Road Tripping (22 page)

After lunch,
Mrs. Tate suggested that Ethan take a break, but he said he would rather keep
working. Ashley knew why, even if Mrs. Tate didn’t. He didn’t want to be around
Ashley. Didn’t want to have to think about their relationship. By working, he
could postpone the inevitable.

He noticed a
wood fence that had evidently been falling down for years, and he said he’d go
out and work on it.

Mrs. Tate said
he could. “Although the afternoon is the hottest part of the day, so it’s not
the best time to be working outside.”

Ethan shrugged
and said he didn’t mind the heat.

Ashley and Mrs.
Tate relaxed for an hour and then started washing Ashley and Ethan’s dirty,
worn clothes. It was quite a procedure, since the Tates only had one of the
antiquated washing machines that had to be turned by hand.

When they had
finished with the washing, they went outside to hang the clothes up on the line
to dry in the sun.

Mrs. Tate
handed Ashley one of Ethan’s T-shirts to pin up with the clips. “Your poor
young man,” Mrs. Tate said. “He’s been working so hard. Look at him. As if he’s
trying to work hard enough to forget how his heart is breaking.”

After hanging
up the shirt, Ashley glanced over at Ethan. He was on the other side of the
yard, working tirelessly on the fence, hammering, sawing, and lifting
diligently. He had taken off his shirt at some point, and even from a distance,
Ashley could see his chest and arms were soaked with sweat. The bandage was
still wrapped around his injury.

He was so
focused on his work, so intent and purposeful. He’d been shot less than a week
ago.

Ashley loved
him so much. Wondered how she was possibly going to let him go. How she was
possibly going to live her life without him.

“Now
you’re
doing it,” Mrs. Tate said, peering at Ashley’s face.

“Doing what?” Ashley
asked, a little embarrassed at being caught staring.

“Watching him
like that. The same way he watches you when you’re not looking.” Mrs. Tate
smiled when Ashley turned and looked at her inquiringly. “My dear girl, I have
never seen anyone gaze with his heart in his eyes as much as that young man
looking at you.”

Ashley closed
her eyes as they started to burn with unshed tears.

“It’s
breathtaking, that’s what it is,” Mrs. Tate went on cheerfully, starting to
pull more wet clothes out of the basket until Ashley moved to help her again.
“When you aren’t paying attention, he watches you constantly. He looks at you
like you are all there is in his world. Like you are the only thing that can
end his torment. The only light in his darkness. His only source for
salvation.”

Ashley got a
little choked up and had to turn away.

Mrs. Tate came
over and patted her gently on the back. “Now, don’t cry, dearie. I don’t know
what’s going on between the two of you, but I’m sure that it’s nothing that
can’t be fixed.”

“I don’t know,”
Ashley told her, pinning Ethan’s khakis to the clothesline. “Some things just
can’t be worked out.”

“Well, I know
very well that he loves you, and you’ll never make me believe that young man
has ever cheated on you. He doesn’t even know any woman but you exists in the
world.” Mrs. Tate squinted in Ethan’s direction. “Does he hurt you?” she asked
in a hushed voice.

“Of course
not.”

“Then what
can’t be gotten over?” Mrs. Tate asked, blatantly prying and appearing to enjoy
it.

“I…can’t trust
him. He expects me to, but he’s shown me in the past that…that I can’t. He has
to be in control all the time, so I’m not sure he really trusts me either.”

“Hmmm,” Mrs.
Tate murmured thoughtfully, scratching her white hair. “That’s a new one for
me. Now, I don’t always know what the new trends are in empowerment, so I’ll
admit to holding very traditional views. But, from what I’ve learned in my
life, we find who we really are—men as well as women—by living for other
people.”

Ashley wrinkled
her brow and bit back an automatic objection.

“Now, now, don’t
get defensive on me. I’m not talking about being weak or powerless. I’m not talking
about being a doormat or not standing up for yourself. I’m just saying you’ll
only really find yourself when you try to make other people happy—not just your
man—but other people in general. Think of them first, instead of always trying
to claim what should be yours.”

Ashley sighed
deeply, smiling sadly at the old lady. “That makes sense, Mrs. Tate. It really
does. But I’m not sure that it applies to my situation with Ethan.”

“Hmmm. Well,
we’ll see how it turns out. Oh dear. A sock just fell into that bunch of weeds.
Can you pick it up for me?”

Ashley bent
over to retrieve the sock and accidentally pulled up a weed with it as she
grabbed it. She was about to toss the weed away, when she noticed it was lovely
and familiar. Queen Anne’s Lace, she remembered from her childhood.

“Oh, oh, oh,”
Mrs. Tate exclaimed, hopping around like an eager bird. “What color is its
heart?”

Recalling the
peculiar characteristics of the lacy, white bloom she held, Ashley edged the
delicate white spray away until she saw the color at the center. “Red,” she
replied, finding the deep red heart amid the white.

“Oh,” Mrs. Tate
breathed, lifting her eyes to heaven. “Oh, thank you, God. Thank you. It’s a
blessing. A blessing.”

Ashley stared
at the woman dumbly, thinking maybe she’d gone mad.

Mrs. Tate
grinned at her. “You think I’m crazy, I’m sure. But you don’t know what I know.
Queen Anne’s Lace, with a deep red heart, chosen unaware.” She said the words
as if she were chanting a mantra or a prayer. “A blessing for life, a blessing
for love, a blessing forever.”

And Ashley
finally understood. “I didn’t know Queen Anne’s Lace had that meaning in
folklore. How lovely and moving it is.” She looked at the spray in her hands,
held it as if it were special.

“Oh, how glad I
am you picked that. Now I’m sure you and your young man will be fine.” Mrs.
Tate beamed at her. “It’s particularly powerful in romantic situations. What do
you think the deep red heart symbolizes?”

Ashley raised
her eyebrows. “A red heart? Love?”

Mrs. Tate shook
her head as if Ashley had said something silly. “Now, now. Sometimes you young
people are so innocent. Look at it again. Deep, red circle—almost like an
opening—amid the white. Think about a woman’s body.”

Ashley looked
again. Thought about what Mrs. Tate had just said.

She blushed
when she realized the symbolism.

“Now you see,”
Mrs. Tate said encouragingly. “Here, you should wear it today. It will be your
blessing.” She took the stem out of Ashley’s hand and tucked it into one of the
buttonholes on the dress. “Nothing to worry about anymore.”

Ashley smiled
at the woman, but didn’t feel quite so hopeful. It was a quaint old story, but
it wouldn’t help her with the reality of the situation with Ethan.

“Now,” Mrs.
Tate went on, “let’s go in the house where it’s cool.”

Ashley picked
up the laundry basket, but before she left, she turned back once more to look
at Ethan. He was still working diligently on the fence, drenched in sweat under
the hot summer sun.

Mrs. Tate
suddenly spoke next to her ear. “You see it too, don’t you?” she asked, in a
hushed voice that took on an almost mystical quality. “He’s on the cusp. His
nature is dual. He’s at the crossroad between two futures.”

Ashley shifted
her eyes to the woman’s almost visionary expression.

“Life has
scarred him, wounded him so many times,” Mrs. Tate whispered. “But he let you
in. This is as vulnerable as he’ll ever be in his life. I’d hate to see him
become as hard and bitter I know he has the potential to become, if he lets
pain and isolation overwhelm the sweetness at his heart.”

And Ashley was
close to tears again—at the truth and knowledge in the old lady’s words. Her
face crumpled as she looked back to Ethan.

“Now, now,”
Mrs. Tate continued, her voice changing back into comforting normality. “Not to
worry. I know exactly what we need to do.”

“What’s that?” Ashley
inquired, turning to the woman immediately as if she could magically solve all
of her problems.

Mrs. Tate
smiled broadly. “We need to make a pitcher of lemonade.”

***

A half-hour later, Ashley walked
down the yard to the fence, carrying two large glasses of freshly-made
lemonade. She had squeezed the lemons herself.

Ethan stopped
hammering as Ashley approached. He gave her a distant look.

Ashley gulped
at the implications of his expression, but she said as cheerfully as she could.
“I’m supposed to take my young man a nice glass of lemonade, since he’s been
working so hard.”

Noticing the
hand towel that Ashley had draped over her arm, Ethan reached over to take it.
Then he used it to wipe some of the sweat off of his face and chest.

Only then did
he take the offered glass and take a sip. “Thanks. Why are there two? Did she
think I needed more than one glass?”

Ashley felt a
little awkward. “The other is for me. I think it’s Mrs. Tate’s way of
encouraging us to talk.”

Ethan stared at
her blankly for a moment. “All right. We might as well get it over with now.”

Her heart sank
at his tone, since it felt like he’d completely closed up on her again. If they
couldn’t talk, then they couldn’t work anything out.

She wasn’t even
sure they’d be able to work it out anyway.

“Are you
breaking up with me?” Ethan asked bluntly.

She opened her
mouth to answer, the words catching in her throat. She didn’t want to break up.
At all.

“Because I
don’t think it’s right,” he went on, his voice almost indignant. “You said we
were together. You offered me everything—your heart, your body, your future—and
now you’re snatching it away after only two days. It’s not right, Ashley. For
either one of us.”

His earnest
tone suddenly gave Ashley a little hope—since it meant they were really going
to talk about things. “I know it’s not right. And I don’t want to break up.”
When his face twisted in obvious surprise, she hurried on before he could get
too hopeful. “I know it’s my fault for assuming that things would suddenly be
fixed, just because we got together, and I’m very sorry about that. But this is
really serious to me.”

She took a
ragged breath, controlling her emotion. She saw that Ethan was watching her
closely, really listening to what she was saying. She continued, “I know you
love me. I know you do. But this isn’t going to work—for me—if you always make
decisions without me. It makes me think you don’t trust me. And that’s a
problem. And it’s a problem that I can’t completely trust you. Because
decisions you’ve made have really hurt me in the past. They’ve hurt Mark.
They’ve hurt my whole family. A relationship only works if we can trust each
other. And I don’t know that we really do.”

She knew that
she was hurting him with every word. She could see it in his face and in his
eyes. But he hadn’t closed up yet, hadn’t yet shut her out. Maybe there was
still a little hope.

Ethan stared at
her. “You still think that whole thing was all my fault?”

“What else am I
supposed to think? You’ve never denied it. Mark tried to get away. You’re the
one who stayed involved with the moonshiners, even after you were arrested.”

He sighed and
rubbed his face. “That’s not what happened, Ashley.”

“What do you
mean?” Her heart was hammering painfully now, for an entirely different reason.

“I didn’t say
anything before because I didn’t want to get in the way of your relationship
with Mark, but if it’s going to take away everything…” His face twisted
strangely. “I didn’t get him into it. He got
me
into it.”

“What?” The one
word was no more than a breath.

“He got
me
into it. He got involved with Jones for some extra money, but then he ended up
owing him money and came to me for help. Of course, I was going to help him.
But…”

“But what?” Ashley
breathed. Ethan’s face, the whole world, seemed to spinning around her.

“He was in
pretty serious trouble. They were threatening him. And the only way to get him
out was for me to be…to be part of the distribution route. I think Jones
planned the entire thing. He’d always wanted my boat dock, and so he used Mark
to get to me.”

It took a full
minute for the meaning of the words to register. “So…so it was Mark’s fault?”

“Yeah. Please
don’t be too mad at him. He was just stupid. He didn’t set out to get any of us
involved in something like that. But I didn’t drag him into this. I was trying
to get him out.”

She could
barely breathe. Her whole body was shaking.

Ethan stepped
over and took her face in his hands. “Ashley, are you okay? Do you believe me?
Mark was always my best friend. I tried to live up to that trust. Just like
I’ve been doing everything I can to live up to your trust in me. I know being
with me would change your plans for your life. I know it will make things
harder and messier for you. But I didn’t make the really bad decisions you
think I made. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I hope you can trust me.”

Tears were
streaming down her face. “So why did you stop talking to him?”

“I was caught
in this net, and I didn’t want him anywhere close to it again. Plus, he felt
guilty. That’s why he moved, I think.”

She was shaking
so intensely that her teeth her chattering.

“Are you okay?”
he asked. “Do you believe me? I know there’s more than this. I didn’t realize
before how you were feeling about…about my bulldozing.”

“I tried to
tell you.”

“I know you
did. I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you. I do trust you. You’re the strongest,
bravest person I’ve ever known in my life. I have a bad habit of taking control
when I get worried or scared, and I’ve been terrified about you getting hurt
this whole time. That’s why I’ve been a jerk. But I’ll work on it. I promise I
will.”