Rock the Heart (9 page)

The energy flowing between us, in this small, dark room, is powerful. I bite my bottom lip, practically tasting the lust in the air. Noel reaches up and caresses my cheek with his thumb. I should tell him to stop, but the fire in his touch is makes my body crave more of his skin on mine. His eyes roam over me. I study every inch of his face. It’s so beautiful. The look in his eyes shows hope, but I’m not sure sleeping with him is a good choice.  I can’t let him think I’m like all of his random groupies. I want more from him than causal sex. Which sounds completely selfish considering I’m the one who left him before—I really have no right to demand anything of him.

“Lane.” The way he says my name makes my toes curl. “I’m still crazy over you. I know it’s been a while, but it feels like just yesterday when you walked out of my life. When you left me, I was so empty. There was this huge, gaping hole in my heart that no one could fill. I tried to get over you. I really did, but you were always there. Every woman I kissed was you.” 

My heart clenches at his words. He’s pretty much laid all his cards out for me to see. I’ll admit there is something between us, and it’s strong, but at this point I’m not sure if it’s just purely a sexual thing. And I can’t chance my career on such a crazy risk.

I sigh. We can’t rush this. 

“Noel, we have to stay professional. I work for you now—how’s it going to look if I sleep with you my first week here. Who’ll take me serious? Diana encourages me to do whatever it takes to keep you happy, but I’m afraid if I sleep with you, we’ll step over a line we shouldn’t, at least while I work for you, anyway.”

He leans in closer, his lips just inches from my face. “So quit. I’ll take care of you. You don’t need to work as long as you’re with me. I’ll take care of everything you need.”

“You don’t get it—still after all this time. This job is my dream, Noel. If I sleep with you now and things go bad, not only will I lose you, but my dream as well.”

He frowns. “This project means that much to you? It isn’t just about getting close to me?”

I shake my head and then pull his fingers away from my face and lace mine with his. “No. I mean, at first it was just the job, but now, after this, I can’t kid myself. There’s still something between us…”

“But?” he prompts.

“We can’t act on it. Things have to go slow, maybe after Diana sees I can actually do this, she’ll take me serious. Once that happens, maybe we can give us a shot.”

Noel traces my lips with his finger. “I don’t think I can live without at least kissing these. How about we make another deal?”

I tilt my head. Noel always has some sort of scheme brewing in that devilish mind of his. Before he has a chance to set the terms, I come up with some of my own that I can live with while still getting this project done. “How about for every kiss I give you, I get ten minutes of uninterrupted time working on the charity project.”

Noel smiles up at me through sexy, long lashes. “Sure, I’ll agree to that. But I warn you, if you kiss me like you mean it too much, I won’t promise to hold off.”

A fierce blush spreads all over my face. 

“How about we start with one right now?”

Before I can answer, Noel pulls my lips to his. The warmth of his mouth is so familiar. I close my eyes and shut my brain off. Nothing else matters but the here and now. This kiss—the one I’ve been reliving in my mind over the past few years—is finally happening.

 My lips part, and his tongue finds mine, swirling around like a well-practiced routine. A sound of intense need catches in the back of his throat, and I press my body against his. 

His hand slips under my shirt and brushes against the skin on the small of my back. I shiver. The feel of his skin on me floods me with desire. I can’t remember ever wanting Noel as badly as I do now. Maybe it’s because I know what I’ve been missing. Or maybe it’s because he’s turned into an incredibly attractive man. Either way, he’s the only thing I want in the world right now, and I can’t get close enough to him.

My hand flies into Noel’s hair as he slides his hand down the length of my body. His fingers dig into my thighs before he hitches my leg around his hip. He pushes his pelvis into mine and all that separates us is a couple of thin pieces of fabric. His erection strains against his boxers—Noel wants this just as much as I do.  

He trails kisses across my jaw. I toss my head back and arch my chest into him. “Oh God, Lane. You smell fucking amazing.” A shudder rips through his body as I moan in his ear. 

The sound of my own voice catches me off guard. I rise up. All I can focus on is his blue eyes, alive with intense need. He wants me to say I need him—that I want him to take me. Here and now. But I can’t do that. We have to slow down. 

I push him back a little. “Wait a second. We agreed to only kiss.”

“You can’t kiss me like that and not expect me to get turned on.”

I turn away from him and blush.

Noel pulls my face toward him. “Don’t,” he whispers, “don’t be ashamed. It’s incredibly sexy when you let yourself go like that. I never knew you had that in you.”

“People can change. I have grown up a little. I’m not that same silly, naïve girl you knew back in high school.”

He grins. “Well, I liked her, too, you know. But this version of you is down right fuckable.” 

My face heats up and I roll away from him. Noel sits up and pushes himself off the bed before grabbing his shirt from the floor. 

“Where are you going?”

He grabs a towel out of one of the drawers. “To take a cold shower—I have a feeling I’ll need a lot of those these next two weeks if we keep kissing like that.”

I flop back onto the bed when Noel shuts the door behind him. He has no clue the same goes for me.

The next morning I wake up before Noel and creep out of the bedroom with my cell in hand, doing my best not to wake him. I dial Aubrey’s number and then look at the clock. It’s only a little after eight. She’s going to kill me for waking her up, but I have to know that she got back to her hotel okay.

She answers on the fourth ring. “Hello?” Her tone is raspy and slow.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you, but I wanted to know what your plans are for today.”

She giggles. “Stop, Riff.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re still with him?”

“Yes,” she says, breathlessly.

I frown, knowing she’s probably going to spend the rest of her time here with Riff. “So I take it you’re busy.”

Aubrey sighs. “Don’t be mad. We’ll be together all the time in about a week when you come home. Besides you have Noel to play with.”

“You know it’s not like that.”

She giggles again. “But it could be
just
like that if you’d let it.” Riff mumbles something in the background and I hear the distinct sound of sucking. “Um, gotta go, Lanie. Love you.”

Before I can get another word of protest in, she hangs up. Aubrey’s always been one to live a little on the wild side. I guess, her messing around with Riff should’ve been expected. He’s a horn ball and she has a thing for the bad-boy type. I should’ve seen that one coming.

I lay my phone on the table and run my fingers through my hair. A strong pair of tattooed arms wraps around my waist, and I stiffen. “Noel, what are you doing?”

He pulls the hair away from my neck and kisses the delicate skin there. “I thought we made our feelings for each other pretty clear last night.”

I pull away from him. “Just because I said I feel something for you, doesn’t mean we get to act on it.”

Noel scratches the back of his neck. “I don’t get you, Lane. One minute your hot for me, the next you shove me away. Aren’t I more important than some lame job?”

“Noel…”

He shakes his head. “You know what, forget it. Sorry I crossed some invisible line you have drawn in your head.”

I watch him stalk off towards the bedroom and slam the door. 

  A few hours later, when Aubrey and Riff are forced out of their sex nest, I stand back stage with her while we wait on the guys to come out of their band meeting. She grins from ear to ear as she goes over every sordid detail of her sexual escapade last night. I roll my eyes at the part where she gushes about how great Riff is in the sack, and she gives me a playful shove.

“So you’re telling me nothing happened with you and Noel last night?” she questions. “You two were pretty cozy on the way back.” I sigh, and she laughs. “I knew it! Tell me!”

I hold my hands up in surrender. “Okay. Okay. Jeesh, get a grip. We kissed.”

Aubrey raises her eyebrow. “A kiss? Was it like a polite peck or was it full on tongue I-want-your-body make-out?”

I frown. “It definitely wasn’t polite.”

 “Lanie, God, sometimes I swear for someone so smart, you sometimes act like an idiot. You should be ecstatic right now. Reconnection with your first love is something people dream about and you’re getting that. I don’t see why you don’t just let loose and let it happen.”

“But the job—”

“But,
nothing
. Don’t make me give the ‘jobs aren’t everything’ speech. Jobs don’t keep you warm or make you feel sexy, but Noel Falcon totally can. Anyone can see the guy is crazy about you.”

Is it really that obvious to other people? I know he’s been trying to get in my pants since we meet back up in Houston, but it wasn’t until last night I found out he has actual feelings for me, and that scares me a little. It’s obvious I hurt him in the past, and I don’t want to do that again. Things are going smooth between us now, but what happens when my two weeks are up? Will he go back to sleeping with random groupies while I’m back in New York? If he did that, I would end our relationship…again.

Then there’s the job. 

I don’t think I’m ready to risk anything just yet. 

Aubrey stares at me expectantly. “Quit doing that.”

I flinch. “Doing what?”

“Over thinking things. You’ll never know until you let down your walls a little.”

I run my fingers through my hair. “Why are you pushing this? You hated him before.”

She shrugs. “Because you’re my best friend, and I love you. I want you to be happy. Plus, he’s not the asshole I thought he was.”

I give her a weak smile and then wrap my arms around her.   

 “Hey now…” I turn and find Riff staring at us. “Nobody gets this girl’s lovin’ but me.”

Aubrey giggles like a giddy kid at Christmas when Riff grabs her up in a hug. “Riff!”

I roll my eyes. “On that note, I’m out of here.”

I wander around back stage and find an empty bench. The roadies rush back and forth connecting cables and tuning instruments. The opening act for Black Falcon is set to take the stage in the next few minutes. I’m really enjoying all the great music I’ve heard the last couple shows and I’m curious as to what band is playing with them tonight.

“Lanie, love, didn’t expect to see you again so soon.” I jerk my head towards the voice and set my eyes on a grinning Striker. His long, dark hair hangs in a low ponytail and a few shorter strands fall haphazardly around his face. The brown in his eyes is so dark they almost appear black from a short distance. Tight leather pants accompanied with a sleeveless dress shirt shows off his body and array of perfectly placed tattoos. I’m definitely intrigued by him.  

I smile at him. “Hey, Striker. I didn’t know Embrace the Darkness was opening for Black Falcon.”

Striker must take my smile as an invitation because he plops down next to me on the bench and causally stretches his arm behind me. “We do from time to time. Same record label and all. Say, you think you might fancy getting a drink with me later?”

When I gave my number to him the other day, I didn’t even think about the possibility of something happening between Noel and I. But, since we kissed last night, I feel like that changes things a bit. 

“Striker, I’m not sure…”

“Ah, come on. Just one drink.” He winks at me, and when I hesitate with my answer, he says, “Don’t tell me you’ve got a thing going on with that Noel, bloke. He’s not worthy of a lovely such as you.”

I raise an eyebrow, taken back at his forwardness. “And you are?”

Striker takes my hand into his and then raises it to his lips. “I would treat you like the queen you are.”

The skin on the back of my hand tingles from the touch of his lips. His eyes meet mine, and there is no trace of humor in them at all. I swallow deeply, unsure of what to say. Noel and I’ve already had a relationship that’s fallen apart. Who says that won’t happen again? This thing with Striker is new and unexplored, and frankly a little scary because our apparent attraction to one another feels intense. 

“What the hell is going on?” Noel’s face is angry, and he’s staring daggers at my hand in Striker’s.

I yank my hand away, and my heart pounds. Where did he come from?  “Nothing. It’s not what you think.”

Striker stares at me and tilts his head. There’s an emotion of recognition on his face, like his suspicions of Noel and me is confirmed. “Pity.” 

I open my mouth to apologize, but I shut it quickly. There really isn’t anything to say I’m sorry for. I don’t really know Striker. I shouldn’t have to explain my relationship with Noel to him when I’m still trying to figure it out myself. 

After a few seconds, Striker sighs roughly before standing to face Noel. “This one’s a good girl, mate. Treat her right.”

Noel doesn’t answer, just narrows his eyes as he watches Striker walk away, and then turns his attention back to me. “What the hell was that?”

“He was just being nice,” I counter. 

“Nice? Kissing your fucking hand is crossing the damn line,” he growls.

I stand and shove my hands on my hips. “Nothing happened!”

He jams his fingers into his hair. “You’re driving me insane. I can’t keep doing this, Lane.”

I stare at him with my mouth open slightly. “Noel…”

“Just stop.” He closes his eyes. “Just stop, okay. You’re ripping my heart out and you don’t even know it.”

“I’m sorry, I just need more time. We don’t have to rush things.”

He grabs me in his arms. “Yes we do. If I don’t have you soon, I’m going to implode. Can’t you see that? I want you to be with me. I can’t stand all these guys coming on to you. The fact that I’m not allowed to do a God damn thing about it because you’re not mine is killing me.”

My heart thumps against my ribs as he holds me tight against his chest. I dip my head down and close my eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you, I just…”

Just what? Don’t love him? Don’t want him? I can’t say that because it would be a lie. I lean my head into his chest and sigh. Aubrey’s right. Noel is crazy about me. More than anything right now I want to tell him how I feel, but I know if I do everything will change. 

Am I ready for that?

“Just what, Lane?” his voice rumbles in his chest. “Tell me what you want.”

“I can’t,” I whisper.

Noel sighs then pulls away. I gaze up at him, and he closes his eyes. When he steps back,   I grab for his hand, desperate to keep him close, but he moves too quick.

He turns away, and there’s a tug in my heart towards him. 

“Wait…” I say, and he stops in his tracks.

“For what? To be led on some more?” he asks with his back still towards me.

When I don’t reply, he shoves his hands in his jean pockets and storms off. Tears blur my vision and I watch him until he disappears around a corner. Why can’t I just bring myself to say fuck the job and go for Noel? I can see how much I’m hurting him, and it can all be fixed if I just tell him I want him, too.