Secret Pleasures (42 page)

“You were shocked, I’m sure.
”
Darien was too upset by his father’s appearance to feel like a fraud for defending him.

“They found Philip in the stables the next morning
.
Hanging from the rafters.
”
His father closed his eyes and sobbed silently.

Darien suddenly hated himself for his constant badgering of Westhaven’s loyal servants over the years
.
No one had said a word
.
There was no leak, no hint of rumor, no whiff of such a monstrous thing.

Darien stood, went to the window and opened the drapes
.
His own throat tightened
. H
e could not stop the tears in his eyes
.
The pain that tore
through
his gut
.
Why would Philip do that
?
Why had he not come to his only brother if he were that distressed?

“Darien,” his father called
.

Darien let the drapes close, preferring the dark for any more ground-quaking confessions
.
He wiped his face and returned to his father’s side.

“I’m here.
”
He sat in the chair he recently vacated
. 

“You must marry Arianna Maddox.”

“I must marry Ivy.
”
That was true more than ever, especially with Melody to consider.

“No
.
Maddox will reveal that Philip committed
felo de se
.
Self-murder is a crime against the crown
.
All Philip
’
s property would be seized, but worse still, Maddox would have grounds to litigate for damages
.
He vowed to see me penniless and Philip’s good name destroyed unless one of his daughters became Lady Westhaven.” His father grabbed for Darien’s hand
.
“He wants what we have and he’ll destroy us if he doesn’t get it.”

“That was nearly ten years ago.
”
Darien patted his father’s hand, then laid it by his side
.
“Philip is dead
.
Let Maddox do what he will.”

“But Philip’s buried in the church cemetery next to your mother
.
Self-murderers must be buried beneath crossroads with a stake driven through their heart
.
That’s part of the penalty
.
I did not believe Maddox but I’ve read the law myself since. I won’t have my son separated from us
.
You must promise you will not let that happen.”

“Mother knew the truth then.
”
Darien’s words were flat, a statement, rather than a question
.
Of course his mother knew the real cause of his brother’s death
.
The rapid decline of her health after Philip’s passing had easily been attributed to the loss of her son, but the fact that she had never recovered
…
She must have blamed herself as Darien did now
.

“I could not keep it from her
.
I tried but I needed her forgiveness
.
I could not let her think I killed her son.”

“And Lily knows too I suppose
?
That’s why she would accept your marriage to Arianna.
”
Darien shook his head
.
“Why did no one see fit to inform me?”

“We wanted to spare you
.
I know how much you loved your brother.”

“You did not spare me
.
This bloody secret has eaten away my life.
”
Darien stood and balled his fists
.
“Maddox won’t get away with his threats.”

“That’s why no one told you, Darien
.
You are too volatile
.
If you ever took a moment to think how your actions affected others, you’d see there is no other way
.
The Blackmores have been a force to reckon with not only by brute force but cunning.”

“And a fine bloody mess we all are.
”
Darien got up and strode to the window again
.
He stared out at the grass-covered lawn still damp with morning dew
.
Finally knowing what had actually happened to Philip did not bring Darien the least
bit of
satisfaction
.
He’d been acting like a petulant child, chasing windmills with his toy sword
.
The last ten years of his life had been wasted blaming the very people who had been trying to protect him and his way of life.

He turned to face his father in the shadowed gloom of his bedroom
. 

“There is a letter.
”
His father’s weak voice forced Darien by his side, though he didn’t think he wanted to hear anymore
.
“For you
.
I never opened it.”

“A letter?
”
Darien thought of the letters from Jacobson and wondered if this one said anything more.

“From your brother
.
We found it in his pocket.”

“Where is it?
”
Darien’s heart thudded against his chest
.
What could Philip say to explain his actions
?
Darien didn’t know, but the prospect of reading his brother’s words was all powerful at the moment
.

“In this drawer.
”
His father let his hand drop onto the dark walnut nightstand
.
“The key is in my desk drawer under a false panel in the bottom.
”

Darien strode to the bedroom door.

“Don’t let anyone else in.
”
His father lay on his back, his arm shielding his eyes
.
He appeared worse for the confession, the life visibly slipping from him with each raspy breath.

Heedless of anything but the letter and the bloody truth from his own brother’s mouth, Darien ran past the door.

The doctor and Maddox lounged in the adjoining study
.
The doctor remained asleep in a
arm
chair
.
Maddox, who was fully alert and freshly dressed, jumped to his feet the moment he noticed Darien
.

“Well, is he awake?”

“No.
”

Darien went directly to the drawer and lifted a tray that held ink wells and seals
.
He pulled an insert out, heedless of the quills that fell to the floor
.
The key lay alone on the bottom
.
Darien closed his eyes, already knowing everything his father said was true
. 

“What are you doing?”

Darien gripped the key tightly in his fist, partially to hide the brass from Maddox’s view and partly because he wanted to smash in Maddox’s face.

“Bugger off.
”
Darien headed toward the door, his brother’s letter taking priority.

“If he dies, you and I will need to have a long talk
.
You might not claim to give a bloody damn about anything but yourself, however I do recall you had an unusual fondness for your brother.”

“And so did you, as I recall.
”
Darien stopped and faced Maddox
.
A quick glance around the room showed that Jacobson had likely escaped
sometime while he’d been at his father’s bedside
.
“I’m good at keeping secrets, too.”

Henry’s smile faded
.
“That doesn’t change the fact I can ruin your family’s reputation for years to come.”

“But you would still do anything to be a part of it.”

“You have no idea the power you squander so carelessly
.
A man is nothing without it.”

“I do now. So if you’ll excuse me, I shall sit by my father’s deathbed and when I come out, you can plead your case and petition my assistance.”

“Petition your assistance
?
Do you have any idea to whom you are speaking?
”
Maddox blinked rapidly, came to his full height, but stepped back as if shoved.

“Not a peer of the realm.
”
Darien closed the door on Maddox’s reddened face.

“I’m not through with you, Blackmore.
”
Maddox’s words were muffled by the solid wood but loud enough for him to be heard through the closed door.

Darien strode to his father’s bedside table.

“Why do you insist on creating so many enemies?
”
A rattle crept into his father’s voice that disturbed Darien
. 
He had heard the same sound in his mother’s breathing a day or so before she died.

“Maddox made himself one
.
He’s the one who started the rumor that Ivy was your mistress.”

“But he did not make her break her engagement
.
And more importantly,
force her to
become the
D
uke of Huntingdon’s mistress.”

Darien unlocked a small top drawer
.
The letter lay beside a long strand of braided golden blond hair tied with a pink ribbon
.
He lifted the hair, thinking it was too light and entirely too long to come from Philip’s burnished mop
.
Everyone else in the family had his mother’s and his own raven hair.

“Diana de Rach
e
lle’s.
”
His father watched Darien’s every move from a heavy, hooded gaze
.
“You are not the only one who has had to give up someone
he
loved.”

“Then why did you abandon her?” Darien’s accusation slipped out from pure guilt rather than real curiosity
.
His father might have allowed a rumor that he had slept with Darien’s fiancée, but Darien had actually done the deed, and impregnated his father’s mistress in the process
.
He thought he would have relished the irony, but like everything revealed lately, it made him look like an ass
.

“I thought I was doing what was best for everyone
.
Your mother’s health continued to worsen
.
She needed me with her more often than not
.
I assumed Diana would find another protector
.
The doctor had already warned me about the precariousness of my own health.”

“Well, you’re still here, aren’t you?
”
Darien replaced Diana’s hair, despising himself a little for not noticing the color before
.
He picked up the letter with his name on the front
.
Philip’s neat script stole his breath, as if he were a ghost blowing into the room.

“I’m too bloody stubborn to die.”

“Let’s hope so.
”
One glance to his father told Darien otherwise
.

Darien turned over the letter and carefully broke the seal
.
The note looked like any other letter, neatly scripted in Philip’s confident hand
.
No large emotional scrawl or smeared ink from a shed tear
.
Philip would have handled this situation without creasing a seam or wielding the musket Darien left propped in the corner.

12 March 1782

Dear
est
Darien,

It pains me to have to bid you
a final
farewell in the cold
formality
of a letter
.
I know that you insist that you are unfit for polite society, which is exactly why you will make such a smashing earl.

The script became blurry and Darien squeezed his eyes shut, grateful not to read anymore
.
Though his first instinct was to ball the offensive missive in his fist, he folded the letter carefully with shaking hands and turned back to his father.

His father stared at him anxiously
.
“What did it say?”

Darien took a deep breath
,
struggling to compose himself enough to speak
.
“Good bye,” he said in a hoarse whisper
.
“There is more but I can’t
…
”