His chest released pressure from my back, and he began to groan. As he continued to groan, he erupted inside of me. My entire body shook, tingled, and felt warm at the same time. An orgasm like experience that I had never witnessed went through my entire body as he came. I couldn’t breathe. I opened my eyes. I heard nothing but ringing in my ears.
As he pulled himself from inside of me, I reached down and cupped my hand over my crotch. His orgasm felt massive, and I knew it would eventually be everywhere. Standing there with one hand between my legs, I turned to face him. With his hand still on my neck, he slowly slid it up to my chin, and gripped my jaw with his fingers. He looked me in the eye, and his lips slowly and softly met mine. Two soft, wet kisses later, he pulled his face back.
“You’re perfect for me. You’re human, and you’re flawed, we all are. But for me, you are perfect,”
he whispered.
I felt like my heart was in my throat. I could feel it beating in my mouth. I stood, one hand on my crotch, and stared at him. With my free hand, I reached around him and hugged him, pressing my cheek against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, and feeling it against my face, I wondered just what he meant.
Just how perfect was I, and what would that afford me?
With one of his hands in my hair, and one against my back, we hugged.
“You guys need help in there?” the irritating high school teen asked from outside the door.
“No, just trying on jeans,” I responded.
“Okay, well…one person to a room, please. It’s store policy,” she responded in a sharp tone.
“I will be right out,” Erik said in a deep voice.
As he pulled his jeans up, I admired his body structure. His back muscles through his tee shirt as he bent down. His calf and thigh muscles as he pulled his pants up. His forearm, covered with tattoos and muscle as he zipped his jeans.
Talk about perfect
.
He opened the door just enough to exit, and slipped through, closing it behind him. After he stepped out, I stood, one hand on my crotch, and one free. I looked around the room. I grabbed the jeans from the corner of the room, and used the inner leg of the pants to wipe myself clean. Covered in his cum as well as mine, I wiped several times. I then neatly folded the jeans, placed them on the bench, and got dressed. With the jeans in one hand, and my purse in the other, I walked out of the booth.
“I need to go back to the jeans,” I said, motioning to the display.
Erik followed me as I walked quickly to the jean display. I dug through them, and found a similar pair in the wash and color of the jeans I was carrying I checked the size, and handed the new jeans to Erik.
“Hold those please?”
Looking puzzled, he reached out and took the jeans. As we walked to the counter, the teen was checking someone out, and popping her gum as she did. What an irritating little bitch. We stepped in line behind the boy who was paying for his clothes. As she handed him his purchases, she popped her gum again, and tilted her head to the side.
“Thanks for shopping at
The Buckle
.”
“These fit funny,” I said, handing her the dirty jeans I was holding in my hand. “So, you may want to check them for correct sizing.”
“These are the correct size, and we’ll take these,” I said, taking the jeans from Erik and handing them to her.
She placed the first pair of jeans on the counter.
“I will check them later,” she assured me, popping her gum as she spoke.
As she rang up the jeans, Erik nudged me aside and pulled money from his front pocket.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Taking care of you,” he responded.
He handed her a 100 dollar bill, and received the change. She placed the jeans in the bag, and handed it to him, smiling.
“Thanks for shopping at
The Buckle.
And, uhhm, you guys make a cute couple,” she said as we were turning to walk away.
Wow. She was a perceptive dumb bitch.
KELLI.
“Say Penelope, I want to watch you say Penelope,” he asked, his hand resting on his chin, his elbows on the table.
“Penelope,” I said slowly, focusing on the “p”s.
“Two more,” he requested.
“Watermelon.”
“Watermelon,” I responded, feeling my lips come together on the “m”.
‘Perpendicular.”
“Where do you come up with this stuff?” I asked.
“Say it,” he demanded, smiling.
“Perpen. Dick. I want your dick. I want you to fuck me. That motorcycle ride has me horny as fuck. I never really knew that they did that. Made you horny,” I said, writhing in my seat.
“Perpendicular.” he said again. “Say it, Kelli, don’t disappoint me.”
I hated the thought of disappointing Erik. The notion of it crushed me, and made me feel ill. Whether or not he was joking when he made reference to me disappointing him, I had no idea. All I knew was that if I ever did anything to disappoint him, I wanted to know. I really wanted to know, and to never allow it to happen again.
“Per…pen…dic…u…lar,” I drew the word out as slow as I could, syllable by syllable, and then repeated it slowly.
“Perpendicular.”
I felt like I was in a spelling bee, but just saying the word, and not being required to actually spell it. I thought of how to spell perpendicular. I remembered that the
pen
part of the word was spelled with an “e” just like writing the word with a pen, and not an “i”.
“I like watching your lips form wor
ds. Watching your mouth move, and hearing the words flowing from your lips and tongue. You amaze me, baby girl. You amaze me,” he said from across the table.
“Your lips are perfectly sculpted. Your mouth is perfectly proportioned. It aligns with your eyes perfectly, as if you were an art project. It’s easy to get lost in admiring you, Kelli, really easy.”
I felt warm inside. I felt so good when he was pleased with me. My best and worst feelings were a result of Erik’s pleasure or disappointment. When he tells me that he is pleased with me, I am a greater degree of happy than I have ever known. When he is disappointed with me, I feel as if I wasn’t given an opportunity to correct it, life would not be worth living. To think…two months ago, I did not even know this man. I didn’t like thinking about life before him, nor did I like thinking about September.
“I want to find out more about you. I want to know everything about you, Kelli. I want to know what you do when you’re startled. How you react. I want to see you shoot a basket. I want to watch you walk in the warm rain. Smell a flower,” he took a drink of his water, and continued.
“I want to watch you count on your fingers. Choose food from a menu you’re uncertain of, but afraid to ask about. Use chopsticks,” as soon as he said
chopsticks
, I smiled, thinking of the day at Espresso A Go-Go.
“Fry an egg, wash your car by hand, tear up a sheet of paper, attend a wedding, ride a rollercoaster,” he paused, looking at his glass of water for a long moment.
“Just everything, Kelli, I want you to be yourself in front of me,” he said, continuing to look down at his water.
“I am myself for you, Erik.”
“Oh, I am aware that you are. I mean that I want to witness you
being you
. Watch you grow, live life, exist. Kelli, I want to see you doing all of the things that you do, and be all of the things that you are able to be,” he said, looking up from his water.
This all sounded good to me. It sure didn’t sound as if he intended to drop me like a hot rock at the first opportunity he had to do so. Eager, uncertain, and scared, I responded.
“Making you happy makes me happy. I just want to make you happy,” I said, with my palms on each cheek, resting my chin on the heel of my palms.
I thought about it, and I took a chance. I wanted to try to find out what he was thinking, what he intended for us, and how long this may last. I felt like I was riding an emotional roller coaster against a clock, not knowing when the time would run out.
“I like what we have together. Being with you makes me happy. I like the adventurous sex, and how you’re spontaneous with it. I enjoy it, and I could do this forever, and be happy,” I said as I brushed my hair behind my ears.
Erik had said he really liked my hair behind my ears, and I had been trying to remember to do this as often as possible.
“Kelli, the extent of what we have done, sexually…well, it’s just one facet of my sexual life - my sexual preferences. I am slowly, and I do mean
slowly
exposing you to what a sexual relationship with me would consist of. I am not an exhibitionist, by any means. Movie theatres, patios of restaurants, and dressing rooms at the mall, those are acts of spontaneity. That is not, in any fashion, the extent of my sexual prowess or interest. As I said, it is a facet. One cut on the face of a stone that will later become a diamond. Do you understand?” he asked in a matter of fact tone.
“Yes, sir,” I responded quickly. I was both scared and excited. I wondered what else he intended to do with me.
A sexual relationship with me…
I wonder what he means by that. Not the sexual part, but the relationship part. We hang out and fuck with no commitment?
I may not have committed to him, but I was convinced that no other man could satisfy me. I suppose that was some form of commitment. Sitting here thinking was making me want more of an answer. I had everything to lose, but the curiosity was killing me.
We were sitting outside in a covered patio area of what looked like an old airplane hangar that had been turned into a restaurant and club. The hangar doors were open, and the wind was blowing through the hangar. One set of doors faced the runway of the little airport, and the planes were flying in and out as we sat and talked. It wasn’t hot out for this time of year, but my tea glass was covered in moisture. I took my hand and wiped the cold layer of moisture from the glass, collecting it in my hand.
“I understand the sex, the sexual part of the relationship. I understand that, but what about the
relationship
? What does
our
relationship consist of? In your eyes?” I asked as I wiped the moisture from my hand onto my forehead, and then ran my hand through my hair.
“That’s you and I being together. Like we are now, doing things together,” he responded, outstretching his arms, “this is the relationship.”
“That doesn’t tell me anything. Sex and hanging out, that’s it?” I felt myself starting to get frustrated.
“Are you disappointed baby girl?”
It wasn’t as satisfying knowing that he was saying
baby girl
to try to get me to shut up - to try to satisfy me. We had started this conversation, and I wanted to get some satisfaction out of the answers, regardless of what they were.
“I guess, I don’t know. I mean, I want to know what you’re thinking
long term
. I don’t care where this ends up. I mean, well, I do, but I don’t. Whatever you answer, I am going to be the same person with the same interests. But I want to know what you’re thinking.
In a perfect world
, as you always say, where do we end up?” I asked as I stared at my glass, waiting for more moisture to collect.
“Well, let’s see. Kelli, I enjoy your company. I enjoy your company immensely. I want to make the most of this – what we have, and for both of us to be happy with it,” he responded quietly, as if that solved the questions I had asked.
“No. I want an answer. You talk in circles about things that you don’t want to answer. Us. You and I. Am I different enough? Do I spark enough interest in you that I qualify for something…
anything
that other girls in the past haven’t? Is it too early to tell? Are all women the same to you? Is this the same…”
“Stop. Let me try to explain,” he interrupted.
“No, let me finish,” I asked.
“Let me finish, Kelli, I think this will answer everything,” he said.
“Ok.”
“Let me see. You are different to me, much different. This is not something I had intended to talk about today, or really even in the next month or so, but this is how I
feel.
” He paused, took a drink of water, and continued.
“I never missed my father. I never knew him, really. My mother dying caused me to miss her. I still miss her today. I miss talking to her, seeing her, listening to her talk, her cooking, her smiles, everything. But I have never missed anyone else in my life, ever. Male or female, people come and people go. It is all part of life. I have never sat at home and wanted to see someone
in particular.
I have been bored with being alone, and wanted to see
someone
, but I never cared who that someone was,” he paused, looked down, and rubbed his forehead.
“Until I met you.” He continued.
But. Where’s the ‘but’? The however?
This cannot be happening. He’s falling for me. Oh. My. God. Is he falling for me? Seriously?
“I have effortlessly floated through life while everyone else around me is frantically flapping their arms to keep their heads above water. I have never wanted much out of life, and never expected much. My lack of expectations has allowed me to live with minimal disappointments. I have always wanted to keep it that way. Kelli, I have no expectations of you, but I know this, when you’re gone, I miss you. I want you to come back. For the first time in my life, I know what it is like to have someone leave, and want to say,
‘no, wait, come back, I don’t want you to go’,
he took another drink, and didn’t immediately speak.
I didn’t want to say a word. I wanted him to keep talking. I wanted to know everything he was thinking, had thought of previously, and may think of the future. I sat with my chin resting in my palms, and looked at him, trying not to smile.
“Before I met you, I never knew what it was like to think of someone - and smile; for no real reason. But, I sit and think of you, and I smile. If I am exercising, and I think of you, I smile. I walk through the grocery store, and have a recollection of something we have done, and I smile. I don’t sit here, now, and have any expectations of you staying forever. I don’t have thoughts of being married or anything like that, but I sure can’t fathom having a life without you in it. I guess that’s it. So, what are
your
thoughts?”
I sat for long moment and thought. I thought about what he had said. I thought about Columbia. I thought about my father, and what he would say about me being in an actual relationship with someone that was fifteen years older than me. I thought about kids, and the fact that I hated kids. I thought about Erik changing his mind, and tossing me aside after he got mad, or bored, or just decided enough was enough.
I thought about how he made me feel. I thought about living life without him. I thought about what I would feel like if he or I walked away from this.
“You scare me, Erik. Your willingness to toss me aside, your willingness to do without me at a moment’s notice, those things scare me. I wonder about your sincerity, long term, with this. I want, more than anyone, what you’re talking about, and I guess time will tell. I don’t feel like I can give you my all, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, and then chance losing you. That, without a doubt, would crush me. I am just like you. I have never been in a real relationship. Not a loving, caring relationship - add to that that the fact that you’re dominant - and all I have experienced is one grain of sand from the beach of your sexual desires,” I stopped, thought of what to say, I didn’t want to make him mad, but I had so much to say..
“What you’re saying excites me and scares me both. I guess I feel the same way you do,” I looked up from my tea glass and batted my eye lashes.
“So, tell me about what else you’re going to do to me, sexually. I want to know,” I said, wanting to know the depth of the sexual portion of the relationship.
“I’m not going to do anything
to you
, Kelli. We are going to do things together, experience things together. We talked about this before. We will, at length, discuss the elements of this relationship from a sexual standpoint. What we agree on will be agreed upon. What we don’t agree on will be excluded from the options. It’s that simple,” he said as he tried to get the attention of the waitress.
Waiting and not knowing has never been a huge strength of mine. I liked knowing what was going on, or what might go on in my day to day activities. I have always been able to come to terms with the fact that life will bring me the unexpected or the unknown; it is part of living life. Simple things like this made me anxious. I wanted to know what we were going to do. We had been together, for the most part, for six weeks. He would probably just fuck me forever and never say anything if I didn’t bring it up.
“Well, I am ready. Let’s make a list,” I said as the waitress approached the table.
“Can I get a refill of water and a cup of coffee, please? Kelli do you need anything?” Erik asked.
“No, I am fine, thank you,” I responded.
He finished his water and set it at the edge of the table as the waitress walked away. A small plane flew over the runway very low and fast, and we both turned to see what was going on. Erik turned back around, and as he started rearranging his silverware, I asked him again.
“Let’s make a list, I am ready. Let’s talk about it,” I asked anxiously.
“Well, Kelli, this isn’t something that we just nonchalantly discuss. It’s something more intended to be a serious discussion, we will need to make notes of what we discuss, and make lists…it’s fairly complex,” he said, trying to dismiss the subject.
“Now, I want to do it now,” I said, again, anxiously. I moved forward in my chair, and reached out toward him with my right hand.
He reached toward me and touched my hand with his fingers, eventually clasping it between his fingers and thumb. He began to rub my palm with fingertips. I love it when he touches my hands.
“We can get a start, I suppose, but it’s just not that easy, baby girl. Let me ask you some quick questions, and you answer yes or no. We won’t go into detail now, just answer yes or no to the questions. Some of these things we have talked about before, some we haven’t. Let me see…” he let go of my hand, and touched his palms together as if he were praying. He opened his hands, revealed his face, and began to speak as he twirled his butter knife in between his fingers.
“Let say, for the sake of answering these questions, we will have four categories. Yes, maybe, soft limit, hard limit. Soft limits are not now, but maybe later you’ll consider it. Hard limit means you’ll never consider it. So, yes, maybe, no, and hell no. Understood?” he asked.
“I read, and I am aware of the soft and hard limits, yes. Let’s get on with this,” I said, trying to get him to get started.
“Anal?”
“Yes.”
“Bondage?”
“Yes.”
“Wearing a collar.”
“Yes. Are we going to go in alphabetical order?”
“You little smart-ass. No, I was just going from memory, and alphabetical order was easiest. Nipple clamps, clamps in general, and being beaten?”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
“Being gagged in any fashion,
wearing a leash, being humiliated?”
“Yes, yes, yes.” I got turned on as I thought about him putting clamps on my nipples.
“Role play, piercing, marking, making videos?” he asked, leaning closer to me, smiling.
“Yes, yes, yes, and yes,” I responded, leaning toward him.
He extended his arms, palms up, toward me. I reached across the table, and placed my hands in his. He lightly squeezed my hands. I loved the size of his hands, the shape of them, and how he held my hands in his. Firm, but not too firm. I watched as he held and massaged my hands.
“Threesomes, being electrocuted, and beatings?”
“Yes, depends, and you already said beatings, and I said yes,” I said, scowling a little at him over the electrocution question.
“I said bondage. I hadn’t said beatings. And electrocuting
depends
?” he asked.
“Well, fuck yes, it does. A little electricity sounds sexy. Actually being shocked would probably make me go into convulsions and pee,” I said, laughing.
“Well, we’ll call it a soft limit - or maybe a curiosity for now. Speaking of peeing…”
“Let’s just cut it short. I will make it easy. No animals, and no crapping on me or making me do anything with crap, that’s it,” I said, smiling proudly.
“Well, that’s easy, but you may not be thinking of everything,” he responded, smiling back at me.
“Cutting, marking permanently, like a tattoo or scar, piercing permanently, or temporarily, threesomes, foursomes, gangbangs, watersports,” he asked, raising his eyebrows and smiling.
“Yes to everything. But, everything involving other people, we’d have to discuss at length. I meant what I said. No animals or shit. Oh, and nothing illegal. Other than that, I want to be yours. I want to make you happy. But, I will tell you this, if you tattoo me, scar me up, and have all of your buddies fuck me, and then leave me, you will be the world’s biggest asshole. Ever,”
“I’m not saying I would
want
other people involved, I was trying to prove a point that you weren’t going to do
everything
…or well, that you weren’t
willing
to do everything. And I would never mistreat you like that, Kelli. I already told you that,” he said as he squeezed my hands.
“I would say if it didn’t involve a dog, horse, snake, or a pile of shit, I will do it. As long as it’s what you want. I want to make you happy. I want to make you happier than you have ever been, or ever thought you could be. What have other girls been willing to do?”