Santa's Secret (14 page)

“
Kaipasin sinua paljon
,” he said.

“Pardon?”

He blinked. “Sorry. I meant…I missed you.”

She put her hand over her mouth, and he
sighed and came forwards to take her in his arms.

They stood in the doorway for a while, her
head resting on his chest, his hands stroking her back.

“Was she horrible to you?” he murmured.

Eva shook her head. “No. And that makes it
worse, somehow. She forgave me, Rudi. And I can’t bear it.”

He kissed the top of her head. “You have to
forgive yourself first,
armas.
”

“I don’t think I can.”

“It will come.” His hand stroked her back,
gentle, comforting. “Maybe that is why we met. To help you move on.”

She rubbed her nose. His jumper was soft,
his arms warm.

He tightened his hold on her briefly. Then
his arms loosened, and he stepped back so he could lean down to kiss her. “See
you tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

He went back into his own room, and shut
the door.

Eva left the lock this time. She cleaned
her teeth, put her nightie on and climbed into bed beside Oscar. Her son lay on
his back, tangled in the covers, and she lay on her side, watching his chest
rise and fall. Past him, through a crack in the curtains, the snow continued to
fall.

The thing was, she didn’t want Rudi to be a
device to help her move on, a brief interlude, like a comet through her
universe, blazing briefly before moving onto the next solar system.

She wanted him for keeps.

The following morning, Eva drew back the
curtains and held her breath as she stared at the view. Although a few clouds
scudded across the still-dark sky, it had finally stopped snowing, and a thick
blanket of white coated all the pavements, cars and buildings as far as the eye
could see. Everything sparkled, as if the elves in Santa’s Secret Village had
sneaked out in the night and scattered glitter across the world.

Eva showered and dressed, her stomach
feeling like the snowglobe that sat on one of the shelves, whirling with tiny
flurries.
It’s because it’s Christmas Eve,
she told herself. There was
always something exciting about that time of year, the children’s enthusiasm
contagious, and she couldn’t wait for Oscar to see the main gift she’d bought
for him and smuggled into the depths of her suitcase—a Lego kit, with all the
instructions on how to make a large red car. His tiny fingers still fumbled a
bit with the little pieces, but he was beginning to love creating shapes out of
the blocks, and she knew he’d adore the car once it was built.

Still, even though she wanted to watch him
opening his presents, she knew that wasn’t the only reason she was looking
forward to the day.

On cue, someone knocked on the front door,
and her heart rate picked up and her cheeks warmed as she walked over to open
it.

“
Hyvaa huomenta
,” Rudi said,
smiling. “How are you today?”

“Good.” She met his gaze, stomach
fluttering again. Even though she’d been tired, it had taken her hours to get
off sleep, and once she did, she’d dreamed of him all night, his arms tight
around her, his blue eyes sparkling, his warm body pressing against hers. She
felt slightly feverish, and wondered if she were coming down with something.

Yeah. Lust fever. Get a grip, Eva.

“We wondered if you would like to come
sledding with us.” He lifted his arm to place it around his daughter, who had appeared
at his side. “There are apparently some slopes to the south, and they loan out
sleds for free.”

“We’d love to,” Eva said immediately. One
thing she’d decided the night before was that whatever lay in the future, she
was going to take Bridget’s advice and live in the moment, and enjoy these few
days while she could. “What do you think, Oscar? Want to go sledding?”

“Yes!” he yelled, jumping up and down, only
then adding, “What’s sledding?”

They laughed, and she bundled him into his
coat and helped him tug on his boots. “You’ll see.”

She hurriedly pulled on her own boots,
coat, woolly hat, scarf and gloves, then joined the others outside, where Oscar
was busy bounding around the area between their cabins, following Isabel and
making a figure of eight in the snow.

“You’ll get dizzy,” she semi-scolded him.
On cue, he stopped walking, tottered and fell over.

Isabel giggled and bent to help him up.
“Come on, silly boy. I want to show you how to sled!”

The two of them ran in front, and Rudi held
out his hand to Eva. She stared at it for a moment, worrying about Isabel, but
he didn’t retract it, so in the end she slid her hand into his shyly and
accepted the squeeze of his fingers.

“Everything all right?” he asked.

“Yes, thank you. And thanks for checking up
on me last night.”

“I was worried about you,” he admitted. “I
could see you were upset. I did not want to make things worse, but I do not
think I could have gone to sleep if I had not checked you were okay.”

She looked across the complex of buildings,
seeing the excitement that continued to stir in her stomach reflected in the
families as they went in and out of the shops, headed for Santa’s Playground
and generally had fun playing in the snow. “I think you were right, actually. I
think I do have to forgive myself before I can accept forgiveness from Bridget,
or anyone else.”

“And have you? Forgiven yourself?”

She looked back at him. He wore his heavy
black coat with a light blue scarf, and a thick, dark blue woollen hat pulled
over his ears against the harsh wind. He looked boyish and charming, the
perfect fun package to see her through the day. “Maybe.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand, and then
they turned to talking about other things as they covered the distance to the
slopes.

He asked her a lot about her views on Santa’s
Secret Village, and she supposed he was interested in it because he liked
buildings and developed sites like this. So she told him how much she loved the
place, how she adored the air of excitement and the enthusiasm of the staff.
She also mentioned the things she wasn’t so keen on—the restaurant was pricey
and she’d have preferred more places to buy cheap snacks for both kids and
adults; the gift shops were beautiful but not particularly child-friendly with
all the crockery and breakable ornaments; perhaps there could have been a place
to leave presents smuggled in suitcases so the kids couldn’t find them. He
nodded and seemed interested, but didn’t offer his own opinion, and within
about five minutes they arrived at the banks, so she made a mental note to ask
him what he thought of the village later.

She’d been sledding in Queenstown as a
child in the New Zealand winter, the middle of July, but hadn’t done it for
years, and the next couple of hours were the most fun she’d had in a long time.
They stayed on the shallower slopes as Oscar was still so young, and the first
few times she sat him with her until he got used to the sensation of bombing
through the snow. But it wasn’t long before he wanted his own sled, and soon
the four of them were having races, starting in a line and hurtling down the
slopes squealing until they hit the bottom, frequently tumbling off at the end.

Eva thought Oscar might have got tired
after a couple of goes, but time after time he took his sled and dragged it
back up the slope to the top, ready for another go, yelling to Isabel that this
time he was going to beat her, and screaming with delight the times he did get
to the bottom before she did.

And at the end, when he was too tired to
pull his sled to the top, Rudi carried him up a few more times so he could join
in until Isabel had finished, settling him in front on the sled and chatting to
him all the while as they wove down the slopes.

Eva smiled to hear their manly
conversations, so different to her own fussing and worrying.

“Faster this time,” Oscar instructed,
getting comfortable between Rudi’s legs.

“Right-ho. Speed of lightning.”

“Speedy lightning,” Oscar confirmed.

“We might take off,” Rudi said.

“Like Rudolph!” Oscar chortled.

“Your nose is redder than mine,” Rudi said,
grinning.

“No,
your
nose is redder.” Oscar looked
delighted at the argument.

And they careered down the slope, tumbling
off into a heap of snow and subsiding into gales of laughter.

Eva and Isabel followed at a more ladylike
pace, and Eva caught the young girl glancing over at her occasionally,
adjusting her hold on the sled or shifting her position to match Eva’s. It was
only when Isabel pulled off her hat when she got hot that Eva saw the younger
girl had tied her blonde locks back in a knot at the nape of her neck in the
exact same way Eva had done her own hair that morning, looped through and
secured with a scrunchie. Isabel was copying her, she realised. The thought
took her aback. She was sure Isabel was aware on some level of what was going
on between her and Rudi, and she’d assumed it would upset the young girl—that
she would resent her for coming between Rudi and her mother, because didn’t all
children secretly hope separated parents would get back together again? But
clearly Isabel wasn’t upset with her. If anything, it appeared quite the
opposite.

Finally tired, they took their sleds back
to the shed. A small van selling hot and cold drinks and snacks had opened up,
to Eva’s delight, and so she and Rudi bought a coffee, Isabel had hot chocolate
and Oscar had a fruit juice, and they shared a couple of hot pies while they
discussed what to do next.

“I have an idea,” Rudi said, and gestured
to the reindeer stalls across the road.

Eva nodded and the kids were enthusiastic,
so Rudi went over and booked a ticket. Within ten minutes, as they finished
their drinks, their number was called, and they all climbed into the sleigh.
Eva settled back next to Rudi, the kids in front, and there wasn’t a huge
amount of room, so it seemed natural to nestle up against him, and for him to
put his arm around her. They were given blankets to cover their legs and keep
them cosy, and then they were off.

The driver flicked the reins, and the
reindeer at the front proceeded to take them on a tour of Santa’s Secret Village
before heading off into the forest.

Eva leaned against Rudi, comforted by his
body heat even through his coat, comfortable and content. The trees opened up
and then closed around them, encasing them in a winter wonderland. Snow slid to
the ground with a thump from the conifers as they passed, icicles jangled from
branches, and small animals skittered into the undergrowth as the sleigh wound
its way through the forest.

It was already semi-twilight, but in the
forest it grew dark; however, the trees had been decorated at regular intervals
with large lanterns that made Eva think of Narnia and wonder if somewhere there
was a doorway through to a wardrobe in a distant land. Snowflakes fluttered
down on them as they passed beneath the trees, dusting Rudi’s hair and
shoulders where he’d removed his hat, and when he finally bent his head to kiss
her, his lips were cool, but his tongue as it brushed hers was warm.

He lifted his head just in time for Eva to
catch Isabel’s glance. The young girl had seen them kiss. It had been only
brief, but she’d obviously looked around at just the right time. Eva held her
breath, expecting an outburst, but Isabel just turned her head away and didn’t
say anything. Rudi obviously hadn’t noticed, busy pointing out the flash of reddish-brown
against the white as a fox darted through the bushes. Should she tell him that
Isabel knew about them? She decided to think on it, and maybe mention it later,
if and when they were alone.

When they got back, they went into the
restaurant and had some lunch. Eva insisted on paying this time, as Rudi had
paid the day before, even though he promised he didn’t mind. They decided to
order a big pizza between them, and munched on pepperoni and fries before the
kids ran off to the play area.

“I have to tell you something,” Eva said
once they’d gone, a little nervous of his reaction.

“What?” He leaned back in his seat, one arm
over the back of his chair. He’d taken off his coat, and he looked almost
edible in a soft grey jumper over a light blue shirt. He sat watching her, and
the way his eyelids had lowered to half-mast, and the lazy smile on his face,
suggested to her that his thoughts might be starting to wander down the same
path as her own, with the thought looming of some possible free time together that
afternoon. Her gaze lingered for a moment on his mouth, remembering how he’d
kissed down her body to pleasure her with his tongue.

She blinked. She couldn’t think about that
now. “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I think Isabel knows about us.”

His eyebrows rose. “What makes you say
that?”

“I’m sure she saw us kissing in the sled.
And I think she was listening to our conversation in here yesterday. I don’t
know. I’m just sure she suspects.”

“She has not said anything to me.”

“Even so… Do you think you should talk to
her about it?”

He looked down then, and played with the
handle of his coffee cup. “I do not see much point, at the moment anyway. There
is not that much to tell.”

She thought she understood what he was
trying to say. This relationship was fleeting, like a snowflake caught on the
palm; beautiful and fascinating, but hardly long lasting. What was the point in
him having a long, in-depth conversation with his daughter about Eva, when in
two days it would all be over?

 He looked back up then, and his expression
softened, as if he had seen the sudden pain that passed through her. She forced
herself to smile, not wanting to spoil their time together.
Live for the
moment
, she reminded herself. She already knew it was going to hurt when
they parted, and it wouldn’t hurt any less if she told him now that she didn’t
want to spend any more time with him. And he knew his daughter better than she
did. If he didn’t think it was worth talking to Isabel, who was she to say?

She decided to change the subject, wanting
to see that light appear in his eyes again. “Does Isabel want to go to the
Little Elves after lunch?”

The light reappeared. “I believe so. Does
Oscar?”

“Oh yes, he’s very excited.” She leaned on
the table, studying Rudi’s mouth. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with
myself for two whole hours though. I’m sure I’ll get terribly bored.”

He leaned forwards as well, until they were
only about a foot apart. “Well, we will have to see if we can keep you
entertained.”