Rogue Wave (The Water Keepers, Book 2) (19 page)

The blinds swung side to side and knocked into each other when I jumped up from the couch. No. My screwed up life wasn’t my fault, and it wasn’t Rayne’s fault either. It was so clear now. I knew exactly who to blame…my father. It was his fault, without question. Everything was…my mom’s broken heart, my malfunctioning body, being kidnapped last November by an insane person, threatened in my own bedroom by his deranged son, left alone and deserted and fatherless, and without any idea of who I really was.
Everything
was his fault
.

With fists clamped together so hard my nails pierced into my palms, I stomped back to my bedroom and threw open the closet door. I knew that somewhere under a pile of stuff was the plain black diary I had purchased months ago to replace the purple one I shared with Rayne as a communication device, so I could have a place to write down my thoughts with a little more privacy. But I never wrote a single word in the new diary since the day I brought it home.

I let myself believe I was just too busy, and my life was too blissfully happy with Rayne as my pretend boyfriend to need the new diary as a place to vent, but the real reason I stopped writing my father letters in the diary was because I didn’t know what to say anymore.

I couldn’t go on pretending I wasn’t angry. I tried so hard for so long to convince myself that, when it came to my father, everything was okay. But it wasn’t. I couldn’t even make myself sit down to start writing. I took the first pen within arm’s reach and stood against the dresser next to the closet, throwing the book open on top. I clenched the pen tightly in my hand and wrote with heavy letters:

Dear Dad,

I paused; then crossed the words out forcefully, leaving a line dented in the paper. I didn’t even feel like I could call him
Dad
anymore. I decided to go for something more distant and formal. I wrote on the next line down:

Dear Dad,

Dear Lin,

I clenched my teeth and paused again.
That
didn’t even feel right. He wasn’t
dear anything
right now. I crossed that line out, too. Twice. I couldn’t even greet him properly I was so angry. So, I moved to the next line down and just went straight to it.

Dear Dad,

Dear Lin,

How could you do this to me? How could you ruin my life like this? And Mom’s life? And Rayne’s?! You’ve pretty much screwed over every person I’ve ever cared about. Do you even
get
that???? I guess where you come from, it’s OKAY to make someone fall in love with you, sleep with them, then desert them in the middle of the night…knocked-up? What kind of a person ARE you? Who DOES that to someone? I wish this letter was real so I could tell you how much I hate you right now!

Now Mom’s probably in danger and it’s completely your fault. She never would have dated Dr. Jensen if you hadn’t abandoned us. She would have found someone really great a long time ago, if it wasn’t for
you
. Why couldn’t you just do your job as a Keeper and go home? Why did you have to drag us into your crazy world? Wherever that even is.

It’s so obvious that Rayne knows who you are, but he won’t tell me. That means you told him not to. Why would you do that? Am I really so terrible to you? Or maybe you’re just a big fat stupid coward?!

I’ve thought about forgiving you for leaving before, but why should I? It’s not like you’ve ever bothered to show your face and actually tell me that you’re sorry. Are you even sorry? Do you even CARE???

I clamped my fingers tighter around the pen. With angry growls, I jabbed the metal tip over and over again into the letter, causing splotches and ink marks to smear over the words until I finally threw the pen across the room. I shoved the book on the floor like a child having a tantrum and leapt onto my bed face-first.

He didn’t deserve a letter, not even a mean one. He didn’t deserve my time at all. I hated him. I hated everything about him.

I reached for the corner of my pillow and yanked it towards me. Then, I hugged it to my chest, wishing it was Rayne. Unlike my father, I couldn’t be mad at Rayne anymore, at least not completely. I just wanted him to hold me.  Rayne was probably the only thing in my life that could make the heartache go away. I hoped he wouldn’t be too mad at me for the way I reacted the night before. I just wanted to see his beautiful green eyes, feel his arms wrap around me like a blanket.

I rolled over and reached for the drawer in my nightstand, thinking I could send Rayne a message in our diary, the purple butterfly one we used to communicate with, not the stupid black one sitting on the carpet across the room, which I had vowed never to write in again the minute I shoved it to the floor.

When I didn’t see the purple book at first glance, I sat up to get a better look inside the drawer. Wait a minute. Was I losing it? Where was the diary? Didn’t I just check to make sure it was there yesterday? I was having trouble remembering, but I was almost sure I had. I jumped up from the mattress and pulled the drawer handle further open. No, it had to be here. I searched frantically around the room, in my closet, under the bed. How could this be?

I cupped my hands over my face. Ash must have stolen it. What other explanation could there be? Now what was I going to do? A dark sensation crawled over my skin, remembering Ash in my room the night before. My legs froze. Was he watching me right now? The idea hadn’t fully sunk in until now. I’d been in shock and denial before, too stripped of sleep to grasp the situation.

Ash wasn’t someone to take lightly. He may have helped me escape from Voss before, but he wasn’t the same person now. It was obvious that darkness was taking him over; I could sense it. The vivid blue glow from his eyes was just a lingering deception. It was clear the light from within no longer flowed to his heart. Who knew what he was really capable of?

Our conversation from the night before played back through my mind, making me shiver. Every word Ash said was filled with animosity.  His father was dead, and he blamed Rayne for all of his pain. My throat tightened, picturing Ash’s hands clamped around my neck, choking me, lips rippling with anger as he snarled out the words.
What do you know about my father? Rayne tried to
kill
my father. If anyone’s a murderer, it’s him.

I sucked in a shallow breath, repeating the phrase in my head
. Rayne tried to kill my father.
Rayne
tried
to kill my father. Suddenly, the words had a whole new meaning. Ash didn’t say Rayne
killed
my father, he said Rayne
tried
to kill my father. I shook my head with wide eyes. No. Was it possible? The hairs jumped out from the skin on my arms. Maybe it was just a word slip, common phrasing that wasn’t being used literally. But I couldn’t calm the storm brewing inside my stomach. Even without knowing for certain if it was true, just the thought was enough to make my whole body shutter. Voss could be alive.

My heart seemed to quiver in my chest, new fear compelling each beat. What if Voss had taken the diary? What if he sent Rayne a message pretending to be me, to lead him into a trap just like he did to me five months ago?

Regret bore down on me. I shouldn’t have let my petty, childish behavior get the best of me. I shouldn’t have let it tear me away from Rayne for even a second. It was probably exactly what Ash wanted. He was probably having a nice laugh over the whole thing right now from wherever he was spying on me. I should have contacted Rayne about Ash through the diary while I had the chance, as soon as Ash had left me in the dark. I was so stupid. Now I didn’t have a clue what to do.

I tore my phone from my pocket and dialed Rayne’s number. I didn’t care if Ash or Voss or anyone was listening, I just needed to hear Rayne’s voice. I needed to know he was okay. I paced in circles around my room, my steps quickening with each unanswered ring.
Come on, pick up. Pick up.

Finally, the ringing stopped. Rayne sounded weary when he answered. “Hello.”

“Rayne?” I said shakily. “Where are you? Are you all right?”

His voice clenched, reacting to my frantic tone. “Sadie, I’m fine. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Where are you?” I said again.

“It’s okay. I’m home. I’m just across the street. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt?”

I closed my eyes, feeling a short wave of relief. He was safe.

I tried to control my emotion. “No, I’m okay. I was just worried.” It occurred to me that if I said what I was really thinking, it was possible I would somehow push Rayne right into the danger that I was worried about in the first place, and maybe my mom, too.

I rubbed my lips together nervously. “Um, I just…had a bad dream. I fell asleep and I had a nightmare about you. It freaked me out a little, so I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Rayne’s tone was soft. “You don’t need to worry. I’m fine.”

I nodded to myself without speaking, letting his words reassure me, but it didn’t feel like enough. “Can you come over?” I said.

“Aren’t you still mad at me?” Rayne asked.

I paused. “I don’t know. Sort of. I don’t really want to talk about it yet. But…I don’t want to be alone right now either. Would that be okay with you? If not, I’ll understand.”

“Sadie, stop,” he said. “Of course it’s okay. I’ll be right over.”

Seeing Rayne at my doorstep was more soothing than sunshine, even with the creases etched with concern through his face. I stepped into his body without hesitation, throwing my arms around the wide, protective curves in his back.

He cradled his arms around me and drew me in tighter, bringing his lips close to my ear. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about something?”

“I don’t feel like talking,” I said, pulling myself deeper into his chest. “Can you just be here with me for a while?”

He stroked a few strands of my hair, the touch of his fingers sending warm tingles down my neck. “Whatever you want,” he whispered.

I took his hand and led him to the couch. “Maybe we could just sit and watch TV for a while, to help turn off my thoughts.”

Rayne took the remote from the coffee table and pointed it at the screen. “Sure. We could do that.”

He sat in the corner of the couch and held out his arm, signaling me to join him. I curled into his side and let his embrace wrap around my shoulder, positioning the back of my head to rest against his chest. He flipped through a few channels then stopped on a fast food commercial. It seemed odd. He hated commercials. I turned my head and glanced up at him.  It looked like the veins were going to burst out of his neck.

“Does this have something to do with that guy in the Audi?” he said, as if he couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Did he do something to upset you? I swear, I’ll break his legs if I find out he did anything to hurt you.”

I’d almost forgotten about Derrick. I was so overwhelmed by my own fear that I had completely disregarded Rayne’s feelings on the subject. I’d also forgotten how rude I had been to Rayne on the intercom earlier, when I had pushed it in his face that I was having a guy come over, where I made it very clear that Rayne wasn’t allowed to come anywhere near us.

“No, he didn’t do anything,” I said, not sure why I sounded so agitated. “Nothing happened. All we did was eat lunch. Then I fell asleep watching a movie. Okay?”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Rayne lifted the remote back to the TV and searched through the channels. When I saw the show he decided to watch, I felt instantly guilt-ridden for taking such a short tone with him. It was a show Rayne didn’t care for, but he always watched it with me anyway, because he knew how much I liked it. Even when I was rude to him, he was always putting my feelings first.

When the channel paused for a commercial, I turned back to him with lowered eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk about all this. I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now.”

As if it was a gesture to say I was forgiven, Rayne smiled and curved his face towards mine, placing a single, tender kiss on my cheek. “No talking, remember? You don’t want to miss your show.”

Rayne had to be the most forgiving, understanding person on the planet. Even though he had kept things from me in the past, somehow I still wondered if I deserved him. I grinned at him appreciatively, pulling his arm tighter around my side, and for a brief moment… I felt safe.

17. THE NOTE

I woke feeling comfortable and content. I opened my eyes with a sigh and admired the morning sunrays as they streamed through the cracks in the window blinds. What day was it? For a moment, I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten in my bed, but my mind slowly came to. The last thing I remembered was snuggling up with Rayne on the couch the night before, and there were a few scattered memories of him carrying me into my room and tucking me under the covers of my bed. After that, I’d slept so soundly, I didn’t even recall having any dreams.

I finally remembered that it was Friday and got up to head to the shower and get dressed for school. But by the time I finished styling my hair, all my worries had reappeared. I slipped a thick silver bracelet around my wrist to conceal my Watermark, which appeared a standard, medium shade of blue, not too dark but not super light either. I wondered if I had done the right thing by not telling Rayne about Ash’s threats to me and my mother. Would we really be safe if I kept my mouth shut? Should I even trust a single word that came out of Ash’s mouth?

My old phone buzzed in my pocket as I walked down the hallway to the living room. I knew I had a nice new smartphone collecting dust in a box back in my room, thanks to Dr. Jensen, but I didn’t have the time or the energy to figure out how to use it yet. And I wasn’t even sure I wanted to keep a gift from a guy that was probably involved in some kind of shady business deal with my worst enemy.