Authors: Kathleen Janz-Anderson
“So we’ll hang with the drama class.”
“
Easier said than done.”
“
What does that mean?”
“Nothing to worry about. Right now, I’m more interested in helping you.”
“
I’ve already been helped. Look at me. I’m free, and I have a brand new family. Rose, this is what I’ve always dreamed of.”
“
Okay, understood, and that’s all great…”
“
Then it’s settled.”
Rose sighed. “Let me ask you this? How’ll you feel when someone calls you a name like you’ve committed a crime against them? Emily, I’m telling you, it’s a helpless feeling. It makes you want to retaliate, but you can’t. Well, you can, but I don’t.”
“I was in jail, remember? I was raped. It couldn’t be worse than that. I’ve already been called plenty of names, I’ll have you know.”
“
See? You’ve been through enough.”
“
So... how do you deal with it, Rose?”
“I’ve learned where to go, and not to go, who to avoid, and who to trust. You see, we have our routines, and everyone has their own place. There’s a few that mingle, like from the drama club. Otherwise, when gym is over, the whites take the first showers. We take the back table in the lunchroom, and have our own spot during assembly. That’s just the way it is.”
“
Rose. Do you wish you were white?”
“
Well… I’ve wondered what it would feel like. But I’ve been taught to have pride in my heritage, and I do.”
“
So then why do you want me to deny mine?”
“
I just can’t bear the thought of someone putting you down after all you’ve been through. People can be so mean.”
“
What if someone guesses?” Emily slipped from her bed and jumped on her sister’s bed. She grabbed a pillow and walloped her. “It won’t work, Rose. It’s a bad, bad idea.” She slammed another blow, and Rose grabbed the other pillow.
“Just remember, I warned you!”
The next day Adah came during her lunch-hour to drive Emily to school for her one o’clock aptitude test. Rose’s car had completely broken down, and her mother had already dropped her off at school on the way to work. Now Emily felt like a nuisance for making Adah haul her around too. The drive was a little uncomfortable with her stepmother obviously preoccupied with other things, possibly where Samuel was, and why.
The day before there had been a discussion regarding the girl’s transportation. Then later when they were ready to fall asleep, Emily rolled over. “Rose, you awake?”
“Mm?” Rose said, half asleep.
“
How about I solve the problem and take the bus every day.”
Rose moaned, lifting her head off the pillow. “Absolutely not. You don’t even wanna go there.”
Still, Emily wondered now if she should’ve at least gone in earlier with Rose. She could’ve waited the five hours in the lunchroom, or even sat outside on the front steps.
She thought of her long walk to school from the farmhouse. No one ever offered to take her. Now Adah went out of her way for her. She brushed back her hair that she had purposely fluffed out as full as possible, looking over at her stepmother. “Thanks for taking me.”
“
Oh sure,” Adah said, “my lunch hour, anyway.”
Unlike the dirt and gravel roads and flatlands of Illinois, the paved road wound around like a snake. When they reached the last bend, it swooped down into a town nestled in a valley. No more than five or six blocks over, they pulled up to a curb.
The front of a school building looked ancient with its five stories of red brick, except for the strip of gray up the front steps.
She opened the door and climbed out, trying to take it all in at once.
“When you see Rose, tell her I’ll be about twenty minutes late picking you guys up.”
Emily turned back and stooped to see her stepmother. “I’ll let her know.”
She closed the door and faced the schoolhouse again. Her eyes moved up the side of the building, followed a row of windows out to the end, and then back down again. She felt light-headed as she walked up the sidewalk.
When she reached the steps, she forced fresh air into her lungs, made herself as tall as she could, and then walked up.
She opened one of the windowed doors then stepped inside. The floors were black with speckles of white. Dark green lockers lined the walls.
Now which way to room one forty-five?
The hall straight ahead was empty. So was the hallway to the right. She heard a door close to her left, and turned to face a white girl walking toward her. It was funny how all of a sudden she was color-coding people. She took in a swallow and went over.
“Hi. Can you tell me how to find…?”
The girl looked straight ahead, sailing up the hall as if she were in some kind of a trance or something.
“No name-calling?” Emily said quietly, turning for a good look at her backside.
“
What’re you looking for?” came a voice from behind.
She turned around to face a girl, one of her own which made her feel at home. “Oh, well, I’m looking for room one forty-five. I’m taking an aptitude test in there.”
“An aptitude test?”
“
Yes, a test to see which grade I’ll be in.”
“
Mm. Well…” the girl said, pointing, “go back that way, take the first left and go straight up the hallway to the end. It’s the door on the left.”
Emily thanked her, then went to the corner and made a left. She was just starting up the hallway when the bell rang. A moment later, doors flew open and students burst into the hallway.
She tried to get out of the way, but it seemed everyone was coming while she was going. There were bumps and knocks from each side, a few curious looks, but still no name-calling. Then…
“
Oh, look,” someone gasped, “it’s a bleached Negro.”
Emily stiffened, irritated, wondering what that meant. She looked back over her shoulder and caught the eye of a blond male. He smiled, pointing to a group of girls.
She didn’t know if she should thank him or what, although it made no difference because she lost him in the crowd.
She continued up the hallway into room one forty-five. No one was there so she wandered around, looking at books and reading the blackboard, then finally taking a seat in back.
A male teacher walked in a few minutes later. She stood and faced him; he was even taller than her, with dark hair cut almost to his scalp. He looked to be maybe forty or so.
“You must be Emily. I’m Mr. Smith,” he said. “Glad to have you here.”
“
Hi.” She couldn’t believe how nervous she became all of a sudden, alone with this grown man who was not only considerate and kind, but handsome too.
“
Come on,” he said, motioning her over. He walked up the aisle and pointed to a table in front. Setting his case on a desk, he pulled out some papers, a pencil, and set them in front of her.
“So you dropped out just short of the seventh grade?”
Emily nodded. “Yes.”
“
You realize that attending school is a requirement of the law.”
“I know. My grandfather claimed hardship.”
“
I see,” he said, smiling. “Okay, well, no need to worry.”
“
Thanks.”
He gave her directions for the test, then took a seat, pulled a pen and another stack of papers from his case and began going through them.
The test took over two hours to complete.
Rose was waiting for her when she finished. They were walking up the hall when the blond male Emily had seen earlier walked up alongside Rose. “Who’s your friend?”
Rose looked at her sister, as if contemplating. Emily gave her the eye, and then poked her head around. “I’m her sister, Emily.”
“Rose. Now why didn’t you tell me you had a sister?”
“
Because it’s none of your business,” she said, and then took Emily’s arm and hurried her out the front door.
“Why were you so rude to him, Rose? I think he’s cute.”
“
Yeah you and thirty other girls. His name is Rob and he’s the big shot in drama class.”
“
Ooh, I see. So are you in drama?”
“
No. I have better things to do.”
“
Like what?”
“
Like trying to get good grades so I can go to college and make something of myself. What’s with all the questions?”
“
I don’t know. You were asking me if I wanted to pretend to be white so I wouldn’t be ridiculed by whites, and then when this cute white boy talks to us, you… you were rude to him. Suddenly you’ve turned into a-a-a troll.”
“
Floozy.”
The girls had a good laugh, and then Rose turned serious. “Listen, Emily, I told you about the drama class. They want variety… black, white, green Martians, you name it. They want me to be in a musical.”
Emily stopped and stared at her. “What? And you don’t want to?”
“
No.” Rose marched across the lawn to a tree. “We’ll sit over here and wait for Mother.”
“But,” Emily said, tailing after her, “that sounds like fun. Let’s do it together.” They sat on the grassy area. “You know, I remember once there was an article in the newspaper talking about a play some kids were putting on at a theater in town. I thought that would be so much fun. When I was in school, we did a version of
A Christmas Carol
. I loved it. I even made up plays with my cats and dogs.”
“So then join. I think you should. But leave me out of it.”
That night after they finished washing the dinner dishes, the girls went upstairs. Emily read across her bed, while Rose sat at her desk finishing her homework.
Later, when Rose closed her books and went to lay across her bed, Emily sat up. “Okay, so listen.” She folded her arms. “I’m serious. I want the truth.”
“
The truth, about what?”
“
I want you to tell me why you don’t want to be in the drama club. Why don’t you like Rob?”
“
Rob’s fine. I just don’t want to be in the drama club. What’s wrong with that?”
“Oh, come on, I know there’s something you’re not telling me. Here there’s a group of people that won’t ridicule you, that’ll accept you and let you be who you are, and you choose not to. Besides, you sing like a meadowlark. Please tell me why you won’t join. It makes no sense.”
Rose bit her lip and thought hard. “Okay. But from here on out, I don’t want to hear any more about it, promise?”
Emily nodded. “Mmhm.”
Rose rolled onto her side, resting on an elbow. She picked up a pencil from the nightstand and tapped it on the bedcover. “Okay. So about two months ago I spent the night with a friend of mine. She’s in the drama club.”
“
Mmhm,”
“Oh, stop it,” Rose said throwing the pencil at her.
“
Okay, okay. Go on.”
“
Well, her parents went out to dinner and a movie, so we had some kids over. We decided to play spin the bottle. Rob was there. The bottle pointed to him and he had to kiss the girl to his right.”
“
Oh, so he kissed another girl and you’re jealous. What’s the problem? It was just a game.”