The group decided that Jeremy, Lexx, and CJ
would take first watch, while Black and White would sleep. The two officers
slept in the bed of the truck. Black snored loudly until White kicked him,
causing him to roll over and sleep much quieter.
Jeremy and CJ sat by a makeshift fire in the
middle of the road, several feet away from the truck. They both had gathered a
small amount of branches to use as kindling. It was not much, but it should at
least keep them warm. Jeremy suggested they didn’t let the flames get too big,
or else they might gather unwanted attention.
Lexx had wandered off and not returned.
Jeremy looked at the boy, and wondered how he
was able to keep it together. After Jeremy saw his mother killed by the
zombies, he lost it. The thought of it plagued his memory. Of the anger, the
rage tearing through him. The sheer exhaustion afterwards. He could barely hold
himself up in the shower.
Yet, CJ seemed to be holding himself together
much better than any of the adults had the entire time. The kid was something
else.
CJ stared at the fire, the petite flames of
their fire cackling in the night.
“Hey,” Jeremy started. “You okay?”
CJ’s eyes looked at Jeremy. They were heavy and
tiresome.
“I don’t know,” was all he said.
Jeremy regretted asking.
“So, what do you think your uncle would do right
now?” he asked, trying to change the subject, if only slightly.
“He’d probably try to get back to the cabin. But
he’d wait until morning. Too dangerous now.”
“You think so?” Jeremy said.
“Yep. He’s too cautious.”
CJ laughed to himself.
“What’s so funny?” Jeremy prodded.
“Oh, nothing. I just never thought that my uncle
would be the cautious one. He was always doing crazy stuff when I was younger.
This one time, when we lived down in Florida, my dad and uncle worked at this
church. There was this huge hill there with a road all the way down. It
probably wasn’t even that big of hill, but it was ginormous to me at that age.
Anyways, I talked my uncle into skateboarding down the hill. Without
hesitation, or consulting his wife, he jumped on the skateboard and rode it most
of the way down.”
“Most of the way?”
“Yeah, he bailed before he hit the dip at the
bottom. Came to a rolling stop, his elbows and knees all banged up from the
pavement. It was hilarious.”
“So, when did he start becoming more…”
“Careful?” CJ interrupted.
Jeremy nodded.
“I don’t know. I guess within the last year.
Since…”
CJ began crying, the tears coming out against
his apparent desire to hold them back.
“Since they found out about the baby…”
Jeremy felt his heart sink. It was easy to
forget about the baby, but it was one of the casualties among the attack. To be
so close to life and have it ripped away. Jeremy could not process what CJ was
going through. If Josh was alive out there, Jeremy shuddered to think of what
was going through his mind.
Lexx walked back over from wherever he had
wandered off to and sat down by the fire. He took notice of CJ’s tears and
looked at Jeremy. Jeremy forced a smile; Lexx took the hint and kept quiet.
The three of them sat in the silence of the night, staring at the fire, the
flames consuming the small branches.
“It was easier with Hailey,” CJ said, breaking
the eternity of quiet.
Jeremy looked up from the hole he was staring
into the ground.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
CJ wiped the dried moisture from his cheeks.
“With Hay, I don’t know, it was just easier to
accept.”
“That she died?” Jeremy said.
“Yeah,” answered CJ. “It’s weird, but I guess
because she was killed by zombies. As crazy as that sounds, it was just easier
to accept that, then for people to kill my family.”
He paused.
“I guess I just thought with all the zombies,
people would stop killing other people.”
Jeremy slowly nodded his head. It made sense.
Once the dead started coming back to life, you would think that the living
would have banded together and put their differences beside to fight a common
enemy. If you think about it, what did Jeremy have in common with Lexx, or
Tori, or Ben, when he first met them? Not much. Except that, they all wanted to
avoid becoming zombie food. They joined up together for mutual benefit. And
when they met Josh, and then his family, there was not much hostility there
either.
But there were the hipsters in Savannah. The
redneck trio in his gather’s neighborhood. The Lumberjack. Now these junkies
and their messed-up messiah. When the world gets flipped upside down, it may be
true that some will decide that society is worth preserving. Others, not so
much. You look at any other time the shit hit the fan before this, whether
natural disasters, riots, or Black Friday, people always go crazy. Looting,
muggings, general forms of violence.
What makes people say, “Fuck it. I’m doing
whatever the hell I want.”
“Maybe this zombie apocalypse only brings out
the best or the worst in people,” Jeremy said.
He looks over to Lexx. Lexx’s eyes have not
moved from the fire.
“Lexx?” Jeremy said.
Lexx loses his staring contest with the flames
and looks up.
“What?” He asked.
“You think this brings out the best and worst in
people?” Jeremy said, giving the man a weird look.
“Yeah. People are assholes.”
He looked at CJ.
“Sorry about the language kid,” he added.
“It’s okay,” CJ said. “People are… you know…
what you said.”
Lexx smiles at the kid’s inability to say
asshole.
“Look, you two can get some sleep, I’ll stay up
and keep watch,” Lexx said, standing up.
“You sure? We can just wait until our shift is
over,” Jeremy said.
“No, it’s okay. I got this. Can’t really sleep
right now anyway.”
Jeremy nodded. He knew that Lexx meant he was
worried about finding Tori. Jeremy stood up and put his hand on Lexx’s
shoulder.
“We’ll find her,” he said.
“I know.”
Jeremy forced another smile at Lexx and motioned
for CJ to follow him to the truck. He let CJ sleep in the cab, while he went to
the back of the truck, and laid down in the bed. White opened his eyes and
picked his head up.
“Is it our turn?” He asked.
“No,” Jeremy whispered. “Lexx is going to keep
watch. You can go back to sleep.”
White nodded and closed his eyes.
Jeremy put his arms behind his head and stared
up at the sky. There was not a cloud in the sky and you could see stars for
miles. The moon was just over them, full and yellow. The last time Jeremy saw
the sky this photogenic was in a magazine.
Sleep came quickly. The day had been a long one
and much had happened. It seemed like years ago when they left the house for
Statesboro, but in reality, it was only that morning.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tori said.
In the dark, she saw the outline of Josh move
towards the ATV. He turned the key in the four-wheeler and the lights turned
on, but the engine does not crank.
“We’re out of gas,” he said, nonchalantly.
“No? You think?” She asked, her voice noticeably
agitated.
“I don’t know why you’re getting upset with me;
I didn’t siphon all the gas out before we left.”
Tori tried to relax.
“I’m not blaming you, just really frustrated,
okay?” She said.
Josh lifted the seat up and opened the small
compartment underneath.
“We have a fire starter, a handful of some water
purification tablets, a few sticks of jerky, and oh! A compass! Good news is we
don’t have to wait on the moon to figure out which direction to go in. Bad news
is we’re walking.”
Tori sighed.
Why not?
She thought.
Why shouldn’t anything else go
wrong?
“Let’s use the headlights to find some firewood
and we’ll wait until morning to start our journey-”
“Wait,” Tori interrupted. “Why wait until
morning?”
“Well, for starters,” Josh said, holding up one
finger. “We only have my hatchet for a weapon. Number two on my list is, it’s
dark out and we don’t know where we are yet. Thirdly, I’d much rather walk in
the daytime, you know, when I can see stuff.”
He smirked.
“Sarcasm can go both ways, Tori.”
She wanted to call him an ass, but he did just
lose everything, so she decided against it.
Later,
she thought.
“Fine. Let’s get the firewood before the battery
dies and we have no light,” she said.
They both separated, but did not wander too far
from each other, or from the cone of light that came from the ATV’s lights.
Tori bent over and picked up her first limb. The
wood felt damp to the touch, so she set it back down. Finding dry wood were
they were might end up being more of a challenge than either one of them
thought. Tori walked a few more paces and picked up another branch. It was
small and dead, but it was dry.
It’ll have to do.
She looked over at Josh, who had several pieces
of wood in his arms. Not to be outdone, she started picking up more, dry or
not. If it looked good, it was worth a try.
Of all the people she had to be stuck with, it
was Josh.
It was not that she did not outright unlike him.
Something about him just always seemed to rub her the wrong way. She couldn’t
pinpoint what it was. She had tried, but always come up with nothing. From when
he suggested leaving Lexx behind in Savannah, to the way he just assumed he was
in charge because he was the only one who paid attention to zombies before they
became real, to his sarcastic-ass comments, he could be a real dick.
And that was before he lost his family, so it’s
not like this is a recent development.
A part of her did feel for him in that aspect,
but it did not change her opinions of him that much.
But, and a huge one at that, he did always know
what he was doing. That was the frustrating part. His being a zombie-nerd
before the apocalypse paid off. Good for him.
I shouldn’t be too hard on him. While he can be
an ass, he does have some redeeming qualities. He did invite us to the cabin,
Tori,
she
told herself.
His family was extremely welcoming. And he didn’t seem like
such a jerk when they were around.
“Is that all you could find?”
His voice shattered her thoughts. She looked at
the bundle of wood he carried in his arms and then at the half-sized collection
she had made.
“A lot of it was wet, tried finding the dry
stuff,” she said, trying to mask her annoyance.
“Yeah, me too. Let’s light this junk.”
Tori took a deep breath and followed him back to
the road. Josh dumped his pile by the ATV and selected a few branches out of
the mess. Tori placed hers in his pile and walked over to him. He knelt down
over the wood, trying to get the fire starter to spark off onto the timber. He
was attempting to light directly onto the wood.
It’ll never work like that,
she thought.
She left him and walked back to the woods. After
looking for several seconds, she found what she wanted, picked it up, and took
it back to him.
“Here, try this instead,” she said, handing him
a handful of Spanish moss.
He looked at her with a confused look.
“The moss will catch easier than the wood. Use
it to get the wood going,” she said.
He stuffed the moss underneath the branches and
tried the striker again. The spark jumped into the moss and caught flame.
“Blow! Blow on it!” Tori said.
Josh quickly got in close and began to blow on
the tiny fire. It grew and soon they were looking at a decent sized campfire.
He looked at her, obviously impressed with her knowledge.
“How’d you know that?” He asked.
“Dad used to take me camping when I was little.
Can you imagine a little girl going camping with her drill instructor father?
It was interesting to say the least, but I wouldn’t have traded that time with
him for anything.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever said it, but I’m
sorry you never found him,” Josh said.
His eyes were sympathetic. She nodded, accepting
the sentiment. A tear ran down the right side of her face.
“I… I know he’s still alive, I just wish I could
see him. To know for sure.”
He put his hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry,” he said.
She wiped away the tear and grimaced.
“Here I am crying, when you just lost your whole
family. I’m sorry, Josh.”
“Don’t be. Don’t feel like you have to hide your
emotions around me because you don’t think I can handle it. That wouldn’t be
fair to you.”
There he goes again. Acting like a prick one
minute, and then a saint the next.
She ignored the voice in her head.
“Thanks. So, you wanna sleep first or what?” she
asked, changing the subject.
“You go ahead. I’m gonna stay up a little
longer.”
“You sure?” She said.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
She nodded and went to sit down by the fire. It
was warm and felt good. She laid down on her side on the pavement. It was not
very comfortable, but the fire made it bearable. Her eyes grew heavy.
She looked over at Josh, who sat on the opposite
side of the fire. His hatchet sat beside him, the blade catching the light of
the flames. Their eyes met and he smiled.
“Goodnight, Tori.”
She mumbled something. It sounded like
“goodnight” to her.
***
Josh watched as Tori’s eyes fluttered while she
slept. He doubted she was sleeping soundly. The road was not the ideal place to
sleep, but he knew he did not want to wander into the woods. Not now. Not at
night.
Every shadow seemed to play tricks on his eyes.
A zombie here, a zombie there. He did his best to calm his nerves, but it
wasn’t working.
His nerves had been through the ringer tonight.
He closed his eyes, but then opened them.
Better keep ‘em opened,
he thought.
He took a deep breath.
“Father…”
Silence.
“I… I don’t know what to say.”
Again, silence.
“I know that you are good. And that you work
together all things for good for those that love you. But… But what are you
doing?”
The question lingered in the air.
“I know it is not my place to question you, but
I just don’t understand what you’re doing. With everything. With the zombies,
with my… with my family…”
Josh started to cry.
“Why Lord? What purpose does this serve? How is
this good? How is this loving? Please, please help me understand. Why take them
from me?”
He paused again, trying his best to collect
himself.
“I know that they are not mine, but they are
your’s. It just… it just hurts. It just hurts…”
Josh cried for several minutes. He looked
around, checking for any threat. Nothing. Just the silence.
“Father, I feel like the blind man. I believe,
help my unbelief.”
Another beat of quiet.
“Father, help me be like your Son. Your will,
not mine. That’s what he prayed. I am so lost on what to do next. I need you to
show me.”
Josh waited for a response. Again, nothing.
“Okay,” he said. “In Jesus’s name, amen.”
Josh stared at the fire, which began to dim. He
reached for another branch and sat it on top, the flames dancing their way onto
the new source of fuel. He sighed.
It was not as if he wanted an audible response.
He’d been praying long enough, that he knew it didn’t work quite like that. But
normally, he would feel a peace afterwards, a knowing that things will be okay.
He felt no peace.
He could hear the taunts in the back of his
head.
Where is he?
Where is your God?
Why has he done this to you?
What did you do to deserve this?
Curse God and die.
Josh listened to accusations. With each one, he
felt his blood pressure rise.
“Lies,” he said to the darkness.
He knew none of the thoughts in his mind were
true.
Where was God?
“He is in the heavens and he does whatever he
pleases.”
Why has he done this?
“We know that for those who love God all things
work together for good.”
What did I do to deserve this?
“Has the potter no right over the clay?”
Curse God and die?
“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed
be the name of the Lord.”
Josh felt the accuser leave. But it was still
quiet.