Ruby's Fantasy (19 page)

He heard a huge gulp of pain that started deep in her throat.

Raw pain.

‘No, we're not. We're finished.' Ruby shoved him away from her.

He knew he was over the top protective because he'd failed Remmy. He wanted to tell her but the words wouldn't come. His brother's face flashed in front of him. Blood. Too much pumping out. No way to stop it. Hell! He shielded his face for a moment forcing himself to breathe. When he looked back at Ruby he saw she was too hurt, too miserable. She didn't need his stuff dumped on her.

If he could get the words out of his mouth.

‘Ruby, don't do this.' He looked at her as the light died in her eyes and knew he'd pushed her too far.

‘Come back to The Cross. I need you!' Emerald wailed through the phone. ‘I can't manage the shop without you. Jake's party's tonight. I'm frantic. Customers have been flooding in all week.' Ruby had spent the morning with Emerald when her twin had returned, before she'd left determined not to stay a moment longer than she'd needed to. Jake wanted her back, but she was too hurt to think sensibly in the frenetic pace of the shop.

‘I can't. I've been catching up on my own workload since you came back.'
And she didn't want to see Jake.

‘You have to come. The party's tonight.'

‘I'm not going.' Ruby bit her fingernail and stared out into her native bush garden in Blackheath in the Blue Mountains. She had nurtured a little kangaroo when it had been an abandoned baby and now it was feeding on her lawn. Although the cottage she had bought was tiny, she adored the view from her study of the tree-covered mountains and the sharp, sandstone ridges. Normally, it calmed her, made her feel safe, but even here, misery rode her hard. Nothing but an ache resided in her chest, although it had been four days since Jake had told her she was too damaged to love. It hurt. It hurt so much, she'd cried buckets. Even now as she paced up and down with the phone in her hand, she couldn't find peace.

‘You have to come. Every person at Jake's party will be wearing one of my costumes. Do you have any idea how this will grow the business? That man's been a godsend to us.'

‘Wait a minute. This is the man you said was an arsehole.'

‘That's because he chased up the terrace price in the auction. I've changed my mind now. I'm so excited, I've had two journalists call me to interview me. Jake's contacts. They're sending a photographer. We could get a mention in the
Herald
. Come down and join me. Your clients can wait. They're all boring anyway.'

‘No! Just because you think accountancy is dull doesn't mean I can abandon my clients here.'

‘But you can do most of it online. There's no reason to stay hiding out up there. Come to the shop. I'm going to need you when everyone returns their costumes. I swear there's barely anything left to hire. We're no longer in the red, Ruby and it's all thanks to your boyfriend.'

‘He's not my boyfriend.' And he never would be. She couldn't deal with what he'd said. It was simple. She was never going to see him again, which would be easy to do because she simply wouldn't go down to Sydney and it wasn't as if he'd ever come here. So why did her treacherous body long for his touch?

‘Ghost said you spent the night at Jake's so you must be serious. Why are you avoiding him?'

‘What?' Blood rushed to her face and her head swam at the thought of the discussion. How on earth did her twin get that detail out of Jake's silent partner? ‘Ghost spoke?' And why did he have to speak about her?

‘Well he grunts mostly, but that's all right because I do the talking for both of us, but he chats a bit if I ask him lots of questions. He's coming as my date to the party.' Emerald giggled. ‘We're doing Tarzan and Jane. It's not original but I wanted to put him in a fur so I could play with him.'

Ruby put her hand to her temple and massaged where it throbbed. Why did her sister always have to have a man? Sometimes she wondered how they were even related. ‘Emerald, I've broken up with Jake. He's too controlling for me.'

‘Of course he is. He was a high-ranking officer in the army. He's used to being in command.'

‘That's no excuse for him being a bully.' Ruby brushed her hair out of her eyes.

‘I don't think he is. Ghost told me Jake's intense when he's on a job then he chills out.'

She pressed her fingers along her eyelid massaging the bone where her head ached. ‘He was lovely when he was on his yacht until the end, then he told me I babied you and I should back off. How dare he say that? You're my twin.'

‘He's right. You do. It makes you happy.'

‘Huh?' How was it that her twin was so cool about Jake?

‘Look, Ruby, I admit it's taken me a while to get used to him. Jeez he pissed me off at first. He's blunt, but then I realised he's a straight shooter. Told me off for causing so much trouble and asked me what I planned to do about it.'

So why was Emerald sounding so cheerful?
She hated men like that. Loathed them. Her twin wasn't good with confrontation. Usually she just ran leaving Ruby to fix up the mess. ‘What did you do?' In spite of herself she was fascinated that Jake had been so up front with Emerald and that her twin had responded positively.

‘I went to meet Mrs Smithers and apologised for the affair. I feel terrible. I didn't know Pete Smithers was married, so I needed to get that off my chest.'

‘You did what? That woman's crazy. She tried to take my face off. Plus she set her mad brother onto you.'

‘Yeah, well, I did the wrong thing. Jake told Ghost to go with me so I wasn't too worried. He was Jake's second in command. Ruby, Ghost is so hot! You have to come to the party. For once, something good is happening for us and it's all thanks to Jake.'

‘I can't, Emerald,' she said, aware that her throat was closing up. The pain of Jake's words seemed to rise up and consume her.
Damaged.
The word itself cancelled out all hope that she could have a happy relationship. Maybe she just didn't see the world the way other people did. There was Emerald lapping up Jake's confronting style while she saw red. It suffocated her when he ordered her around, took her right back to when she had felt trapped living with her alcoholic father and she was never going back there. She'd organised her life so that it was safe. She'd deliberately studied a course so she could work for herself. Tick. Set up her own business. Tick. She enjoyed her relationship with her twin because although her sister was scatty, she loved her and felt safe. Tick. All of that had been enough until she'd met Jake and she'd allowed herself to let his love in.

Worse, she'd loved him back.

‘Look, whatever happened on the boat can be fixed. Get down here. I miss you. The party isn't going to be the same without you,' Emerald implored her.

Ruby slid down onto her chair. She couldn't tell her twin the cruel words Jake had said to her.
Damaged.
It hurt so much she never wanted to see him again. Maybe one day, her traitor body would stop missing him, though she didn't know if her heart would repair. If she got busy and worked late into the night, maybe she'd be able to sleep. She'd force herself to eat a piece of toast for dinner even though her stomach was clamped shut. The pain had to stop one day. It just had to. ‘I'm sorry, hon. You enjoy and please don't seduce Ghost. He's a shy man. You could hurt him.'
Like she'd been hurt.

Jake was right about Emerald. She needed to take responsibility for her actions. He was right about so many things.
Damaged.
The word rose up to slap her in the face.

‘But—' Emerald started.

‘If it ends in tears, Ghost works right next door and you'll have to see him every day. Oh and find out how much we owe Jake for all the security. He was being difficult and wouldn't tell me. Make sure you pay him back every cent. I don't want to owe him a thing.' She put the phone back in its cradle and stared at the numbers on her computer screen. Work. Concentrate, she ordered herself. Why were they blurring again? Damn. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Damaged.
Too damaged to love. It felt like her flesh had been stripped away from her bones and she wondered if she'd ever recover. She blinked. Forget about work. She'd go outside and feed the wildlife. Dusk was closing in and doing something simple would bring her joy.

She filled up her birdbath with water for the local parrots. On throwing a handful of seeds for them, the bright red and green birds swooped down to peck up her offerings, their squawks of delight filling the air. A black lyrebird raced along the perimeter of the garden and back into the bush again. Too shy for company, it would come to eat and drink in its own time.

The setting sun glinted off the sandstone. Soon the mountains would turn the inky blue they were famous for once the sun went down. On looking at her watch she saw that Jake's party would be starting in three hours. The occasion was like a marker, their first combined event, something she'd looked forward to. For a naive moment she'd thought she might make friends in the city. Jake had been right about the Eastern Suburbs. It was beautiful and she felt she could relax there like she did in her mountain home. How excited she'd been and now all that remained was a flatness that wouldn't leave. Not even the screeching and boisterous chatter of the rainbow lorikeets fighting over the seeds lifted her spirits.

‘I see why you like it so much here,' a male voice said to the side of her.

‘Jake!' Ruby jumped and turned to see that he had strolled around the side of her house into the back yard.

‘Sorry to startle you. I rang the doorbell but you didn't answer. I could hear the noise in the back so I walked around to join you.'

‘What are you doing here?' He was dressed in his gladiator costume, which slammed her straight back to when she'd first met him. Except now his jet-black hair was longer and had a slight kick to it, making her want to move in close and smooth it down. His broad chest was tanned deep from their day on the boat, his skin smooth, his nipples dark and lickable and there was still that delicious trail of dark hair from his belly button to the waistband of his leather kilt. Her fingers itched to explore him and her nipples tightened just at his closeness. On his side hung a large sword, its brass handle shining with the last of the sun.

‘I can't do this.' She knew there was a wobble in her voice and she hoped she could contain her tears. Surely she'd drained them dry in the last few days?

‘I won't give up on you. I love you, Ruby.'

‘Yes, you do, but you said some cruel things.'

He grimaced and the blue of his eyes darkened. ‘I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be cruel.' His voice was gentle, no more than a caress in the warm mountain light.'I'm not great with words. Guess I spent too many years with men.' He scrubbed his hand across his forehead. ‘I said you were damaged and I'm not backing away from that.'

‘Of course you won't.' Jake didn't step away from anything. No. He had a razor instinct but there was the sting of a wasp in the truth.

He closed the distance between them and looked into her eyes so that he was close enough for her to smell his woodsy aftershave. The same warmth pooled between her legs and she realised how her body was addicted to his touch. But a ruined person couldn't love well and she'd always thought she'd spend her life alone. Jake had given her a glimmer of hope before he'd snatched it away. She stepped back a pace.

‘Just hear me out. You see, I'm worse than you. I'm a stuff-up too.'

‘Pardon? You! Impossible. You're the strongest man I know. You order everyone around, but you fix things too.' He made things right for everyone but her because she was never going to be okay, at least not with love. Letting a man close was tough.
Just too damn hard.

Jake took her hands in his. ‘I was close to my younger brother, Remmy.'

‘But you never mention him.'

‘He's dead,' he said, his tone flat. Misery stalked his features. He looked so big and tough standing there, like nothing would get in his way, but she saw the raw grief in his eyes.

‘I'm sorry.' Her words seemed futile. She couldn't bear it if anything happened to her sister. ‘I had no idea. What happened?'

‘I made it sound like a game, so he followed me into the army. Dad went nuts. My father expected him to go straight to university and then work in the family business. I told him what a blast army life was.' Compared with the olive tan of his chest, Jake's face was bleached.

‘Is that how he died?' she asked, sensing he wanted to tell her.

‘Shot. Point blank. Didn't have a chance. Afghani soldier turned renegade. I held him as he died.' Jake swallowed, his voice hoarse. ‘I gave my father my word I'd look out for him.'

‘That's not your fault, Jake.' His gaze was haunted and he turned from her, staring out at the mountains as if he couldn't bear the agony of the memory.

‘Yeah, it is. If Remmy had gone to uni, he'd be alive,' he finished, his voice final.

The birds had quieted leaving only the sounds of the cicadas. Most had flown away to bed down for the night in the trees. In the distance the mountains had begun their transformation into moodiness. Something in her stirred. She understood the sense of responsibility of an older sibling because she'd made a lot of the decisions to help herself and Emerald survive. Her twin trusted her, just as Remmy must have trusted Jake.

Ruby reached up and put her hands on either side of his face. ‘People have to make their own choices. You must see that.'

His mouth twisted to the side in a grimace. ‘My brother did whatever I did, not because I ordered him to, but because we had a great time together. I put his life on the line.'