Rosalie's Player (18 page)

Don’t I know it.

* * * *

When Rosalie answered the door, part of her hoped it would be Holt. The hopeful part, the side that fought hard all summer to stick with him even when he wasn’t sure why they were together. The other side, the one filled with dread and anxiety, didn’t want it to be him. She wasn’t ready to have the conversation she knew was inevitable.

“Holt,” she said. “I didn’t expect you.”

“Did you think I was going to leave things the way they were?”

“I really wasn’t sure.” She widened the door. “Do you want to come in?”

The vibe was different from twelve hours ago. When he left that morning, the future seemed brighter. She thought they could have a chance. The rose he’d left on the porch must have meant more to her than he had intended.

“Thank you.” He took off his baseball cap, allowing his dark hair to fall over his forehead. She liked it longer, untamed. It reminded her of when he woke in the morning after a night spent pleasing one another. Loving each other.
Don’t go there.

“What happened to your face?” She reached out and ran her finger over the bruise on his jaw.

He flinched when she touched him. “It was nothing. Just a misunderstanding.”

“Nic?”

“You should see him.” He smirked as he rolled his eyes, trying to play it off like everything was fine.

Damn, why does he have to be so cute?

“We’re cool.”

She’d get the story from Nic, but she wasn’t happy the two of them fought. That wasn’t what she wanted at all. This wasn’t how she expected the night to go when she made the decision to surprise him in the parking lot. A choice she now regretted with every fiber of her being.

“I thought you were going out with the guys.”

“I was.”

“But you’re here instead.”

“I’m not sure why I’m here.” He ran his hand over his jaw. “I’m not sure of anything anymore. I told you I couldn’t do this, but I did it anyway.”

“Then why did you bother showing up at all?”

“That look on your face in the parking lot.” He fisted his hands at his sides. “That look. Damn it, Rosalie! I told you not to let your feelings get in the way.”

“It wasn’t just
my
feelings.” She had to believe the past few days had meant something to him.

“I know,” he said, so low she almost missed it. “You’re special. I won’t deny that anymore. I thought I could make you be who I needed. That was stupid. You are who you are.”

“Why do either of us have to change for the other?”

“We shouldn’t.” He shook his head. “I think it’s better if you find that guy who can be more like who you need. It’s not me.”

“This is about your lunch with your father.”
Of course.
Why hadn’t she figured that out sooner? “Everything was fine this morning. Why did you let him get inside your head?”

“You’re wrong.” He looked down at his feet because he couldn’t look in her face when he was lying right to her. She was certain of that.

“I’m sick of hearing about the man you can’t be.”

“I never pretended to be something I wasn’t.”

That was true. In her heart, she knew he wasn’t pretending.

“Why don’t you stop hiding?” She’d had enough. He was a good man. If being harsh with him was the only way for him to see it, she’d risk it.

“I told you why.” He raised his voice, but she wasn’t backing down. “It’s you who doesn’t get it. Won’t get that I can’t be what you want.”

“Maybe it’s time you man up. You’re so afraid you can’t be who you’re supposed to be because of the example your father set. Did you ever think that instead of trying to not be who he is because you think you’ll screw up, you should try to be the man your mother would have wanted?”

“You don’t know anything about... No.” He shook his head. “This has nothing to do with my parents and their fucked up life.”

“Don’t you think that’s what she would want for you? I’m not saying I have to be the girl you need to change for, but I saw you, Holt. I see you. I know what you’re capable of. You’re not your father. You’re not, and I’m sorry you can’t see that.”

“I’m not who you want me to be. I’ll end up letting you down because I can’t live up to your expectations. I can’t. I don’t know how.”

“You won’t let me down.”

“Princess, please don’t complicate this.” He moved toward her, but she couldn’t keep going around like this. “Come to San Francisco with me. Let’s just have fun. Do what we’ve been doing.”

Did he honestly think they could be casual now? He had another thing coming.

“Stop calling me that! I’m not
your
princess. You’ve made it really clear that I never will be. You’re so busy trying to be something you’re not so you don’t let anyone down, but all you’re doing is running from what’s right in front of you.”

“You’re never going to get it.” He pulled her to him, holding her, trying to make her forget what the real problem was between them. “I haven’t been with anyone since you tore my life apart. I’m confused all the time. It’s affecting my head, my job, my life. Why can’t this be enough?”

Why couldn’t he see that he was more than enough? As she stared into his eyes, she saw the resistance. No matter how hard he fell for her, he would never be able to admit it. He would never open his heart to her because he didn’t think he could. That was too much for her to fight.

“Maybe you’re right about my expectations, but you’re wrong about me. I’m not looking for a fairytale. I’m looking for something real. That can be magical too.”

“Please, don’t make this harder.”

“You’re right. You’re not the guy for me. You keep proving that. I get it. I’m out.”

“What?” He let go of her, stepping back as his jaw clenched tight. “What are you saying?”

“You’re off the hook. Free to be the player you’ve always been. It’s just not going to be with me. I should have listened to your warnings. No hearts and no flowers. That may work for you, but I don’t have to settle, Holt Clemson. Not for you, not for anyone.” The shame of this whole situation was that he was the man she wanted. He was everything she could hope for. If he couldn’t figure that out, what was she doing with him?

“After all the weeks we spent together, you’re giving up?”

“Isn’t that what you want me to do? It’s an easy out for you.”

“I didn’t want... I mean, it doesn’t have to be this hard.”

“You gave up before I did.” She turned and opened the door, knowing she had to stay strong if she ever expected him to figure this out. “Have a good series in California.”

“This is exactly why I don’t fuckin’ do relationships.” He stopped in front of her. “You wrecked me more than I ever could have screwed with you. Well played, princess. I guess we know who won.”

“Neither of us won, Holt, and if you can’t see that then it was never going to work out between us.” Tears stung the corner of her eyes as one escaped and slipped down her cheek. “You have to go now.”

He reached out and wiped the stray tear away with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I’m walking because I swore I’d never make you cry again,” he whispered before hurrying out the door and to his car.

A sob resonated from someplace deep inside her. The ache in her chest was unbearable. He wasn’t out of the driveway two seconds and the emptiness had already settled in. A void that wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon. Why didn’t she fight for him? Make him understand he was doing everything right. He just needed to get out of his own way.

She shut the door, pressing her back to it as she slid down and sat on the floor. A man like Holt couldn’t be tamed. She didn’t want to do that. She wanted him. All of him, just the way he was. Until he realized that, he was never going to open up to her.

* * * *

Holt looked around the eerily quiet bar, feeling more defeated than any loss of a game could ever effect him. She said she was out, done, finished, kaput. Could he blame her? Hell no. He’d practically spoken the words for her. He left her no other alternative, and now he had to live with the consequences of his actions.

Bennet’s was dead. Most of the guys probably went home to pack for San Francisco. He imagined his fight with Nic had fizzled things out and no one wanted to celebrate a loss. He didn’t even know why he was there. He should have been at the cottage, groveling for Rosalie’s forgiveness. How had he let things get so out of control?

Man up
, she told him. Man the fuck up! He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t allow himself to be the guy she wanted. She was far too good for him. She deserved perfection in this life. The sad thing was he thought he could pull it off.

“Holt.” Ryder waved him over to a table in the corner. The same table he and Rosalie shared that first night she came back to Kingston.

Six weeks ago, his kiss was nothing more than a tease, a way to get her in bed. He was playing her that night. The same way he would play any other hard-to-get girl. When she resisted, he should have walked away. The challenge in her eyes should have been his first clue that she was the one in charge, but that only made him fight harder for the woman who would end up owning his heart. The very heart he swore could never be attained.

“Sit down,” Ryder said. “I ordered you a beer.”

“Thanks.” He took his time making his way to the hightop table. As he was about to sit, Cory placed his hand on his shoulder.

“Dude,” he said.

“I’m warning you.” Holt gritted his teeth. “I’m in no mood for your bullshit. I took a poke a Cordova tonight so don’t think you’re any different.”

“Hey.” Cory removed his hand from Holt. “I wanted to say I didn’t mean to cause any problems between you and your girl. I was fuckin’ around. That’s all.”

Holt wanted to blame Cory for what happened in the parking lot with Rosalie, but he couldn’t. That was all on him.

“Sorry, man,” Cory said.

“It’s forgotten.” Holt sat down. “See you at the airport in the morning.”

“Cool.” Cory patted Holt’s back before meeting up with a few guys across the bar.

“The fact that you’re here and not with Rosie isn’t a good sign, is it?” Ryder pushed a bottle of beer in front of Holt.

“She tossed me out on my ass.”

“She’s tough.”

“She’s smart.” Holt slugged back the cold beer, savoring the iciness as it slid down his dry throat. “She doesn’t need me.”

“You’re so full of shit. You know that?”

“Don’t act like you know anything about me.”

“Too late.” He smacked his hand on the table. “I’ve watched you hop from bed to bed. Your morning-after stories are legendary in the locker room. Before Rosalie, the guys couldn’t wait to see how you’d spent your night. You played the field more than some contracted players do.”

“Nothing to be proud of.” None of those frivolous nights meant anything to him. Not since Rosalie.

“That’s what I mean.”

“What?”

“The old Holt was proud of each conquest. Even more so when he’d have a new girl the next night. Can you honestly say you’ve thought of anyone else these past few weeks?”

He shook his head as he peeled at the label on his bottle.

“Then how did you screw it up? If you didn’t cheat on her—”

“I would never do that to her. That’s my father’s style.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re a coward.” Ryder shrugged. “Plain and simple.”

“Whatever.”
What is this? Take shots at Holt night?

“I’m serious. You know I’m really good friends with her. She’s done things your way. She’s been more than patient with you.”

“Yup, she’s a saint.”

“You like her. You spend more time at her place than you do at ours. When are you going to realize what you have?”

“She shouldn’t have to be patient. She deserves more than I can give.”

“You’re not willing to give any more? She’s not worth it? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Hell no.” Holt finished his beer. “Don’t put words in my mouth. Let’s drop this whole conversation. We have a crucial series to win in California. They’re ahead of us for first place right now. We have to sweep them and I can’t lose any more focus. I have a job to do.”

“It’s good to see you have your priorities in place.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“If I had a girl like Rosie waiting for me, I’d do anything to keep her. I’d figure out who I was and what I wanted real fast. Find a way to give her that happily ever after, even if it means facing the things you’re most afraid of.”

What if I’m most afraid of hurting her?

“I’m just sparing her the aggravation of me.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Maybe so, but now she knows.” Not even Holt was buying his own bullshit.

“Don’t walk away from her.” Ryder sipped his beer. “I see the way she looks at you. How your whole mood changes when she walks into a room. You’re stupid if you let her go.”

“When did you become such a romantic?”

“Anyone who hangs around Rosalie long enough can’t help but want a happily ever after.”

“That’s what I want for her.”

“Then go give it to her. That’s my last piece of advice for you.” He stood from the stool. “Well, that and don’t blow this series.”

“Ha! Don’t worry about me. What the hell kind of throw was that you made in the sixth inning?” Holt shook his head. “That was total crap.”

“Thanks for noticing.” Ryder threw a twenty on the table. “Come on, we have an early flight.”

“Thanks for the talk.” Holt followed him to the exit. “I’m going to think long and hard about everything over the next few days.”

“I trust you’ll do the right thing.” He opened the door. “Because if you don’t... Well, I might have to break that rule about not going after another Crushers’ girl.”

“You do that and you’ll never be able to throw a ball quite the same way again.”

Chapter 15

“Why am I here?” Rosalie walked up the eloquent staircase of the five-star hotel with Sage and Nic.

The flashing bulbs of the cameras lit the way as they hurried into the lobby. Reporters were yelling for Nic to answer questions, but this wasn’t a scheduled press conference so he just smiled and waved. He hurried Rosalie and her sister into the building.