Sacrifice of the Septimus: Part 1 (Afterlife saga Book 7) (31 page)

When I finally was allowed to take off my blindfold I turned to see how well I had done in my task, only to find that poor Draven had a pair of balls half way down his legs, balls which Pip had named ‘Hairy man danglers’. He had his penis on his stomach off to one side and slightly bent and very wonky nipples that were closer to his armpits than on his chest. After this poor Draven became our official mascot and ended up wearing a pink feather boa, my flashing tiara and also now sporting a very dashing curly moustache, thanks to Pip and the black sharpie pen she always kept handy.

We also playe
d
‘
Willy Hoopla’ where we all took turns throwing a plastic ring trying to get it over the large penis in the middle of the floor. Everyone cheered my mum on as she beat us all, blushing when she won the chocolate mint nipples.

“It must be all those years playing ring toss,” she said before I caught her hiding her prize in her bag.

“What are you doing, mum?”

“Well I thought I would take these back for your father, he loves After Eights and these look like the same thing.” Libby laughed and said,

“Mum, you do know they are shaped like nipples don’t you?”

“Yes but he won’t know that! Give that man chocolate and he won’t stop to take note what shape it is…it could have my face on it and he wouldn’t know!” We both burst out laughing as we knew this was true, Libby and I had spent years having to hide our chocolate in the freezer from our dad as it was the only place he never looked.

The night was a raging success and Pip had really gone to town on everything. There were more games like, Willy bingo, dare cards and a shot Russian roulette drinking game that sent most of us over the edge of tipsy. This included my mum who we had to convince to stay in the room as she wanted to go in search of one of the bellboy’s hats.

“What is it with mum and hats when drunk?” Libby asked me, slopping a bit of bubbly down her chin.

“Beats me but I think she might have a thing for a man in uniform.” I told her and we both started giggling.

“Time for gifts!” Sophia shouted and RJ helped her pile them all on the coffee table in front of me. I was sat down in the middle with everyone sat around watching as I opened all the gifts. The first was a beautiful underwear set made of purple lace from my sister, obviously to go with the wedding colour theme. It was stunning and I couldn’t wait to wear it for Draven.

“Next!” Pip shouted clapping and passing me one from my mum.

“Your Gran gave me this same gift before my wedding day,” my mum told me and I grinned, loving the family connection behind it. I opened it, knowing instantly it was a book of some kind.

“Mum it’s brilliant!” I told her and then held it up for everyone to see the title, one that read, ‘Sex Tips for husbands and wives from 1894’

“And I will tell you what she told me, ‘They must have been doing something right ‘cause we are all still kicking around’.” Everyone laughed and just after reading the first page to everyone, I couldn’t believe how spot on it was, just not for the reasons it referred too,   

“Okay, so it reads, ‘To the sensible young woman, who has the benefits of a proper upbringing, the wedding day is ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life’,”

“Oh Mama Toots, that ship sailed long ago and that girl of yours is now the captain!” Pip said making everyone double over with laughter. My wonderful mother placed a hand on Pip’s arm and said,

“I know love, who do you think she gets it from?” then winked at her. Pip’s eyes got wide and she shrieked,

“Oh put it there, Mama Toots!” giving her a high five.

“MOM!” Libby shouted sounding more American in her shock.

“Get over it dear, you know where babies come from and the stork was sick that day.” Libby rolled her eyes smirking at our mother and Sophia shot me a look as if to say my mum was the coolest. And right at that moment I was so proud I couldn’t help but give my mum a high five.

My next few gifts were your usual Hen do gifts, which included everything from a giant penis jelly mould from RJ, a box that said, ‘for the girl who likes a big 1’ on the front, only to find a giant chocolate number 1 inside. This was from Hilary and it went down well with everyone having a laugh. Ari bought me penis shaped lipsticks in a raspberry colour and Pip laughed saying,

“If it’s ever that colour I would call a doctor!” Ari and Pip seemed to hit it off but that wasn’t surprising as Pip hit it off with everyone, even my mum was ready to adopt her and Pip had the sharpie to sign the paperwork!

My next gift couldn’t have been more Sophia if she tried. I had wondered being from her if it would be something with a designer label, but oh was I wrong. It was the perfect gift for a naughty demon to give the bride at her Hen party.

“I don’t think your brother will approve.” I said laughing as I held up the voodoo doll which had white pins around his heart and inside it said, ‘Tell me you love me’. There was a different message all over his body that I guessed whatever you wanted him to do was where you placed the pins. I was half tempted to ask Sophia if it actually worked, as with her you would never know. The other messages included things like...

Clean the house.

Take me on Vacation.

Cook me dinner.

Give me a foot rub.

Which so far was a whole list of things Draven had never done, but if it had said,

Give me multiple orgasms.

Make me scream.

Feed me.

Protect me.

Make love to me on a bed of roses.

Then I think that would have been more fitting. I was tempted to borrow Pip’s sharpie. And speaking of Pip, we had only one present left and I couldn’t wait for it. 

“Mine next!” Pip shouted, passing me an outrageous box covered in boobs and a card that read,

“To one of the original Boobie Bad Ass Bitches’ Love Pipperlicious’. Nice touch Pip.” I said after reading it out for everyone.

“But of course…I have a way with words, Joyce,” she told my mum, leaning into her.

“I know, love.” My mum replied giving me a wink.

“Open it!” Ari said getting excited to see what Pip had bought me. I opened the box pulling off the mountains of ribbon and then tackling the same mountain of tissue paper inside.

“Oh…My…Good Lord.” I said as I lifted up the craziest underwear set I had ever seen. I mean I knew they had candy bra and knicker sets but this was something else…
entirely!

“Do you like it? I made it.” She told me almost climbing over RJ to get closer to me.

“You made this?” I asked shocked at how something so crazy could be so utterly brilliant and beautiful at the same time. She nodded and I suddenly felt like I was going to cry. Everyone else was also talking about how amazing it looked and I just held it up looking at the rainbow of colours in utter awe.

What Pip had made me was an underwear set like no other. It was entirely made out of sweets which had been sewn together with strawberry laces and glued with heated sugar. It was a full size bra that laced together at the back with fizzy belts that you knotted to tie it on. The briefs were the same that tied at each side of your hip and the thong part was a string of Jelly beans. She even put two gobstoppers on there as nipples. But there was everything in it. Jelly babies, Fizzy Bubblegum Bottles, Love Hearts, Flying Saucers, Sour Suckers, Cola Cubes and those were only the ones I could remember the names of. It was so much fun and after seeing how Draven reacted down the sweet aisle, I knew he would think so too, especially when he got to eat it all off me. I was thinking of all the delicious fun we were going to have with this awesome outfit.

“It’s perfect Pip, thank you!” I said grabbing her to me and hugging her tight.

“You’re welcome, my friend,” she told me getting teary.

“Right, enough of the mushy woman love, time for cocktails and party fun bags!” Pip shouted bouncing up off the floor and grabbing Sophia as she went. I knew time was getting on and I still had no idea what we were going to say to the rest of them as to why we were leaving for a short while. Because that’s what I was hoping for, the quicker we go in the quicker we get out.

“Here’s one for everyone but wait, you have to drink this to go with it.” She handed out a black bag to everyone and people started pulling out the purple tissue paper before diving in.

“Everyone wait to try your lollies at the same time as I made those too.” She said once my sister pulled hers out first. I saw Sophia whispering over by the window with Ari after she passed her one of the bags. I wondered if that was about what was happening tonight? The sound of my mum’s laughter made me turn my attention back to the rest of them as they all discovered the items in their bags.

“Purple willy straws?” I asked Pip with a smirk on my face.

“Hey for all we know it glows purple in the dark…you know, when he’s rising up to the demonic occasion.” I laughed and then asked,

“Yeah but did you have to attach the little signs that say ‘Suck me’?”

“What can I say, I’m a practical girl.” Now this really made me laugh and I continued to do so as they all pulled out one funny thing after the next, including personalised ‘Club Afterlife’ condoms. Especially when my mum handed hers to Libby, saying,

“You will need this more than I do, dear.” 

There was also Fortune Fish that you placed on your palm and they told you your emotion. There were multicolour rubber wristbands that said ‘Party like Pip’ in white writing, key rings that said, ‘Party like an Afterlife girl’ on one side and on the other a green skull with wings that said ‘Chase the Green Fairy’ underneath.

Then there were her little coffins which had a sticker on the top that had a skull puking out a rainbow and the words round it said ‘Toot’s sweets, Pip ‘n’ Mix’. Inside these there were a variety of gothic naughty sweets, like fizzy vampire teeth, Jelly willies, Blood balls, hard candy willies, Vampire balls, white chocolate skulls and let’s not forget, Jelly men with willies…I quickly guessed the theme. But what made me nearly choke on my drink again was the ‘Oracle Cookies’ that were really ‘fortune cookies’ that had been put in a little brown bag and stamped with the new name on the front.

“Oh that’s cute.” Libby said lifting hers out, having no clue to th
e
significance of the name.

“Right lollies everyone.” Pip said as they all pulled out a large rainbow spiral lolly which had a sticker on the front that said,

Not Toxic

But

Piptastic!

This was written under a green haired skull and crossed bones, only instead of the bones it was two crossed lollipops and the skull had two hearts for eyes. They were the cutest things and everyone said so as they got them out of the packets.

“Right, now a toast to my wonderful friend Toots, who came into my life and changed it forever and of course, for the better. Toots you are the strawberry cream on my French toast…to Toots, aka Kazzy!” Pip said and they all raised their glasses and drank, including me.

“Aww that was lovely, Pip.” I told her nudging her hip with mine.

“Mmm, this is delicious, Pipper,” my mum said sucking on her lolly and my sister followed suit. RJ and Hilary also commented on how delicious they were so much so I was tempted to try one myself.

“Just wait for it.” Pip said as I grabbed my own lolly out of my bag.

“Wait for…Pip what the Hell! Mum?! Libs!?” I shouted in a panic as one by one they all dropped like flies. Sophia ran forward catching RJ as she was about to fall towards the floor. I whipped my head round and shouted,

“You drugged them?!”

“Of course, how else did you think we were going to hightail it outta here?”

“But Pip, I drank the cocktail too!” This was when she gave me one of her famous ‘I’m a naughty little Imp’ looks and said,

“Oh it wasn’t in the drink.”

“No?” I frowned at her looking around at my mum, Libby, RJ and Hilary, all passed out in their seats.

“No, I lied…” I was about to ask her about what, when she told me herself proudly with a wink,

“…The Lollipops, they were toxic.”

Chapter 30

Devil’s Playground

Pip assured me over and over that they were fine and it was just a little something that sent them all into a peaceful sleep.

“And more importantly, they won’t know a thing about it when they wake up.” Sophia added after covering my mum with a hotel towel just to make her extra comfy.

“Right, time to get to work ladies, let’s get our freak on!”

“Uh…our what now?” I asked watching Pip suddenly whip off her t shirt to reveal a purple leather corset with a pea green skirt underneath. Then she kicked off her shoes and shimmed out of her cut-offs, showing it wasn’t tights she wore but purple and black striped stockings.

She then pulled ties down and created an extremely short skirt split in the middle, showing off her DC Joker briefs that looked more like a pair of men’s Y fronts. It was only when she added platform knee high purple boots, purple gloves and a pinstriped purple jacket that I got the costume. She was actually going as a female version of the Joker.

“You like?” Pip asked spinning round and finishing on a Joker style pose. I would say the only thing she was missing was the makeup but knowing Pip, this was coming next.

“Here.” Sophia said throwing a shopping bag Ari’s way.

“What’s this for?” she asked looking as confused as I was.

“Put it on sugar, we are going to a real party!” Pip said answering her. Ari grabbed the garment out of the bag and her eyes widened in horror.

“I can’t wear that!” she said making Pip giggle. She held up a burgundy velvet corset that had a tiny skirt attached made from the same pleated material. One, I should mention, that would make Ari’s behind look very curvaceous indeed. The pale pink bows that fastened at the front made me giggle and she shot me a stern glare, one I ignored.

“Trust me you do not want to walk into where we are going without it…not unless you want to stick out like a piece of human steak.” Sophia told her and she swallowed the large lump of fear.

“Is this true?” she asked me and I gave her a half smile telling her with just one look that yeah, they were kinda right.

“Fine!” she said on a huff taking the bag into the bedroom with her.

“Are you sure she will be okay with all this…this world, when it’s all still so new for her?” I asked them both.

“Well it’s one that she will need to get used to pretty damn quick considering where we are going tomorrow.” Sophia said, untying her dress to reveal a beautiful black and white Harlequin clown’s outfit underneath. It was more of the sexy variety and it looked as though corsets were the costume choice of the night because she too wore one. 

It was black satin with two side panels that were black and white diamonds, which matched the stockings she was currently slipping over her bare legs. To this she added cute little black ballet slippers that had wicked looking metal spiked heels, reminding me that she knew how to add a goth element in her fashion when needed. Hell, they looked more like weapons!

“Aww that looks cute.” I told her when she tied a clown’s large neck ruffle made of sheer white material edged with black ribbon. She winked at me and held out her plain black lace tutu to curtsy.

“Oooh you working the clown look, girlfriend.” Pip told her taking a moment from drawing on her red Joker smile and I noticed she had removed the cute little bows over her eyes in a jiffy, now replacing them with a ‘I will kick your ass’ smoky affect.

“I can’t do this!” Ari said coming out of the room and Pip’s whistled sound effect was a perfect example of how sexy she looked.

“Wow.” I said.

“Oooh, hottie” Sophia said.

“Bitch you smokin’” Pip said. And we were all right, she looked damn hot.

“I…I…oh God forgive me.” She said giving up on fighting it and we all burst into giggles when Sophia said,

“Oh honey, where we’re going there’s nothing holy about it. Now come here and let me do your hair.” Ari did as she was told, walking funny in her tight outfit, obviously never wearing anything so revealing and body constricting before. She also had on a pair of white fishnet tights under the mini skirt and some frilly white hot pants. I didn’t want to tell her but you could just see her full cheeks peeking out of them when she walked. At least she had a little bolero to wear in the same style as the corset with big puffed out sleeves, giving the outfit more of a ‘circus act’ look.

“We also have this big pole for you to carry in case anyone gets too close.” Pip said throwing her a silver walking stick that had a glass globe on the top with a red skull embedded inside it. We all looked a little shocked when she caught it one handed and spun it round like a pro.

“Whoa, where did that come from?” I asked and she shrugged her shoulders before smirking, looking happy to have discovered this new talent.

“Sit.” Sophia said spinning one of the chairs round for her to park her bum on. 

“What about her, she hasn’t been given a costume to wear.” Ari complained looking to me as Sophia started on her hair.

“Pip.” I was about to argue but Sophia saying Pip’s name this way stopped me.

“On it!” she said pulling out my own bag and I suddenly wanted to cry.

“Oh don’t look too worried Toots, you will look just as hot, you wait and see.”

“That looks like a few too many ruffles, Squeak.” I told her watching her as she wrestled with a lot of white organza and red ribbons.

“Never joke about ruffles,” she told me looking up from the big bag and then the dolly dress up began. First she started taking all the Hen do stuff off me which included unpinning the L plate from my back. Then the dress I was wearing got a makeover and when I say makeover, what I actually meant was it ended up getting completely redesigned.

She had put a large under bust corset on me that didn’t resemble a corset but more like a huge red and white striped sash. One that was tightened at the base of my spine by thick cord and then hidden by the biggest bow I had seen on a dress. The ends hung down further than the dress itself and pretty soon even that changed. Pip told me to step into a massive underskirt that just looked like a giant white tutu with red ribbon edging like Sophia’s. The only difference was that hers was little and cute, mine however could have housed small children from a rainstorm. Actually it was a very similar shape to an umbrella.

I had been about to bless my lucky stars that it was at least less revealing than the others but then Pip tied the front of my skirt to the striped ribbons attached to the under corset. This lifted the front of my skirt up revealing my legs and like the rest of them I also had to wear stockings. These had long thick lines of red and white which gave my legs a wonderful shape and complimented the cute calf length boots tied with laces at the front and the back, giving them a Victorian style.

“At least I did my hair.” I said more to myself than anyone else and Pip laughed.

“I don’t think so. The little top hat will never go with that style, now pigtails are where it’s at!”

“Oh no…no way…I…” I stopped when I heard Ari clearing her throat and I looked over to see Sophia had tied her hair up in two twisted buns with a big curling feather fascinator off to one side.

“Okay, I will go with pigtails,” I said knowing it could be worse…
much, much worse.

“Good choice.” Ari said sarcastically, making me laugh.

A short while later we were all ready to go and I think if Ari and I could have got away with it we would both have legged it back into the suite, barricading the door behind us. I had asked how long the ‘Humans’ would be out of action worried for my mum, but Pip assured me that they would wake none the wiser in about four hours. At least that would give us plenty of time to get in and out.

Now my only other worry was how we would get from A to B in these outfits.

“Plus aren’t we forgetting that Draven is down by the bar drinking with your brother?”

“What?! Oh God I can’t do this, I have to go back.” Ari said turning around abruptly.

“Chill, I had a text from Dom and forgot to tell you that they have moved on to another place.”

“You did?” I asked and Ari spoke at the same time,

“So Vincent won’t see me?”

“I did and no, he won’t see you,” she told us so we continued walking to the elevators.

“Where did they go?” I asked as we waited for the doors to open.

“Oh, just somewhere quiet,” she said casually.

“But what about other people seeing us?”

“That’s a good point.” I said siding with Ari and giving her a worry buddy in all this.

“Don’t worry, we have it covered.” Pip said throwing a gloved hand up in the air and in an instant she had thrown up some kind of spell that shielded us so others couldn’t see how we really looked. It was quite rare seeing what Pip could actually do and I still didn’t know half of it, but then again her powers weren’t as important to me as Pip was.

“Just like that?”

“Yep…I am just that good. Now let’s go,” she said as the doors opened letting us in. Just as we got down into the fancy lobby with its highly polished wood, gleaming marble pillars and elegant checkered floor, Pip pressed play on her phone and I wanted to laugh when ‘I feel like a woman’ started playing, as this seemed to be our theme tune.

Good old Shania Twain, it was certainly the confidence booster we needed and when I say we, I only meant me and Ari as Sophia and Pip walked like they owned the place. In fact, if this had been a movie then they would have played this scene in slow motion as the four of us strutted our stuff through this posh looking palace.

Even though they couldn’t see us looking like four sexy clowns, we still managed to turn heads, I looked at Ari and seeing her bright red cheeks, smiled to myself. One thought went through my mind and that was if she thought that this was bad then just wait until she got into the Devil’s Ring, then she would know what blushing really felt like.

We all got into the back of a black cab, called for us by the bellboy, who Pip winked at being her usual flirty self. We all crammed in the back and Sophia told the driver to take us to the ‘Cheshire Cheese’ which was one of the oldest and most well know pubs in London. Of course I knew it well…all too well in fact and all I could hope for was that Ari didn’t faint in shock when we walked through its doors.     

    Getting there only took minutes as it wasn’t far from the Savoy hotel. Last time I went I remembered thinking that I could have just walked, but in these heels that would be a big fat ‘no’.

“Is there another way in?” I asked while still in the cab assuming we wouldn’t be going the way I knew, not with the pub still being open.

“There are many but we want to stay inconspicuous,” Sophia said and Pip added,

“Spy like.” 

“Won’t there still be people inside?” Ari asked as we had pulled up by the alley way that led to the small old pub.

“Blind bats they will be.” Pip said like Yoda and Ari looked confused.

“It’s a movie.” I told her by way of explaining. 

“Back way in?” Sophia asked looking to Pip and she gave her a wicked grin before holding out a fist to her saying,

“Back way in.” Then they bumped fists and walked past the front entrance both with a natural sexy strut.

“Another movie?”

“No, no, that’s just them,” I stopped to tell her and then grabbed her hand, gave it what I hoped was a comforting squeeze and asked,

“You ready for this?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Me either, so let’s go.” I said giving her a wink before following the other two.

“So how do we get in?” I asked as we all seemed to be stood around staring at the floor.

“It’s six across, pull three times.” Sophia told Pip and she smacked her head as if it should have been obvious.

“Of course, I don’t know why I get those two mixed up, six across pull three times not the other way around,” she muttered to herself as she walked over towards the line of black iron railings.

“I would move back if I were you.” Sophia warned and I pulled Ari back with me just in time as Pip twisted the sixth spike releasing the joining metal so that it became a lever she pulled down three times.

“Let me guess, 666 number of the Beast?”
Ari asked me on a whisper.

“I wouldn’t talk about that.”

“Why not?” she asked and I looked back over my shoulder at Pip and told her,

“Because it’s her husband.” I would have laughed at the look of disbelief she gave me but right at that moment the large concrete slabs started vibrating beneath our feet.

“Watch your step,” Sophia warned and in the end I dragged Ari over to stand behind Sophia and Pip, thinking it safer this way. We watched in awe as the slab of concrete flipped up and over so it was stood on its end. Then the next one followed and the next one after that until eventually all six slabs were standing in a line like dominos. Then they all moved back one by one creating a large enough passage below, with elaborate stone steps leading down in a spiral.

“After you.” Sophia said holding her hand out to Pip,