Room 702 (31 page)

 
Fifi is silent a moment before she answers, “Yes.”

 
“And does he know about our daughter?”

“I… No.”

As outraged as he should be with this information, Erik thinks back to the relationship he had with this woman nearly thirty years ago.
 
They had shared something truly special, something he had never experienced since.
 
After the disappointment and hurt of her sudden disappearance had dissipated, he hoped her life had been a good one.
 
Now, while he wants to be angry, to begrudge her decision, instead he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?
 
You have to know I would’ve done the right thing.”

“The ‘right thing’ is what got my parents together years ago.
 
Their relationship produced me, but ended terribly.
 
I didn’t want to force marriage on anyone.
 
I saw what that could do, what you could become.
 
I couldn’t be responsible for destroying another two lives.”

 
“What gave you the right to make that decision for me?
 
How do you know I wouldn’t have loved to be a husband and a father?”

 
“You haven’t become either.”

 
“I… How do you know?”

 
“I’ve read up on you, followed your career.
 
With every step you made up the corporate rung I knew I had made the right choices.
 
Sacrifices had to be made.”

“Where are you now?
 
Please tell me we can talk about this in person.”

She hesitates before answering, and replies, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“Frankie…please, I’m not upset, I just want to see you again.”

Fifi, unable to stay still, paces around the suite.
 
Resolving herself, she says, “I’m at the Winchester in Beverly Hills, but I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Why then, did she tell him where she was?
 
Does she think he’s going to drop everything and drive himself over?
 
To clarify any disappointment of whether or not he will show, she continues, “I’m going away to Europe for the next three weeks and am flying out tomorrow morning.
 
Give me that time to tell my husband.
 
He doesn’t know about…her and he deserves at least that much.”
 

“If you’re sure.
 
I can cancel my schedule for the rest of today.”

Although she’s flattered and realizes this conversation is going better than she ever dreamed it would, she says, “No, it’s not necessary.”

“So, as far as you know she’s out there?”

“Yes.
 
Not a day goes by where I don’t think about her, about the choice I made and about not telling you.”

“I believe you.
 
And you’re positive I can’t come to you?”

She considers his request again and finally answers, “I’m sure.”

 
“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“When is her birthday?”

 
“She was born in the early spring.
 
February 17, 1982.”

“Where?”

“I went to northern California.
 
She was born near Palo Alto.”

 
“Did you meet the family who…?”

“No.
 
I held her once and had to let her go.”

“After all these years, why did you call and tell me this?
 
Why now?”

 
She looks outside, into the gorgeous summer day, and says, “I think about her.
 
Every day.”
 
“That seems natural.”
 
“And I wonder about her – what her life is like.
 
By now, perhaps she has married, maybe…maybe we have a grandchild.”
 
“Maybe we do.
 
But I have to ask again, why today?”
 
“You’ll think it’s silly.
 
Even I’m not sure I believe it.”
 
As deliriously happy as Erik is to once again be speaking with the love of his life, he says, “I promise I won’t.”
 
Fifi pauses and answers, “I thought I saw her.”
 
“Where?”
 
“Actually, here – in the hotel.”
 
“Today?
 
Physically there?”
 
“No – that’s the strangest thing.
 
They had a television in the lobby and it was applying through photos of different events and it was just a flash…
 
I’m probably being silly.”
 
“Not at all.
 
If that picture motivated you to call me, I don’t care who it was.”
 
“I don’t know.
 
After all this time, what if she rejects us?”
 
“Maybe she wants us to find her.
 
Did you think of that?”
 
“Sometimes.”

“Do you want to look for her?”
 
Fifi looks at herself in the mirror, and straightens up then answers, “After I tell my husband.
 
Yes, I think I do.”

“How do you think your husband will take the news?”

Fifi considers the questions and answers, “It’s so far in the past and he already has two children of his own.
 
I think he’ll be okay.”

“Our daughter has half siblings?”

“No, we didn’t have any children together.”

 
“I’d like to be a part of finding her, if you’d let me.”

“I think that would be…okay.”
 
Overcome with emotion, Fifi says, “I have to go.”

 
Disappointed, Erik says, “Are you sure?
 
It’s so nice to hear your voice again.”
 
“This…was a big step for me.”
 
“I know.
 
Please call me as soon as you’re back.”

 
“I will.”
 

“And Frankie…”

“Yes?”

It is on the tip of Erik’s tongue to tell her so many things – words he has kept silent for decades.
 
However, he doesn’t want to scare her off.
 
Swallowing the words, he says, “Take care and enjoy you’re trip.
 
I’ll be waiting when you return.”

“Thank you.”

Fifi ends the call and allows herself to weep.
 
She cries for the lost years and the daughter she has never met and for the future she never shared with Erik.
 
Trying to remind herself she has a wonderful life, she dries her tears and looks forward to finding her daughter.
 

“I’m sorry.”

“Really?” Nancy asks warily.

 
“Yes.
 
I’ve had time to think about my actions and I know you’ve been trying to help me.
 
I just keep getting in the way of myself.”

“Don’t beat yourself up.”
 
Nancy reaches across and pats Oscar’s leg, “I know it was a big step for you to call me and make this appointment.
 
Now, can I assume that you are here and ready to make real changes in your life?”

 
Fiddling the large ring on his right hand, Oscar looks up and says, “Yes, I am.”

 
“Contrary to what you might think, I genuinely do care and want your life to improve.”

“I know.”

“Congratulations, by the way,” Nancy adds.
 
“Thank you – although I don’t think I had that much to do with the championship.”
 
Nancy smiles and says, “The pundits would say differently, but I was actually talking about your changing agents.”
 
“You know about that?”
 
“I don’t obsessively follow your career, but I am interested in how things work out for you, Oscar.
 
How is your new agent working out?”
 
“So far, it’s been very positive.”
 
“That’s good to hear, however, we both know that’s not why we’re here today.
 
What else happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“As much as I want to believe you’ve evolved and matured and are genuinely apologetic for our last session, and as positive of a step it was for you to take on new representation, I think there had to be something else which had prompted you being here today.”
 
Oscar sighs deeply and says, “You’re right.”
 
When the young man fails to divulge further details, Nancy says, “And that would be?”
 
Fidgeting slightly, he says, “I started texting that girl.”
 
“Oscar…”
 
“Nothing’s happened.”
 
“Nothing physical, you mean.”
 
“Exactly.”
 
“There is such a thing as emotional cheating, Oscar.”
 
“But…”
 
“No excuses.
 
What if Dani was doing the same thing?” Oscar remains silent and Nancy continues, “Exactly what I thought.
 
Look, don’t know if you’re trying to get caught or what you’re trying to prove, but I don’t think this path going to lead anywhere healthy.”
 
On her patient’s continued silence, Nancy says, “These things have a way of coming out.
 
Of ending badly.
 
If Dani is going to be your wife for the next fifty years, this is not a strong way to start out.
 
You’re only going to hurt her.
 
No matter what you think she’s forcing you to do – she doesn’t deserve this.”
 
“I know.”
 
Nancy looks down at her notes, and pen poised, asks, “When was the last time you contacted the other young woman?”
 
“It’s been awhile.”
 
“Oscar, this might be an uncomfortable question, but have you sent anything of an inappropriate nature?
 
Anything that could be taken out of context?”
 
“Maybe.”

 
Nancy barely holds back a sigh and asks, “Do you trust this young woman?”

 
“You mean, do I trust her not to brag about her contact with me to the public and destroy my marriage?”

 
“Something like that.”

 
“Then, no, I do not trust her one-hundred percent.”

 
“Then why are you still in touch?”

 
“I don’t know.”

 
“I think if you really thought about it, you would know the answer to that question, however, I will not press you on your feelings.”

 
“I do plan on ending it.”

 
“But you haven’t yet.” Nancy abruptly changes the subject and asks, “How would you rate your communication with Dani?
 
Did you reach a compromise about when you would start your family?”
 
Oscar sits up and says, “Sort of.”
 
“Sort of, how?
 
Did you tell your wife your concerns?”
 
“I did.”
 
“How did that go?”
 
“She thought I was being silly.
 
She said I was nothing like my parents – that I wouldn’t be like them, that we were different.”
 
“Did you believe her?”
 
“I guess.”
 
“That doesn’t sound entirely convincing.”

 
“How did you know you would be a good parent, Doc?”

 
“Who says I am?”

 
Oscar shoots her a look and says, “Objectively.”

 
“Objectively, it’s something I worry about every day.
 
Listen, Oscar, no one claims to have all the answers.
 
Back to the point, what did Dani say about having to share your time?”
 
“I don’t think she gets it.
 
She was an only child – she’s always had all the attention from her parents – from me.”
 
“Hmmm.
 
Do you want more than one child?”
 
“I guess – one day.”
 
“Have you talked about that?”
 
“Sort of.”
 
“Oscar, I’m going to say something that might be a bit difficult to hear, but I want you to listen.”
 
“Okay, Doc.”
 
“You’ve mentioned in the past that one of the frustrations you have with your parents is how they fail to have any ‘real’ conversations with you.”
 
“Do you think that’s why I’ve been avoiding things with Dani?”
 
“I wouldn’t put all the blame on your parents, but your childhood was a place you learned and inherited certain communication styles from.”
 
“Huh.”
 
“Look, it’s a very human response to avoid conflict or uncomfortable situations, but, and as much as you might want to hear this, sometimes we need to have these difficult conversations.”

 
“You’re right.”
 
“To start, do you think you could end things with your paramour?”
 
“She’s not my…” Nancy lifts an eyebrow and he ends his sentence. “Fine, I will.”
 
“Be careful, Oscar – I wouldn’t want to see the situation blow up in your face.”
 
“Neither would I.”
 
“This would be a good opportunity for you to completely control things.
 
You decided to start a relationship, and if it is your decision to end things, you can do so in a mature manner.”

 
Oscar shifts uncomfortably, then says, “I did make that call.”

 
“You did and you’re the only one who can put things to a mature end.”

 
“I will.”

 
“And, since I have to ask at least once every other session or so, are you sure you don’t want to let Dani know you’re here?”
 
“I’m sure.”