“Cockroach is probably the sexiest term I’ve ever heard for man.”
Flora laughed and that felt good. “That constant wondering of what he’s doing, where he’s at and when will I see him again. It’s tempting and warm, but I want him on my terms. In my way and he doesn’t fit in that easy way anymore.
“Face the music, Flora. You really like him. It’s a good thing. He’s really into you too.”
“I do like him. A lot. I just wish that I could decide when I wanted to be over him.”
“Why?”
She rubbed at that spot on the table again and then met her friend’s gaze and voiced what had been crawling in the back of her mind. “Because what if he gets tired of what we have and leaves and I can’t forget about him?”
Tonya’s face softened as she reached across the table and squeezed her fingers. “Honey, that’s part of being in a relationship. Learning to trust.”
“I don’t like this part. The last time my trust was broken was years ago and I still don’t think I’m over it.”
Tonya took a deep breath and kept hold of her hand. “I wasn’t going to do this and get involved, but I am. Take a break from him and take some time to think. Instead of taking your pants off seven days a week, try for four. Okay?”
“Why?”
“Because I think you’ll see what you and Jacob have is more than just sex. And you’ll see that he’s not just going to get tired of it all one day because there’s so much more happening between the two of you.”
A break sounded like a good plan. A good clean break to get her thoughts back together, get back to what she wanted before Jacob came along. Then figure out a way to fit him in, on her terms.
Chapter Sixteen
The last six days Flora had completely avoided him and Jacob was on his last straw. She hadn’t just ‘had plans’. More like he’d walk in the diner, she’d grab the grease dripping burger off her plate and run like a bat out of hell for the back door. It was a far cry from the woman who’d once passed him in the same crowded diner, her hand lightly crossing over his zipper while she gave him a sly smile.
He’d tried avoiding the subject. He’d tried letting it just rest and giving her space. After two days of not answering his calls, even when he’d been watching her from across the manor as he called her on the phone and she actually looked at her screen and set it to ignore, he couldn’t do this anymore. Like hell. He was trying to avoid a talk, but it’d come to that.
He twisted his hands around the steering wheel. Just as soon as he quit sitting at the stop sign a block up from her house and just drove there. There was a skin crawling chill dripping over him that told him how this conversation would end.
Another truck stopped behind him and forced Jacob to make the turn and pull in her driveway. A nearly empty breath pushed out of him and he walked to her door and gave it a solid whack with his knuckles.
The locks turned. The wooden door pulled and cracked and she stuck her head out. Eyes widened in ways he’d only seen a cartoon pull off as she cleared her throat and straightened. “Jacob. I wasn’t expecting you.”
He had something bitter in response to that, but he bit it back. “I like being a surprise.”
“Oh, well, I’ve got….” She frowned and sighed, then backed away. “Come in.”
She had some more last minute, made up plans, he would imagine. “If you’ve got something else to do, we can meet up later.”
She shook her head. “Nope. Nothing to do this evening.”
She pulled some juice out of the refrigerator. “What have you been up to?”
“Little bit of this and that.” He slid on a stool opposite of the bar from her. A little space was probably a good idea. A good way to stop the itching feeling of pulling her in his arms when for once in his life, that was really the last thing he needed to do. “There’s something you said that’s been on my mind.”
She poured a cup of juice, but didn’t drink it. “About what?”
“The fear of having a baby and worrying about where they are and what they’re doing.”
Her shoulders sank and she stared in her cup. “I thought we were done with the questions on this.”
He smiled, pushed the glass away and held her hands between his. “We are. Just saying I get it.”
She glanced around and then lifted a brow. “Get what?”
“The appeal of not having babies.”
She focused on him with narrowed eyes and puckered lips. “
Mhm
.”
He pushed forward before she got him to stop. “We never really had a dad. It was three teenagers and then Grant seven years younger. Mom worked a lot. You know how much money that took to put food on the table so we weren’t hungry?”
“I assume a lot.”
“Yeah. And as much as momma was waitressing, it wasn’t enough. We…helped out when we could.”
The look on her face softened. “Yeah?”
He nodded taking this as a good sign. She was usually okay listening to him talk. It was getting her to talk that was trouble. “Well, Grant didn’t help that much. He was a good bit younger. But Lane did homework for money. Trent picked up odd jobs for neighbors.”
She smiled. “That was sweet. What did you do?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I um, did other things.”
“Were you a paid escort to the prom?”
He snorted and got choked. “God no. I may be a sexy beast now, but before I was more of a gangly teenager.” He sobered and swallowed. “With fast hands and long fingers.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“I picked pockets, Flora. Teachers. Other students. Lockers are surprisingly easy to break into. People at a crosswalk who left their purse unzipped.”
“Oh.”
Guilt weighed heavy. At the time, filling a hungry belly with a cold cut sandwich had a way of easing that guilt. “Momma didn’t know. Or if she did, she didn’t ask. We needed what we could get. Trent and Lane knew. They would cause a distraction sometimes so I could pick stuff. Or if they thought I was about to get caught.” He shook his head. “I should have a
juvie
record a mile long and I don’t. So I get the appeal of not wanting to worry for the rest of my life about what my kid is doing. I know the shit I got into and all the shit other kids get into.”
She straightened and when she did, her hands pulled out of his. “Jacob, I don’t want you changing your ideas about life just because of what we’re doing together.”
Not doing together seemed more accurate. “You just seem…distant lately. And I want you to know that your idea about kids doesn’t freak me out. I’m trying this talk about feelings thing so that people I care about will know where I stand. So I’m just saying, your no-kids thing makes sense. A lot more sense than most things.” Like the fact that he was even having this conversation to begin with and why. Like the idea that he wanted to do more with Flora than take her clothes off. But she just made a lot more sense than a lot of other things he’d ever had in his life.
Flora stood and walked away from him a bit. “Jacob I think things are starting to change from what we were.”
“From what?”
“From just sex.”
No shit. A hell of a lot was changing. Just all those changes hadn’t been spoken, so he played stupid to get what he wanted. “That’s all we do.”
She shook her head. “No. We…talk. And not just about random things like what we had for lunch. We
talk
.”
There wasn’t much he could do to BS his way out of that one. “It happens when people are around each other a lot.”
“Right.” She picked up a dishtowel and wrung it between her hands. “And that means things are changing, and we had a deal.”
Surely not. “No.”
She nodded. “We had a deal. We could keep on until things changed. You’re changing things.”
He blinked. Thirty seconds ago she’d been leaning toward him over the counter, warm and inviting and now this? “Because I commented and agreed with your idea of kids that makes things changing?”
She stared toward the door. “It falls into the category of life-long plans.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to do those plans together.” Except that’s kind of what he was wanting. To have her through the night. To wake up with her. Kiss her and hand over a thermos of coffee before she ran out the door. And on occasion, have at least a breakfast bar ready too. Maybe. Okay, probably more than likely as he’d had that exact thought a lot.
She shook her head. “This isn’t working Jacob.”
“Why not? What about us isn’t working?”
“We’re not just having fun anymore. Things are happening. And trying to go places I’m not comfortable going.”
Not comfortable going? She was fine stripping bare and letting him have his way with her, but a conversation about them was uncomfortable? “What’s so bad about me that you don’t want to know more?”
She winced. “It’s not you, Jacob.”
He shook his head. “You could at least not stare at the floor when you’re talking to me.”
“I’m sorry.” She blinked those big eyes at him. “It really is me.”
“I know it is.”
Her mouth gaped and he closed in on her. She started back, but the counter stopped her. “Jacob.”
He cupped her shoulders. Moved his hands up and down her smooth arms. He lowered his head and caught her mouth with his. She stilled for the briefest of moments, but sighed against him. Melted and molded against him like she’d done so often. This couldn’t be over.
She had to see what they had together was worth exploring further. Worth seeing what would happen a month from now and what they felt. She wanted to pull out before even getting started. She fisted his shirt in her hands and lifted. That was his cue and he broke the kiss.
He cupped her jaw and turned her face up to him. “I’m not going to pull the rug out from under you, Flora. I don’t know what I’ve done to you to make you think that.”
She shook her head.
He moved completely out of touching range. Touching range was a dangerous place to be. “I just want to see where we go from here.”
“Nowhere,” she whispered.
“That can’t be what you really want.”
She licked her lips. “Yes.”
“I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you want me to leave right now. If you wanted it bad enough, you’d ask me to leave, right now. Say it.”
Her gaze fell, voice softened. “There’s wanting one thing and needing to do another.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Where do I fall?”
Her hands shook as she reached for the counter behind her and gripped the ledge. “I don’t know anymore.”
“What are you afraid of?”
Her eyes narrowed, face back on his without hesitation. “I’m not afraid.”
“At least be honest.”
Her jaw tightened. Lips pressed into a flat line. Her chest filled with a full breath and held and she released it all at once. “What happens if we try and we don’t go anywhere?”
“Then we stop.”
She rubbed her arms. “I can’t just stop like that.”
“So you don’t even want to try.”
“Not without knowing how it’s going to end.”
“Guess we know what you’re afraid of then.” He shook his head and headed for the door. “Forget it then. If you don’t want an ‘us’ then why the fuck should I keep caring about you and your past and keep trying to give you space. This is what you want? You got it.”
He reached the door and took his time about opening and closing it. She never called out to him. Instead she turned away, arms wrapping around her middle.
Fine.
He hopped in his truck, headed back across town, and stopped at the diner where Trent’s truck was parked. He cut the engine off, walked through the doors. Trent wasn’t anywhere in sight, so he headed toward the back where he found the man at Tonya’s desk. Burger and fries to one side. Large drink to the other and flipping through the newspaper.
“Well, it’s over.”
Trent glanced up from the paper. “What is?”
“Flora and I. She ended it.”
“That explains Tonya’s phone call.”
Jacob drummed on his thighs and couldn’t stand it. “What happened with the phone?”
Trent shook his head. “You’re pathetic.”
“Yeah, so you’ve said.”
He sighed and put the paper aside. “Not much. Just that Tonya answered and she mostly frowned. Then she pretty much walked out.”
“She walked out? Or she pretty much walked out?”
Trent stuck another fry in his mouth. Then chewed it forever. “She told me she’d be back, she looked worried, but said it was fine. And that was it.”
“Ugh.” Jacob reached across the desk and grabbed the plate of fries.
“Hey. Get your own.”
He crammed a wad of fries in his mouth. “She’s too damn frustrating.”
“I thought you were being understanding?”
“I was. She broke it off. It’s fine. I knew it was coming.” Mostly. At least he figured there was at least a fifty-fifty chance things would work out after he walked in her house this afternoon. “So it’s done.”
“That’s it?”