Seize the Day (23 page)

“Well, you know why I have been trying to reach you.”

“You miss me?”

“Very funny. I do miss you, but, Calvin. You gave me a check for fifty thousand dollars. I can't take this.”

“Why not? I want you to have it. You need it. It's a gift.”

“But Calvin… My mouth just flew open when I looked at that check.”

“Listen, Kathy, you deserve to be happy. That's what that check says. That's what it represents—an opportunity to be happy.”

“I don't know what to do.”

“If you really want to be free of your marriage, take your time. Make an exit plan. Pay off your bills. Find some place to live. Find the peace that you deserve. You know that I know better than most people: Life is short.”

“I don't even know how to thank you.”

“Find your peace. That's the thanks I need.”

“I will do just that. I promise, Calvin.”

“OK, well, I'm about to get something to eat.”

“Do you know that Jerry Lantham lives in Atlanta?”

“Jerry from D.C., from back in the day?”

“Yes. He's my friend on Facebook. I have his number. You should call him.”

I took Jerry's number and called him immediately. He was a former teacher who I liked a lot. He quit teaching out of frustration and went into pharmaceutical sales. I lost his number when I lost my cell phone at a Wizards game.

“Yo, what's up?” Jerry said when I identified myself. “Where the hell you been, man?”

“Nowhere, really,” I said. “Still teaching at Ballou. You know how it is. Same ole, same ole.”

“We've got to connect. Where you staying? How long you here? What you doing now?”

He was excited.

“I'm staying in Buckhead. About to head out to get something to eat.”

“You should come to this spot, Suite Lounge. It's a day party going on. It's a good look. Plenty of honeys.”

“Suite Lounge? OK, I'll look it up and head down there.”

We coordinated to meet at the front door. I put on some nice linen. Moses watched as I got dressed. He knew I was leaving him.

“Buddy, I'm going to hang out a little, see Atlanta. Live life. I will walk you first and then you can just relax until I get back. I won't be long. OK?”

I could not help but shake my head after I finished talking to the dog. We walked, he relieved himself and when we got back to the room, I turned on the TV to the Animal Channel, I rubbed his little body and told him, “You're my dog. See you soon.”

I took a pain pill with some water. My stomach had not acted up in a few days, and I was scared to have an episode at all, but especially while out in public. I put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door and left.

I allowed the GPS to guide me to Suite Lounge, which was downtown. I admired the Atlanta skyline on the way. I was impressed. It felt like a big city, just as I had been told.

When I got to my destination, I let the valet park my car. There were women approaching the place from all directions, women elegant and sleazy, underdressed and overdressed. I loved the variety.

I noticed Jerry immediately. He was trying to stop a pair of attractive women who were entering the building. That's what I always liked about Jerry—he was audacious, confident and lively. He was not deterred by rejection. And he had no ambition to settle down.

He didn't notice me at first—the baldhead threw him off. But when he did, he greeted me the only way he knew how. Loudly.

“Oh, shit. Calvin! What's up, boy?” he said as we embraced. “Good to see you. Come on, let's go in and get some drinks.”

I would not dare drink alcohol. Maybe I could handle it. But I felt like my stomach would catch fire.

“Man, I'm going to have water to start. Had a long night last night. Plus, I haven't eaten anything.”

“I hear you.”

He got a drink and I had sparkling water and we walked through the place, which was laden with people in a great mood. I looked at each of them and wondered what their life was like. They glanced at me and had no idea I was the walking dead.

“So, you just down for vacation?”

Before I could answer, he ran into some friends. They chatted for a few. He introduced me and we all moved on.

“Those guys are actually from up the way—Alexandria. We play golf sometimes. You play golf, don't you?”

“Yeah. I brought my clubs with me, too.”

“That's what's up. How long you here? Maybe we can get a round in.”

“I'm here for about three weeks.”

“Oh, you're on a serious vacation. Cool. I'm a member of Canongate/Club Corp. Plenty of great courses to play here. I'll let you know when I can play. You used to play with Walter, right?”

“Yes. You heard?”

“Heard what?”

“About Walter. He killed himself.”

“What? You're bullshitting me. Why?”

“Turns out, he was troubled. Bipolar. I found him hanging in his garage.”

“Oh, shit. Man, that's crazy. You found him? Damn. I'd be having nightmares about that shit forever.”

If only he knew. As awful and haunting as that was, that was not the biggest worry in my life. I did not consider sharing that with Jerry. We were cool, but I hadn't seen him in a few years and I was not telling most people, anyway.

“Yeah, an ugly scene. I'm just sad I couldn't do anything to help my boy. That's what haunts me.”

“Man, life is short. You never know what's going on in someone's life,” Jerry said.

He did not realize how on point he was.

I left Jerry to go to the bathroom. I passed one attractive woman after the other on the way, and they all seemed to make eye contact. I loved women in D.C., but these women seemed more relaxed, more open to conversation, just by their body language alone.

When I returned from the bathroom, Jerry was talking to two women, both of whom looked younger, in their thirties. But super-attractive and friendly.

“This is my boy, Calvin. He's visiting from D.C.”

I shook the hands of Venus, who was dark and radiant, and Natalie, who was tall and poised. If I had a choice, I would have taken both of them. They were equally beautiful and engaging. But I got “chose,” as we said back at home. Venus started a conversation with me.

“After I left Louisville, I moved to D.C. for three years,” she said, moving over to me and away from Natalie and Jerry. “I liked it up there, but it's expensive. And I'm from Atlanta, so this is home for me.”

“I'm almost ashamed to say this is my first visit to Atlanta; just got here about two hours ago,” I said. “But I'm feeling it so far.”

“What are you going to do while you're here?”

“Whatever you'd like.”

That would never come out of my mouth in the past. But the nothing-to-lose me just let it fly.

“Really? How do you know you want to do something with me? We just met.”

“That's true. Well, I'll rescind the statement if you turn out to be crazy.”

She laughed. “Oh, it's like that? OK, well, I have the right to decide if I want to do anything with you after we talk.”

We both laughed. “What's there fun to do here? And don't ask me what I like to do. What's fun to you?”

“If you want to hang out and be around people, there's Magnum Mondays at STK, late night at the Red Martini on Tuesdays, Wednesdays at Boogalou's, Thursdays Do, Fridays the Gold Room. Is that enough for you?”

“I see who the party animal is,” I cracked.

“No, don't think that. I'm just in-the-know.”

We laughed again and talked about so much over the next thirty minutes. I even found myself sipping on a rum and Coke. Venus was beautiful, smart, charming and she drank bourbon. Total turn on that a woman could be totally feminine but still sip on what's considered a man's drink—and maintain her softness.

Jerry and Natalie had disappeared by the time Venus and I stopped talking. We went upstairs to the deck that provided an stunning view of the skyline. My drink went down smoothly, without complications. We had some appetizers. There I was with a pretty woman feeling like the world was mine to be had.

It was just then that I came back to my sad reality. Venus was so lovely and funny and likeable that she took me away from my troubles. And then all that good feeling I had blew away like the Atlanta pollen in a breeze.

She noticed.

“What's wrong?”

“I almost wish I hadn't met you.”

She was taken aback. “Why? What is it? You're married?”

“Married? No, never been married. I wish that were it. That would be easier to deal with.”

“Wait. Are you telling me you're gay?”

“No, I'm not
gay
. I have heard you all have a large gay community here. Not me… No, I'm sick. Really sick.”

“What's wrong?”

I could barely believe I was going to tell this stranger my most intimate secret.

“Cancer,” I said, looking into her eyes. “Terminal.”

“What? Oh, my God. Calvin, are you serious?”

“Too serious.”

“I don't know what to say. I don't want to get too personal. I'm just shocked. You look healthy.”

“You know, for the most part, I feel healthy. It's some kind of cancer in my stomach. It's rare. Nothing they can do to stop it from spreading. So, I'm just trying to live, you know? Do some things that I probably wouldn't have ordinarily done.”

“I am so sorry. I hope it's OK to ask, but how do you do it? How do you not let it keep you down?”

“Well, this is one of the good days. Not every day is like this. I spend most days trying to, as they say, get my affairs in order. Some days I'm too confused to do much of anything. Some days I'm productive. But lately I've been kind of just going with the flow. I was diagnosed around two months ago. I'm getting better at handling it.”

“I admire you. I don't think most people would be at day party, looking good and acting like nothing is wrong.”

“That may be true, but I've learned that you never can tell. I've also learned that if you decide to live your life, all kinds of things start to happen. I had a good life, just not that exciting. I was content doing very little. Once my attitude changed, it's been a different world for me.”

“You mean in a good way?”

“In a way that's more exciting and more interesting. Crazy stuff has happened. I found a friend who had committed suicide. I helped save a man's life. I found a stray dog and took him in. I saved my new dog from being devoured by a big German Shepherd. Oh, and I met this lovely young lady named Venus.”

She smiled. “All that really happened?”

“In the last week or so. It's been
that
crazy. And now I'm here to get some holistic treatments. Probably three weeks of treatments. Maybe they can stop the attacks of pain I get every so often. After that, I have no idea.”

“You said you found a dog?”

“Yeah, Moses. He's at the hotel. Found him yesterday. But here's the thing, Venus—I don't like dogs. At all. And now, in a day, I love this dog. He just popped up out of nowhere. I was in a hotel parking lot in Charlotte. He was just standing there, looking scared and beaten. It's like God placed him there. It was an industrial area. There were no homes around. No reason for a little dog to be there. No leash. No nametag. He was there for me. I felt that. I never felt that way about a dog before. So I took him in. And in one day I have grown close to this little puppy—a dark brown Labrador Retriever.”

Then I did something a parent would. I pull out my cell phone to show photos of Moses to Venus.

“He's so cute. And it's cute that you're showing him off.”

“I guess this is part of the new me.”

“Well, I didn't know the old you, but I'm glad to know this version of you,” Venus said.

“You know, I haven't told many people about my situation. I didn't even tell Jerry. It's not something you tell everybody, I don't think. But I don't know…I felt comfortable with sharing it with you. I think my senses have gotten keener since I learned about…about this. And I'm feeling good vibes from you.”

“I'm glad you said that. I was enjoying our conversation before you told me about what you're dealing with.”

“But sense then?”

“Sense you told me, it's been probably the most interesting conversation I've had in a long time, maybe ever. You really amaze me that you could be here, talking to me and acting like you have no cares in the world. I just couldn't do it.”

“Yes, you could. I think we just do what we have to do. That's what it comes down to. The first two weeks after I learned that there was nothing they could do, I could hardly move. I was so scared—I'm still scared. I just don't think about it as much as I used to. Things are happening—like meeting you—that help me take my mind off of it. That's what I need.”

Just then, Jerry and Natalie came over. “So y'all up here enjoying the view. That's what's up,” Jerry said. “Man, you're gonna love Atlanta. Dude just got here and already met a dime.”

“Two dimes I said,” acknowledging Natalie. “I'm glad I came out.”

“Me, too,” Venus said. “I'm really glad we met.”

“I'm going to head out,” I said.

“What? You only been here an hour,” Jerry said.

“I have my dog at the hotel. It's like a kid—can't leave him but for so long.”

Jerry and I shared a manly handshake. I extended my hand to Natalie, and she placed hers in mind and we shook. Then I turned to Venus. Without hesitation, she hugged me. Tightly.

“Damn, dog,” Jerry chimed in. “What were y'all talking about up here?”

Neither of us said anything. “Put my number in your phone,” Venus said. She recited it and I programmed it. “Now call me, so I can have your number.”