Rock Stars Don't Like Ugly Bras (15 page)

It had been almost five months since Amber had left Jake and every day had been just as hard as the day before.  She had hoped that the aching yearning for him would subside with time, but it hadn’t.  It had only increased.

After just a week, Amber had realised that she’d done the wrong thing.  She knew that she should have stayed and confronted him; told him how she felt about him and maybe he would have told her he felt the same.  But as she considered the possibility of going back, Amber remembered the phone call that she had overheard, and knew that going back wasn’t an option.

“Bloody hell, I’m knackered.”  Marnie, Amber’s young colleague, flopped down onto a chair behind the hotel reception desk.

Amber smiled knowingly.  “Late night?” she asked.

Marnie grinned and wiggled her eyebrows.  “Yeah, but totally worth it darl’.”

Amber laughed and continued working through the guests’ bills.  She had been working at the Regina Hotel in Margate for four months and, aside from missing Jake, had loved every minute of it.  The other two daytime receptionists, Marnie and Steph, had made Amber feel welcome from the minute she had walked through the door.  They were both in their early twenties; Marnie blonde and busty and Steph, brunette and petite, and were two of the kindest girls Amber had ever met.  They’d immediately invited her out for a night at the cinema and then dinner, and an ongoing invitation to Friday night drinks.

“You on the eight o clock finish today?”  Amber asked. Marnie was resting her head on one hand and had her eyes closed.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” she groaned without opening her eyes.  “What about you?”

“Four today.  I am so ready for three days off too.”

“Mmm, make the most of it, because once December gets here all the regulars will be arriving for their month long bloody Christmas holiday.”

Marnie sighed and she settled further down into her chair.  After a few minutes, the silence was broken when Steph rushed into the reception.

“OMG, to say I’m gutted is an understatement,” she cried, slamming an open magazine down on the reception desk.

“And hello to you too,” Amber replied with raised eyebrows.  “What are you so gutted about anyway?”

“Huh,” Marnie groaned.  “Probably nothing important.”  She sat up and frowned at Steph.  “Some of us were trying to sleep.”

Amber smiled.  “And some of us were actually trying to work.”

“Oh don’t be so boring you two.”  Steph lifted up the flap of the reception desk and joined her colleagues.  “This is far more important than sleep or work.”  She pushed past Marnie’s chair and stabbed her finger at the open page of the magazine.  “Look!”

Amber shook her head and carried on working while Marnie heaved herself out of the chair and moved over to Steph.

“See, how shit is that?” Steph groaned.

Marnie spent a couple of minutes reading the offending article, tutting intermittently.

“Well,” Amber said after a few minutes.  “Is it the end of the world?”

Marnie huffed and pushed the magazine towards Amber.  “For Steph it is.”

Amber looked down at the well-thumbed page.  As soon as she read the headline the breath gusted from her lungs and her hands started to shake.  Trying not to appear affected by the words swimming in front of her eyes, Amber held onto the desk, leaning against it for support.

“Can you believe it?” Steph asked.  “I know Luke and Skins are married, but now Jake as well.  It’s the beginning of the end of Dirty Riches...again!  Now he’ll never be mine.”

Amber held her breath because she was sure if she didn’t a sob would burst out.  According to the article, Jake was close to marrying his girlfriend, the Hollywood actress, Abbie Sinclair.

“Oh please,” Marnie groaned.  “For one, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the band and two, you were never going to have a chance of even sharing the same air with him, never mind the same bed.”

“You can’t say that.”  Steph flounced down into the chair that Marnie had vacated. “This is tragic.”

“Tragic my arse,” Marnie muttered, pulling the magazine from under Amber’s gaze.  “Tragic is the old bloke in room 515 who thinks that wig on his head looks like real hair.”

“What do you think??” Steph asked, poking Amber with her foot.

Amber turned and tried to formulate a response, but her lips were glued together and there was a lump the size of a tennis ball lodged in her throat.

“Amber, like me, doesn’t care,” Marnie scoffed, dropping the magazine into the waste paper bin.

“Amber?”

“No,” Amber managed.  “I have no opinion.”  Coughing to try and hide the break in her voice, Amber moved past Marnie.  “I’m just off to the ladies.”

Steph giggled.  “How many times is that today?”

Amber gave a thin lipped smile and left her two colleagues discussing the imminent demise of Dirty Riches.

Once safely locked inside a cubicle, Amber allowed the tears to fall.  She had never told the girls about Jake, or even that Luke was her cousin for that matter.  It didn’t seem important when she first started working with them.  Then when Steph had started raving about Dirty Riches, and particularly Jake, Amber felt it would only sound boastful if she suddenly announced her relationship with the band.  Also, if they were privy to that information, human nature would only lead them to asking lots of questions, and Amber didn’t think she’d be able to talk about Jake without breaking down.

Wiping her face, Amber recalled the words and pictures in the magazine.  There were a couple of photographs of Jake holding Abbie’s hand, and one of him leaving her apartment early one morning.  The article said that they had been seen together constantly in the recent months since Jake had returned to L.A.  It hurt Amber to think he had obviously not given her a second thought once she had left.

Reading about him now had been a huge shock, because Amber had avoided any gossip about the band the last few months, purposely ignoring magazines, and turning the TV and radio off if Dirty Riches were mentioned at any point.  She had been in touch with Luke and Martha regularly, but there was an unspoken agreement between them that Jake was not to be a topic of conversation.  Maybe it was because they didn’t want to open Amber’s still fresh wounds, or maybe it was because Amber was still keeping up the pretence that she and Daniel were back together. 

She knew that it was a ridiculous lie, but then no one would guess why she’d really left.  It meant that Luke wouldn’t lose it with Jake, and Jake wouldn’t realise that he had broken her heart, so in some small way her pride was still intact.  Amber
had
called Daniel, but only to ask for her share of the money that she had paid for their apartment, and money for the furniture that she had left behind.  Daniel had laughed at her at first, but once Amber threatened to let his wife know about their affair, he relented. 

Blowing out a long breath, Amber reached down and rubbed her swollen stomach.

“Oh well baby,” she whispered.  “It’s definitely just you and me now.  Daddy is getting on with his life, so we’ll have to as well.”

When Amber woke, she stretched lazily and turned to look at the clock.  It was almost midday and she hadn’t meant to sleep so late.  She had slept for over twelve hours and, while she still felt exhausted, she couldn’t waste the day in bed. So with a groan, she shoved her legs from under the duvet and manoeuvred herself to a sitting position. 

As she sat on the edge of the bed, Amber looked down at her stomach.  Stretching her vest over it, she rubbed it gently and smiled.

“Good morning little one,” she whispered.

Despite her situation, which wasn’t ideal, Amber was full of joy about the baby.  She knew that getting preganant a second time, without planning it, and with another man who’d let her down, probably made her look pretty stupid in anyone’s book, but she didn’t care.  Her baby was growing healthily and she loved it unconditionally.

She had realised that she was pregnant just two weeks into starting her job, and that realisation had hit her like a wrecking ball.  At first, Amber had tried to deny even the possibility that she might be pregnant – she and Jake had always been so careful.  She’d spent hours thinking long and hard about when it could have happened, but nothing came to mind.  Then she remembered the day at Jake’s swimming pool; the day that they were supposed to be abstaining because of their bet; the day that she had enticed him into dragging her inside the cabin and making love to her.  It was only then that she realised that she didn’t remember Jake using a condom.  Obviously they had been so lost in the moment that it hadn’t registered with either of them.  It was only when she stared at the pregnancy test and saw the words - Pregnant 3-4 weeks – she allowed herself to believe it was true. 

As Amber sat and thought about that day, a knock at the door jolted her from her memories.

“Oh shit,” she hissed, pushing herself up from the bed.  She’d forgotten that her mum was coming round for the afternoon.

She pulled her dressing gown around her and padded over to the door.

“Hi Mum,” she said breezily as she opened the door.

“Alright darlin’,” Thelma replied in the cockney accent that she hadn’t lost in all the years she’d lived away from the capital.  “You had a lie in sweetheart?”  Thelma frowned as her eyes took in Amber’s state of undress.

“Yes, I overslept.”  She pushed the door closed and followed her mum through to the lounge.  “I’d planned on nipping to the shops to get something for lunch.”

“Ah, great minds.”  Thelma held up a plastic shopping bag and smiled.   “Crusty bread, Cheshire cheese and pickles.”

Amber grinned.  Her mouth was already watering at the mere thought of pickles steeped in vinegar.  She had craved them for the past couple of months, and had managed to devour nearly two jars a week.

“You want a cuppa, Mum?”

“Please, darlin’.  I’m bloody spittin’ feathers.  The bus was packed and I had to stand most of the way.” 

“I don’t know why you don’t drive,” Amber called from the kitchen.

“I take the bus because you can’t bleedin’ park around here, that’s why.” 

Amber lived in the ground floor flat of a converted Victorian house just off the seafront, and as far as she was concerned it was pretty much perfect except for the lack of parking for her mother.  The rooms were light and airy, especially the lounge with its huge, dual aspect, corner bay window.  Plus, if you put a chair on the balcony, stood on it and leaned out over the railings you could even see the sea.  After a few minutes, Thelma joined Amber in the kitchen and sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

“So, how you feelin’?” she asked.

Amber instinctively rubbed her stomach before wrapping her arms around it protectively.  “Fine, we’re both fine.”

“That’s good.  You been sleepin’ better?”

“Yes, much better thanks.”  Amber handed her mum a mug of tea and then heaved herself onto a stool next to her.  “So come on then, let’s get the lecture over.”

“What?” Thelma cried.  “There’ll be no lecture from me.”

Amber paused, the mug of hot tea at her mouth.  “Yes there will, you can’t help it.”

Thelma sighed and took a drink from her own mug.  The silence was deafening for a few minutes while Amber waited, a knowing smile on her lips.

Finally Thelma spoke.  “I just think you should tell him, that’s all.”

Amber laughed softly at the inevitability of her mother’s words.  “I know you do, and I’ve told you – not yet.”

“When then?  In eighteen years when it’s not your choice anymore?” Thelma shook her head and put her mug down.  “It’s not fair to him, or that child,” she said, pointing to Amber’s stomach.

Amber dropped her head and played with the belt of her dressing gown, wrapping it around her fingers.  After finding out she was pregnant, she knew that her window of opportunity to go back had pretty much vanished, no matter how much she wanted to.  Jake would merely think that she was only going back for help with the baby; for his money.  She was also scared that he would want the baby but reject her, but then she’d be forced to see him because of the baby and if he was with someone else that would be unbearable.  Now…well now it
was
impossible to go back.  Jake was happy with his Hollywood star and was about to get married if the rumours were true, so no, she wouldn’t be telling him anytime soon.

“Jake’s getting married,” she whispered, not looking up.  “He’s marrying Abbie Sinclair, the actress.”

Thelma’s mouth dropped and she took Amber’s hand in hers.  “Oh darlin’, I’m so sorry.  Who told you, Martha?”

Amber shook her head.  “No, it was in Steph’s magazine.”

Thelma started to laugh.  “A bleedin’ magazine. 
Amber
, I thought you had more sense than that.”

“What?  It was there in black and white.  Plus there were photographs of them together.”  She stared at Thelma wide eyed.  “This is not a joke.”

“Hasn’t having a famous cousin taught you anythin’?  How many times have you seen a load of old rubbish about Luke in the papers?”  Thelma shook her head and tutted.  “A bloody magazine, I ask you.”

“Mum, he’s been in L.A. for months,” Amber replied.  “And there are pictures of them holding hands and him leaving her apartment.”  Angry tears welled in Amber’s eyes.  She was angry at not having it out with Jake, angry with herself for not going back before, and angry at being so stupid to leave in the first place. 

“Doesn’t mean he’s marryin’ her.  You should’ve gone back before now.  Don’t know why you left in the first place, to be honest,” Thelma moaned, echoing Amber’s own thoughts.

“I told you, he was in a relationship with someone else.  I heard him on the phone, and it must have been her…Abbie.”  Amber held her breath, trying hard to control her emotions.  She really didn’t want to talk about Jake anymore, it hurt too much.

“Sweetheart, you never asked him did you?  You should’ve stayed and tackled him about it.”  Thelma squeezed Amber’s hand gently.  “A feisty thing like you, just runnin’ away.  I don’t get it.”

Amber looked up with teary eyes and smiled sadly.  “I was scared that he’d say I was nothing to him, that our time together had just been a distraction.  I couldn’t take another rejection like that, Mum.”

“So you just ran instead.  He may have been seeing her as well, but there could have been some other explanation.” 

Amber’s shoulder’s stiffened as she stretched herself up.  “Like what?  I heard him, Mum.  He called her sweetheart and said they’d be together soon, and that magazine just proves that I was right.”

“I just don’t get it though, because from what Lucia told me, Jake was really upset when you left.”

“I don’t know.”   Amber shrugged.  “I honestly thought he cared about me, but when I think back maybe it was just about the sex.  We hardly ever had a serious conversation, never mind him being serious about me.”

Amber really didn’t know what had been going on in Jake’s head.  The way he’d treated her was always loving and tender, despite his constant joking around.  At no point did she ever think that there could be someone else, but she could never have imagined that Daniel had a wife either.

“Okay,” Thelma sighed.  “So, why you didn’t tackle him about it.  Why didn’t you have his balls for it?”

“I was worried what Luke would do too.  If he knew, he’d drop Jake from the band or punch him at the very least.  I can’t be responsible for that.”  Amber’s bottom lip trembled as she took a deep breath.  “I had my pride too.  I’d rather he thought it was my decision, and not that I was hurt.”

“Which I suppose is why you’re keepin’ up this bloody stupid lie that you’re with the other idiot, Daniel.”  Thelma shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.  “Do you know how hard it is lying to Lucia?  Bleedin’ terrible.”

Amber pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes.  “Please, Mum.  I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

With a sigh, Thelma leaned forward and rubbed her daughter’s shoulder.  “Okay, I’ll drop it for now,” she replied.  “Go and get dressed, and I’ll get lunch ready.  Then maybe we can go and do some Christmas shopping.”

Amber tentatively lowered herself down from the stool and made her way back to her bedroom, wishing that she could just go back to bed and forget everything about Jake Hughes.