Read Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs Online
Authors: Jen Calonita
“Ladies.” Dad’s voice has a warning tone I recognize from my days of playing basketball in the living room with Matty. “This is Katie-Kate’s party and this is what she wanted. Let her be. You don’t get every sale, you know.” He winks at me. I throw my arms around him and give him a bear hug.
Nadine moves next to me. “Austin is amazing,” Nadine whispers. “You should have seen him hold his own with your mom. He wasn’t intimidated by her or her Rolodex! He wanted to have your party here and he stuck to it. With Liz’s and my help, of course.”
“Thanks,” I tell her as Mom and Dad start to bicker over Dad siding with me instead of her. Laney is shaking her head and Matty has already walked off. “This is the best thing you guys could have ever done for me, and wait till I tell you what just happened.”
“I bet I know,” Nadine says with a smile. “But we won’t talk about it here. Tonight is about celebrating. There’s only one thing I would have done differently,” she says. “I don’t know why Austin insisted on inviting her.” Nadine points to the
FA
table where I see the gang is chomping down on Antonio’s specialty, fried capellini. He takes capel-lini and ricotta and fries it like a mozzarella stick. It’s so yummy.
“Who?” I ask, not seeing anyone I don’t like.
“She means me,” someone says. Nadine and I turn around and practically knock over Sky, who is standing behind us holding a beautifully wrapped small silver present.
“I can’t stay,” she says stiffly. She looks ready for a rave in a short blue mini I recognize from J’Aime’s spring line, and black fishnet stockings. Her usually long raven hair is styled in a bob, which I assume means she’s wearing a wig. Sky would never cut her hair or shave her head like some people we know. “But I didn’t want to be rude and not at least make an appearance.”
“I think I’ll go get a drink,” Nadine says, leaving me alone with Sky.
“Thanks for coming.” I feel awkward.
After a few weeks of being joined at the hip to save
Family Affair
from Alexis’s evil clutches, Sky and I are back to being, well, ourselves. A new and improved version of ourselves, I should say. Now instead of fighting or shooting daggers, we just quietly do our work, exchange small pleasantries on set, and when cameras aren’t rolling we basically ignore each other. I guess we’ll never have enough in common to be close friends, but now that we know so much about each other, we can’t really be enemies either. We’re frenemies, as Nadine calls it, and that’s okay.
“This is for you,” Sky says. “You don’t have to open it. It’s just a spa certificate to Sonya Dakar. You look like you could use a facial.”
“Thanks,” I say, ignoring the dig.
“I have another party to get to,” Sky says, “and I have to be up early tomorrow for a meeting with Paramount.”
“Good luck,” I tell her. “They asked me to come in next week.” I know I said I wouldn’t make any decisions about work yet, but how could I say no to Paramount?
I see a flash of annoyance flicker on Sky’s face and I realize I just put my foot in my mouth. “I’m sure they have a project for you to consider,” Sky says, “but they’ve already chosen several for me. No one’s talked to you about that remake of
Blue Lagoon
, have they?” Sky asks suspiciously.
“No, but I’ll make sure no one does,” I say with a smile.
Sky actually smiles too and without another word, disappears into the sea of dancers squashed onto Antonio’s tiny dance floor.
Sky’s going to be okay in Hollywood.
And so am I.
I’m a year older, and hopefully a year wiser, and I can’t wait to see what happens to my life next.
“This next request goes out to our birthday girl from her number one guy,” I hear our DJ, Samantha, say. Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely” begins to play and I grin. My dad grabs my mom and spins her out onto the floor while Matty takes Laney’s arm. Even Nadine pulls Rodney out there. I laugh, watching them all.
“Birthday girl, can I have this dance?” Austin appears at my side and holds out his hand.
“With pleasure,” I say.
Then I take his hand and join the party with my favorite people in the world.
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER NINETEEN: Never ever take anything for granted in this town. Just when you think you have your career figured out, your entourage well in place and a handle on the fame game, that’s when it all gets ripped out from under you. Guess that means my life is in for a major shake-up. Stay tuned . . .
SECRETS OF MY HOLLYWOOD LIFE:PAPARAZZI PRINCESS
coming in March 2009
And the Oscars go to . . .
Cindy Eagan and Kate Sullivan, my ubertalented editors. Thank you for loving Kaitlin’s zany world as much as I do. Laura Dail, for being the best agent a writer could have. Elizabeth Eulberg, I will miss you, but remember you promised to still hit Tortilla Flats with us! Ames O’Neil, the best travel partner there is. Tracy Shaw for her brilliant covers. Andrew Smith, Lisa Laginestra, Melanie Sanders, and the rest of the Little, Brown Books for Young Readers gang for pushing
Secrets
to even brighter heights.
Mara Reinstein, you’re still my go-to girl for all matters Hollywood.
Lisa, AnnMarie, Joanie, Christi, Elena, Joyce, Miana, Erin, and the rest of my wonderful friends — thanks for supporting me and lending a hand with Ty when I need it.
Grandpa Nick Calonita, for giving me a strong last name.
My parents, Nick and Lynn Calonita, my mother-in-law, Gail Smith, my sister and brothers-in-law, Nicole and John Neary, and Brian Smith — thanks for being my cheering section.
And last, but certainly first on my acceptance speech list: my family. Tyler, for being an awesome little guy, Jack, for his continued lap warming, and my husband, Mike, for being my leading man and number-one fan.
FAMILY AFFAIRS
“EIGHT more lines than me! EIGHT!” My costar, Sky Mackenzie, charges into my dressing room, screaming like a banshee.
I look down at my script for “The Truth Is Always the Hardest to Hear,” which is the fourth episode of
Family Affair
’s fifteenth season. Then I look over at my assistant, Nadine, who is ironing my Stitch jeans for my date with Austin. She rolls her eyes.
“What are you talking about?” I ask calmly. You see, as much as I loathe my troublemaking costar, I finally found time to read Nadine’s favorite best-selling self-help book (
Unlock the True You
) and I now know it’s not a good idea to let Sky’s negative behavior get to me. So far the attitude change is working. We’ve been back on the set of our series
Family Affair
for almost a month and life has been blissfully incident and tabloid-fodder–free.
“I don’t usually count my lines, Sky, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have eight more than you do,” I say. “I just finished reading through the script and it looks like we’re both at Paige’s bedside after Colby’s blood is used for the transfusion.”
Sky stomps over to my well-worn Pottery Barn brown leather chair and begins flipping through the script on my lap, her long hair hitting me in the face. I’m not used to seeing Sky with black hair again. She went blond for the Hutch Adams movie,
Pretty Young Assassins
(
PYA
), which we shot together this summer, but the creators of our show made her dye it back to Sara’s black. Sky’s hair follicles must have gone into shock from all the chemicals because my
FA
hair stylist, Paul, told me Sky’s hair is falling out in chunks. Now she has to wear extensions to cover the damage. I think of Sky going bald and can’t help smirking.
“What are you smiling about? This isn’t funny, K,” Sky snaps, her bony chest rising and falling rapidly. I can see her rib cage through her tight black V-neck tee and sheer cream tunic top. Sky spots Nadine bent over the iron and her eyes narrow.
“I’m not talking about
your
line count,” Sky adds. “Alexis has more lines than me and she’s only been in four episodes. Colby is a throwaway character! Her story arc is only supposed to last a few months. How could she already have more airtime?” Sky pouts. “She’s trying to take over the show, K! I can feel it.”
“That’s what this bonding session is about? Alexis? Does this mean you’ve found someone new to loathe and I’m off the hook?” I ask hopefully. For once, Sky’s hatred is aimed at a costar other than me, which is great because I could sure use the break.
Sky purses her full lips, which she must have plumped up with Lip Venom again, and scowls at me. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for that sickeningly sweet act Alexis is selling everyone from
Access Hollywood
to craft services. I’m not buying it. I can spot a climber when I see one.”
“You would know,” I murmur. Oops. That’s not very
True You
of me. “I mean, cut her some slack. She’s only been on set for a month. She doesn’t know how things work around here yet. I’m sure she’s just overdoing it to try to fit in. It’s got to be hard joining a cast that’s been together forever.”
“K, for once, could you worry about yourself instead of someone else?” Sky rolls her eyes. “We have to contain this girl’s popularity before it spirals out of control.” I snort. “Only two of her episodes have aired so far and already Alexis is the hottest thing to hit TV since
Grey’s Anatomy
! The critics love her, the message boards are all about her, and I heard she’s getting invites to all the big parties,” Sky whines. “Her smug mug is all over this week’s
People
! If we’re not careful, Sam and Sara could be history and Colby could be the new, hot teen star of our show.”
For a second, I feel a slight pang of jealousy. I mean, I’ll admit, initially I was thinking the same thing Sky is now. When I read the first script of the season and saw Colby’s storyline, I panicked. Colby is Alexis’s character, a new girl at Summerville High that Sam and Sara befriend in the first episode. They don’t know Colby’s homeless, or that she’s got a deep connection to their family. Our creator/executive producer Tom Pullman told the cast the character of Colby was created to cause waves with all the characters on the show for the first half of the season and then the storyline will be wrapped up and the character written off. After I heard that, I calmed down.
Still, I can’t help but wonder: If Sky and I are as popular as they say we are, why do they need Colby?
I’m sure I’m just letting Sky’s venomous thoughts get to me. Just because Alexis is around doesn’t mean we’ll be any less popular. That’s ridiculous, right? I mean, having Alexis here has its advantages. Like giving the paparazzi a new face to hound. Hee-hee. “Sky, I think you’re just being paranoid,” I say finally.
“No I’m not!” Sky says. “Don’t you remember what happened to Mischa Barton on
The O.C
.? When they needed a ratings boost, they killed her off! Then the show tanked. I don’t want Sara’s Beamer to flip over the side of a cliff with us in it and then
FA
to be canceled!”
Hmm . . . maybe she’s right. No, no. That’s silly! Think, Kaitlin. If Sky is venting to you, she must have an ulterior motive. That’s what I should really be concentrating on. “Sky, this is crazy talk,” I tell her. “Alexis has been nothing but nice. She’s not trying to take our roles away. She’s just trying to do her own.” I pause. “And since when are you and I an ‘us’?”
“I’m not thrilled about making you my confidant either,” Sky snaps, her dark eyes blazing. “I just wanted to warn you.”
I’m only half paying attention now as I reread the script for episode four, which we start shooting tomorrow. We usually shoot an episode over the course of two weeks. The writers pump out a story, two weeks later we film the one-hour drama, and two weeks after that, it airs. That’s the one thing you can count on in television — a consistently grueling schedule for all twenty-four episodes of the season (we’ve learned the viewers hate repeats so we shoot more episodes than most). I look up and smile sweetly at Sky, trying to remain Zen. “Well, you don’t have to,” I reply. “I can take care of myself just fine. Thanks for your concern.”
“Suit yourself.” Sky tosses her hair over her shoulder. “But remember: Our contracts are up this year, K.
I’m
not worried about being renewed, of course,” she says ominously, “but if I were you, I’d make sure you’re seen as valuable around here. More valuable than the new girl. Don’t say I didn’t tell you to watch your back.” Sky turns on her black open-toed Christian Louboutin heels and slams the door, knocking my newly framed picture of Austin, Liz, and her boyfriend, Josh, off the periwinkle-painted wall.
At the mention of the word “contracts,” I freeze. Contract negotiations are not something to joke about. Everyone who works in TV has heard stories about stars whose contracts have not been picked up after a major set squabble or a disagreement about salary increases. Even the most popular star on a hit show isn’t guaranteed to be asked back. That’s why contract negotiation year is always one I sweat a little. I laugh nervously. “Sky is such a drama queen. I have no reason to worry about my conract,” I say to Nadine. I silently pray she will offer me some reassurance.
Nadine eyes me over the ironing board. She’s giving me her Yoda-like wise personal assistant face, which means I’m about to get a lecture.
“What?” I say, my voice sounding shrill. “You think she’s right about my contract?”
“No, silly,” Nadine laughs.
“Then what?” I ask. “Don’t tell me you think I was being too mean to Sky!” I groan, feeling a sudden wave of guilt. I’m not very good at being the mean girl.
“That’s not what I was thinking either,” Nadine says. “I was thinking how glad I am that you got a backbone on that awful movie set this summer. You won’t let Sky walk all over you this season.”
“Definitely not,” I say happily, feeling instantly better. I throw my legs over the side of the armchair and wiggle my freshly painted pink toes.
“But then again,” Nadine frowns and scratches her head as she turns off the iron. Her strawberry red hair almost touches her collarbone now and she’s got a green butterfly clip pinning back the bangs she’s growing out. Nadine’s wearing her standard set attire — a long-sleeved tee, well-worn jeans, and sneakers (today’s are pink Pumas). She loves how casual assistants and the crew dress. “Maybe Sky does have a small point.”
“What?” I ask, typing out a quick Note to Self memo on my Sidekick. It sounds cheesy, I know, but I’ve found e-mailing myself is the best way to keep track of my crazy schedule. It also helps to have a Sidekick and a super-organized assistant like Nadine who watches my back.
“I hope all this instant media love doesn’t give Alexis a huge ego,” Nadine says with a frown. She sidesteps the rack of shoes that wardrobe dropped off for me to try on and squeezes her slim torso around the large sack of fan mail that she’s sorting for autograph requests and the occasional craze-o letter that has to be turned over to the police. “Sky is right about one thing. Alexis is in every magazine this week being called the hottest new star on the tube and the best thing to happen to
Family Affair
in years.”
“She is?” Jealousy begins to rear its ugly head again and I try to push the thought out of my mind. “Wow.”
“It’s got to be overwhelming getting so much attention for your first acting job,” says Nadine. “I mean, what has she done before? A few commercials in Canada? Her head must be spinning. We’ve all seen what can happen to a teen star with amazing potential when their flame burns too bright too quickly. They crash and burn,” Nadine warns. “But I’m sure Alexis will be fine. The set gossip is probably wrong.”
“What gossip?” I’m curious.
“It’s stupid, really.” Nadine looks uncomfortable. “I shouldn’t be spreading rumors.”
It goes against
True You
principles, but I don’t care. I want to know. “I won’t tell anyone,” I beg.
Nadine sighs. “I overheard people whispering in wardrobe the other day about how Alexis is trying to butter up the writing staff to get more scenes,” she says. “Apparently she’s always bringing them cookies during meetings and stopping by to praise the lines they’ve written her.”
“Really?” Huh. I never thought of doing that. I mean, I always thank the writers, but I’ve never baked them my famous caramel brownies or anything. I frown. “You think she’s really trying to get more airtime? She’s in plenty of scenes already.”
Nadine shakes her head. “I’m sure people are just jealous of all the attention she’s getting,” she says. Nadine sticks the new issue of
TV Tome
in front of me. “Like this. Take a look at this article.”
Fresh Faces
TV
Tome’s
Guide to the Blazing Stars of the New Season
“Who’s that girl?”
have been the words on everyone’s lips in the
Tome
office, where we can’t get enough of gorgeous redhead Alexis Holden, who plays secret-ridden Colby on this season’s
Family Affair
. The 17-year-old should spice up Summerville High, where fraternal twins Sam and Sara (eternally dueling costars Kaitlin Burke and Sky Mackenzie) walk the halls. Sure, the ratings are still stellar for this aging nighttime soap, but the addition of Alexis, as Paige’s (Melissa Ralton) possible long-lost illegitimate daughter, should add some juice to the stuck-in-a-rut storylines of the past few seasons (Sam and Sara go on a triple-date with their parents? Yawn). Alexis’s past seems as secret as Colby’s at this point — all the show mouthpieces will say is that she was handpicked by executive producer and creator Tom Pullman for the role and she hails from Vancouver, where she was raised by her single mom — but who cares? As long as the girl can act better than that nitwit who plays Penelope, we’ll TiVo in. (
Family Affair
airs Sundays at 9 PM EST.
I’m quiet for a moment. The article reminds me of a Hollywood Secret that is particularly worrisome. HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER ONE: There are a few telltale signs that a TV show’s days are numbered. One is when a head writer leaves (that hasn’t happened yet. Tom has been writing episodes for years). Another is when a show does a ton of stunt-casting. (Um . . . we did have Gwen Stefani drop by
Family Affair
last year. Hey, she’s a genuine fan!) The third is when a bunch of new characters are brought on board . . . oh no!
“Do you think our show has gotten stale?” I ask worriedly. “Do you think that’s why they hired Alexis?” As much as I sometimes complain about my crazy life on a big TV show, I wouldn’t want it to disappear. You hear that, God? I actually love being on
FA!
“
FA
is the longest running primetime drama on TV and you have top twenty Nielsen ratings,” Nadine reassures me. “That’s not stale. I’m sure they just hired Alexis to pull off some new plot twists.”
“You’re right.” I tell myself, “I’m sure we’ve got nothing to worry about with Alexis. She’s probably just trying to fit in and maybe extend her story arc for a bit.” I grin. “I can’t say I blame her. This is a pretty fun place to work — most of the time.”
“Yeah, chauffeured rides, a fabulous assistant, a killer time slot — I would have to agree you have it pretty good.” Nadine grins.
Secrets of My Hollywood Life
FAMILY AFFAIRS
available now