Authors: Jay Crownover
I was so happy to hear that she
didn’t have a date with another guy that I let out an audible sigh that had her
raising a pale eyebrow at me.
“What did you want to talk to me
about Rule? It’s nice to see you and all but I have to say I’m kinda surprised
you’re here.”
I wanted to tell her that I needed
her, that I wasn’t the same without her, that she was my entire world but what
fell out of my mouth was, “I had coffee with my mom today.”
I saw her eyes get big. “Wow.
That’s huge.”
“She found me at Remy’s grave. I
was alternately chewing him out and telling him how much I miss him. I go
every year on our birthday. Did you know that dad threatened to leave her if
she didn’t go get some help?”
She bit her bottom lip and it took
every ounce of self-control I had not to climb up and replace her teeth with my
own.
“I didn’t know that’s what Dale
told her but I knew it was bad. They’re used to you pulling away but having
Rome shut them out and refuse to let them see him off really did some damage.
I’m glad it’s helping. You guys are a family, you need each other.”
“That’s the thing Shaw; I never
thought I did until you. I never thought I needed anyone or anything until you
got into my head and started breaking down all the walls I had built around all
my feelings.”
We stared at each other in a tense
silence. Until she sighed softly and uttered, “I’m not sorry. It’s not a bad
thing to feel, it’s not awful to care about other people.”
I watched her carefully. I
couldn’t tell how she was feeling and it made laying it all out on the line for
her even more frightening. “No it’s not bad but it scares the hell out of me.
I never had anything to lose before and losing you nearly undid me.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and I
saw a myriad of emotions cross her eyes and face. “It undid me too.”
I shoved hands through my hair and
met her gaze trying to let her see everything I was feeling. I wasn’t good at
expressing this kind of emotion and it was frustrating me. “I want you to know
that there’s been no one but you Shaw. You’ve got me running in circles and so
wound up there could never be anyone but you. I miss you. I know you want
undying declarations of love, I know trying isn’t an option that I just have to
do it but I want you and I need you and more importantly I get that you need me
too. Not some watered down synthetic version of me that makes being together
easier but the fully leaded, hard to handle me that you can lean on because I’m
strong Shaw and I’m not going to let anyone, your family especially, devalue
all the wonderful things you have to give.”
I got to my feet and walked to
where she was leaning. She had enormous eyes and I could see her chest moving up
and down frantically with rapid breaths. She still hadn’t said anything so I
pulled the pen I had stashed in my back pocket out and laid my hand out. “I’m
not Jet so I can’t write you a song that makes you understand how important you
are to me. I’m not Nash so I can’t find a building and paint you a mural that
makes see that it all starts and ends with you for me.” She placed her hand
palm up in mine and didn’t look away as I bent my head and began to do a quick
sketch with the ball-point across her super pale skin. “I’m a tattoo artist,
I’ll probably always be a tattoo artist and I don’t know how that plays into
your future or the future you have planned after school and frankly I don’t
care. This is what I have to offer you Shaw and just like you let me be your
first, I’m letting you be mine,” I covered her entire palm with a detailed
drawing of a sacred heart, it matched the one I had inked on the center of my
chest. It had flames dancing up the back, a crown of thorns on top of it, a
spray of roses along the bottom and in the center I drew a scrolling banner
with my name in the center. “Here’s my heart Shaw. You have it in your hands
and I promise you’re the first and last person to ever touch it. You need to
be careful with it because it’s far more fragile than I ever thought and if you
try and give it back I’m not taking it. I don’t know enough about love to know
for sure that’s what this between us is, but I know that for me it’s you and
only you from here on out and I can only promise to be careful and not push you
away again. Life without you in it is doable, but if I have a choice I want to
do it with you by my side and I’m telling you I’m not running away from the
work it takes to make that happen. Shaw I’m not scared of us anymore.
When I was done I was breathless
but I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders because even if
she rejected me at least she knew how I felt. I let go of her hand and she
curled her fingers around the drawing that covered her palm. When I lifted my
eyes to hers I was a little surprised to see tears shining in the emerald
depths. She put the hand that I didn’t draw all over on the side on my face
and ran her thumb over my bottom lip, pausing at the hoop. Her mouth crooked
up on one side and just like that I knew everything was going to be alright.
“I was going to crash your birthday
party tonight.” We were close but still separated by a few feet. I couldn’t
look away from her and she opened her other hand and put it on my chest over
where the heart matching the one I just gave her laid. “That’s where I was
going later.”
“I would have been happy to see
you.”
She smiled a little brighter. “I
decided the other day that I had to stop deciding how things were going to
happen before giving them a chance to play out. You shut me out Rule but only
because I let you. I was so worried about what you were doing, about what
would happen I just let you close the door and when you wanted to pull it back
open I was so scared of how bad being without you hurt that I just didn’t want
to give it space to happen again. That wasn’t fair to either of us. I’m not afraid
of the work or us anymore either and I promise to not let you shove me away
again. I do need you Rule and you are the only thing I have ever wanted just
for me. I should have tried harder to hold onto you because you’re right, I
need to be careful with this,” she tapped her palm with the heart on it against
the one pounding under my skin. “It’s precious and the best gift I could ever
ask for.”
I wrapped my arms tight around her
and lifted her off her feet. I wanted to kiss her, wanted to do all the things
I had spent two months missing out on doing to her, I wanted to make her forget
Davenport’s cruel hands and imprint on her every single thing I felt about her
but just as I was about to put my mouth on hers she pulled back and shook her
head.
“If you start that there is no way
you’re going to make dinner and your party with everyone tonight.”
She was right but I didn’t care. I
had her and that was the only present I wanted. It must have shown on my face
because she pressed a boring closed mouth kiss on my lips and wiggled out of my
grasp. “I love you Rule, I really do and I have something I want to give you
for your birthday but it has to wait until later when we’re alone and the
threat of Ayden or Cora bounding in isn’t a likely scenario so go have fun with
the guys. I’ll see you at the bar later and then we can celebrate in private.”
I pouted. That’s right I pouted
like a little kid denied his favorite toy which in a way I was. We had been
apart too long. I needed to touch her, needed to get my hands on her but she
wasn’t cooperating at all. “Come on Shaw, just a little kiss. It’s my
birthday and I missed you so bad.” I sounded whiny and not badass at all but I
could tell she was about to cave in by the way she slithered a little closer to
me but the moment was ruined when the lock on the front door jingled and a
moment later Ayden came sweeping through in all her long legged, dark haired
glory. She took one look at me and Shaw and grinned.
“Halleluiah! It’s about time you
two idiots figured out that you were made for each other.”
Shaw laughed and shook her head.
She gave me another brief kiss and moved away. “Tonight. I promise it’ll be
worth the wait.” I begrudgingly agreed even though I still wanted to make out
but she clearly wouldn’t be swayed and I had to admit my curiosity was peaked
as to what kind of gift she wanted to give me in private. I went home and took
a shower, a freezing cold one and got ready for the night. I didn’t want to
drink too much because there was no way I was letting booze inhibit my reunion
with my girl. I had never give much credence to the fact that being with
someone you cared about making sex so much better but it was true.
The guys took me to the Buckhorn
Exchange so we could gnaw on giant pieces of wild game like cavemen and act like
a bunch of general jackasses and now that things were back on track with Shaw I
felt lighter and happier than I had in months and they could tell. They all
gave me shit endlessly about my chronic bad mood and advanced levels of
dickheadness but I could tell they were relieved and grateful that I was back
where I needed to be. Dinner was fun but I was ready to get on with night so I
could take Shaw home and have some proper make up sex to cement this as the
best birthday ever.
The bar was packed wall to wall
with people trying to wish me a happy birthday. Even Uncle Phil had come out
for the occasion. I accepted pats on the back and hugs as I looked for a
particular blond head in the crowd. It took some skill to avoid shot after
shot getting shoved in my direction but I managed to do it when I caught sight
of a shimmer of white and black near the stage. Shaw was posted up front with
Ayden and Cora and it irked me to no end that Jet was already at the table
getting his flirt on with the beautiful brunette. Ignoring everyone else
calling my name and clamoring for my attention I scooped my girl up even though
she was in really tall heels and for once almost on a similar level with me and
sealed my mouth over hers. I didn’t care that she muttered a startled protest.
I wanted a kiss and it was my birthday so I was getting a damn kiss from this
girl that was my world.
She wiggled a little until she
could get her hands in my hair and I made sure it was worth her while as I stroked
across her yielding tongue with my own. She gave a little moan and I moved a
hand to her ass pressing as hard into her as I could until I became aware of
the roar of catcalls and applause surrounding us. I lifted my head which left
us both breathless and panting and was greeted by a standing ovation from
pretty much every single person in the bar. I shared a shocked look with Shaw
and we simultaneously burst out laughing. I took a brief bow with she curtsied
making everyone else laugh along with us as she pressed back up against me to
give me another kiss that turned my head to mush. The combination of a few
beers, her soft mouth and that ridiculously short dress was enough to have me
cutting out of my own party early. We hung out long enough for Jet to get on
strange and sing me happy birthday and for me to instruct Nash to maintain a
low profile when he came home as well as grab whatever gifts I had collected
from people and then I was hustling Shaw out the door well before midnight.
We held hands in the truck on the
way home and made small talk about what we had been up to in our time apart. I
was glad to hear that she was pretty much doing the same things I was and that
she was handling the situation with Gabe in a professional and no nonsense
matter. She was amazing and I was truly lucky to have her as mine.
When I let her into the apartment I
was ready to just drag her to the bedroom and have my way with her but she
kicked off her sexy heels and padded to the kitchen to grab us a couple
drinks. I was anxious and aroused but I didn’t want to push her so I followed
her to the couch and took the beer she handed me. She sat facing me and reached
out to put her hands in my hair. It felt nice but there were plenty of other
places I wanted her hands so I asked her, “Why are you always playing with my
hair?”
“Because you change it so much and
it always feels different. This is the first time it’s all natural and I can’t
believe how soft it is.”
“I thought you liked the hawk?”
“I do. I like it however it is but
when it’s normal like this it makes you look more approachable.”
She seemed nervous which was
weird. This was an area we had never had any issues with before so I wasn’t
sure what to do to put her at ease. I clicked the neck of my beer against hers
and gave her a lopsided grin. “Happy birthday to me.”
She smiled back and shifted so that
her hair slid forward. “So I need to tell you something before you get your
present.”
Her tone was pretty serious so my
mind immediately went to all the worst possibilities, there had been someone
else while we were apart, Gabe had hurt her worse than anyone knew and she wasn’t
ready for intimacy yet, she didn’t really want to be in a relationship with me,
she was moving to Peru and it took every single ounce of self-control I had not
to freak out and ruin whatever progress we made today.
“Alrighty hit me with it.”
“It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Shaw I’m dying here. Just talk to
me.” She put her beer down and scooted closer to me on the couch which pulled
the hem of her dress tantalizingly up her pale thighs. If she didn’t spit it
out soon I was taking her to bed regardless and we could just hash it out in
the morning. She put a hand on either side of my face and pulled me down so
that we were literally eye to eye.
“All that stuff about being nice
and trying to be someone different to make being together easier applies to the
bedroom too, right?”
I felt my eyebrows shoot up and I
tugged on her tiny waist until she was straddling my lap. “What are you getting
at Casper? Just spit it out.”