Saving His Little Miracle (Mills & Boon Medical) (17 page)

The thought stayed with her as night faded. Lowri got up when the sun started to rise. Going into the bathroom, she stood under the shower and let the hot water wash away all her foolish dreams. She knew what she had to do, how she had to behave, and she wouldn’t embarrass Vincenzo by letting him know how she felt. It would be her secret to be kept locked away in her heart.

It was only when she went back into the bedroom and saw him lying in the bed that she realised how hard it was going to be. How could she hope to hide her feelings if she was living in his house? She wasn’t that good an actress and he would soon suspect something was wrong. It left just one course open to her: she would have to leave the villa.

By the time he woke, Lowri was dressed and standing by the window. The storm had wreaked havoc in the garden and Alfredo was clearing up. Her heart was heavy as she watched him push his wheelbarrow across the lawn. Maybe she would visit the villa again at some point but it would be very different then. She had discovered her love for Vincenzo here and had lost it here too. She could imagine how difficult it would be to come back and recall what had happened last night.

‘
Buon giorno
. Did you sleep well?’

‘Very well, thank you.’ She fixed a smile to her mouth as she turned, determined to start as she meant to continue. Vincenzo must never suspect how hard it was to pretend that she didn’t care. ‘The storm didn’t bother me in the least.’

‘That is good to hear.’

He tossed back the sheet and she averted her eyes. She didn’t want to look at his beautiful body and remember what had happened or she might not be able to stick to her decision. When he came over to her, she steeled herself. It would need so little to weaken her resolve and she couldn’t bear it if he guessed how she felt. Not when he didn’t feel the same way.

‘Are you all right,
cara
?’ He bent and looked at her in concern. ‘You seem very subdued this morning. Nothing is wrong, I hope?’

‘Of course not. Why should anything be wrong? We achieved what we set out to do, didn’t we?’ Her smile was meaningless, mere window dressing for the rebuff, and her heart ached when she saw him immediately draw back.

‘We did indeed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I shall get dressed. I shall see you at breakfast.’

Gathering up his clothes, he left the room, the very stiffness of his posture telling her that he had taken her words to heart. Tears filled her eyes but she knew that she didn’t dare give in to them. She had to stay strong, had to do whatever was necessary. It would be intolerable if Vincenzo realised that she was in love with him. He would feel highly uncomfortable about maintaining contact with Megan and the baby, so much so that he might decide not to see them at all. The thought that her actions could have a detrimental effect on them was more than she could bear.

Her hand went to her stomach. For Megan’s sake and for the sake of the baby she might even now be carrying, she couldn’t allow that to happen.

* * *

Vincenzo showered and dressed, wondering what he should do. There was no doubt in his mind that Lowri had been very offhand with him. After their closeness the previous night, he found her withdrawal all the more difficult to understand. Had he done something to upset her? But what?

By the time he went downstairs, his head was whirling. It was hard to summon a smile when Megan came running over as he stepped out onto the terrace.

‘Buon giorno,’
she said, laughing up at him.

‘Buon giorno, tesoro
.
’
Vincenzo tried to shrug off his unease, determined not to let the little girl see that he was upset. It wasn’t Megan’s fault, after all. ‘I see that you are learning Italian. What a clever girl you are.’

He bent and dropped a kiss on the top of her head then straightened when he heard footsteps behind him. He didn’t need to look to know they belonged to Lowri; his heart had already warned him. He sighed as he turned to face her, wondering how he was going to cope. It wouldn’t be easy to hide his feelings but he would have to do so if he wanted to maintain contact with Megan. Lowri certainly wouldn’t appreciate him visiting them and laying bare his soul!

‘Good morning again. It’s a beautiful morning too after that storm.’ His tone was polite to a fault and he saw her eyes darken before she turned away.

‘It is. The storm seems to have cleared the air, doesn’t it?’ She placed the basket of rolls she was carrying on the table then called Megan over and got her seated.

Vincenzo took his place, wondering if there was any reason to hope that she wasn’t as indifferent to him as she had appeared. He sighed softly as he helped himself to coffee. He was clutching at straws and it had to stop. He had to accept that Lowri didn’t love him and that last night had been special purely because it had been the culmination of all her hopes for saving Megan. If she’d wanted him, it had been for that reason and none other.

The realisation hit him hard. It was all he could do not to show how devastated he felt. Fortunately, Megan was unaffected by his downbeat mood and chattered on. When she begged him to take her for a trip on one of the ferries, he agreed with alacrity. Anything to get him out of the house and away from Lowri seemed like a wonderful idea.

He sent Megan upstairs to fetch her jacket and stood up. Glancing at Lowri, he shrugged. ‘If we go now, we shall avoid the worst of the crowds. It will be better for Megan.’

‘Of course.’ She hesitated then hurried on. ‘I’ve decided to return home. Staying here has done Megan the world of good, but it’s time we went back to England.’

‘If that’s what you want to do, I won’t try to stop you,’ he replied quietly, his heart aching. It was obvious that she couldn’t wait to leave now that her plan had reached fruition, and the thought merely reinforced everything he had been thinking. Lowri hadn’t wanted
him
last night; she had wanted what he could give her. Another child.

‘When were you thinking of leaving?’ he asked, praying that she couldn’t tell that his heart was breaking.

‘As soon as I can arrange a flight.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s a busy time of the year so it could take a few days to get seats. I’ll contact the airlines and see what’s available.’

‘There is no need to do that.’ He dredged up a smile that seemed to have been dragged up from the very depths of his being. ‘I’m returning to Milan after lunch so I shall get everything organised from there. It will be much safer for Megan if I hire a plane to fly you back.’

‘Oh, I didn’t realise you were going back to Milan today.’

‘
Sì
. There is no point me staying any longer when we have achieved our objective.’ His smile was cool but it wasn’t difficult to appear cold-hearted when it felt as though every bit of him had been turned to ice. ‘You will let me know if you are pregnant, I assume.’

‘I...erm... Of course.’

‘
Grazie
. And if it hasn’t happened this time...’

‘Let’s worry about that once we find out,’ she said hurriedly.

Picking up the bread basket, she disappeared inside, leaving Vincenzo alone with his thoughts. He sighed as he waited for Megan to return. He didn’t want to think about how hard it was going to be if Lowri wasn’t pregnant. Knowing that she was only making love with him for the sake of their daughter wasn’t something he wanted to contemplate. Admittedly, he had agreed to her plan on that basis but everything had changed. Now that he knew how much he loved her, it would be unbearable to have to make love with her, knowing that she cared nothing for him.

Tilting back his head, he stared at the sky, praying that he would find the strength to do whatever was necessary. He had to forget how he felt and concentrate on Megan.

If he could.

* * *

It was one of the worst days Lowri could remember and she’d had more than her share of bad days since Megan had been taken ill. She set about packing their belongings with a heavy heart. Vincenzo had phoned to say that he and Megan were having lunch in Malcesine so at least that gave her a breathing space, not that it helped very much. She loved Vincenzo and there was nothing she could do about it, the same as there was nothing she could do about the fact that he didn’t love her. She had to live with the situation but she knew it was going to be difficult, especially if it did turn out that she was pregnant.

As she piled clothes into their cases, she tried not to think about the future and how hard it was going to be to hide her feelings when he came to visit them. It would be a huge strain but she didn’t have a choice. She was going to have to learn to present a neutral front no matter how painful she found it.

By the time Vincenzo and Megan returned it was almost two. Lowri could tell at once that Megan was exhausted and took her upstairs for a nap. She got her settled then went downstairs, knowing that she couldn’t avoid speaking to Vincenzo even though it was what she wanted to do. She squared her shoulders before she knocked on the study door. She could only hope it would get easier in time.

‘Sì?’
He was reading through some papers when she went in. He looked up and Lowri felt her heart turn over. He looked so sombre that for a moment she found herself wondering if he was having as hard a time hiding his feelings as she was. It was only when she saw one brow arch quizzically as she continued to stand there that she realised how foolish she was. If Vincenzo appeared to be somewhat subdued it was because he had something on his mind; it had nothing to do with her.

‘I just wanted to let you know that I’m all packed. Is it all right if Megan takes some of those toys you bought for her? She’s very attached to one of the dolls in particular and I know she’ll be upset if she has to leave it behind.’

‘She can take the whole lot,’ he said gruffly. He tossed the papers onto the desk and stood up. ‘Do you want me to arrange a flight for tomorrow or is that too soon?’

‘No, that will be perfect.’ She dredged up a smile. ‘The sooner I get her home and back into her routine, the better.’

‘Are you planning on returning to work immediately?’

‘Yes.’ She shrugged. ‘Megan is much better so there’s no reason for me to take any more time off. It’s not fair to the people I work with.’

‘Is it fair to Megan, though? Surely it would be better for her if you were there to look after her?’

Lowri bridled at the criticism. ‘Megan understands that I need to work. She’s used to me not being there all the time.’

‘It still seems wrong that you are going to abandon her,’ he said bluntly.

‘I am not abandoning her!’ she said hotly. ‘Cerys will look after her the same as she has always done.’

‘And look what happened the last time you left her with your sister. The poor child ended up in hospital. Maybe you should think about that.’

His tone was condemnatory. Lowri reared back, stunned by the fact that he was blaming her for what had happened. ‘What I decide to do is up to me, Vincenzo. I need to work to provide for Megan—put a roof over her head and food on the table. Sadly, we don’t all have your resources to fall back on.’

‘Maybe not but I am willing to cover your expenses for however long it is necessary.’ He came around the desk, stopping when he drew level with her, and Lowri had to stop herself stepping back. His expression was so cold that it was hard to believe he was the same man who had held her in his arms the night before and aroused her passion to previously undiscovered heights.

‘I will make you an allowance, more than enough money to pay your bills and ensure that you and Megan want for nothing.’ He shrugged. ‘If it does turn out that you are pregnant then you will need to stop work at some point so it may as well be sooner rather than later.’

If he had showed even the tiniest hint of emotion, it might have helped. She might even have considered the idea, although Lowri doubted if she would have agreed. The last thing she had ever wanted from him was money and she couldn’t begin to explain how hurt and insulted she felt that he should believe she would accept his offer.

‘Thank you but the answer is still no. I don’t want your money, Vincenzo. I never have.’

She swung round and made for the door, pausing when he said quietly behind her, ‘At least think about it. It makes sense, Lowri. I have the money and I am more than willing to pay my share.’

‘No.’ She glanced back, feeling tears burning her eyes. She loved him so much but all she was to him was a problem that needed solving. If he gave her money then it would mean he wouldn’t need to give her anything else.

A sob welled to her throat and she spun round, wanting to escape before she made a fool of herself. Vincenzo didn’t try to stop her as she crossed the hall and that seemed like an indictment in itself. Why would he want to stop her after all? He didn’t care about her, not really, not the woman she was, the woman he had held in his arms, kissed and caressed. He had slept with her for the sake of their daughter, so they could conceive another child and, hopefully, save Megan’s life. Maybe he had enjoyed the experience to a point but at the end of the day it had been sex and nothing more.

Lowri made it to her room before the tears fell. She had cried many times in the past year, cried out of fear for Megan and the future, but this was different. This time she was crying for herself, for what she’d had so briefly and what she would never have again. Even if it did turn out that she wasn’t pregnant, she couldn’t go through this a second time, couldn’t bear to have Vincenzo make love to her knowing that he felt nothing for her. Not even for Megan’s sake could she do it. And that thought was the most bitter of all.

At the end of the day, she might not be strong enough to save her precious daughter.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

‘
L
UCKY
YOU
! I’
D
give
anything
to have a holiday at Lake Garda!’

‘Yes, I am lucky.’ Lowri managed to smile, although it wasn’t easy to appear upbeat when it felt as though her heart was breaking. She had been back home for over a week and had hoped that distance might help to kick-start the healing process but it didn’t seem to be working. She felt as emotionally raw as she had done when Vincenzo had seen them off at the airport.