Authors: E.E. Wellington
Seize the BOOTY!
Pirate Erotica by
I'd been aboard Her Majesty's merchant vessel
for weeks, neither as deckhand nor guest, but rather, a passenger of a more uninvited variety. A stowaway, if you like, however I considered my cause noble and therefor excused this breech of seafaring etiquette only for this circumstance. All right, I had excused it previously in many, many other circumstances, but my heart is pure and belongs to the sea. Had I but one chance, I would work harder than any seafaring man alive.
Instead, I was forced to live below decks
like a rat, lurking in the shadows while the sailors tied and untied the riggings and constantly chased the western winds carrying us to the New World. It was an excruciating way to travel, to be stuffed in the cellar of the ship without sun nor sea. I felt sickly all the time, breathing in that putrid, damp air while the men above were free under the sun and be sprayed in the face with sweet ocean mist.
They were a good lot, from what I could tell, if somewhat boring.
They treated one another fairly and the Quartermaster never had to beat anyone for stealing. There was no wickedness toward the cabin boys no matter how drunk they got. They were a disciplined and proper example of the Royal Navy.
Quite different from the ships I'd been raised on, I can tell you that much.
All in all, it had been a
rather uneventful journey, and that suited my purposes just fine. All that I required of my hosts was that they keep good food stores. That, and provide me uninterrupted passage toward my destination.
crept throughout the dark hold, listening to the men singing above me while I gnawed on a handful of their oranges. I was always careful not to lose any of the peels or seeds or leave any trace at all of my presence. Men of the sea are notorious for their punishments of stowaways, and I had no desire to be keelhauled and made into shark food.
I returned to the ship's stern and removed the loose panels that concealed my
hollowed out sleeping quarters. All barque ships of that design contained a large enough space between the bowspirit and stern for a bedroll and a few preciously stowed belongings. During the day I'd remove the boards from inside the wall and wander around, taking only what I needed to survive and nothing more. I prided myself on not being a thief, or at least, not being one in the strictest sense. I never once disturbed any of the men's things or stole from them, no matter how tempting it was.
And I did my best to earn my keep.
In the middle of the night I'd go above decks and inspect their sails and riggings. If anything was improperly fastened or needed attendance, I would climb up the masts and see to it, then make my escape before anyone saw.
On a pirate ship, the rigger's job is the most dangerous
one. It's a slippery job to be so high up in the air as the ship rocks back and forth and sea water slaps you from every direction. On a pirate ship, you get whipped if you don't fasten the riggings correctly.
By the looks of their work, Her Royal Navy's sailors weren't quite as determined to get it right.
Inside my small alcove, I removed the small slat beneath the bowspirit that allowed me to see what we were sailing toward.
I hoped only to see land. I'd done my best to gauge where we were and how long we'd been at sea, and by my reckoning, it would not be much longer until we arrived. Then I would have to wait until all of the men were paid and made their way into port to spend their earnings on drink and women, and then I would make my escape.
Instead of land, I saw nothing but the rolling black waves of the sea, and just coming over the horizon, a sight that made my eyes widen.
It was a black flag, rippling as it emerged over the horizon. Its white skull and two crossed swords rose up toward the clouds by the second, growing taller and taller until I could make out the details of its dozens of massive guns, and they were all pointed at us. I recognized the ship's Jolly Roger flag and whispered, "My God. It's Calico Jack's ship, the
Ace of Spades.
He'll kill everyone on board and scuttle us, for certain."
I paused to listen for the men walking
on the deck above me, hoping to hear someone shout, "Pirates, ahoy!" or "Man the guns!" At the very least I expected to feel the ship lurch sideways as we attempted to outrun them.
raced around below the deck, looking up through the cracks in the floorboards to where the men were just standing idly by, talking and laughing, and remaining oblivious to our impending doom. "Psst!" I hissed. "Pirates!"
The first mate stopped and spun around, searching for who'd spoken.
"You say somethin'?" he called out.
Dead ahead!" I whispered.
bastard stuck a pudgy finger in his ear and inspected the wax that came out on its tip, then he walked away from the place I was standing. I tried to find someone else, but by then it was too late.
The sidewall of the starboard
hull exploded to fragments just a few feet from where I stood, sending me hurtling backwards through sacks of rice and flour. In the choking smoke and stink of burning wood, someone finally cried out, "Pirates, ahoy!"
"Yes, you idiots.
Now you get it," I muttered as I hoisted myself from the floor. Men raced past me down the stairs to try and stop up the damage. I brushed myself off and snarled at them, "Oh sure, now you're all running around. Buffoons."
The first mate pushed his way to the front of the group and said, "Who the hell are you?"
I bowed quickly and said, "Gerard Fawkes, at your service. Now, if you'll be so kind as to stop up this hole before we sink I'll go and see if we might mount some sort of defense."
I hurried past them, even as their dull-witted brains began to realize that I did not belong there.
"Where in the blazes did he come from?"
How the bloody hell should I know? Never seen him before, have I?"
One of the deckhands smacked the other and said, "I told you there was somebody else on this ship, goin' around fixin' the riggings
! I said there were knots I ain't never seen before."
"Get out of the way
, you idiots!" I shouted. "We cannot just sit there. Christ alive, they have more than one cannonball."
And as if Calico Jack himself had heard my voice, a second cannonball struck the ship, this time tearing a hole in the bow so large that a large wave brought a clap of sea water through it.
I turned away from the group to head up the stairs. It was worse than I'd thought. The pirate's vessel loomed high over our short merchant ship like a terrifying, floating giant.
All of the pirate crew pressed up against the edge of the
hull, looking down at us. They were a colorfully costumed group, bearing an assortment of eye-patches and scarves and wicked-looking weapons. They smiled at us with leering, gold-capped teeth or sometimes no teeth at all and as I looked up at them, I saw him.
He was the most magnificent man I'd ever seen.
Dressed in a long white shirt that was open to his chest, draped with a scarlet red coat around his shoulders. His thick black hair was pulled back beneath his hat, revealing only the thick scruffy sideburns adorning his cheeks and a pointed beard and mustache. It was Calico Jack, the infamous pirate captain, and he smiled down at the rest of us as he said, "Good afternoon, lads. Welcome to the New World. What goodies did you bring me?"
Standing at the
captain's side was a woman who made my jaw fall open. She was a lady-pirate. I'd never seen one before. I'd heard rumors of them, of course, but they were nothing more than bar-room stories drunken men told for laughs. She was holding a cutlass in front of her and leaning on it, bent forward so that her generous bosom nearly spilled out of her open shirt. Her dark hair was tucked under a colorful scarf, and her eyes were traced with heavy black lines that made her look like an Egyptian Queen.
Calico Jack said when none of us responded. He looked around the deck for the person he should be speaking to. "I jested that your ship must be without a captain when we crept up on you so easily, but now I suspect it might be true. Whoever is in command of this poor excuse for a crew?"
"I am," a small, pasty-faced man squeaked.
He mopped sweat from his bald head as he came forward, eyes wide enough with terror to show white all the way around. "Please," he sputtered, "I beg you not to sink us or to torture us in any way. I surrender."
Calico Jack cocked an eyebrow at the captain and propped his foot up on his ship's rail, "And what will you give me in exchange for such an extreme demonstration of mercy?"
"Give him nothing," I whispered.
The captain turned to look at me, "What did you say?"
"I said give him nothing! Calico Jack is infamous for not taking prisoners. He will bind you to the mast and cut out your guts if you let him aboard."
"What's that now?" Calico Jack called out
angrily. He looked at me and said, "You there. Who are you, you insolent twerp?"
I ignored him and leaned to speak into the captain's hairy ear, "You must listen to me.
We have to fight."
The captain suddenly pushed me away from him and said, "Who
the bloody hell are you, anyway? You are too young to be part of my crew! How the hell did you get aboard?"
Calico Jack waved to us, trying to get our attention, "
Um, excuse me, gentlemen. Hello? Sorry to interrupt, but, do you remember me? The bloke who's ship is capturing yours?"
A few of the other crewmembers closed in on me, sensing that I was interfering with their captain's surrender.
I turned to them and said, "You have to fight! They will not let you surrender!"
"Be silent, boy.
Get him off of my ship!" the captain shouted.
The crewmen scooped me up in their arms and were about to carry me over to the edge of the boat when Calico Jack said, "Hang on a moment
, old son. I'd like to see that boy. Bring him to me."
"No!" I shouted.
"Throw me over the side. I'll take my chances swimming."
ship's crew was now catcalling and shouting insults at me as they lowered a rope over the edge of their ship down to the merchant crew. Even as they tied it around my arms and waist, I shouted, "You must do as I say! He will kill you all! Cut me loose and I will fight with you! We can take him if we work together!"
"The imagination of children today," Calico Jack said dismissively.
He pointed at the captain and said, "Be so kind as to have your men start bringing your supplies up on deck so I can decide what we'll be taking. I intend to do a full inspection of your ship, and I'll trust you not to try and cheat me out of anything valuable. I tend to not respond well to deceitfulness."
The crew above began to lift me several feet at a time, calling out, "Heave, ho," with every yank.
I bounced and spun helplessly in the air until I felt like I'd vomit, but soon enough, I was being dragged over the edge of Calico Jack's ship. Both he and his woman came over to where I stood, still bound. He draped his arm over her bare shoulder and said, "What do you think, Miss Bonny?"
She ran her finger gently down the side of my face and said, "He's a pretty
little thing. How old are you?"
I squirmed to try and free my hands and get her to stop touching me.
When it became apparent it was useless, I finally said, "Old enough."
Old enough!" Calico Jack laughed. "And what are you doing as a stowaway aboard one of Her Majesty's merchant ships? Yearning to see the New World, are we?"
I tried to look him in the eye to show him I was not afraid.
It was not true, of course, but I tried. "I am looking for my father. He went missing when the ship he served on wrecked."
Calico Jack's eyes narrowed with interest, "And what ship would that be?"
I lifted my head proudly and said, "The
The members of the pirate crew
all sniffed at my response.
cleared his voice and said, "Well, chum, you see, I'm not sure if you've heard the news as of yet, but all of the survivors of that were hanged, save for two. One of them was an Indian. The other was the worst sort of boy-lover I ever met in me whole life. And since you don't look like an Indian…"
"My father escaped the governor's men
," I interrupted him. "He got away from them somehow and avoided being captured. Now's he's made it to one of the islands and is waiting for me to come find him."
The captain's eyes widened and he said, "And how is it you
know that, lad? Did he send you a letter of some sort?"
My mouth was suddenly dry but I managed to swallow hard
. It was difficult to speak the words and not think they sounded ridiculous, but I pressed on. "He didn't have to," I said. "It was what he always told me he would do if something happened to him. He told me never to worry about him because he knew how to survive any wreck, and that all I had to do was come find him. That's why I came all this way. I told him I would."