Authors: Lynn Rae
“Why are you so grumpy, Del? You’ve been negative about
everything I’ve said for the last ten minutes,” Dee Dee was complaining as she
washed a pot. They’d had supper together and all Dee Dee had been able to talk
about was how Arturo Yee was the cream on top of the milk. Del was tired of it
and feeling morose about the lack of cream in her life. She sipped some water,
wished it was whiskey and struggled not to respond in a negative way.
“I’m sorry, Dee Dee. I’m happy Arturo makes you happy.”
“Oh Del, no, I’m sorry.” Dee Dee dropped the pot and turned
to her, her lovely gray eyes full of sympathy. “I should be more understanding,
with Lazlo gone.”
Del shook her head. “Lazlo Casta has nothing to do with it. I’m
fine.” Of course, she wasn’t fine—she missed him horribly and had cried every
day since he’d been gone.
Lazlo had started to ping her as soon as he was on his ship
to Weave, and there had been at least one ping, a few times more, in every data
pod delivered since. And today’s data pod had included something from him that
was an extremely large file, clearly the vid he’d promised.
Too afraid to watch it, Del had invited Dee Dee over to
distract her that evening, but hearing about her sister’s intensifying interest
in their family advocate was difficult. She knew if she saw Lazlo, even in a
vid, she wouldn’t be able to go on as if nothing were wrong in her life.
She’d struggled in how to respond to his pings even though
they had initially been friendly and non-intimate. Del hadn’t been able to
resist them, or knowing that he still wanted to communicate with her. But then
the mood had changed when he wanted her to see him. His request made her heart
ache with desire and regret.
“How long has he been away, ten days?” Dee Dee watched Del
as she dried the pot again and again.
Del nodded and took the pot away, hiding it behind her on
the tiny counter in her nearly restored apartment. Well, it was a large room
containing all of her possessions. After seeing the luxury of Lazlo’s place and
the splendor of Major Sekar and Bara Kidd’s home, she now saw her apartment
with a more jaded eye.
Of course, if Dee Dee had a happy future with the ever-so-wonderful
Arturo Yee, she might soon be living in a much nicer place and Del could come
and visit when she needed a touch of refinement in her day. If only she could
get her spectrometer replaced, she would almost be back to normal. Other than
the new raw wound of missing Lazlo.
“Well, if you’re this upset about it, it’s a good thing you
didn’t have relations with him. You’d be devastated,” Dee Dee blithered on, now
drying a spoon. Del swallowed, trying not to look at all devastated, but her
sister caught her breath and clutched the spoon to her chest, her eyes wide with
shock.
“Oh no, Del. You didn’t. You
did
, didn’t you?” Her
sister threw her arms around Del and squeezed her tight. “Oh I’m so sorry I
gave you that terrible advice. I never thought you would actually do it. You
are so, so…”
“I’m so what?”
“Inhibited. I’m sorry, that wasn’t nice to say.” Dee Dee was
now wailing in an agony over how to apologize. Del scowled at her and stepped
away, not hurt as much by what her sister thought of her allure but by the
continued pain of Lazlo’s absence. “Obviously you aren’t actually inhibited if
you had sex with him. Although he is sexy enough to make any woman jump in bed
with him, so why would you restrain yourself?”
“Dee Dee! Please!” Del hissed and walked away to her sofa,
Dee Dee at her heels, holding on to her hand as they both sat down together. Now
she was thinking of Lazlo bouncing around in bed with all sorts of new and
lovely classmates and she felt lightheaded. And he probably was. Why not? Those
lucky girls. He was so wonderful.
“Sorry again, but he is big and sexy. How big—don’t say! And
you—” Then Dee Dee was hugging her again and Del was leaning away. “I’m so
proud of you and sorry too.”
“Stop it, Dee. You aren’t making any sense.”
“No, I am. I’m just in a rush.” Dee Dee sat back but kept a
tight hold on Del’s hand, forcing her to stay and listen. “I’m so happy you had
sex with him and I’m sorry he is gone and you are hurting now. There, that’s
what I wanted to say properly. Arturo is very precise in his speech and I’m
trying to match him.”
Again with Arturo
, Del grumbled to herself. “I
understand, Dee Dee, but I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But I do,” her sister continued, oblivious to Del’s
discomfort. “How was it? Did you at least enjoy yourself? I suppose you did, if
you’re missing him this much.”
“I never said I was missing him.”
“But you are, you have been a snappish grump for the last
few days, so it’s clear. Oh the sex must have been spectacular!” Dee Dee stared
off into space and Del was certain she was imagining her Arturo in all sorts of
positions.
Del had a flashback to Lazlo and how it had been with him—how
he’d felt and tasted and sounded. She felt a horrible tearing in her chest and
the tears started to flow shamefully down her cheeks. Dee Dee cooed and
fluttered over her, handing her handkerchiefs and patting her shoulders
tenderly until Del stopped sobbing and gasping.
“Has he sent you any messages?”
“Yes.”
“That’s good, that’s good. What are they like?”
“What does that matter? I’m never going to see him again.”
“So you still want him.”
With that question, Del broke apart. She did want him. She
wasn’t just missing what she’d had with him—she was desperate to have him back.
An absolute impossibility. Realizing that crushed her soul.
“Oh sweetie,” Dee commiserated and then Del began to tell
her almost everything. How they made each other laugh, how careful and gentle
he’d been with her, how she’d argued with him when he left and how they had
been sending messages to each other, but she was afraid to see his vid now—it
would hurt more than she could bear.
She didn’t describe anything about their intimacies. Talking
about that would have been torture. And Dee Dee would have likely offered too
much advice on technique for comfort.
“First, Del, you’re the strongest person ever, I’ve always
thought so, ever since you saved Pa. And you saved Lazlo too, I know you did.
Of course you did, you’re such a tough one. I know you can watch a vid of the
man and not shrivel up to a spore.”
Dee Dee gave her another hug and stood. “You need to watch
that vid and I need to go home and work on the accounts before bed. I had a
good supper with you. I’m sorry you feel so bad, but I’m so glad you had sex. Probably
really good sex, that Lazlo is a muscat peach of a man. And I’ve expressed
myself perfectly.”
Dee Dee turned and left the apartment before she could say
anything else, leaving Del on her sofa entirely unsure of what to do. After
all, the last time Dee Dee had given her advice, she’d flung herself at Lazlo
and broken her own heart. No one had ever bothered to send her a vid message
before.
Del dithered for another half an hour, stroking her broken
Toots, rearranging some boxes of specimens and looking for a glass she already
knew had been broken by the deputies and cycled long ago. She changed to some
sleepwear—less soft than Lazlo’s, crack it—and retreated to her bed after
checking her door locks compulsively. She’d had a hard time sleeping after the
raid and would usually wake up at least once a night to check her door and
windows.
Del pulled up her blanket and positioned her new-to-her
third-hand datpad next to her on the bed. She looked at it and sighed. To see
Lazlo again was going to be painful no matter what he had to say. But could she
just ignore this and ignore any other message he might send her?
Feeling like biting her pillow with distress, Del activated
her datpad and opened the video message.
There was Lazlo, looking as big and kind as she remembered,
and her whole body tensed and warmed with the memory of him. He was sitting in
some sort of enclosed space, his brown eyes bright, brown hair shaggier than
she remembered. The wall close behind him was dark gray and besides him, that
was all that was visible on the screen. But he was enough.
“Hi, Del. I hope you had a good day, or if you’re viewing
this in the morning, that you had a good sleep.” Lazlo shifted a little and
smiled some more. He looked tired and there was an uncustomary stubble along
his chin and cheeks. “I’m at the end of my day here. I had a territorial law
class this morning, scrambled eggs and sweet potato for lunch, two classes on
elections codes and I’m just back from a run and a not-so-interesting dinner of
pasta with some sort of cheese on it. And here I am in my study carrel, not
studying. I’m too tired to concentrate and I’d rather talk with you. Even if
you can’t talk back. I took some images for you on my run, let me show you.”
The screen went blank for a moment to be replaced by the
sudden appearance of a bright landscape of mesas retreating into a misty
distance, the primary colors of the geologic features shades of blue and gray,
with some layers an iridescent purple.
Del gasped. It was so beautiful. “Here’s part of Weave I
thought you might like to see. This is where I run—there’s a nice trail here
and it’s about a half-hour drive from the campus so it’s easy to get a ride
from someone. These are the Merit Ranges, about four hundred and thirteen
million years old according to a pamphlet I found in the barracks library. No
fungus to worry about here but it’s a lot dryer than Sayre. We have to drink a
lot of water to compensate.”
The image disappeared to be replaced by a close-up of some
scattered rocks. The focus wasn’t clear enough for Del to observe much about
them but she appreciated that he was trying. “Here are some rocks I run past. I
don’t know what they are, or who I could ask about them other than you. So if
you have any idea, let me know.”
The screen blanked again and then lit up to reveal a low
building of orange bricks, numerous windows lining the walls, a few bulbous-looking
plants lining the base. “Here’s where I live. It isn’t very luxurious, but I
just sleep here.” The image reset to a nicely sized room containing a neatly
made bed, a desk and chair, and a large window looking out on other low orange
buildings, with the bluish Merit Ranges hazy in the distance. “And here’s where
I sleep,” Lazlo continued, sounding tired.
The image shifted and then she saw him again, sitting on his
bed, looking at her through the lens of the vid and millions of light-years
from her. Del felt tears catch in her throat as she saw him again. The pain of
missing him rose in her body like a fever—she was shaky and exhausted with it. Lazlo
looked tired and unsure. He’d filmed rocks for her, for stars’ sake.
“Del, I miss you. I want to see you. Can you come here? I’m
getting a little time off and I want to see you again. I know we aren’t getting
involved, but coming here for a day isn’t a relationship, it’s just a jump and
some hours on Weave and a jump back to Sayre. That’s all. I’ll show you the
rocks, you can see a little of Weave. Please tell me you’ll come.” Lazlo looked
at her with such need that she almost leaned in to the display to get closer to
him.
Seeing him again was exactly what she wanted. But knowing he
wouldn’t return to Sayre afterward would make it even harder to leave him than
it had been ten days before. Del thought she’d had her heart broken already,
but if she went to him, she would break it again.
* * * * *
To Lazlo
Thank you for the vid. I’m thinking about it.
From D
To Del
I can get you a room in a very nice hotel. You wouldn’t
be in these barracks I showed you. Room service, butlebot, pool, all the nice
things. Just a little time together. Please come.
From L
To Lazlo
When would you be able to get time off?
From D
To Del
I get a break in three days. Is that enough notice?
From L
To Lazlo
Yes, that’s enough notice. Promise we aren’t involved and
I will be there.
From D
To Del
I promise. We can’t be involved after just a day. I’ve
attached all of the travel information. Your flight leaves in fifty-seven
hours. Bring something for swimming—the hotel you will be in has a great pool.
I can’t wait to see you, Del.
From L
* * * * *
Lazlo was waiting at the dock for the
Baltimore Honey
to arrive. Completing an extra practica in voter registration in record time
had earned him twenty-two hours off, which meant he’d get to see Del.
He’d rushed out of his last class and ran to the cart rental
office, sure he wouldn’t get there in time to meet her, but he’d arrived early
enough to be able to stop and buy her a coffee. So Lazlo stood, cup in hand,
scanning the displays for any updates on the ship.
The
Honey
had completed the local jump and was
supposed to have landed by now but the display didn’t show it had actually
touched down. The terminal was new and lush with all the latest features. He
tore his eyes away from the screen and looked over the area—soaring ceilings
with colored-glass inserts making rainbows of light on travelers passing below,
a soothing audio fountain, little shops and cafes, more porterbots than people.
It was a wonderful place to arrive. He wanted it to be wonderful, he wanted Del
to be dazzled. No thoughts of his classes intruded, or the work he needed to
do, or of the concepts he needed to master. He was only hoping for Del. Not
that he was making this into something important. She was a nice person and
they’d had great sex. Which they might have again. Or might not. Especially
since they weren’t getting involved. But she would be here soon and he’d enjoy
her company in whatever capacity. But he couldn’t deny that he had hopes for
more sex.