Authors: A.C. Gaughen
I
’m to die today.
I woke up back in the room at Tuck’s, and this time I were in the bed, the cloak off and the blankets round me. I felt like a rock. I moved, and my whole body were sore. My eyes were like wood dust and my side were hot and swollen. I were bruised and bloody, inside and out.
I stayed for a long time on the bed, not moving, just blinking. That’s all I could think, over and over.
I’m to die today.
Because I knew that as soon as I started moving, I had to turn myself in to Gisbourne. I couldn’t let anyone else get hurt. The lads wouldn’t like it. I’d have to sneak off . I wouldn’t have the chance to say good-bye neither. And then, when Gisbourne got ahold of me, he’d kill me. God knows I’d done enough to deserve it, and since my father signed the marriage contract all those years ago, he had the right. 212-47765_ch01_1P.indd 222
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“I can tell you’re awake, you know. ”
I turned over to my other side, biting my lip as I rolled onto my bruises and back. I sat up and dizziness rocked me over. It were Rob, sitting with his back against the door. He were rumpled and soft looking but for his eyes. They were hard, staring at the fl oor.
“How long were I asleep?”
“You mean passed out? You fainted, Scar. ”
The memory of the body ran over me like ice. “Right. ”
“You’ve been out through the night. You never moved. ”
“Why are you in here?”
“Because I know you. And I knew that as soon as you woke up, you were going to run off and turn yourself in to Gisbourne. ” He smiled a little bit. “Or run away. Either way, I’m not letting you go. ”
My mug went hot, but it sounded more like a threat. “Coulda sworn you hated me yesternight. ”
“That has little to do with whether I’m turning you over to Gisbourne or not. ”
“It ain’t lawful, you know. Keeping me from him. ”
“Last time I called accounts, I was an outlaw, so it’s moot. Why do you speak like that?”
I looked down, picking at the threads of the blanket. “When I were young, I used to do it to set my mother hopping. I fi gured they could tell me what to do but they couldn’t force me to speak right. I’d mimic everyone I could to make her angry. But then we ran off and Joanna, being oldest, did most of the talking, and 212-47765_ch01_1P.indd 223
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we got in hot water awful fast. So I started aping the commoners, and the rougher the better. It were so easy. And the more I spoke that way, the more I thought like that, and the more I thought like it, the farther I felt from Leaford and my parents. The rougher I spoke the freer I were. Was. ”
He shook his head. “I should have known. When you were so angry about me treating noblewomen diff erently, and you spoke like that . . . I think I knew. ”
I scoff ed. “You didn’t know, Rob. ”
He sighed. “No, I didn’t, but I should have. I saw you steal the ribbon from Gisbourne’s things, I knew when you spoke, I had all these inklings that I didn’t want to put together. ” He swallowed. “I met you once. You probably don’t remember. You were just a little girl. I passed through your land when I left for the Crusades. ” He touched his chest. “You and your sister made me a garland of some little fl owers for luck. ”
“I weren’t so little, ” I told him. Even knowing how angry he were with me, the notion that he did notice me all those years past sent my cheeks blushing. “Or I didn’t think I were. It were a fair bit more than a year before the business with Gisbourne, though, so I reckon I were little. ”
“I should have known, Scar, when I saw your eyes. I didn’t want to know. ”
“I didn’t want you to know, either. ”
“Why did you and your sister run away from home?” he asked.
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to me. And I to her. My parents had signed my contract to Gisbourne, and it were expected that an off er for her from a Scottish lord would arrive any day. They had so much land and no money to keep it, but they couldn’t sell it because it were our dowries. Gisbourne and this other lord came courting with coin, and my parents jumped at the chance. ” I shook my head. “We would be so far apart, and, ” I whispered, screwing my eyes tight against the notion, “I were so scared of him. My parents introduced us and he were allowed to take me walking in the garden. Going with him, my body felt like ice all over. Couldn’t explain it, but he gave me such an awful feeling. I sent my maids to talk to his servants, and the stories I heard from them put chills in my blood. When I told my parents I wouldn’t marry him, they said I were a headstrong girl and didn’t know best. So we ran. ” My teeth bit hard into my lip, twisting it ’bout till it felt like a worm in my mouth. “She would have stayed. She would have married her Scottish lord. It were me. ”
“Who made her leave?”
My eyes hooked into the fl oor and didn’t let go none.
“She made her own decision, Scar. She was older than you. ”
“Didn’t matter. If I hadn’t been a coward, she would have stayed. And if she stayed, she wouldn’t be dead. ”
The words fell soft between us, and they settled and grew till all I could think of were the quiet. Then Rob sighed. “Why couldn’t you trust me with this? Why couldn’t you tell me?” he asked.
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I looked up and his eyes were on me, bleak and open and reaching toward me. “Because you’re honorable, Rob, and by your honor, you should give me back to him. ”
He shook his head. “You aren’t a horse. Gisbourne doesn’t own you, and I won’t return you to him against your will. And as for my honor, it’s of two minds about the situation. ”
I squirmed. “Is either of them good for me?”
He smiled, but it weren’t a real smile. “Gisbourne’s a monster. I told you I would protect you with my life, and I would spend my whole life keeping girls like you from men like him. ”
“But my father made the promise, ” I said. I knew he were going to say it.
“No, ” he said. His voice made me look at his eyes again.
“No. You’re
engaged
, Scar. All the rest, I should have known, but that—” I’ve seen the ocean but a few times in my life, and one of them were during this rough storm. The sky were black and pierced with angry veins of light, and the water roiled like it were boiling in a pot. It were all I could think of, looking at Rob’s eyes. “Letting me think you were unattached? That’s the worst damn lie you ever told. ”
The pain were gone, and my heart beat against my chest. My mouth went dry, like my whole body didn’t want me to ask what I were ’bout to. “Why?”
He shook his head, and lightning cracked ’cross the storm of his face. “Don’t ask me that, Scar. Marian. What ever your name is. ”
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I stood. “Why can’t I ask?”
He stood too, coming over to me. He were taller, tall enough to look down and make me feel small. His gaze most often made me feel bigger than I were. His thumb ran back ’long my jaw, slotting in front of my ear, the rest of his hand around the back of my neck. My breath fl ew away. “Because you’re engaged, and because even if you weren’t, you’re with John. ”
“I’m not, ” I said.
His hand pushed me away, and he sounded angry but his eyes just looked like I’d stabbed him. “Well, then that makes you a whore. ”
My eyes set to burning at that awful word. “You would say that!” I snapped. “Gisbourne is a monster, so I can’t belong to him, but John’s a nice sort, so he’s all right to own me, ain’t he?
He says he loves me so it don’t matter how I feel, do it? He didn’t care none and neither do you. ”
He grabbed my arms. “Scar, you kiss him, you sleep with him, you’re alone with him— what the hell do you want me to think?”
“Why are you thinking ’bout me at all?”
“I’m not. ” He looked at me, straight in the eye, and pushed me off . “I
won’t.
”
I stepped back. God in Heaven, how could he do that—
make me feel hurt and small and alone with one stupid word?
“By the Holy Rood, Robin of Locksley, I hate you, ” I spat at him. I pushed him aside, snatched my cloak, and opened the door. He grabbed my wrist, and I jerked away. 212-47765_ch01_1P.indd 227
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John were in the hall and he caught me round the waist.
“Hey, love, ” he said.
Pain shot through my back and I pushed him. “I’m not your love, John!” He looked so slack-jawed, and I felt hot tears rush to my eyes. I stopped and put my hand on his cheek. I could feel Robin standing right behind me. “I love you, John, but I don’t want to be kissed by you none. And you only want to kiss me because you saw my bits in a dress. ”
He rubbed his rough cheek into my hand like a cat. “That’s not true. And you
do
want to be kissed by me. Don’t lie. ”
My hand fell and my face ran hot. “I don’t, John!”
His eyes narrowed on me, fair worried. I shook my head but Rob scoff ed. Then John’s eyes went to Robin and John laughed, but it weren’t a happy sort of laugh. “Oh. I see what this is about. ”
Shame rushed over me again, feeling Rob’s awful stare on my back, and my face crumpled. John tensed.
“Something you and I should be discussing, Rob?” John asked.
“No, ” he said. I pushed past John with water on my cheeks and Rob said sharp, “Where are you going, Scar?”
“You know where, ” I said.
“Where?” John asked.
I kept going, but Rob kept after, saying, “If nothing else, you need to undo what you’ve done. The sheriff got twenty-seven people for not paying tax. Thirteen of the twenty-seven are children, Scar. You don’t get to just walk away from this. ”
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“I’m not!”
“And you’d have them see you die? You’d have all those children watch you be killed and know it was their fault?” he roared. “You’d put that on their shoulders, on their souls?”
I went boneless against the wall. I didn’t turn to look at him; I didn’t much dare. He were furious, but I wondered—
wished—if he were saying
he
didn’t want to watch me die. Rob had that way, sometimes, of talking ’bout something other than what he meant.
“It’s not her fault, ” Much said, coming up the stairs.
“The hell it isn’t, ” Rob said, and I winced like he’d hit me with the words, dashing my wishes on rocks. “I’m not going to let her turn herself in, but yes, right at this moment, I think it’s her fault. ”
“Rob!” Much said. “We’re all angry. Some for diff erent reasons, but this isn’t the time to blame others for it. ”
My eyes burned. “It’s right fair to blame me, Much. ”
“You didn’t do this, ” he insisted. “Besides, what can you do without us?”
“It’s easy, ” I said soft. “Gisbourne will do just about anything to get me. I can trade for the townspeople. ”
“What are you talking about?” John asked, stepping closer.
Much sighed. “Are you Marian, then?”
I nodded.
“Scar, you can’t go. He barely knew Thom. What’s he going to do to you?”
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“It
doesn’t matter. My life can purchase twenty-seven others, Much. What would you have me do?”
Much stepped up a stair, closer to me. “Fight. ”
I looked at him.
“Fight, Scar, because God knows I can’t fi ght the way I want to. ”
I never thought ’bout Much’s arm if I could help it, the scarred, black stump where his hand were cut off by the sheriff ’s men. He kept it away, in a pocket or under a cloak. He put it between us now. I put my hand on it. If I could ever heal anything, I wished it could be that.
“I’ll help, then I’m leaving, ” I told him. “For good. ” Much looked to Rob, but I pushed past him. The front door of the tavern looked awful tempting, but I went instead to the kitchen, taking some broth. Relief were washing through me in pulses with the pain, and so were a toppling, crushing, mind-cracking amount of fear.
k
Tuck let me stay in the room for the next few days. I needed to heal up a bit, and it were better done warm and fed. I think the lads agreed to it because Tuck and his wife kept a closer eye on me than they did. It felt strange to be so far from the lads. Felt strange to be far from Rob, but I didn’t want to think about that none.
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but nothing were coming. Any minute Rob were going to walk through and tell me the townspeople were set to die the next day, and I wouldn’t have a plan.
The lads came together while I were mopping the fl oor. Ethel, Tuck’s wife, thought that there were no reason I shouldn’t be put to some light work since I weren’t paying none. I stopped, straightening up. “When is it?” I asked.
“Five days, ” John said.
“Five?” I asked. “But isn’t that Ravenna’s wedding?”
“The sheriff ’s, you mean?” Rob said. “Four days. They’re hanging everyone the day after the wedding. Because the sheriff is disappointed that the locals don’t love him as they should. ”
I looked at him. He looked worn, like an old doll.
“There’s more, ” John said. His voice sounded heavier than a ship anchor. “They’ve moved the prison. All our townspeople are being held in a place where we’ve never been and don’t know how to break out of. ”
The mop fell from my hands. “How do you know?” I asked. This were all kinds of bad.
John looked to Rob, and Rob leaned forward, wary of the other bodies in the place. “Ravenna. ”
I craned forward, sure I heard him wrong. “What?”
“Ravenna. She passed us the information, and she’s going to try and get a map of the prison. ”
I double-stepped forward, pushing at Rob’s big shoulders. “You stupid blighter, you’re going to get her killed!” I hissed.
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John pulled me back. “Easy, Scar. Godfrey gave it to us. We didn’t go asking for it. ”
“Well, you shouldn’t take the map! They’ll fi gure it out. Gisbourne’s smarter than all you lot and he will know, and he’ll tell the sheriff and the sheriff will
kill her.
I may be responsible for the rest, but you’re to blame for her, Robin!” I snarled. It weren’t true, and I knew so, but I felt sick and angry and awful hateful toward him.
Rob pushed John off and shoved me. I stumbled, more out of shock than pain. It were the least gentleman-like thing he’d ever done. “They are
all
my responsibility, Marian, ” he said, spitting out my given name like a curse. “Every death and every pain that they bear gets charged on my soul— do you understand that?”
Fury and shame caught like kindling inside me. “You don’t get to do that!” I bellowed. Well, as much a bellow as I could muster, leastways. I caught his shoulders and kneed him in the bits, making him double over as John and Much each gave a moan for him. I heaved him onto the ground. “You do
not
get to be some goddamn martyr, you hear me? You are a pigheaded, stubborn, stupid boy and you are not going to put more people in danger. We will fi gure out the lay of this prison like we done the last. We will get them out and get them free without her help. And don’t you ever,
ever
call me Marian. ”
I picked up the mop and started washing again as Rob struggled to his feet, red faced. John laughed, and Much covered a smile. 212-47765_ch01_1P.indd 232
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