My name is Brenna.
When I opened my eyes, almost everything was dark. I tried sitting up, but the pain in my head warped my balance. I felt a small lump on the side of my head. Forcing myself to sit up through the dizzying pain, I found I was in a strange bed in a hotel room. When I listened closely, I heard the hooting drunks and the noise of bands; Bourbon Street was close. I scanned the room and saw an entertainment center and an open suitcase on the floor.
Looking further over, I saw Veronica staring out of the open blinds, the glow from the city lights casting long shadows on her upright form. I waited for her to speak, but when she didn’t, I reached out a psychic tether and tried to move into her mind. I sensed nothing warming within her psyche. She was frigid and held some part of herself in check. It was the thing she kept hidden behind the walls of her mind. It was near the surface. Its emotions were raw. Hungry. It wanted out, but she held it at bay.
There was nothing left of the frightened girl I had met. There was only the coldness of a steel trap, waiting to be sprung. I tried steering deeper to see what else she was feeling, but with the ache in my head and with her walls in place, I couldn’t. Silently, I cursed myself for not being able to focus.
When my weight shifted, she heard the springs on the bed and turned around. The look on her face was alien. The original fullness had been shaved away to reveal descending cheekbones, almost elfin in their angles. Through the purple, her eyes burned red, and her hair floated around her face as if it had a mind of its own. Her skin seemed paler than mine and almost transparent, reflecting the light like polished moonstone. This was her true self.
My gaze slid down her body, settling on her chest. I watched her for two or three minutes before she took in a breath and even that was forced. Something was off about her, like the air parted around her as if she were an intrusion in the space.
This strangeness made me desire her even more. I assumed she wanted to terrify me. It wasn’t working. Veronica was as she always was: an interesting creature in need of help. The more I examined her, the more I saw beneath her façade, discovering the vulnerable girl under the porcelain face.
“At first I thought you were like me,” she whispered. “It would explain so many things, answer so many questions I had about you. You deceived me. You’re not like me at all, and I still don’t understand why you intrigue me so.”
I silenced her with my hand. First I had to know what had attacked me before I could answer whatever questions she had. “What happened?” I asked, crossing the room to meet her. I ached to touch her face to see if it was as smooth as it looked.
“Do you really want to know? Because if I tell you the truth, all masks come off and there is no going back for either of us.”
I nodded, needing to comprehend the great mystery in which she shrouded herself. I traced the outline of her cheekbone with my fingers. Her body temperature had dropped dramatically since earlier that night when she was sun-warmed like a stone. Now she was colder than a dead furnace. It made me want to thaw her. She allowed me to outline her lips with my fingers. I picked up every indentation with the tip of my thumb. She stood patiently as I did this, and when I stopped, she stared into my eyes and raised her hand along my cheek, mirroring my gesture.
“So warm,” she whispered. “I’d almost forgotten what it’s like.”
I smiled when her thumb brushed my lips and then moved down my neck.
“Then let me help you remember.” I pressed my lips against hers, darting my tongue between them.
She moaned, and her hands wrapped around my waist and ran over the tightness of my corset, trying to get to the body underneath. I placed my hands on her hips, moving one to caress the curve of her ass. Her mouth left mine, kissing and nipping my throat. Her tongue circled my pulse point, and then the hardness of her designer fangs pressed against my skin. I breathed in a sigh, but she looked up and backed away from me.
“What’s the matter?” I whispered.
She cocked her head quizzically, studying me. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“What’s there to understand? You’re a goth chick who’s been fucked up by an ex-boyfriend. You hide behind the vampire image to express yourself better. Just like I’ve done for years.”
She laughed, a dark laughter layered with meaning. I didn’t think I had said anything funny.
“Look and see what I hide.” Her mouth formed into a snarl, and I saw her perfectly white teeth. Then the impossible happened. Her canines grew longer than the rest of her teeth, and her eyes changed from purple to complete blackness as if a squid had released ink into them and covered the white. I backed up a few steps and sat hard on the bed.
Impossible. It can’t be! She can’t be! But she’s real. My dream, my desire is standing in front of me. My wish for eternity has appeared out of nowhere. She’s real!
I looked up with tears in my eyes. “It’s not possible.”
“It’s more than possible. And you…” She smiled, running the back of her hand along my cheek.
I tried not to flinch beneath her touch, but I couldn’t help it. The primal instinct of flight ran through me as she revealed her true nature. I saw the hurt in her face as sadness touched her eyes.
“I thought you’d be my savior, letting me reveal the story of my past to you. It doesn’t matter now because everything I touch turns to shit. You’re just a human who has no idea what a true vampire is. You cling to an image that has been created by a crazy Irishman. You can’t help me. Just go.” She turned her back on me and seemed to forget I was ever there.
“I’m not leaving! I don’t care what you are. I still want to help you.” I was stubborn. I had always been that way and never listened to anyone. Not even my own instincts that told me to run and hide from the predator. My body was yelling for me to do that, but my mind was whispering something else. I was drawn to her, not because she was a vampire, but because she was in need.
I saw her fists clench, and suddenly my head was yanked to the side and her hand was wrapped in my hair. Her fangs grazed my throat. One of her canines sunk into my neck, sending pain shivering through my skin. My mind tried to latch onto hers, but there was nothing of the woman who was there minutes ago. There was just hunger and pure enjoyment. Whatever she had been hiding was now in control.
“Wait!” I screamed and pushed with my mind. The thing faltered. She withdrew and looked up at me. Hunger burned in her eyes and something of the woman I knew reappeared. It seemed I had the attention of both her personalities, but only for a second or two before the beast took over again, this time completely.
“What?” she breathed.
I placed my fingers under her chin, forcing her face to my level. I studied the shadows playing off her flesh and saw nothing I was frightened of. This was still the woman I was drawn to, still the Veronica I desired to bring back into the light. Brushing away a hair that had fallen into her face, I traced the outline of her cheek again. Closing my eyes, I kissed her, working my lips to hers. The sudden gesture intrigued the beast. My mind lingered on the outside of her thoughts and it seemed her other half was not used to being accepted. It shied away and let Veronica back into the mix, which seemed to surprise her.
At first she did nothing, her lips still drawn back in a fearsome snarl, but then, after my tongue grazed her fangs, she responded. My tongue caught the tip of one, drawing a drop of my blood. She sucked it and my tongue into her mouth, locking me to her. With that she locked down her other half and forced it back into the recess of her mind. I thought I heard it howling as I left her thoughts as well.
“I’m not afraid of you. I meant everything I said. No matter what you are or what lies inside your mind. I still want to help you. I guess I’m not the only one masquerading.” I wanted so much to protect her from her own demons.
Veronica smiled at this. “No. I think we both were craving to become beings we couldn’t. We each thought the other didn’t exist, and because of that, you’ve gotten mixed up in my mess.” She reached up, touching the lump on my head.
I winced at the pain, but it didn’t matter. “Will you tell me what happened? Will you tell me all of it?”
“I’ll tell you only if you want to listen. It might take all night.”
I brushed a stray hair from her face, finally able to experience the silky texture of her skin. “It doesn’t matter. I’m a night owl.” I laughed.
She smiled at the remark, her eyes returning to their violet hue, but her expression turned distant and cold again as she stepped away from me and back into her own memories.
My name is Veronica.
How could I tell her of my fall from humanity? Could I confess I used to be happy living in a world where the night was a scary place, where women were expected to marry and have children? A world in which I had a future as a teacher, as a mother. Was Brenna going to retreat, leaving me on my own after I bared my soul, tearing down what was left of my crumbling walls? I glanced at her as she sat on the bed, her heartbeat keeping rhythm with the ticking clock in the next room, counting down the minutes until her life stopped forever.
No, she would not desert me. I knew this deep within my heart. Brenna truly cared, no matter what kind of thing I was. She had seen the beast and hadn’t turned away in fear, but rather had accepted me unconditionally. She saw into my soul and past the monster who had ravaged children, torn apart women, disemboweled men. I’d done so much horror in my life. I didn’t think anyone would want to be close to me. Devon turned me into a vampire and birthed a beast who thought that people were raised for pleasure: to fuck and feed from. I, meanwhile, hated the life he had given me. I despised myself for the blood I needed to keep myself going. As Devon had said, I hunted hospitals and took the lives of those close to death. I tried not to kill them, to just sip a little from each one. Even then, I ended up taking their lives. At least they went peacefully, unlike the victims of my alter ego. She craved fear, obedience, and like other vampires, she wanted to be used and abused by her Master.
I didn’t understand how my kind could do such things. How could we prey on the things we used to be? Mortals reminded me of ants, living out their lives unaware of the dangers in society. For years, I craved what was stolen from me, a chance at a mortal life, and all the joys and problems that went with it. It had been ten years since my facade had broken and I’d had to face my true nature again. Of course, it was when Devon showed up. The beast always knew when its master was close.
I sighed as my train of thought turned to Brenna, who waited expectantly for me to begin.
“Why are you so sad all of a sudden?” Brenna broke the silence.
The look on her face allowed me to see how much she shared my pain. She might not have known what I was thinking, but she knew how I felt. I walked over to her, touching her hand, feeling her energy. Then a warmth came over me, like being covered with a big quilt. It settled first in my heart, then moved to my arms, legs, and finally into my head. A sense of reassurance and peace lingered in my cold soul. I didn’t take my eyes off of her. My legs wobbled as I fell into her eyes, as I had when I hadn’t known she was human. I sank down on the bed beside her, her hand still in mine. As her pupils expanded, I was pulled farther into her grasp. All I wanted to do was let myself go wherever she wanted. She was my whole world.
I blinked, clearing my head. The warmth in my limbs slowly dissipated. Some of my pain had been removed. Not even an echo remained. Something in me panicked when the contact with Brenna ended. I wanted to be with her again—a junkie needing a fix. She had done something to me, akin to what I did to my victims, giving them pleasure to ease the pain. However, when I left my prey, I never took their pain away, just their blood. When I killed, I ravaged those I had chosen. When I fed, I’d keep them alive, but the feeding was always hollow as I never lingered too long in their minds to learn their true emotions for fear it would rouse my own beast. I instilled in them feelings of pleasure from the feeding, but when I left, they always seemed empty and unfulfilled, despite the pleasure I could make them feel. So I moved on to another.
“What did you do?” I inquired.
She pulled her head up, looking at me through tear-rimmed eyes. The pain she took in swirled inside her head like a whirlpool, being absorbed.
“So much pain. I didn’t know.” She sniffled.
I sighed. I knew it. Somehow she had picked up on all of the horrible things I had done over the years. She hated me now, despised me for what I had done, but I couldn’t let her go, not with Devon lingering in the city with his eyes on her. I had to keep her with me because if I didn’t, she would be consumed.
“It’s how I lived, how I was taught. It was natural. I kill or I die.” I sat back on my heels and looked up at the small bits of dust hanging on the plaster ceiling. If I squinted, the particles seemed like the small dots of an Impressionist painting, creating their own design.
“No, it’s not that. All this time you’ve spent alone, locked up in the cage of your own mind, putting yourself through hell. All to try and be human. Thinking you could never find a friend. It’s so sad. You have so much pain. I mean, I knew you did before, but I didn’t know to what extent. I thought I could help. I wanted to help. But there’s so much darkness…” She trailed off into more tears.
I stared at her in disbelief. I hadn’t uttered a word, yet she knew all of this by touching me. Maybe I’d been right to think this mortal had put me under some kind of spell and hypnotized me. Before me was a human who had a touch of the powers bestowed upon my kind. I didn’t know what to do or say.
“How do you know all of this? You can’t have read my mind. I would have known if—”
Brenna shook her head, wiping her eyes. “Not your thoughts, your emotions. I read what you felt. I’m an empath. I feel the pain of others, as well as their sadness or joy. I was able to get inside your head because of all the cracks in your shields. You didn’t feel me because you were distracted by the image I projected.”
“I understand you feel others’ pain, but you took some of mine away. How did you do that? And how is it you can hypnotize me? No human has ever done that to me before.” I was intrigued as much as I was mortified. This girl had been able to get inside my head.
Brenna laughed. “I manipulate energy, just like any good psychic. It’s how I do my readings. I can read people’s energy fields like others can read a book. The aura catalogs everything a person experiences. It’s a matter of knowing what to look for. I’ve been doing it since I was a teenager.”
I laughed when I realized what she was. “You’re a psychic. Like those I saw in Jackson Square. That’s great.”
“No, not like those in the Square. I’m the real thing,” Brenna spat. “I’ve been feeling things since I don’t know when, but I learned how to use my abilities. How the hell do you think I make a living down here?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t believe people are able to divine the future. Well, not many, anyway.”
“How can you say that when you exist? When your kind is supposed to be a fairy tale? Wait a minute…you’re lying. You do believe in what I do. Someone told you that you were going to become a vampire.” Brenna looked at me expectantly.
Glee sparkled in her eyes because she knew she had caught me in a lie.
“A gypsy told me to beware of Devon, that he would make my life a living hell. She said I’d curse myself for not taking her advice. I guess she was right. But how did you figure all this out? How did you hypnotize me? When did this start for you?” I asked her these questions not to deflect the subject away from myself, but because this new tidbit increased my fascination.
Brenna smiled. “I thought you were going to tell me about yourself.”
“Your life is more interesting at the moment.”
“You really want to know?”
I nodded.
Brenna didn’t say anything, but took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. She willed her heart to slow and her breathing to lessen. I watched intently, wondering what she was going to do next. When she opened her eyes, the pupils expanded. Her presence dominated the room, surrounding me as if I were in its way. The waves of energy radiating off her were invisible to the human eye, but I saw them in bright blues and purples, with a light shade of yellow surrounding the edges of her body. This was her aura.
My kind perceives the energy field around humans when we’re in hunting mode, our senses sharpened. But I saw the colors with my own eyes, felt them moving off her, each one having a different vibration. The yellow was high strung, reminding me of the buzz of a bee’s wing. The blue, the subtle hum of the streetlights, calming and yet annoying at the same time. The purple was heavier, pushing me to sleep. If I listened, the sound was the lapping of water breaking on the shore. Then I turned my attention away from the colors and the feelings when something moved inside my mind.
At first I panicked, dropping the walls surrounding my thoughts so nothing could penetrate my stronghold, but then I felt Brenna’s tether. Her presence reminded me of a subtle itch in my brain. If I hadn’t focused on it, I wouldn’t have known she was there.
As she moved in my mind, I watched her face. The muscles by her cheekbones slackened, but her eyes gazed past me, looking at something I couldn’t see, or didn’t want to see. The intensity of the stare was overwhelming. She literally looked inside my mind, reading what was there, absorbing what she needed, but within a second she was gone, her presence no longer lingering inside my head. The emptiness she left behind consumed me. I wanted to cry out.
“Did you feel me in your mind?” she asked.
I nodded. “It was strange. What do you use the colors of your aura for?”
“The purple hypnotizes. The frequency of the energy calms people, capturing them in the beat. Most of the time, I don’t intend to use it. I just do readings and people are tranquil afterward. When I dress up though, I project an air of mystery and use my aura like a cloak to hush my energy, or unfurl it so it grabs people’s attention. My aura is an extension of myself. I work it without a thought. It’s like you reaching inside someone’s mind, taking control of their bodies. You just do it without thinking.”
What Brenna said made sense, and it was relevant to how my powers worked. Vampires performed most things on instinct. I’d met some of my kind who could hardly hypnotize a dog, but they had great physical strength. None of the vampires I knew were weaker than humans, but like mortals, all had certain things that came naturally. This was what Brenna said. She knew how to manipulate energy just as I knew how to control people. It was part of her physical make up.
“How did you discover you had these abilities?” I asked, fascinated at the thought of what else Brenna could do.
Brenna sighed and went over to the window, taking the spot I once occupied. I brushed my thoughts against her lightly, like a butterfly touching her arm. She fought with something internally, wondering whether or not she could tell her story to the supernatural creature who had spun her life upside down. She looked at me when she realized I was in her innermost sanctum, monitoring what she thought. Smiling, she gazed back out into the night, letting it carry her away.
“When I was four, I saw a ghost. I woke up and looked over at the stairs. A head was staring at me through the slats of the banister, grinning at me. I knew it wasn’t my grandfather. He was asleep. So I got scared and shut off my abilities. Then when I was twelve, something followed me around at night. I stayed up late watching movies and it would come with me into the kitchen. The manifestation was scary, like it wanted to harm me, so I’d run into the light and it would go away because the light meant protection. That continued until I was fifteen. Then one day, I sensed things, saw images of the future.
“I figured most of it was because I was close to a nervous breakdown. Things in my house were not good. I’d come home from school and go straight to my room, avoiding my mother’s boyfriend. When Mom got home they always fought. The stress of it got to me, so I started sewing to keep myself sane. Then one day my friend gave me her earrings to hold. I saw pictures of her dead aunt in my head, and when I told her what I saw, she freaked and never talked to me again. After that, I picked up emotions and images about people. I didn’t think much of it until it started to get out of hand. I was eighteen by then and sought help online to control my abilities. I found a man who offered to help. I went in for an interview and he hired me on the spot to do readings. I started two days after graduating from high school and continued there until the September after I finished college. I worked at a restaurant until I had saved enough money to come here. And here I am.”
“This man must have been a wonderful teacher,” I said, envious of her story. Where my education had been demeaning, hers had been nurturing.
Tears came to her eyes again, but this time my pain had not caused them. “He’s a wonderful person, and he treated me like his little sister. I miss him very much. Edmund is the best. We had our problems, but they never interfered with our relationship. He was my boss, and at one time my roommate.”
She wiped tears from her eyes and turned to me. “Now it’s your turn. What’s it like to be a vampire? You keep part of yourself caged. Why?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Try me.”
I sighed. “You were inside my mind when I attacked you. You felt the hunger of the beast. It was born in my soul when Devon gave me blood. When it awoke, its first instinct was to sate the hunger. Every vampire is like that. Normally the demon personality and the human personality merge together and co-exist. There are varying degrees among vampires, but you get the idea. The demon always wants to ravage and treat humans as meat.
“That didn’t happen with me. When my hunger was sated, I looked Ronnie in the face and saw the destruction we both had caused. Guilt overwhelmed me, and I separated from her. I realized I had become a monster. I hated myself and Devon. I swore I would fight Ronnie and keep her locked away. She wanted out to torture more humans, but I told myself I wouldn’t kill. I would treat humans fairly. However, the hunger proved to be too much and even though I preyed upon the sick and dying, I always ended up killing them. Ronnie gets out when my control slips like it did earlier.”