Authors: Melanie J. Cole
I’d like to give a big sho
ut out to my good friend,
Brandi Day DuClos!
Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule, to proofread Seeking Karma for me
You are the best!
8 years ago
I can feel the bark of the tree biting at my back. It’s nothing compared to the pain in my chest.
My lungs are burning with each breath I manage to take. The bitter cold is numbing my entire body. I didn’t bother to grab a coat in my haste to get out of that house. I bring my knees up against my chest. I blink down at the blood splattering my jeans. I don’t even bother wiping my mouth off. I just watch the blood drip, wishing this wasn’t my life. It is.
I tip my head back and squeeze my eyes shut. My breathing acc
elerates as I remember the way Mom looked, lying on the floor. She wasn’t crying. She wasn’t begging him to stop. She was still, silent. Is she dead?
I’ve seen D
ad hit her plenty of times, but tonight was different. He wasn’t stopping. I grabbed his arm, and begged him to stop. He’d turned all of his rage onto me, punching me in the mouth. He’d never hit me before. No, he always took his anger out on Mom.
When I managed to get away from him, I grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1. I placed
it on the floor next to Mom, and took off. I was scared, in pain, and I didn’t know what else to do.
Several crunching sounds
- makes me blink my eyes open. There’s a girl standing in front of me. I’ve seen her before. She lives a few houses down from me. I’ve watched her many times, playing in her yard with her sister. I’ve never spoken to her, though. I don’t even know her name. I was never able to get up the nerve - to talk to someone as beautiful as she is.
She spreads her arms out by her side, and for a second I think she’s an angel. Her large gray eyes sparkle, even in the pale moonlight. Her skin is creamy. It looks smooth. Her light silky hair is hanging down her shoulders.
After blinking several times I realize she has a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, giving the appearance of wings. She sits down next to me; wrapping one end of the blanket around my shoulders, while keeping the other wrapped around herself. Without a word she takes my hand and holds it within hers. She’s warm, and somehow makes me feel safe. With her next to me, sharing her body heat, I feel like everything will be okay. She leans her head against my shoulder, and begins humming to me. It only takes me a second to recognize the song she’s humming. It’s Keith Whitley’s ‘When You Say Nothing At All.’ I’ve heard my Mom sing it so many times, I know every single word. I used to fall asleep listening to her sing it. Even without words, this girl - makes it sound beautiful. I close my eyes and listen to her soft hums, drowning out all of the pain. It eases my pain, and my fear.
I don’t know how lo
ng we sat there, neither of us saying a word, but too soon, blaring sirens cut through her humming, breaking up our silence. Several seconds later, red flashing lights - light up the winter sky.
This is the night that I’m taken from my home.
I can’t seem to shake this mood. I mean, usually when I have a hot girl sitting on my lap, licking my neck - I’m in a pretty decent mood. But not tonight, due to the loud music vibrating through my chest. It isn’t helping matters that I keep hearing Aaron’s obnoxious laugh - over top of all of the chaos. I grind my jaw and clench my hands into fists. It’s taking all of my self-control not to go over there and put my fist through his skull! I don’t know what it is about the guy, but he annoys the fuck out of me. It doesn’t help that for some strange reason -unbeknownst to me, he thinks we’re friends. We’re not!
“Mmmm, you smell so good.” Shelly, Sarah, Sadie, or whatever her name is, moans against my neck. I’m pretty sure
the name starts with an ‘S’. I really don’t give a shit what her name is. She’s a distraction, nothing more, nothing less. When I’m finished with her, I’ll send her on her way. She’s not the first, and she sure as hell won’t be the last. This is the main reason I joined a frat in the first place.
“I like your tattoos.” What’s
-her-name says. She’s tracing the outline of one of my tats with her index finger. Ah, fuck this! I tip the bottle of Jack back and drain it.
I squeeze her hips and lift her up, until her feet are on the floor. “Come on.” I grab her hand, and practically drag her through the throngs of people.
“Where are we going?” She asks, stumbling along behind me.
“Where do you think?” I open my bedroom door, and yank her inside. “Take your clothes off.” I reach up and grab the collar of my shirt, pulling it over my head, as I kick my shoes off.
By the time I get a condom on, she’s lying on my bed naked. I have to admit, the girl looks good. I don’t waste time on foreplay. This is just another distraction, I remind myself as I thrust into her. When I’m completely buried inside of her, I lie still and close my eyes, relishing in the feel of her. She moans loudly and begins squirming beneath me. This spurs me on. I grip the headboard and being pounding her – hard.
I imagine it’s
I’m with. I picture her big gray eyes, remember the way her skin was soft and smooth. The way she radiated so much heat, she warmed my heart. Fuck me! Why can’t I forget this girl? I don’t even know her name. She never even spoke to me. It’s been over eight years, and I still can’t forget her. Those God damn eyes haunt my dreams, every fucking night. I feel like she’s stamped on my soul.
I come picturing her. As soon as I’m done, I roll off
, and pitch the condom into the trash basket. I pull on my jeans, and grab my shirt. “Let yourself out.” I tell her over my shoulder, as I go in search of a beer. I don’t even bother closing the door behind me. Yeah, I know. I’m a dick.
I hiss between my teeth, as I carefully dab concealer around my swollen eye. Shit this hurts. I don’t even know why I’m bothering. It’s not like I can hide it. Even the white part of my eye is black. I look like a complete freak. It looks like I won’t be going to classes for awhile. I lean forward and bury my face in my hands. Why do I keep letting him get away with this?
I snap my head up as I hear the door slam. My eyes lock with Anna’s through the mirror. Her hip is cocked out to the side, and her hand is resting on it. Her dark brown eyes are narrowed into thin slits.
“Again, Karma?”- she snaps. She’s the only person who knows about the abuse. Hell, it’s not like I can hide it from her. She’s my roommate. She’s seen the bruises first hand. “You have to dump his sorry ass.” Her voice has softened, as she makes her way over to me. “He’s not going to stop.” She crouches down in front of me, and takes my hand. “If you keep staying with him, it’s only going to get worse. Sooner or later, he’s going to…” Her words trail off, and her eyes are swimming with tears.
She doesn’t have to finish. I know what she’s thinking. I’m thinking the same thing. Eventually, he’s going to kill me. The beatings are getting worse, and his behavior is getting more erratic by the day. I lean forward and rest my head against her shoulder.
When we first started dating, I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He’s a really good looking guy, after all. He dresses nicely, keeps his hair neat. To sum him up, he’s preppy, which just happens to be my type. I couldn’t believe he was mine. We’d only been dating a couple of months - when he shoved me against a brick wall. I hit my head so hard my ears started ringing. His eyes had widened, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done.
“God, I’m so sorry Karma.” He reached out and pulled me into his arms. “You know I’d never hurt you, don’t you
?” I know, stupid question, right? But I was so shocked. He’d never been anything but sweet and caring towards me up to that point. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just, when I saw you talking to that guy, I lost it. Please forgive me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He pleaded. I believed him.
I sigh and pull away from Anna. “You’re righ
t.” My voice is hoarse from hours of crying.
Her eyes widen in disbelief. “So, you’ll break up with him?”
I nod my head slowly. “I’m going to try.” The mere thought of breaking up with Aaron Jones, scares the hell out of me. He’s a force to be reckoned with on his own, but add in his parents and he’s triple terrifying! Both of his parents are high-powered attorneys - out in California. They’ve both handled high-profile cases, and to my knowledge, neither of them has ever lost a case. Aaron stopped apologizing for the physical abuse - about the same time he started in with the mental abuse. He’s assured me on more than one occasion - that if he couldn’t have me, no one would. The threats used to scare me, but not anymore. I’ve kind of become immune to them. I’m so broken. I’m a shell of the person I used to be. The happy go-lucky head cheerleader - stopped existing the day I agreed to go out with him. I no longer fear death. I honestly think death would be the better option, opposed to how I’m living now. I don’t even think you can call this living.
My brain is throbbing inside of my skull. I’m standing at the back of a line - at McDonalds. The old woman in front of me smells like moth balls. I’m pretty sure I’m going to puke on her, before I can place my order. Mental note: - never ever, mix liquor and beer. The old lady finally collects her tray and shuffles around me. Thank God!
“Can I take your order?” - t
he skinny kid with the glasses, asks me.
Okay, so maybe I didn’t think this through. I’d been starving when I woke up, but now, all of the smells are making my stomach roll. I hold up my index finger. “Just give me a sec.” I slide to the side, so that the girl behind me can order. I tip my head back against the wall, and pinch the bridge of my nose.
“Hey Trent, what’s up man? You look like shit.” Ah hell! I open my eyes, and see Aaron the fuck-head motioning to me. This is the last thing I need right now. I can barely tolerate him when I’m not hung over. Right now, I feel like ripping his head off of his shoulders, and shoving it up his ass. There’s a girl sitting across from him. I can’t see her face, but I’m pretty sure she’s neither of the girls I saw him with last night.
Fuck me! I have to walk right past their table on my way out. So much for a quick exit. I begi
n making my way towards the door, as quickly as possible. My stomach feels like it’s filled with battery acid. I tip my chin up in Aaron’s general direction, giving that piece of shit some kind of acknowledgement. Hopefully, he’ll take the hint, and stop trying to talk to me.
“Come over here, Tr
ent.” Nope, no such luck. He’s a complete idiot.
I glance over at the blonde sitting across from him. She blinks her eyes a couple of
times, before dropping her chin. Her wide gray eyes! Fuck me! I swear, my heart just skipped ten beats. It’s her! It was only a second, but even after all of these years, I recognize the smooth, creamy skin, and those eyes, those God damn eyes! I can feel my dick jump to life.
Aaron must notice the way I’ve zoned in on the girl. His eyes narrow on me as he nods his head towards her. “This is Karma, my girlfriend.” He doesn’t sound very happy.
What? She’s with him? That’s great, just great, now I have another reason to h
ate the mother fucker. “So Trent,” Aaron’s voice drags my attention back onto him. I grind my jaw so hard it hurts. I zone in him, really wishing looks could kill, because he’d be one dead son of a bitch right now. “Are you going to the bonfire, Friday?” He stretches his arm across the back of the empty seat next to him. What in the hell is
doing with him? He’s a total douche!