Because the shades didn't quite fit the windows, the morning light slipped in all around me and teased my eyelids until they reluctantly opened and I saw a rag doll sitting up on the chair brought close to the bed. It looked brand new. I reached out for it, and a note fell off, I sat up, then picked up the note.
To Jordan
, it read.
Every little girl needs a doll to hold and talk to, especially at night
when it's dark and she's all alone.
This belonged to Emma but she never held it once. Now it yours.
Great-Aunt Frances.
The moment the sunlight woke me. I thought there were two small drums being pounded behind my eyes. I closed them quickly and waited, but it didn't help. The thumping was so loud that I imagined Great-aunt Frances could hear it through the walls, When I sat up, a deep, bass moan came out of my mouth like a hiccup. Then I really did start to hiccup. I hurried to the bathroom to wash my face in cold water and drink some. My hiccups were so loud I was sure I would wake Great-aunt Frances if she wasn't already up. I listened for her and heard nothing, not a sound. I didn't even hear a breeze outside the windows or any creaks in the floors, walls and pipes. as I expected I would in such an old house. I did hear the rooster, but he sounded far away.
Back in Grandmother Emma's mansion, where we'd been forbidden to make unnecessary noise, there had been the sounds of work being done most of the time, either by Nancy somewhere in the house or the grounds people, but from what I had learned about Mae Betty's night job. I didn't expect to see her or hear her over here early. I wondered if I would see her here at all. since Felix had left and wasn't around to threaten her. I thought if he returned today, he would be very upset. She really hadn't done as much as she should have with the upstairs. There were still cobwebs and gobs of dust in the hallway, and except for the repair of the window shades in my room. Nothing looked any better or any different. Lester had fixed the leaks in the bathroom. however.
I returned to my bedroom and got dressed to have breakfast.
I
wanted to just lie there and begin reading Ian's letters, but my gurgling stomach was telling me I needed good food. I made my bed as quickly as I could, satisfied that I had done a far better job than Great-aunt Frances had. I told myself that maybe I should make it my job to make hers as well every day. I could keep a list of chores the way our minder, Miss Harper, had wanted me to keep. Greataunt Frances would surely appreciate that, and when Grandmother Emma found out, she would be very proud of me.
I hesitated in the hallway, listening for Greataunt Frances. Why wasn't she up and about? I still didn't hear anything. so I went to look in on her. Her bedroom door was open. She was wrapped up in her blanket so tightly that it looked like
a
giant spider had spun it around her. She slept across the bed as if the bed
had
turned under her during the night. Her
Gone With the Wind
costume was in a pile on the floor, and her shoes lay where she had kicked them off. I saw that her hair was down and over her cheeks, the strands so close to her mouth that she could have been chewing on them.
Miss Puss was in the bed with her. The cat opened her eyes to look at me but didn't move. She closed her eyes again, as if she wasn't permitted to wake up before Great-aunt Frances. I shifted my feet and cleared my throat, but she didn't stir. so I
left her and went down to the kitchen. I thought I would surprise her by making breakfast for both of us.
I explored every cabinet and drawer to learn where everything was, and then I started to make scrambled eggs. There was nearly a dozen in the refrigerator, and they did look recently gathered. There were still smudges of dirt on the shells, but I didn't find any orange or grapefruit juice. There was no fresh fruit. As long as I could remember. I'd had juice or fresh fruit with my breakfast. I had forgotten my vitamins. If Ian had been here, he would have lectured Great-aunt Frances about the basic foods.
The bread I found in the bread box was covered with mold. I wondered why Mae Betty hadn't thrown it out. There was part of another loaf in the
refrigerator, however, and I found the toaster in a cabinet. It was full of old crumbs. I shook them out over the sink, then thought about making Great-aunt Frances coffee. too. Nancy had shown me how. I found the coffeemaker, but I couldn't find any coffee. I found some tea and a can of hot chocolate. I didn't know which to make but decided to do the hot chocolate.
Suddenly. I heard the sound of an engine. I peered out the window and saw Lester Marshall on the tractor. The wheel had been repaired and he was cutting the grass and weeds at the side of the house, working his way toward the barn with his dog. Bones, trailing lazily behind. Neither Alanis nor her mother was anywhere in sight, and the shades on the windows of their
house were drawn down.
After I finished making the scrambled eggs and toast. I found some jam and a silver tray. Surely. I thought. Great-aunt Frances would have to be awake by now. I started up the stairs, carrying it all carefully. I had once made breakfast with Nancy and brought it to my mother and father. However, when
Grandmother Emma had found out, she'd warned Nancy to be sure every crumb had been cleaned up in my parents' bedroom. She hadn't been happy about food in either my or Ian's room either, but she'd had no problem with being served in her room whenever she'd been under the weather.
When I returned to Great-aunt Frances's bedroom.
I
was surprised to see that she still hadn't moved. Miss Puss raised her head, however, and this time stood and stretched. I waited in her room with the tray, not sure what I should do. Finally, my greataunt's eyelids fluttered and she saw me. From the puzzled look on her face. I thought she had forgotten who I was. Then she sat up, ground the sleep out of her eyes and clapped her hands together.
Miss Puss leaped off the bed and walked cautiously in my direction.
"You made breakfast?"
I nodded and brought the tray to her, stepping around the discarded costume and away from Miss Puss, who was looking up at me with some expectation.
"Oh," she said, looking at the cup. "How did you know I drink hot chocolate in the morning?"
"I couldn't find any coffee. so I took a guess," I said.
"Good guessing, only I always have it with a doughnut. Weren't there any doughnuts?"
"Yes, but I didn't think that was a proper breakfast," I said.
She looked at the eggs and the toast and then at me, and smiled.
"That is exactly what Emma would tell me," she said. "But don't worry," she added quickly, as if she thought comparing me to my grandmother would upset me. "This will do today. Did you have breakfast?"
"Not yet."
"Well, wasn't that nice of you to think of me first. I must think of something nice to do for you today," she said and tasted the eggs. "Very good. Very, very, very good," she declared, holding out the spoon like a sword. "You are hereby given the title of chief cook and bottle washer." She laughed. "My father once gave me that title. You know what he called Emma, what title he gave her?"
I shook my head.
"He called her Mrs. President and told her she would be president of something someday because she knows how to assign work but not do any. Whenever I called her Mrs. President after that, she wanted to slap me. Sometimes she did."
She laughed and continued to eat. Then she broke off a piece of toast and threw it to Miss Puss, who smelled it, looked at me, then took it and crawled under the bed.
"Go make yourself breakfast, dear,I'll be down in a while and we'll think of things to do."
"Okay," I said and started out. I stopped when I remembered what Alanis had said. 'Oh. I might go to the mall today with Alanis and get things I need for school. She said her father would take us."
"What a smart idea. It's good to have someone older like Alanis to look after you. She'll know what you have to have for school."
"Only, I don't have any money."
"Money." she said. nodding. "Yes. I think I might have some money. I'll look for it."
She thought she might have some money? She would have to look for it?
"Don't you ever go shopping?"
"No. Lester and Mae Betty get everything I need."
"Don't you have any friends to go places with or who visit you?"
"Not for a long time." she said. She looked like she might start to cry, so I didn't ask her why. I continued out and heard her shout after me, "But now I have you. Remember, the shooting star?"
How could I be that sort of friend? I was just a little girl.
I returned to the kitchen. After I had made my own scrambled eggs and toast and sat at the table.
I
heard the front door open and close. I wondered if Great-aunt Frances ever thought to lock it. Footsteps drew closer, and then Alanis appeared in the doorway. She had on her hat, a light green oversize blouse and her tight jeans. Her running shoes had words scribbled in black over them.
I
read a few quickly and realized they were all boys' names.
"You need clothes." she said. grimacing. "You dress like you just landed this year."
I was wearing the button-down blue blouse and long skirt Grandmother Emma had bought for me before she had suffered her stroke.
"And those shoes... ugh. You didn't borrow them from your grandmother, did you?"
"No," I said. "She has a smaller foot."
"Otherwise you would? Is that it? Forget it. Did you get any money from your great-aunt?"
"Not yet. I told her about your father taking us to the mall so
I
can buy some school supplies and she said she thought she might have some money somewhere."
"Yeah, right. She might have some somewhere. She's got plenty stashed in a can or something," she said. "You can bet on that."
"Whose names are on your shoes?"
She laughed. "Those are the boys I shot down one way or another."
"Why are their names on your shoes?"
"It's like, you know, like gunslingers used to notch the handles of their guns?"
I nodded. but I really didn't understand. She walked around the kitchen, looking in cabinets, finding a cookie and sitting at the table.
"Who made that? Your great-aunt?"
"No. I did. and I brought her breakfast in bed.*
"So you're a little cook, too?" she said, plucking some of my scrambled egg off the plate with her fingers and tasting it.
"Just a little," I said.
"I hate cooking. Lots of times. I have to fix dinner for my grandfather even though my mother isn't at work because she's too occupied with other things."
"Other things?"
"Yeah, other things, like one of her customers from the Canary. "
"Doing what?"
"What do you think?"
"I don't know."
"Right. I forgot you just look like you should know. Okay," she said, getting up. 'Go find out about the money. My grandfather will take us soon. I've got my friends joining us. They want to meet you."
"Me?"
"No, the other person sitting here. Of course you. I told them all about you. We've got a lot to do. Now get after her," she said. She paused in the doorway. "We have one more day and night to party before we have to return to school, not that it will make a difference anyway," she said and laughed. "C'mon, c'mon," she urged, gesturing at me. "Get yourself moving. We're wasting time."
I stood up and then she left. Great-aunt Frances hadn't come down yet, so I put my dishes in the sink and went up to get hers and see about the money. I found her foraging about, looking through drawers. When she saw me, she held up a fistful of dollars. Miss Puss was back on the bed, lying suspiciously close to the tray. The plate looked licked clean.
"I hope this is enough," she said, handing it to me. "How much is it?"
I counted twenty singles, a ten and a five.
"It's thirty-five dollars."
"Thirty-five? I know I have more around here somewhere. I've never treated money with the proper respect. Emma always said that. She would be infuriated whenever I found a fifty- dollar bill in a jacket pocket. My father was always giving me money. but I never knew what to do with it. I'd usually give it to Emma whenever we went anywhere together,"
She squatted in front of the dresser and sifted some clothing around in a bottom drawer.
"I remember I had a credit card, too. but I think Lester told me it expired."
"I think this will be enough." I said.
She stood up. She was still in her nightgown. It was faded and yellow, like the pages of an old book. I saw how dry her skin was around her elbows. She realized I was looking more closely at her.
"I didn't used to look this way," she said, touching her face. "I've just not been taking good care of myself. But I will now." she added quickly. "Now that you're here, we'll both take care of each other. okay?"
I nodded.
"Oh," she said, going to her closet. "Look at what I found in my closet."
She held up an embroidered schoolbag with a strap that went over your shoulder.
"My mother gave this to me when
I
went into the sixth grade, and now I'm giving it to you," she said.
I took it and saw the inside had a lining and the top had a zipper'
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, dear. Now, I'm going to take a bath and brush my hair and maybe even do my toenails," she said.
"I
haven't done my toenails in a long time. and I haven't put on nail polish since... since I can't remember."
I put the schoolbag over my shoulder and picked up the tray.
"Miss Puss is as good as a dishwasher." Greataunt Frances said.
Surely, she didn't think that was the proper way to clean the dishes. The way she had said it made me worry, however. I put it on the tray.
"Do you want me to buy you anything when I'm at the mall?" I asked.
"Oh, you don't have enough money for me, too. You might not have enough for yourself. I'll keep looking for more," she said. "And next time he calls. I'm going to tell Emma's lawyer to send us some. We need petty cash now that I have a young girl living with me!" she declared. She grew serious. "I'm surprised Emma didn't think of it. She really must be sick. No one could think of everything necessary better than my sister. She could have been the first female American president,"
I stood there for a moment with the tray. She'd said the last sentence with respect and admiration.
"You do like my grandmother?"
"Of course, I don't like her.
I
love her. She's my sister. However," she said, lowering her voice and looking at the doorway, as if she was afraid someone might be listening, "she doesn't love me right now. But," she added, raising her voice and smiling. "now that you're here and she sees how wonderful things will be, she'll love me again."
"She's your sister. too. She should love you even if I wasn't here."
"I suppose."
"What made her stop loving you?"
She stared a moment and then she shook her head.
"What did I say?" she asked, waving her right forefinger at me. "What did we agree about? Never talk about anything unpleasant, remember? No sadness or unhappiness can come into this house. Only over the television set. Otherwise, what do we do? We go click our eyes closed and when we open them, whatever was unpleasant is gone, remember?"
I nodded. I wondered if she was saving this because she didn't want me to be sad or if she never wanted anything sad around her. She couldn't bury her head in the sand, but she could pretend to be some imaginary person and flee from tears as easily as opening and closing a door.
"Good," she said, smiling brightly again.
"I'll
be down after I get dressed. Don't worry if you have to leave before I come down, because I'm going to take much mare time brushing my hair. I'm going to start to do all the things I used to do when I cared about myself."
"Okay," I said and left her humming and rushing about behind me. Before I went down with the tray. I left the schoolbag on my little desk, next to the bag of Ian's letters. I thought I would come up to read them after washing and putting away all the dishes and silverware, but Alanis returned before I could.
"Well, how much did you get out of her?" she asked immediately. I held up the money. She took it from me and counted it. "That's it?"
"That's all she could find right away," I said. "Isn't it enough?"
"It's never enough. We have to buy some school supplies so she won't wonder about it, but that won't leave much for our party needs."
She thought a moment, then smiled with crooked lips.
"After she goes asleep one night, we'll start our own search through this house. Well find it."
"No. I wouldn't do that. It would be like stealing," I said. Ian would surely agree.
"You're not stealing if you're taking it from your own family. She would have given it to you anyway eventually. I swear, you do have a lot to learn, and fast. too. This ain't Wonderland and you ain't Alice. C'mon. Let's get my granddad to take us now."
I followed her out of the house. Lester Marshall was cutting the weeds that had grown in the driveway.
"Granddad!" Alanis screamed. "Damn, he's deaf," she muttered when he didn't look our way. She took a few steps toward him, cupped her mouth and shouted again. He turned. "We gotta go now."
He nodded, took a few more swipes with his tool, then dropped it to walk toward the car.
"C'mon, and don't say anything about anything," she warned me.
What did that mean?
I
followed her to her granddad's car. She told me to get into the backseat. The seat was ripped, and some of the stuffing was leaking out. There was a tear on the back of the driver's seat, too. How old is this car?
I
wondered.
Alanis oat into the front seat and leaned over before her granddad got in.
"Put
on the seat belt. He's a nutcase for seat belts ever since my uncle Roland died in a car crash."
"Your uncle died in a car crash?"
"When he was only nine, He was in the backseat and..."
She raised her eyebrows when her granddad opened the door to get in.
"Well, how do. Miss Jordan," he said, smiling at me. "How was your first night at the farm?" "Okay,"
I
said.
"I
don't know why you still call it a farm. Granddad," Alanis said. "There's only a few scrabbly hens and that old rooster, and half the time we don't get any eggs."
"A farm's always a farm," he said, closing the door. The car's engine groaned with reluctance. He pumped his pedal and turned the key again.
"Time for the junk heap," Alanis said.
"People's always so eager to give up on things and each other, too," he said as soon as the engine started. He turned back to me. "Good, you wearing your belt. Well, then, let's get started. It's not the limousine that brought you, but it will get us where we got to go," he said, shifted and started down the driveway. "And how's Miss Wilkens doing today?"
"She's fine," I said. "I made her breakfast and brought it to her room."
"Did you now? Hear that. Alanis?"
"I'm not deaf. Granddad."
"I bet she just loves having you, having company," he told me.
"She makes up her own company," Alanis said. "She doesn't need her for that.'
"Watch what you say," her granddad warned. He smiled back at me. "I'm sure you were brought up right and proper. Miss Jordan. You know it's not nice to say bad things about your elders, now, don't you?"
"Yes, sir."
"I'm sure," he said. "Maybe some of that will rub off on my granddaughter here."
Alanis waned and wrapped her arms around herself. She turned away and stared out the window, and she was silent almost all the way to the mall, only complaining about how slowly her grandfather drove,
"People behind us would like to strangle you she told him.
"They all in a rush to get nowhere," he replied and didn't speed up.
The moment we pulled up to the entrance. Alanis leaped out of the car, slamming the door behind her and crying, "Finally. I nearly had another birthday."
"Don't be sassy, Alanis. You be careful, and don't you fret Miss Jordan into any trouble," Lester Marshall called to her. He nodded at me. "Alanis knows how to reach me when it's time for you to come home."
"Thank you," I said and got out.
"C'mon," Alanis said, grabbing my left wrist and tugging me hard. "Hurry before he decides to park and stay here, too. He can haunt you worse than any ghost,"
I looked back at her grandfather. He was still parked, watching us, a look of worry on his face. Before we entered the mall, he pulled away.
Alanis led me into the mall to the food court, where two of her girlfriends were waiting. They waved as soon as they saw us.