Seduced by Pain (13 page)

Frustrated, angry,
tired of this battle, I willed it back to its place behind the barrier I'd
erected, but it refused to stay contained. Like mist, it floated around us,
clinging to our bodies, hungry and ready to feed.

I pushed Derek
away and stood, slipping my hands back into my gloves and pulling my shirt
down. "We can't. Not yet. I can't stop it. I don't want to hurt you."

Tears turned
to sobs, hope to gray ash, as once again I fought this uncontrollable impulse
to take the life of the man I loved.

The eye of man
hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste,
his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what my dream was.

—William
Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Dear Diary,

I spent my life feeling so alone, so different from others. Even
within my own coven, I was shunned for my dark gift. This school has opened my
eyes to a whole new world of possibilities. These children and teens with
extraordinary abilities have shared many heartbreaking stories of their lives
before coming here. For so long I've drifted, unsure of my future, lacking
ambition, or at least lacking focus for my ambition. But as I watch these kids,
not much younger than myself, work so hard to master their powers, to carve a
niche for themselves in a world fast to reject them, a new yearning has taken
hold in my heart.

If I can gain control of my own powers, maybe I can help them do the
same.

MORNING STARTED EARLY
at the school for paranormals. Derek,
Ocean and I joined everyone in a large cafeteria for breakfast, which consisted
of an open fruit bar, whole grain muffins, eggs, bacon, sausage and freshly
squeezed orange juice.

Surrounded by
students hurrying to get to their classes, the chaos and energy of the early
rush filled me with a giddy optimism. Their zest for life was contagious, and I
wanted to be a part of it.

Derek caught
me staring at my engagement ring as I popped a grape into my mouth.

His lips
brushed against my ear lobe, sending shivers up my spine. "Having second
thoughts?"

"Never."
I held his hand, enjoying how strong and big they were compared to mine. "I
was just thinking about this place, and about our future, about what I want to
do with my life. What would you think about someday working here, with these
kids?"

He kissed my
fingers. "I think you would make an amazing teacher, and I'm sure we could
find ways to help here. It's definitely worth talking about."

A small finger
tapped on my shoulder, and I turned to face a tiny girl with long blond hair
and the biggest eyes I'd ever seen. She looked like a doll, and the white cat we'd
seen the day before curled around her legs, purring.

I smiled at
her. "Hi."

She smiled
back, her cheeks dimpling as she did. "Hi. Are you Rose?"

"Yes, I
am. What's your name?"

"I'm
Serena. Father Patrick asked me to tell you that when you're done eating, he'd
like to see you by the weeping willow for training."

Did he know
that tree spoke to me in song? "Thank you. I'm nearly finished."

She took a
step to leave, then stopped and turned back at me. "Are you sick?"

Her question
surprised me. "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"I… I'm
sorry if that was rude. It's just, my power is buzzing, and that usually means
the person is sick and needs healing. Do you need healing?"

My heart
pounded in my chest. "Are you a healer?"

She nodded,
her long curls bobbing around her pale face.

"Can you
tell what needs healing in me?" My palms slickened with sweat as I waited
for her answer.

"No, ma'am.
Just, something feels broken inside you. Does it hurt? The thing that's broken?"

Could she be
talking about my dark gift? "Sometimes, yes. But that's why I'm here, to
get help. To see if I can fix it."

"I hope
they can. I don't want you to hurt anymore. Everyone here is super nice. They'll
help you, I'm sure. They've helped all of us. But sometimes things hurt no
matter how much you heal them."

I wanted to
pull this little girl into my lap and take away all of her pain, but instead I
reached for her hand and squeezed it. "You're right. Not all pain can be
fixed. Time can help heal most pain, though. How long have you lived here?"

She was too
young to have a story, but I could see in her eyes that she did.

"Just a
few months. My dad was a guard at the bad school, but he didn't know it was
bad. Then he was killed and they came and killed my mommy too and took me away
to another really bad place. But Sam and Drake and Father Patrick, they saved
all us kids from that bad man."

This time I
gave in to my urge and pulled her into a hug. "You're a very brave girl,
and I'm so sorry you've had so much sadness in your life. I'm glad you're safe
now."

With a tiny
finger, she brushed a tear off my cheek that I didn't realize was there. "You'll
be safe soon too, I think. I have to go to class now, but it was nice meeting
you, Rose."

"You too,
Serena."

She spun off,
with her cat following behind her, and I leaned on Derek's shoulder.

He stroked my
hand and kissed my head. "When this is all over and we're married, we'll
talk to Father Patrick about working here and helping these kids. I'm pretty
sure Rose Botanicals will be starting a lot of new scholarship programs as
well."

Once again, I
couldn't believe that I was a part of this amazing family.

Father Patrick
and Drake sat in a meditative pose as Derek and I arrived for my training. My
conversation with Serena weighed heavy on me as I considered how broken I must
be to set off that little girl's powers in such a way. For the first time, I
considered the possibility that the problem wasn't just my inability to control
my powers. Maybe there was something wrong with them. Ever since I was a little
girl, I'd fantasize about what it would be like to have different abilities, to
be like Ocean or even Jasmine. To be anything other than what I was.

Derek sat next
to me, and we faced the two men, who looked relaxed and peaceful.

"Is it
all right if I stay?" Derek asked.

It didn't
occur to me he would leave. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of going
through this without him, and I gripped his hand harder.

Father Patrick
looked at me. "It's up to Rose. This is her training."

"I'd like
him to stay. I'm really nervous about doing anything involving my dark gift,
and this affects him more than anyone." As if they wouldn't already know
the state of my panicked mind.

The priest's
eyebrow rose. "You consider it your
dark
gift?"

"Definitely
dark. But really, more like a curse. There's no good that can come of what I
do. It's not like other powers, where it can be used for good or bad, depending
on how it's wielded. This power is evil, through and through." The pitch
of my voice rose as emotion took over. "All it does is send people to
hell, or at least a hell-like dimension of some kind. Even if I use it in true
self-defense, against someone horrible, I wouldn't want to trap their soul in a
demon plane forever. I never even knew demons were real!"

"Demons
are indeed real, just as angels and all manner of supernatural creatures. You
are marrying into a family of Shifters, guardians of the ancient ways, and you are
a witch with unusual powers. But these labels do not make anyone good or bad,
in the traditional way of seeing things." As Father Patrick spoke, he
intertwined his long fingers together, as if in prayer.

"Surely
demons are evil, regardless." I'd learned that much, at least.

"Not
necessarily. As you explore this world more deeply, you'll find more shades of gray
than black and white."

I studied the
man before me, who could have played a priest in one of those movies with an
anti-Christ and dark powers. He would have been the righteous priest, committed
to saving the world at any cost. He looked the part, but… "You don't sound
like a priest."

He chuckled. "What
do priests sound like, my dear?"

"I don't
know. I've never actually known a real one, but I assumed they'd be more fire
and brimstone types, with strong opinions about heaven and hell and good verses
evil."

"Oh, I
have strong opinions, they just don't match what others of my cloth might have.
Now, as to
your
particular gift, I've been doing some research, and the
first approach I'd like to take is meditation to see if we can tap into that
power and explore it more. Are you willing?"

I shrugged. "Sure,
but I doubt it'll work. I've meditated before."

"I've
asked Drake to join us for this. He's training to help in special cases, such
as yours, and his gifts give him a unique ability that I think will help you in
this. You might be surprised."

Meditation
required a calm mind and mine was anything but. A fly landed on my nose,
tickling it. My ears grew numb with cold. Something that felt like ants crawled
into my jean cuffs and made me itch. It seemed nature was intent on distracting
me. Despite Father Patrick's guidance and soothing words, despite whatever
power Drake brought to the mix, and despite Derek's presence to my right, I
couldn't relax or concentrate.

My dark gift stayed
locked away, hidden from any effort to coax it out for a little chat.

A feather
tickled the back of my neck. When I slapped at it, someone giggled. I whipped
my head around, but saw no one.

Drake glanced
at me, then behind me. "Toby, show yourself."

Before my
eyes, a scrawny boy materialized from nowhere with an impish grin on his face. "Yo,
Drake. This is bo-ring. Come hang."

He said 'boring'
in two exaggerated syllables and had a city kid street thug kind of accent.

"Toby, I'm
helping this lady with her powers. Do you remember what we talked about?"
Drake's voice held firm, but with kindness and patience.