Rocco and Mandy: A Red Team Wedding Novella (Book #6.5) (5 page)

She would need to find a quiet minute later to explain to Rocco why his son was now calling her Mom. She quietly sat next to Zavi, wondering what she was going to say to Rocco…and when. He did everything he could to avoid her. She looked across the table to find Angel sitting there, watching her. His face was bruised, too. She looked from him to Rocco, who took a seat next to his son, though he was about a million miles away from him, too.
 

She’d just decided to pull Angel aside later and ask him what was going on between him and Rocco, when Kit did it for her, right then and there.

“You and Rocco got a problem?” Kit asked, looking at Angel.

“Nope.”

“Why are you fighting?”

Angel answered for the both of them. “We’re not fighting; we’re sparring.”

“Well, knock it off. I need both of you in one piece, not so banged up you can’t think.”

A muscle bunched in the corner of Angel’s jaw. “Copy that.”

Kit looked at Rocco and lifted a brow. Mandy looked at Rocco, too. “Sounds like a plan,” Rocco said without looking at anyone.
 

He was doing the same thing to them that he was doing to her: freezing them out. Why? Was this part of his PTSD? Did he blame them all for what was happening to him? Or was it something worse than that?

She’d seen something similar happen with horses when they knew they were dying. They separated themselves from the herd, quit eating, quit everything. Just like Rocco was doing. She checked if Kit was seeing what she did.
 

The blue eyes that met hers were somber.
 

He knew.

* * *

Mandy went down the hall from the kitchen as Kit came out of the den—just the person she wanted to see. He smiled and wrapped a heavy arm around her shoulders, then leaned over and kissed her temple. “How goes it, sis?”

A big sigh was her first answer. She faced him.
 

Instantly, the humor left his face as he read her expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you think it’s safe enough now for me to move back to my house?”

He took her hand and led her into the sitting area of his suite of rooms, giving them a bit more privacy. “Why do you want to do that?”

“I think Rocco needs some space. He doesn’t eat with us anymore. He doesn’t sleep with me anymore.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“It’s kind of hard to do when he avoids me at every turn. I thought maybe I’m somehow causing him to go deeper into his hell.” She put her hand on her stomach. “Me and the baby. Maybe I’m too much of a reminder of Kadisha. I just want to give him some room for a while.”

Kit frowned. “I don’t like it. What about Zavi? He’s come to depend on you.”

“I’ll be over every day. I can stay and put him to bed at night. But maybe if I’m out of the way, Rocco will be more willing to interact with his son. It’s like he’s abdicated that job to me and won’t talk about it.” She sighed again. “It isn’t that I mind helping with Zavi. I love him—he’s a great kid and fun to be around. It’s just that I don’t understand why Rocco has left us. I think he and I need some space to figure things out. And maybe, if he’s forced to spend more time with his son, he’ll remember what really matters. I think in helping out, I’m enabling him to be absent.”

“Zavi’s started calling you Mom.”

“I know.” Tears made her choke on her next words. “Moms leave sometimes.”

Kit pulled her close for a hug. She fisted his tee as she wept. This was a logical step for her, for Rocco; they had to figure things out pretty quickly if they hoped to move forward as a family.
 

“If you think this is the right thing, then yes. It’s safe enough. Ryker’s there in the bunkhouse. And I’ll send Selena to stay with you. I’ll keep an eye on Rocco for you. And Zavi.”

Mandy pulled away and nodded, then went over to the side table to grab a couple of tissues. “I’ll be over every day. He practically won’t know I’m gone.”

“Unless he has a bad dream one night and Rocco is AWOL.” Kit pressed his lips together. “Ivy and I are just downstairs. It’s not like he’ll be alone. I’ll show him how to use the house phone to call me if he gets scared.”

The thought of Zavi alone and scared at night caused Mandy to cry all over again. “I’ll tell Rocco that he has to be there, since I won’t be.”

Kit gave her an intense look. “You sure about this, sis?”

“No. I’m not sure about anything anymore.” She looked past Kit’s shoulder, then up at him again. “Except, maybe, that I don’t think I can take too much more heartbreak.”

Liquid pooled in Kit’s eyes. He brushed Mandy’s hair from her face, then kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry about things here. We’ll take care of Zavi if Rocco doesn’t.”

“If Rocco doesn’t, I’ll come back and do it.” She felt a flash of anger. “I don’t think Rocco’s ever seen me angry. If he doesn’t step up, he’s going to have an irate redhead on his hands who’s a whole lot more fiendish than what’s haunting him right now.”

Kit laughed. “Aw, hell. Don’t let that banshee out!”

Mandy filled a suitcase with clothes and toiletries so that she could shower and dress at her home. She wasn’t taking everything. Most of her winter clothes were still at her house, anyway. She couldn’t let herself think what life would be like if this was the end of her and Rocco. Every instinct she had screamed that leaving was the wrong choice. She overrode that voice by telling herself that she didn’t intend for this to be a permanent separation, just a short breather. Maybe her absence would break through to Rocco in a way her presence hadn’t.
 

She wiped at the salty tears on her cheeks. She’d never cried so much as she had since she became pregnant. Slumping down on the bed, she let herself cry. Staying broke her heart. Leaving broke her heart.
 

She wasn’t strong enough for this.
 

When she looked up, there was a little face staring at her from the short hallway into her and Rocco’s room.
Zavi
. Mandy wiped her tears and tried to smile. She’d hoped to pack and leave before he noticed her absence.
 

“Hi,” she said, giving him a watery smile as she wiped her cheeks again.
 

“What are you doing?” His dark eyes were so somber sometimes, so like a mini-Rocco, that it made her heart ache.

“Just getting a few things together. I’m going to stay at my house for a little while.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “I’ll come with you.”

“Baby, you can’t.”

“I can. I have a suitcase, too.”

Fresh tears slipped down Mandy’s face. She told herself this change wasn’t for long. It wasn’t forever. Just for a little while until she and Rocco worked through the mile-wide chasm standing between them.

Little Zavi was far too small to be their bridge.
 

She opened her arms. “Come here.” He ran to her and threw his arms around her neck. “Honey, sometimes grownups have to do things they don’t want to do.”

He leaned back and looked up at her. “You don’t want to leave?”

“No.”

“Then why are you going?”

How could she answer that? She had to choose her words very carefully so that she didn’t drive a wedge between Zavi and his dad. “The construction on my horse center is starting up again. I can oversee it more easily from my house than I can from here.”

He nodded. “So I’ll go with you. I’ll keep you company.”

“You can’t, baby. Miss Wynn is here. And your school. And Papa’s here.”

“But you won’t be.”

“It’s just for a little while.”
 

Mandy heard someone come into her room. It was Wynn. “Oh! I’m sorry,” she said. “I used the restroom real quick, then lost track of Zavi. I thought I heard him in here.” She made a half-turn and pointed toward the little hall. “I—I can go—”

Mandy set Zavi down and stood. “No, it’s okay. We’re finished. I was just telling Zavi that I’m going to be staying at my house for a little while. You have my phone number. Feel free to call me anytime. If you need me, or Zavi does, I can be here in just a few minutes.”

Zavi’s small hand slipped into hers and squeezed as if he would never let go. She zipped her suitcase up one-handed, then lifted it off the bed. “Want to walk me to the door?”

He looked up at her nodded, huge tears spilling from his eyes, which started her crying again. Mandy knelt down and hugged him. “It’s just for a little while, baby. Not long at all.” God, she hoped that wasn’t a lie. Zavi had wiggled into a spot in her heart that would forever be his.

“I’ll walk with you,” Wynn said. She touched Mandy’s arm. “He’ll be fine. I’ll see to that.”

Mandy nodded, trying to keep breathing so she didn’t have a full meltdown in front of Zavi. Wynn took her suitcase when they reached the stairs so that she could focus on Rocco’s boy. His grip on her hand got tighter and tighter as they neared the front door. She knelt down to give him a final hug and kiss.

Zavi squeezed her neck so tightly that it hurt. “Don’t go, Mom.”

She smoothed his soft black hair and held his temple against her lips for a long moment. “I love you, Zavi.” She pried his arms from her neck and stood.

“Mom!” He reached for her, but Wynn picked him up. When she started to walk away with him, he made the most terrible, bloodcurdling scream Mandy had ever heard. He was shouting and crying, using words that Mandy couldn’t make out. Maybe they weren’t English. She should have run out the door, but all she could do was stand there and sob.

People came running from all corners of the house. Rocco was there, hurrying toward them, calling out to his son in the same language Zavi was wailing in. He lifted Zavi from Wynn’s arms, then sent Mandy a confused and hurt look. “What’s happening?” he asked.

“I’m going to stay at my house for a little while.” Mandy looked around. Kit and some of the other guys were there. Selena, too. She nodded to them, grabbed her suitcase, and went to the door.

“Mom!” Zavi shouted, his voice scratchy and raw from crying. “Mom!” His little hands reached for her over Rocco’s shoulder. “Don’t go. I’ll be good!”

Rocco watched in horror as his nightmare came true.
You gotta find a way to get your shit together or you’re gonna lose her
, Angel had warned him. He handed Zavi back to Wynn, who turned with him and carried him through the living room, away from the terrible scene. Rocco rushed outside after Mandy.

“Mandy…” His voice broke. “What’s happening? Why are you leaving?”

She huffed a sigh, shifting her eyes away from him. “Because I have to. Rocco, I love you. And I love Zavi. But you and I—we aren’t ready for a full-time, live-together relationship. You haven’t slept with me in a week. You don’t eat with us. You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t spend time with your son.” She shook her head. “I’m in the way of your life. I think we both need some time to figure out what we want.”

He frowned. “I want you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to stay at my house.”

“Em, Emmy, it’s not safe for you to do that.”

Mandy pulled a ragged breath. “Kit said it was all right. Selena’s going to be there with me.”

“Stay here. We’ll figure this out.”

“I can’t, Rocco. I can’t do this anymore.” Her deep green eyes studied his. “I need you to pick Zavi and me. I need you to think of us more than you think of your past. I need to know the three”—she touched her stomach—“four of us have a future.”

Rocco shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. She wanted a future that wasn’t going to happen, not if he went to be with his baby. So he said nothing and his silence crushed her heart and his.

He went back inside the house. Everyone had scattered. Wynn was outside with Zavi. They were sitting on one of the patio chairs. Zavi was draped over her chest. He was all cried out, but ragged breaths still racked his body. “I’ll take him,” Rocco told her.

She lifted Zavi up so Rocco could take him. “I’m sorry, Rocco.”

Rocco carried him over to one of the chairs that rocked. “Not your fault, Wynn.” He patted Zavi’s back. “Why don’t you go back upstairs? I’ll come get you in a little while.”

“Okay. If you need anything, I’ll just be in my apartment.”

“Thanks.” Rocco kept both arms wrapped around Zavi, feeling his boy’s ragged breaths reverberate against his own chest.
 

After a few minutes, Zavi’s limp arms wrapped around his neck. “I w-want M-Mommy.”

Mommy
. His boy sounded so American when he said that. And it was unmistakable which mother he was referring to. Minutes ago, in his terror and panic, Zavi had reverted to his native Pashto. But when he wanted his mother, it was Mandy he ached for.

Fucking Kadisha. She’d shunned her own son when he was two, avoiding him when he most needed her. Had she done that because Ehsan had come back into the picture by then? Ehsan had had no love for her. Not really. She should have seen that he was just using her to get back at Rocco.
 

Fortunately for Zavi, his aunts and grandmothers had taken wonderful care of him. But nothing was a replacement for a mother’s love.
 

Zavi was starved for it.
 

Rocco had been secretly happy that Zavi had started calling Mandy his mom. It made the decision that was looming over Rocco so much easier, knowing when he checked out, Zavi would at least have one parent.

It was one parent more than his baby in heaven had now.

He replayed Mandy’s words.
“I need you to think of us more than you think of your past. I need to know the four of us have a future.”
It seemed as if Mandy left because she knew what was in Rocco’s heart—without his ever saying a thing.
 

How did you make a choice between two of your children? Rocco squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his arms around his boy.
 

* * *

After the debacle in the foyer when Mandy left Rocco and Zavi, Angel was furious. He’d watched Rocco and Mandy all through lunch. He’d told Rocco that he would walk into his hell and carry him out. Well, that fucking journey was beginning right now.