It wasn’t very different from when she’d left. The runner in the hall was new, as was the stair carpet, and the paintwork looked brighter, but the biggest difference was that Ruby didn’t feel intimidated as she walked down the hall towards the back of the house. The constant niggle of fear that had always been there when she entered the house was gone.
‘I’m sorry about Nan … I just don’t know what else to say.’
‘Well, you should be sorry. She missed you and now she’s gone, not knowing if you were dead or alive.’ She looked Ruby up and down. ‘You look like you’ve done all right for yourself so you could start by telling us where you’ve been.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on … By the way, I’m Donald.’ The man held his hand out to Ruby and she took it gratefully. She could see he was going to be a good mediator between her and her mother.
‘I’m Ruby, though you know that already,’ she smiled, then looked back to her mother, who was pulling out the chairs from the familiar dining table.
‘Didn’t Ray tell you?’
‘Tell me what?’
‘About me?’
Ruby stared into her mother’s eyes and then laughed humourlessly. ‘He didn’t tell you. Same old Ray. He found out where I was living and came to see me a few months ago. I thought he’d changed, I really did!’
‘I don’t believe you. Ray would have told me. You’re just trying to put the blame on him because you got here too late for your nan.’
‘OK, try this for size. Donald is your husband now. He’s a gardener, works with you at the big house, Ray had an accident and married his nurse, Bobbie’s in lodgings and Artie’s been looking after Nan since he got the sack from the butcher’s shop … Oh, and Ray and Bobbie have to behave themselves at work now. No more dodgy dealings.’
‘How do you know all that?’ Sarah asked suspiciously.
‘I told you, Ray found out where I was and came to visit. I just thought he’d tell you. Shall we all sit down and have a talk? I’d like to clear the air, I really would.’
‘Then that’s what we’ll do, won’t we, Sarah? Life’s too short for grudges,’ Donald said purposefully.
‘Yes, Donald.’ Her mother looked at him and smiled, and Ruby could feel the tears prickling away again. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her mother look content.
Ruby was distracted to the point of losing track of what she should be doing. Her brain was spinning constantly, she couldn’t sleep and she was losing weight, but what she did know was that Gracie was worried about her and that Tony was angry with her.
However much she tried to explain her feelings about her grandmother’s untimely death to him, he simply couldn’t understand how she could be so upset over someone whom she hadn’t seen for so many years, and then he’d compounded her misery when he’d told her it would be for the best if she didn’t rekindle family relationships. She’d been especially surprised at that, considering how close he was to his own parents.
But she tried to be understanding and make allowances for his behaviour because she could see why he was frustrated. At a time when they should have been happily planning their wedding together she was having trouble even thinking about it, let alone doing anything.
They were newly engaged yet she had already lost interest, and for this he blamed her reconnection with her family.
An element of that was true. Ruby was upset that she had missed seeing her grandmother for the last time by just a few hours and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for not going straight to the hospital when Nosy Norah had told her that her grandmother was there, but most of all she hated herself for having absolutely no willpower when it came to Johnnie Riordan. She had betrayed Tony and he had betrayed his wife, and it was wrong.
‘But, Ruby, how were you to know about your nan?’ Gracie asked impatiently as they talked about it while going through the booking forms for the new season. ‘Did Norah tell you she was dying? No. Did Ray let you know she was in hospital? No, and he should have done – and, yes, he should have told her he’d seen you – but none of it happened and none of it can be changed so stop feeling so bleeding guilty about everything.’
Ruby leaned back and closed her eyes to try to ease the tiredness caused by lack of sleep that was overwhelming her.
‘I should have gone to see them all after Ray came here. I’d built it into such a big thing, but I was sixteen when I left, a kid who didn’t know better. Now I do. I was such an idiot. I should have gone back …’
Gracie looked at her and shook her head in frustration. ‘You’re telling me all this, but I know there’s more to all this guilt than your nan dying. So what is it you aren’t you telling me this time?’
‘There’s nothing,’ Ruby said vehemently. ‘Just leave it alone. You keep going on and on all the time and I just want to work in peace. Our bookings are down and I have to think about getting the decorating done.’
‘I thought the decorating was going to be done early next spring?’
‘Yes, it was, but Tony said that’s too late. It needs to be started right away, then we can get the carpets down.’
‘Oh, bugger Tony and what Tony said. This is your hotel … and I bet he doesn’t know that yet, either!’
‘That’s not the point. Anyway, he’s coming over later so I want all this paperwork done first. We’re going to discuss the wedding. And he wants to schedule the engagement party. He wants a big fancy do at Garons in the High Street.’
Gracie huffed loudly. ‘Oh, come off it, Rube. You’re not still going to go through with this fiasco, are you?’
‘Of course I am. I agreed to marry him – how can I possibly call it off almost as soon as it’s happened?’ As she said the words so her face crumpled and she started to laugh and cry at the same time. ‘Oh God, I’m sorry. You’re right, this is one big mess and I don’t know what to do. Why do I get myself into these situations, eh?’
She was standing at the reception, leaning on her elbows with her head in her hands, pretending to study the columns of figures in front of her.
Gracie put her arm over her shoulders. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself and let’s go upstairs. I’ll just tell Edith she can be in charge for a while. That’ll please her no end. She doesn’t often get the chance to be out front and scare the guests.’
Ruby laughed. ‘She is a bit of a battleaxe, isn’t she? But she works hard.’
Making sure the door to the flat was properly locked this time, Gracie made a pot of tea, then sat quietly beside Ruby and waited. It wasn’t long before she told Gracie everything about bumping into Johnnie and what followed.
‘He said he’s coming to see me on Friday, just so that we can catch up, and then put it all behind us. A sort of Last Chance Saloon visit.’
‘Catch up, my eye. He wants more than a catch-up else he wouldn’t have been sat on the beach outside here looking like an abandoned puppy dog.’
‘He did look a bit sad, didn’t he?’ Ruby cracked a smile. ‘But that wasn’t because of me, it was because of that silly Sadie.’
‘Ruby, Ruby, listen to me. I can guess how you feel about Johnnie just by listening to you. You can’t marry Tony, you can’t. It’s not fair. Not that I care about him, of course – you’ll be well rid – but if he ever finds out … Honestly? You are playing with fire. You’ll not only get burned, you’ll be bloody torched,’ Gracie said.
‘But there’s no future for me and Johnnie. He’s married with kids, and you’ve seen the wife. And married is married in my book. Adultery isn’t for me. I just feel this pull to him … OK, dammit, I want to see him just once more, then that’s it: he can have Sadie and I’ll have Tony.’
‘First love and all that shit, it never really goes away,’ Gracie said.
‘Hmm. Not quite how I’d put it … But I’d almost forgotten about him. I’d inherited a bloody hotel, I was starting to feel content with Tony, and I know Maggie’s happy even if she isn’t mine, as such. Johnnie was just a memory …’ She clenched her fists. ‘I could kill the bastard who sent those postcards and disrupted my life. Everything was fine until then.’ She stood up and walked out onto the balcony. ‘Until Leonora died.’
Gracie walked out and joined her but this time she kept an eye on the door, even though she knew it was locked. She didn’t trust Tony Alfredo one bit.
Ruby reached for the binoculars and looked out over the sea. A storm was threatening and she watched the small boats bobbing about like toys in a bath. She loved living up here, at the very top of a building that was right on the seafront; she didn’t want to move, even if it was only a few doors down. She couldn’t do it. Thamesview was hers.
‘Well, I think whoever it was who sent the cards did you a great big favour, even if that wasn’t what they meant to do,’ Gracie interrupted her thoughts. ‘It’s brought it all out into the open. You don’t love Tony and you shouldn’t even be considering marrying him. He’s got a dark side Rube, I can smell it when he’s around. I know you think I’m mean but it’s not just that I don’t like him, I don’t trust him. There’s something bad there.’
‘That’s not fair! Tony’s a nice man. It’s not his fault I’m so complicated. But the question is still, why did whoever it was send those postcards? Who knew about both Ray and Johnnie? I mean, Ray’s my brother but no one knew about me and Johnnie.’
The two of them ticked names off on their fingers, trying to narrow down the list.
‘It had to be someone who knew where they both lived and that you were here.’ Gracie frowned as she tried to think it out. ‘There can’t be that many. The family in London didn’t know you were in Southend. People in Southend thought you were from Melton. People in Melton thought you were in London. How funny that is!’ she laughed. ‘The only ones who knew it all, especially about Johnnie, are the Wheatons and me.’
‘It definitely wouldn’t be Uncle George or Aunty Babs, and it’s not you …’ Ruby screwed her eyes up and suddenly her hand flew up to her mouth. ‘I know who it was. Oh God, I bet I bloody well know who it was …’
‘Well, tell me then.’
‘Yardley the driver. It has to be him. He’d met Ray and Johnnie when they went to Melton, he drove the car and heard all the conversations that went on in there; and he hates me.’
‘But how would he know the addresses of Ray and Johnnie?’ Gracie frowned. ‘Mind you, they were both out of date. It was just chance that Ray had gone to visit your mum that day and she never got to see it.’
‘I bet Aunty Babs has everything written down somewhere. She is so efficient at things like that. He could easily find that sort of information if he wanted it. They trust him and he can do whatever he likes.’
‘But why do you think he hates you? I don’t understand.’
‘He just does. I can’t explain right now. He’s strange and I think he thought I was taking his place somehow. Oh, I don’t know,’ Ruby said, unsure if she was trying to convince Gracie or herself. ‘If it was him then I think it’s probably because he was having a stir. I don’t think it was sinister.’ She sat with her face buried in her hands. She wanted to confide in Gracie but she couldn’t. She had to talk to Babs first.
‘I wish I’d seen one of the cards. He’s semi-illiterate – I’d have recognised his weird writing anywhere. Bugger it.’
‘Do you think he’s dangerous? Do you think he knows who Maggie is?’
‘Don’t say things like that, please. I’ll talk to Aunty Babs about it. I just have to get the order of things straight before I fire everything up. Another couple of days won’t hurt.’
‘And what about Johnnie? Are you going to put him off as well? Mr Married Man.’
‘Gracie! You’re not my mother! I’ll do what I decide to do, about Johnnie, about Tony, about Yardley, about Nan’s funeral … There. That’s how much I’ve got going on, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.’
Gracie smiled. ‘Good to see you’ve still got some gumption about you, girl!’
Derek Yardley was once again maniacally polishing and buffing the Vauxhall to within an inch of its life. He saw Babs Wheaton look out of the window that overlooked the garage and was certain that he was being watched. He didn’t like it one bit. In fact, he was feeling very scared. He’d often fretted about being invisible, but now it seemed that she was watching his every move, checking up on him, asking him questions. He was getting increasingly paranoid, wondering if Ruby had said anything to them.
Were they watching him because of Maggie? Did they think he would actually touch a child, their child? Did they believe Ruby Blakeley’s story? The questions kept whirring repetitively in his head. He’d never done anything else wrong, never, but now his life was going to end because of that one stupid incident so long ago.
He was scared, but he was also offended because it wasn’t true. Or not true in the way she saw it. Yes, he had tried to kiss her and touch her, but he hadn’t expected her to mind. He had thought she liked him as much as he liked her.
At the age of twelve Ruby had been clever and pretty, and knew far more than he. He would watch how she behaved with her friends, especially with Keith, the lad from the greengrocer’s, and he would want to be out there with her, chasing through the fields and racing bicycles.
He’d watched as the mousy ten-year-old evacuee had turned into a lively, amusing girl with a wit and wisdom way beyond her years, and it was about then that he’d stopped seeing her as a child and thought of her as something more. He had sat up in his flat fantasising about her and imagining what it would be like to have a relationship with her, to have sex with her.
He had liked her so much and had wanted her so badly, but then when she rejected him the feelings had quickly turned to a hatred that was coupled with the fear of losing everything he had with the Wheatons.
As Yardley was buffing the car and thinking, he saw Babs Wheaton look out of a different window. He couldn’t think what to do. He was scared witless and convinced it was only a matter of time before he lost his job, his home and his standing in the village as the doc’s driver. His life.
He carried on polishing and did his best to look unconcerned. After a few minutes he put the dusters away and he did what he had done so many times before when he was stressed and knew he wouldn’t be needed for a few hours. He got his beloved pushbike out of the garage, wheeled it to the end of the drive and then cycled hard and fast to the woods between Melton and the next village and then made his way to the location of his old shelter, hidden deep in the woods where no one ever ventured. He had lived there for so many years it was his security blanket and the only place where he could always clear his head of the crushing headaches that he suffered under stress and think clearly.