San Antonio Rose (Historical Romance) (15 page)

His rejection cut her deeply. "I am sorry if I threw myself at you." She ducked her head and
her hair fell forward, curtaining her face. "I
feel so ashamed."

He moved closer to the fire and away from
her. "You have done nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm the one who let it go too far. I would be no
better than a libertine if I took advantage of
you."

Emerada assumed that Ian was trying to be
kind and not hurt her feelings. He just didn't
have the same feelings for her that she had for
him. "I never thought to ask if there is a
woman you love."

Ian was silent as he considered her question.
He thought of pretty Pauline Harlandale, who
was nothing like Emerada-Emerada was
flame and filled with passion, while Pauline
was ladylike and proper. Emerada could handle herself in dangerous situations, while
Pauline would be terrified at the first sign of
danger. Emerada fired his blood, and Pauline
never had. He realized that Pauline had not
crossed his mind in weeks-not since the first
day he'd met this raven-haired beauty who was
rarely out of his thoughts.

He tossed a stick of wood on the fire and
watched the sparks fly, deciding to answer
Emerada's question as honestly as he could.

"There is someone I have known most of my
life. Her name is Pauline Harlandale. We have
an understanding... of sorts. At least, her family and my mother expect us to marry."

Emerada just looked at him, her eyes luminous in the firelight. He held himself stiff, fighting the urge to take her in his arms again. He
tried to recall how he'd planned to send for
Pauline when this war was over so they could be
married and settle down in Texas. At the moment, he was having trouble remembering
Pauline's face. His blood had never burned when
he was with her, as it did now with Emerada.

"It must be a great comfort to know where
your life is going," she said.

At the moment, all Ian could think about was
the wild sensations that were coursing through
his body He was thinking how softly her skin
glowed in the firelight, and how he wanted to
reach out and touch her. "What about you,
Emerada?" he asked. "Do you have someone
you care about?"

"When I left Tejas to live with my aunt, I was
too young to think about love. When we are in
residence in New Orleans, my aunt is always
reclusive and we do not socialize. I believe it is
her time to rest in mind and body and to learn
new dances."

"And when you are in France?"

"There my aunt protects me, and Domingo
and Josifina keep all men away from me." She
flexed her tired muscles and sighed. "So I have
had little chance to meet any man, much less
lose my heart to one."

She tossed her long hair and fixed him with a
hard glare. "The only man in my life at the mo ment is Santa Anna. I find that I am much
more consumed by hatred than I ever could be
by that trivial feeling called love."

Ian spoke with amazement. "You have never
imagined yourself in love?"

"I know about the love I had for my family,
but I know nothing of the love you speak of.
Since returning to Tejas, I have had men say
they loved me, while I knew that all they felt
was lust for the dancer in me."

He felt his heart ache for her, and he resisted
the urge to comfort her again. "I believe many
men love you."

She turned to stare at him. "I do not even
know what love is. Can you explain to me
about the love that happens between a man
and a woman?"

"That is a question you should ask a woman.
I am not sure I can explain it to you, or if I really know."

"Josifina is the only woman I could ask, and
she never married, so I am not sure she knows.
Of course, Aunt Dilena knows about lovemany men have loved her."

"Wouldn't your aunt disapprove of your...
enticing Santa Anna to..." He rolled to his
feet. "Damn it, don't answer that. It's none of
my business what you do."

She stood up beside him. "Then why did you
make me come with you?"

"I thought you were spying for Santa Anna. I
wanted to make you admit it to Houston."

"And now?"

"I no longer believe that you are on Santa
Anna's side in this war."

"Then you will let me go?"

He shook his head and moved to a wooden
tub that was turned upside down, where he
seated himself "No, I can't do that either. You
would be in danger if you went back now."

She dropped down beside him and arranged
the blanket about her, knowing she would escape the first chance she got. He had taken her
away from her mission, and she had to find a
way to get back. "Tell me about yourselfwhat was your life like before you came to
Tejas?" she asked, attempting to lure him into
trusting her.

He removed his wet boots and placed them
by the fire. "What was my life like before I met
you?" he mused aloud.

"Why did you come to Tejas?"

"I was born in Virginia. My father was a
member of the House of Burgesses and later
became Thomas Jefferson's ambassador to
some obscure South Sea island. He died before I was born." He paused as if he were having trouble with his voice. Then he said in an
explosion of honesty. "If I am going to be honest, I will have to admit that my father never
married my mother. I am what is known as a
bastard."

She gasped, curling her fingers to keep from
reaching out to him. "I... am sorry."

He glared at her. "Are you?"

"Not for the reason you think-I am sorry
because it obviously brings you pain. It is of little matter to me."

"The pain has passed long ago. I don't know
why I am telling you about this. I never told
anyone else." He smiled at her. "It seems we are
baring our souls tonight, little dancer."

"Was your life so bad?"

"Not at all. You see, my father was on his
way back to America to marry my mother
when his ship went down in a storm. I missed
being legitimate by one week."

"It must have been a tragedy for your
mother."

"Yes, it was. Sam Houston had received a letter from my father, telling him of his plans to
marry my mother, who waited for him in Georgia. She took my father's name, and no one
questioned the marriage or my birth. I suppose
Houston's presence suppressed any doubt that
might have occurred in anyone's mind. My
mother went to Virginia, and the McCain family embraced her as my father's wife. My grandparents were very happy when I was born.
They had no children but my father. And I was
their only grandchild."

"Surely your mother did not tell you the facts
of your birth."

"Of course not. It wasn't until six years ago
when I overheard my mother and Houston
talking. It was late one night, when they thought I was asleep. I never told either of
them that I'd overheard their conversation."

"Why did General Houston help your
mother?"

"Since he was my father's friend, I suppose
he took it upon himself to rectify the happenstance of my birth." His gaze locked with hers.
"Are you repulsed by my background?"

"Why should I be? You are the same person
you were before I knew about your birth."

He avoided her eyes, not wanting Emerada
to know that her acceptance of his circumstances moved him deeply. He had often wondered what Pauline would do if she knew the
secret of his birth. "You are more generous
than most people would be. I'm sure if my
background were made public, I would find
myself alone and friendless."

"You underestimate the impact you have on
people. Knowing you, how could anyone care
about such a triviality as the circumstance of
your birth?"

His head swung around, and he looked at
her for a moment before speaking. "For six
years I have lived with the ghost of my parents'
mistakes, and you just reduced it to a triviality." He laughed, feeling strangely lighthearted.
"You are an uncommon woman, Emerada de la
Rosa."

"You are fortunate to have General Houston,"
she said, deliberately changing the subject.

"In many ways, he has been my symbolic fa ther through the years. Perhaps one day we
will speak of my birth, but it never seems to be
the right time."

"Can you not let the past go? It has little to
do with the man you are today." She stared into
the flickering firelight. "Houston is a man of
great honor. I have felt that about him, and
now that I have heard your story, I believe it
even more." Unaware that she was doing so,
she wound a lock of hair around her finger.
"What about your mother-did she ever
marry?"

"No. I don't believe she ever got over my father's death."

"So Houston brought you to Tejas with
him?"

"No, he didn't bring me to Texas right away.
To please my grandparents, I went to William
and Mary College as my father had. Much to
their dismay, in my third year I decided I
wanted to attend West Point. Then, quite suddenly, last year the general sent for me." Ian
smiled to himself. "My mother must have written to him that I needed guidance. She is a
Southern lady who believes nothing good can
be gained by going to a `Yankee' military
school."

Emerada was puzzled. "I did not know there
was a division between the states in America."

"Only in some people's minds. Some people
in the South talk about a country separate
from the United States. Houston thinks noth ing will ever come of it he calls it mere saber
rattling."

He watched her move back to the fire, settling herself close to its warmth. "This has been
a night for confessions, little dancer."

"Please do not call me that. I detest it when
you do."

He moved closer to the fire. His clothing was
still wet, and he felt very uncomfortable. "Then I
shall never call you that name again." His voice
was strangely gentle. "I would not want to hurt
you."

She dipped her head. Hurt her? For some
reason, her heart felt as if it had been shattered into slivers of broken glass. She tried to
think of the woman who waited for him back
in Virginia. Did she know how fortunate she
was to have the love of this extraordinary
man?

"Did you learn to dance from your aunt?" Ian
asked, taking up the thread of their conversation.

"Not at first. She hired dance instructors for
me. She is often very indulgent with me, and I
adore her. She and my mother were very close,
and she tried to do for me what my mother
would have liked."

"Do you miss France?"

"I miss my aunt-but France, no. Tejas is my
home; this is where my family died, and this is
where I want to die." She glanced up at him.
"What about you? Do you miss Virginia?"

"Something happens to a man or a woman
when they come to Texas. They either love it or
they hate it. Those who hate it leave, and those
who love it seem willing to die for it."

"Under which group do you fall-hate and
leave, or love and die?" It seemed to her that
his eyes became even bluer as he gazed back at
her in astonishment.

"I took an oath to defend Texas with my life.
So far I have done little to honor that oath."

"But you will. The main battle has not yet
been fought. That one will be fought between
Santa Anna and Houston, and truthfully, I do
not know what the outcome will be. Surely
Santa Anna has might on his side. And if you
think about it the way he does, he also has
right on his side. Tejas is the territory of Mexico. He is merely trying to keep what is his."

"Under other circumstances, Emerada, and
with another ruler who represented all the people, Texas would have basked in Mexico's glory.
But look what happened to your family merely
because they welcomed a friend into their
home. No man should have to live in fear because of who his friends are-or for that matter, what his beliefs are. There are many people
who have suffered the same fate as your family.
The time to say no to the dictator is past-war
is the only way to achieve justice and remove
him from power. Many people simply talk
about this, Emerada, but you have done something about it."

"My mission will not be finished until he is
either dead or out of power."

Ian could almost see her with a flaming
sword in her hand. In the beginning he'd had
very little respect for her, thinking she was
nothing more than a saloon entertainer, although a better dancer than most. Now he realized she walked a dangerous line as a spy. If her
true purpose was uncovered by Santa Anna,
she would be put to death. "Emerada, go back
to your aunt in New Orleans, or France, or
wherever she is. Seek a safe haven until this is
all over."

"I shall do just that, on the day you leave
Tejas and return to Virginia."

"You know I can't do that."

"And I cannot abandon my principles any
more than you can. The day the dictator is defeated is the day I ride away, and not before."

Tenderly he ran his hand down her silken
hair. "Has anyone told you that you are a stubborn woman?"

"Si. Many times."

Suddenly Emerada was overcome with a
feeling of desperation. She knew in her heart
that she was going to have to give herself to
Santa Anna. There was no avoiding it. If she
went back now, she would have to use her body
to convince Santa Anna that he could trust her.

She turned away from Ian so he would not
see the tears gathering in her eyes. To have that monster's hands on her made her feel sick inside. To have him be the first man to take her
body made her want to cry. If only Ian could be
the first man to make love to her, perhaps it
wouldn't be so bad when she gave herself to
Santa Anna.

She turned back to Ian, moistened her dry
lips with her tongue, and raised her gaze to his.
She moved closer to him and touched her lips
to his.

She was surprised by the emotions she unleashed in him. His arms slid around her, holding her like a vise. She could feel his intake of
breath, the hardness of his chest, the feel of his
lips on hers.