was he didn’t know. I did notice that the few times I saw Seth, he was edgy, and it was almost as if my presence disturbed him. Any time I asked him something, I was lucky to get more than a one-word response. I couldn’t think why he had taken such an abrupt and intense dislike to me.

December twenty-seventh was the day we were heading to the Snow Bowl. Ben, Amanda, and another girl from our English class came in the car with me. Amanda kindly offered her the front seat with more legroom while she squashed into the back seat with Ben and all the equipment that we couldn’t get into the trunk, apart from our skis, which were strapped to the roof.

I didn’t get away without skiing completely, but I insisted it was only one run. It was worth it for the amazing views from the top of a snow-covered Ragged Mountain. Looking down on the picture-perfect lodge and beyond that to the parking lot, I could see it was going to busy here today. The sun was still low, reflecting off the fresh snow, and the sky was a clear light blue, except for a few wispy streaks of cloud and the occasional fluffy denser ones that looked like cotton balls floating across the sky.

Amanda didn’t seem to mind that I didn’t want to ski. Ben offered to keep her company disappointing some of the other girls who, I think, were hoping to get him alone on the t-bar. Everybody who had promised to come showed up, and I wasn’t the only one who had given up on the slopes early; Jen and Jonathan had come in a minivan with several people from our grade, most of whom were gliding around the ice skating rink on Hosmer Pond. I skated by myself, first racing around in circles until I was out of breath and then spinning and twisting in different turns. It was easy to forget everything on the ice. Carmel used to bring me skating after my mom died, and I’d become competent over the years. It relaxed me.

After a couple of hours, I saw Amanda bouncing up and down in the snow by the side of the rink, waving her arms over her head to get my attention. She was wearing a puffy pink jacket today, and coupled with the pink woolly hat covering her hair, she reminded me of the giant marshmal-lows bobbing around on top of the hot chocolate served at the snack bar. I skated over to her, chuckling to myself.

What’s so funny? she asked.

Nothing, just enjoying myself, I said. I’m glad you made me come.

I’d almost forgotten how much I enjoy skating.

She smiled brightly, pleased with herself. We’re going tobogganing, and then we’re going to grab something to eat, then maybe tubing if the weather holds.

By the way she said we, I suspected her plans included me.

I’m not really up for it today.

Her smile slipped. You promised.

No, I didn’t, I protested. I promised I’d come, which I did. I even skied.

Please, she pleaded. She crumpled up her face and pressed her palms together as if in prayer.

That’s not fair, Amanda, I whined. I really, really don’t want to. You’ve got Ben, and Jonathan and Jen are here too, as well as everyone else from school. You won’t even miss me.

Would I ask if I didn t? she grumbled. You don’t seem to understand.

You’re like the sister I always wanted.

I narrowed my eyes at her. You have two sisters!

Yes, she agreed, smiling innocently. But you’re like the one I always wanted.

I’m not going, I told her firmly.

Amanda stamped her foot like an unruly child and pouted. I had to put my hand to my mouth to stifle a laugh.

I’ll see you later, I snickered as she stalked off.

I was probably being a bit stubborn. Amanda was big into avoidance and distraction when it came to her friends problems, and I knew that was what she was trying to do for me, but I didn’t need distracting. I hadn’t thought of what s-his-name in ten whole minutes a record so far so I was doing fairly well on my own.

I propelled myself forward and completed another full circle. I had just slowed to a gliding pace when I felt a familiar weight pressing on my lungs.

Hi.

I spun around, my toe pick catching in the ice and almost bringing me crashing down but for the hands that caught me. I locked my fingers around Caleb’s arms. Even with the unexplained brief warning I always got when he was near me, he still managed to catch me off guard.

Caleb. My voice caught, a strange combination of joy and shock.

What are you doing here?

He was helping me to stand, but I was still having some balance issues, not something that normally happened to me on the ice. My heart was beating furiously, and I tried desperately to control it. It wasn’t fair he could show up after two weeks of silence and my body reacted to him without my brain’s permission.

Eh, skating, he laughed, standing me up and circling backward in place as a demonstration.

I scowled. I meant in Camden?

I live here. He spoke slowly like I was suffering from a blow to my head instead of my ego.

Why aren’t you in New York with your A small boy of nine or ten rushed past behind me at lightning speed, sending me flying into Caleb’s chest. The force of the blow knocked me breathless. He held me in his arms for a moment, and I thought he wasn’t going to let me go. No, no, no, I wasn’t going to start thinking like that again.

I pushed away from him with both hands, refusing to look into his shimmering blue eyes, and skated away without another word. I knew he would follow, and I knew there were several pairs of eyes belonging to people from school watching our exchange. Caleb and his relationship status was still hot gossip for a lot of women in town, and our exchange was making me part of the gossip by association.

I think I probably owe you an apology, he sighed guiltily.

Caleb glided expertly, keeping pace with me and looking perfectly at home on the ice. I glanced at him, disgruntled. Unfortunately, he looked really great, wearing a dark blue jacket over a black turtleneck and jeans.

His gloves and skates were black too, coordinated and casual. Casual looked good on Caleb.

Stop it! I told myself.

I didn’t intend to be away for so long, but it was necessary, I assure you. I stopped abruptly, and the speed of his reaction surprised me. He stopped at the exact same time. You think I’m annoyed because you were gone so long? I demanded.

You’re not? His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

I darted forward to leave the ice. Caleb skated beside me. I don’t know who I’m most annoyed at, I told him, you or me. My tone was harsh, but if I didn’t stay angry, the other feelings might come rushing back.

Caleb stalled behind me, but I didn’t stop. Triona, he called out. Wait. I sighed and turned, knowing I would eventually give in anyway. Of course, as soon as my anger was allowed to slip and I looked into his eyes, my stomach gave a jolt and my knees turned to jelly, not good when you’re balancing on two blades on top of a frozen expanse of water. My right blade caught awkwardly underneath my left, and I toppled over. A burning pain shot through my right ankle, and I landed heavily on my backside.