Copyright © 2013 by JL Brooks
This book is a work of Fiction. Any names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.
Interior Design by Angela McLaurin, Fictional Formats
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Chapter Three: Honor thy Father
Chapter Five: A Gesture of Kindness
Chapter Eight: Clearing the Clutter
Chapter Eleven: A Place in the Sun
Chapter Thirteen: Time to Wake Up
Chapter Sixteen: Fortune Cookie
Chapter Twenty: Dinner for Three
Chapter Twenty-One: Underestimated
Chapter Twenty-Three: Head First
Chapter Twenty-Four: Reality Check
Chapter Twenty-Six: Little Things
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Whiplash
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Punishable Deeds
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Nowhere to Run
Chapter Thirty-One: Nothing Else Matters
Chapter Thirty-Three: Last Request
Chapter Thirty-Four: Borrowed Time
Chapter Thirty-Five: Ride the Wind
For the gentle souls who were lost to the unimaginable torment of bullying and felt as though death was the only way to ease their pain, this is for you. To the ones who were nearly swept away, and the ones currently fighting the battle, hold on, you are not alone.
To learn more about what you can do support the fight against bullying.
Please visit:
www.amandatoddlegacy.org
This is also for all the angels I have met along the way. You have appeared unexpectedly in the form of friends and strangers, but always when I needed you the most.
“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”
-Hebrews 13:2 NIV
I hated this feeling. I should have known better. It was all too easy to fall into his arms and let him take control. My body deceived me with every graze of his fingertips. Now all that was left was the hollow feeling of being used. He took the one thing about me that was special. Up until three hours ago, I was considered innocent. Now I had become what everyone in town already thought: a whore. There was no good excuse for my actions. Wanting to make sure I didn’t graduate a virgin shouldn’t have been on my priority list, but it was. Never in a million years could I imagine David would do this to me. “You can’t tell anyone,” he said.
The crushing in my chest worsened with every breath.
God, make it stop.
But it didn’t. The vice grip across my ribcage tightened minute by minute. I could already hear the kids at school laughing at me as I walked the halls. He would probably tell them it never happened – that I made it up just to sound cooler. They would spit on me and throw things, and knock my books away from my chest like always. I called my daddy to tell him I wasn’t feeling good and that I didn’t know if I would be able to go to school, so I asked him to let me just sleep it off. I never ditched, so he believed me without question. Trying to keep my tears from soaking the baby blue stationary that I wrote my goodbye letter on was easier said than done.
I couldn’t go without giving him a reason. My daddy would be heartbroken, but surely he would understand. Slipping the small piece of paper in the matching envelope, I scrawled one simple word across the top:
Daddy.
It wasn’t too hard for me to find the bottle of painkillers my dad used when his back hurt. He always had one on hand. I wasn’t sure how many to take, so I poured the contents of the brown plastic bottle into my palm and swallowed it down with some water. Lying down on the pillow still covered in David’s scent, I cried until the warmth took over. No one would ever miss me, except my daddy, but he would be okay. He wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
I couldn’t recall what happened after that. When I awoke, David was leaning over me with tears in his eyes, my body cradled limply in his arms. He was screaming, but I couldn’t move. I wanted to go back to sleep, yet every time I closed my eyes, he shook me hard and yelled louder. My father was on the phone, sounding just as panicked. An ambulance arrived and the men pried me out of David’s arms and laid me on a gurney. One paramedic took the pill bottle from my dad, who looked at me and threw his hands up in the air in confusion. He then grabbed David by the collar and shook him while pointing to me. I had never seen either of them look so scared. A large needle poked in my shoulder, and adrenaline started coursing through my veins. Sitting up screaming, I was strapped to a board and taken away by the ambulance.
Daddy sat next to me, holding my hand, red-eyed and broken. I just wanted to go to sleep, never to wake up. This was supposed to be over. An IV was placed in my arm, and once I was admitted to the emergency room, a large tube was shoved down my nose to begin emptying the contents of my stomach while the IV counteracted the drugs in my system.
I want my daddy, I want my daddy.
All I could think about was him coming to comfort me, but they made him stay outside of the room.
Just make it stop. Please. Just make it stop. I am desperate.
My pleas went unanswered until a few hours later when I was finally in a bed, allowed to sleep in peace. The doctors said they just barely caught me. Any longer and they wouldn’t have been able to save me. After waking up from a long sleep, I was told David noticed I wasn’t at school the next morning. Worried because I never missed, he called the house with no answer. He had a feeling something was wrong, so he skipped second period to check on me, when he found me nearly unconscious, my breathing shallow. Because I told my daddy I didn’t feel well, he didn’t think anything of me sleeping.
“You should have just let me go.” I didn’t look at David as the words slipped quietly out of my mouth. “I think you should go now, too.” It was killing him, seeing me like this, but he should have left well enough alone. It wasn’t his fault I did this, but the night before was my last straw.
“Toni, please.”
Shaking my head, I looked at the door and looked at him before staring out the window.
“Go.” It was final. I wouldn’t bend. He made the decision to sleep with me and then told me to deny it. Nothing he could say would make it right. I could hear him weeping as he stepped out of the room, but it wasn’t enough.
My daddy stayed by my bedside for the next week until I was released. We decided I would finish the school year from home and start applying to colleges. I had a strong grade point average that worked in my favor, and they didn’t need to know about my
accident.
Indiana University offered me a full ride, so I took it. As I walked down the boarding ramp to the airplane, I made myself a promise after kissing my daddy goodbye. I would never step another foot willingly back in Sloan if I didn’t have to. I was getting the fresh start I craved for so very long. No one had to know I was the daughter of a roughneck club owner who no one liked. I could be whoever I wanted to be, and no one would know better. So that’s exactly what I did – I became someone else.