Secret Pleasures (23 page)

“I love you, Darien
.
I loved you then
.
And I love you now.
”
Ivy shouldn’t have said it
.
Tried to stop herself but couldn’t
.
It was obvious that he would never forget the past, never truly be able to forgive her
, despite their feelings for each other
.
Sometimes love wasn’t enough, she knew.

He stared down at her, absorbing her words
.
Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed her in earnest
.
She returned the firm press of his mouth
.
The wild brush of his tongue
.
His body stirred against her thigh
.
He shifted his weight and dragged kisses down her neck
.
Ivy arched beneath him
and helped him remove her sheer nightgown.
He found her nipple and sucked, slipping a single finger inside her
.
She bucked against him, riding his soft rhythmic thrusts.

He eased another finger past her tender lips
.
Her body tightened a
round
him
,
and she gasped at the flood of pleasure
.
She gripped his fingers with her inner muscles, aching to be filled, to be swept away until she forgot the past and the future
.
Be consumed by Darien and only exist in the present moment.

He rose above her, possessed her mouth at the same time he plunged into her
slick entrance
.
Even though she was primed for him,
Ivy gasped at his rough entry
.
Her body responded with a flood of wet heat
.
He paused above her to gaze into her eyes, his hard cock filling her
.
He pulled out and thrust again, hard and deep
.
His gaze never wavered from hers.

The sudden intensity of his
lovemaking
forc
ed
Ivy to hold onto his shoulders
.
She wrapped her legs around his hips
, desperate to take all of him
.
Darien pounded into her
, almost mirroring her need to hold on to whatever they had of each other. Too soon, Ivy felt all her control slipping away, her world
focused
on the thick desire spreading from their fierce connection.
Her
sex
spasmed
around him
,
and she came with an anguished cry into his neck
.
When she opened her eyes, he
stilled,
poised above her
.
His face strained from his need for release
,
but
remained
strangely serious.

“I am afraid to let myself
fully
love you again, Ivy
.
But I want you
, there’s no denying it
.
I can’t stop wanting you.”

He moved inside her
.
Slowing his pace then quickening it
.
Drawing each stroke out to the last inch, then thrusting forward until he pressed home as far as he could
.
Ivy braced her feet on the bed and met his raw need with her own
.
She snaked her hand under his thigh to find his balls tight and ready to explode
.

He
reacted to her touch with a quick intake of breath and a long moan
.
He stiffened, then came in racking shudders
.

After his breathing normalized, he kissed her cheek in an almost chaste goodbye
.
He abruptly rolled onto his back, not touching her at all.

Ivy
tuned to
her side and watched him
.

“Was that so bad?” she teased
.
He glanced at her but didn’t smile
.
She traced his lips with a shaking finger
.
“What’s wrong, Darien?”

He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers
.
“I feel like we should be in mourning or something.”

“I had no idea you were so close to Diana.
”
Though Ivy had schooled herself in the last several hours to not ask any more leading questions tonight, she just couldn’t help herself
.
Not even the physical sedation of her body could stop the turbulent spinning in her mind
.
“I don’t know why she never mentioned your acquaintance
.
Especially to me
.
She knew how I felt about you.”

“She wanted me to find you
.
Make love to you until you could do nothing but be my virtual slave
.
How am I getting along so far?”

Ivy laughed because that sounded so much like Diana
.
“She had a unique sense of romance.”

“She thought it was a crime that my love for you was unconsummated
.
I’ll miss her.”

“Me too
.
When did you see her last?
”
Ivy asked as casually as possible
.

“I don’t know. A year ago or so
.
After my mother died
.
Perhaps a few months after that
.
I think Diana secretly hoped the earl would come back to her.”

“You two were good friends.”

“As good as you and Marcus.”

“I thought you said you weren’t lovers.”

“I fucked her
.
Take what you want from that.”

Darien rolled over and showed her his back.

“Why
?
To get back at your father?” she said angrily.

“Because she was there and she wasn’t you.”

The edge in his voice chilled Ivy
.
Perhaps she didn’t know Darien at all
.
She certainly hadn’t known he had a relationship with Diana
.
And he hadn’t returned her declaration of love, though she tried to tell herself she hadn’t expected
it
.
Darien’s unrequited love was always a hallmark of their relationship, or so she thought.

“Why are you so angry with me
?
You knew my situation
.
You of all people should have guessed the pressure on me to find a way to pay my father’s debts
.
I could not abandon my family.”

“You betrayed me, Ivy
.
You abandoned me when I needed you most
.
Yes, I know you did it for your family, but I thought we were more important than even that.”

“So you’ll never forgive me
.
I can never make it up to you.”

“No, I am afraid I will forgive you
.
I never thought I would but
…
I don’t know what will happen to me if I can’t hate you at least a little
.
I never want to love anything like I loved you
.
It might destroy me.”

Ivy rolled on to her side with her back to Darien
.
Melody slept soundly in her crib
.
The dark night had turned a hazy blue
.
She should try to get at least an hour’s sleep before Melody awakened, though after Darien’s words, she knew that would be nearly impossible
.
As if sensing the damage he’d done, he wrapped an arm around her waist and scooped her against him. She leaned into him, unwilling to give up a stolen moment with Darien
.
He need not worry
.
Ivy could provide plenty of reasons for him to hate her if he really needed one
.
She would take his daughter, settle in America and never look back again
.
She had no choice.

The absolute inappropriateness of the match has done nothing to dissuade
me of
my conviction
.

Darien found his nephew sweeping the floor of the estate’s forgotten chapel
.
Robert Fitzgerald’s shirt sleeves were rolled to his elbows, his fine haircut standing up in places
.
A large sweat stain butterflied against his newly purchased white shirt.

“If you stop by Hank and Evelyn’s, you could find half a dozen boys you can put to work.
”
Darien walked between the pews
.
A quick glance around the littered church found all manner of birds’ nests in the rafters, some still occupied
.
He hadn’t been to the private family chapel since Philip’s funeral
.
Darien probably wouldn’t be here now if Ivy’s chill this morning hadn’t chased him from his own home.

Robert swung around to face Darien
.
His narrowed gaze showed him not to be pleased to see his uncle anymore than Ivy had over breakfast
.
Perhaps he deserved silence from Ivy
.
Without so much as a grunt of acknowledgement, Robert attacked the floor with his virtually strawless broom
.
What in the hell had he done to anger Robert this time?

“Evelyn could add a few bristles to that for you
.
Looks like you’ve broken most of them.
”
Darien returned his attention to the church’s interior
. 

The cloudless afternoon spilled through the stained glass windows
.
Some of the panes had been darkened with dirt, some replaced with pieces of wood
.

“Unless you want to help
—
bugger off, Darien.”

“That’s no language for a bishop.
”
Darien spotted a cloth and some beeswax resting on one of the pews
.
He began to polish the wooden altar
.
“Suppose you are sprucing up for the ceremony on Saturday?”

“Westhaven will be full tonight with arriving guests
.
There’s a small rectory in the back that Reverend Brice lived in until he passed away
.
It’s a bit infested but a far cry better than the chapel.
”
Robert returned to his sweeping with much less enthusiasm
.
“Besides, I’m sure I mentioned the ceremony will take place in Cr
e
diton
.
The architecture is quite spectacular.
”

Darien paused to shake out his already abused arm
.
Cleaning the dust, rats and cobwebs from the abandoned church would take a good week, though the chapel was small by any standards
.
Narrow with low ceilings, the church's dank caved-in feel had always appealed to Darien
.
The pews opened onto a small stone tower where on a summer day, light shone down as if God spoke to the occupants Himself.

Darien thought the simplicity of the church perfect for a true holy communion with the divine and his future wife
.
He had wanted to marry Ivy here
.
She had readily agreed, sharing his sense of wonder about the understated structure
.
Darien was sure Henry Maddox
had
requested the famous cathedral for the wedding
.

“Did you receive the bloody invitation to tonight’s soiree accompanied by the week's worth of activities
?
Christ
.
I can’t believe the old man agreed to any of that prattle
,
”
Darien said.

“I must ask you not to take the lord’s name in his own house, Darien.
”
Robert kept sweeping and Darien polished in silence
.

After a few more minutes of strained efforts on both their parts, Darien ducked beneath the altar to see if he could decipher the relic’s original color
.
The fine sweat that had begun to dampen his shirt should have some benefits by now or the task was hopeless
.
He
had other things to do than polish the filthy wood
.
He
had
a
ewe that was ready to birth
late in the season
—
th
e ram he had purchased on his
last
visit to Diana was finally earning
its
price with
her
first offspring.