Secret of the Legion (25 page)

She surfaced in the foam and swam to me and I hauled her in like a fish. She slithered into my arms and we lay there in the icy shallows by the rocks, breathing hard.

"I've had worse days," she said.

"It's a bloody paradise," I replied. What a gem she is, I thought. I could see the waterfall, reflected in her emerald eyes. Gamma Two, I thought—Beta Eleven, Valkyrie. My first Legion lover. We had loved each other, just like this, without question, on Planet Hell. Then it had ended, with Priestess. I had never even imagined getting back together again with Valkyrie—not in my wildest fantasies. I thought she hated me. It was strange, the way things worked. All this time, I thought, and here we are again, back in each other's arms.

We kissed, and I could taste that bitter, acid water, and she almost sucked my tongue out of my mouth. Then we lay back in the shallows laughing, exhausted, looking up at the sky, listening to the thunder of the waterfall.

Tara had given us all a week's leave. It was generous—there was a lot to do on Dindabai, and not much manpower to do it with. But I guess we deserved it. Redhawk was off somewhere with Whit; Dragon was scouting around for a new girlfriend; Gildron was with Tara, working, of course; and I was with Valkyrie.

The news from Andrion 2 was not good. ConFree had seized total control of the planet, and established garrisons in Taka Country. Tara's Andrion 2 assets were all gone. We had no further information on developments. All we knew was what ConFree announced. I had no idea what had happened to Moontouch, or Stormdawn, or Deadeye. It was like a knife in the heart, whenever I thought of them. It was almost beyond endurance. It was easy, too easy, to fall into a black depression, brooding about Andrion.

It hurt to be with Valkyrie, loving her. We were so happy it hurt. Dindabai was perfect—a paradise for lost souls. A place to forget the past. A waterfall to wash away your heart. A pool of bitter, cold water to salve your wounds.

The scar tissue I had would never heal.

We had a picnic there, sitting almost naked in the sunlight on the rocks by the pool, touched lightly by the mist from the waterfall. The jungle was alive with a high-pitched twittering from millions of little reptilian tree-creatures. My shorts were soaked and stuck to my skin. I wasn't shy and we certainly had no secrets from each other.

"I'm starved!" Valkyrie said, tearing into our snacks. "This is great!"

"Try the lemon bread—melts in your mouth!"

"What a place," she sighed, looking up to the sky.

"It's certainly something."

"It's all so stupid, Thinker," she said, putting down her food. "Look at this place! All of Dindabai is like this. If this isn't paradise, I don't know what is."

"So what's stupid?"

"Us! We're stupid! Why do we go on? Why? I'm sick of it! Why don't we just get off? Why don't we stop participating?"

"That's pretty funny, coming from someone who's got a Legion cross carved into her forehead."

Valkyrie fell silent, and we listened to the waterfall thundering down and the jungle screeching in a mad chorus. The meal was forgotten. Finally she spoke.

"I thought I'd be dead by now, for sure. I thought I was going to my death on Andrion Three—I was certain of it. I almost wanted to die by then, Millina had messed me up so badly. The O's killed five of us in Gamma, but I survived. Then it was Mongera. They killed Boudicca, my darling One, they killed Sassin and Coolhand and Warhound and Ironman, but I survived, again. Cursed by the Gods. When we hit Uldo I was suicidal. I wanted to die, I wanted to go out like a meteor. I was salivating for death. We lost Snow Leopard and Merlin and Psycho and Priestess and Scrapper and Twister. But I survived, again. They're all gone, Thinker—all gone! And I'm still here. I've thought about suicide, a lot. I don't know why I never did it. And now we're here. Just the two of us, in this bloody paradise. Scut! Let's just get off! Let's blow up the aircar and hike into the forest, and shoot at anyone who comes after us." She wasn't even looking at me. She was glaring at the waterfall. Her jaw muscles were set and her green eyes were blazing.

I didn't say anything. Just get off, she said. I couldn't get off—the dreams wouldn't let me. Priestess was still coming at me, every night. And Moontouch and Stormdawn, crying out to me.

"I don't care about the Legion any more," she said. She was still staring at the waterfall. It was a horrific confession. It was like saying she didn't care about breathing, or living. The Legion was all we had. It was all we had ever had, from the very beginning. We had all been lost, and we had come to the Legion for salvation. Without the Legion, we were nothing.

"I only care about those I love, now," she said. "Boudicca and Scrapper…they loved me. And I love them." She was hugging herself, and her flesh was rippled with cold bumps. It was getting chilly.

"But they're dead," I said.

"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "I love them. And you—I love you. We have each other. The Legion can burn in hell!" Her face was wet—I couldn't tell if it was tears, or the spray from the waterfall. I could not imagine Valkyrie crying. She was one tough bitch.

"Don't say that," I said. "I told you about LC One. He's willing to die, fighting tyranny. He's ready to sacrifice himself for the Twenty-Second, for us. We can't just give up!"

"Yes we can, Beta Three. We've given enough. We've sacrificed…everyone we love, for the Legion. Isn't it enough? You've lost Priestess, and Moontouch, and your son. And all your comrades in Beta. I've lost Gamma—Boudicca and Scrapper—everyone I love! How many more dead do you want? Me, and you? Why don't we stop it? Stop it, right here! We still have each other!"

I thought about Moontouch, and Stormdawn. They were waiting for me. I knew I had to return. The Legion had me in its grip.

"I'm sorry, Valkyrie. I can't stop yet. There are things I have to do. I need the Legion, and the Legion needs me."

"You'll stop when you're dead! You're a fool, Beta Three. You're a fool, and a fanatic."

I embraced her, and she lay her head on my shoulder. Her hair was all wet. A fool, and a fanatic. She was certainly right. The Legion needed people like me.

***

"So this is how the seventh level eats," I said, testing the soup. "Not bad." Tara had invited me to lunch in the executive dining room. It was a comfy little place with subdued lighting, low music, snowy white tablecloths, heavy cutlery, and actual waitresses serving the food expertly, young Legion girls who looked like they should have been studying for final exams in middle school. I was surprised by the waitresses. They didn't have any waitresses in the cafeteria where I normally ate.

"We don't eat here every day," Tara said. "We save it for…special occasions."

"So I'm a special occasion? Well, I'm flattered." There were a few other diners, but it was not crowded.

"How's the citro soup?"

"Best I've ever tasted."

Tara was looking very good, totally at ease and stunningly beautiful, blinking Assidic eyes, flashing a white smile, chatting about nonsense, picking at her food. I was always pleased to be with a striking girl like Tara, knowing that every male who saw us would have liked to be in my place. Not that they were missing much. Our relationship had always been depressingly platonic.

I was working for Tara now, although I didn't get to see her much. My work for Galactic Information kept me very busy down in the basement, sorting raw info reports from all over the Galaxy and bringing them to the attention of the appropriate action arms. Eleven did similar work, while Eight and Ten had topside jobs where they got to see the sun.

It kept me busy and out of trouble, I suppose.

"How about some dox?" she asked me when we were finished with the meal.

"No thanks."

"I'll order us some dox. It's good."

"Yes, sir." I smiled. I wondered if there was a course they gave to people at her level, teaching them how to gracefully ignore subordinates. I knew there was never any point in resisting her. I had loved this girl almost my whole life. I had followed her into the Legion and we had found ourselves, again, by a cosmic miracle. But it had never worked out, and it would never work out, I knew.

We sipped dox quietly. I watched her without comment. She was nervous, I could tell. I knew her pretty well.

"I have to tell you something, Wester." Her eyes met mine. My heart fell as a sudden bolt of ice shot through my system.

"It's about Andrion," I said fearfully.

"No. No, it's not about Andrion. Andrion is fine. I mean, nothing has changed. If anything has changed, you'll know." A great relief flooded over me. Not about Andrion.

"All right," I said. "So what is it?"

She wet her lips, and began again. "We've known each other a long time, Wester."

"That's true."

"I can't think of too many people who know me better than you do."

"Is that so?"

"You know it is. You know what got me started. You know what I was like before I joined the Legion."

"You certainly weren't shy about expressing your opinion."

"I've always respected you, Wester. I've always sought out your views."

"You're joking. I'm a raving maniac, you know that. Sought out my views? What are you talking about, Tara? You yourself said we could never agree on anything."

"Yes, yes, that's true, but it doesn't mean I didn't take your arguments seriously. I always listened to you, Wester. I recognized that my own opinions were often too…strong. I thought of you as a source of common sense."

"You were pretty far out there all right. I hope relying on a gibbering idiot for advice on common sense didn't lead to any major problems."

"You've always been too hard on yourself, Wester," she said, faintly smiling. "My point is, I respect your opinions. You see…I'm not like a normal person. I don't have any friends. I'm a psycher. We're totally alone. I don't have any family. You're the closest to family that I have."

"Well…thank you, Tara. I guess I didn't quite realize that." I wondered where the conversation was leading, but I knew it wouldn't do any good to press her.

"I'm at a turning point in my life, Wester. And I need your blessing."

"My blessing? What do you mean, Tara? You want my advice on something?"

"No…not your advice. I've already decided what I'm going to do. What I need is your understanding. Maybe even your support."

"I've stood by you a few times, Tara."

"Yes…that's certainly true. You've always been there for me when I needed you. Katag. Uldo. The Ship. I need your support now, more than ever."

"Well, here I am," I said. She blinked, looked around, picked up her dox, put it down again. Nervous as a midschool girl on her first date. This certainly wasn't the icily efficient Tara I knew so well.

"You might as well tell me, Tara," I said. "Whatever it is."

Her slim fingers were trembling. She pressed them against the tablecloth. She gave me a brief, nervous smile. She was sweating! Sweat, beading her brow.

"Tell me, Tara," I demanded.

"Gildron has asked me to be his wife and I've accepted," she said breathlessly.

I was struck dumb, stunned, sitting there gaping at her in total astonishment. I was so surprised I was literally speechless. I couldn't say a word.

"Oh my God, I shouldn't have told you," she gasped, pale and shaken at my stupefied reaction. She brought both hands in horror to her lips.

Gildron! I was slowly recovering. Tara and Gildron! Deadman's death, what the hell was next? I reached over slowly and grasped Tara's hands in my own and gently pulled them away from her lips. She looked like she was about to go into shock.

"Do you love Gildron?" I asked her.

"Yes." It was a whisper. She was looking down at the tablecloth, mortified.

"Does he love you?"

"Yes!"

"Do you want to stay with him forever? So long as you both shall live?"

"Yes!"

"Then let me be the first to congratulate you, Tara. You have my blessing. You have my support. You have my love. I've always wanted you to be happy, Tara. You've never been happy as long as I've known you. If this will make you happy, I support it. And I wish you a thousand years of love. Can I be best man?"

She raised her head in surprise. "Are you serious? Would you do that?"

"If you'll have me."

She gave me a tortured smile and squeezed my hands, blinking wet eyes and hiding her face again. "I'm so happy, Wester. You've made me so happy! I was so scared you'd be angry."

"What kind of a creep do you think I am? Did you really think I'd walk away from you? I'm here for you, Tara—always!"

"You'll be best man, Wester, Whit will be bridesmaid. I'm so happy!" She pulled her hands away and began dabbing at her eyes with a napkin. "I haven't told anyone yet. You're the first."

"I love you, Tara. You know that."

"I know, Wester. I love you too."

"It's a shame it couldn't be."

"I know—I know. It's the Legion. They made me a psycher. They cursed me, drove me out of the world of mortals, into a lonely, cursed wasteland. I couldn't stand to be near anyone, even someone I loved, like you. It's the thoughts, Wester, all those thoughts, buzzing around me like angry, intruding bees. I can't shut them out, ever. And that's what stunned me about Gildron, when I first met him. All I could feel was love—only love, for me. It was so peaceful. For a long time I thought he was retarded. Boy, was I wrong about that! Now, he's told me everything. He's so strong, Wester. He's taken all the pressure of the Star off me, right onto himself."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Was it that bad, when you were my girlfriend, when we were kids? It didn't bother you then, being near me, did it?"

"No, not at all. Well…maybe just a little. I was uneasy being around anyone, Wester. I would get headaches, remember? I didn't know why, then. I was closer to you than anyone, Wester. It was only later that I learned what I was. And it was only after the Legion developed my powers that I realized I was never going to be able to relax, that I was going to be bombarded with random thoughts for the rest of my life, from whoever was closest. That's why psychers are so miserable. That's why we don't have lovers, or friends. And if you do have a lover, you will slowly lose your powers. That's not just a story—it's been proven."