Authors: Natalie Decker
Skylar covers her pretty hair with a blue and white swirled cap while answering me. “Um, Kayla is going to do her hundred free first. I’m going to do my two hundred free next.”
Kayla gets up on the block. Sky stands on the left side and tells Kayla where to place her feet. Then Sky looks back at me and says, “As soon as I say ‘go’ start timing her.”
I nod. Skylar says, “Take you mark.” Kayla hunches over and grips the side of the block. “Go!”
I press the button while Kayla leaps off the small diving board. I stop watching Kayla and notice Skylar studying her as she swims. And it makes me wonder what she’s thinking. How does someone like Skylar think? Is this how she looks when she’s watching me play—all intense and drawn in so much that even the sound of a gun going off wouldn’t pull her from her trance?
Kayla splashes her feet into the wall and makes her way to the other end again. “What was her split?”
“Her what?”
Skylar shakes her head and moves beside me. I keep my eyes on Kayla to distract myself from how close Sky is to me. I’m keeping the thoughts of what I’d love to do to her right now as far away from my brain as possible. Kayla flips into the wall right as Sky’s breath warms my shoulder. I want her so freaking bad it’s not even funny. “You’re making me uncomfortable,” I admit.
“I am?” She takes a step forward and I almost tell her to come back. “I’m not going to push you in again.” She laughs. If only that were my problem, but it’s definitely not that at all. Kayla is coming toward us and Skylar says, “Stop the clock as soon as her fingers touch the wall.”
I’ve got to move to see Kayla touching which means standing right beside Skylar. I lean over her and her leg brushes against mine. It’s almost my undoing. Especially when she straightens, making her close enough that all I’d have to do is wrap my arm around her and pull her back two inches for her body to be pressed up against mine. A spot I definitely want her in. I blink and refocus on Kayla who’s coming into the wall. I click the button and she pops her head up, panting. “How was that?”
I glance down and show the time to Sky. I’ve got no idea if a 00:48:00 in a hundred-yard freestyle is any good.
Skylar squeals. “Oh that was the tits! Forty-eight seconds, booyah! Okay, my turn.”
Kayla gets out, wraps a towel around herself, and stands next to me. Skylar places her goggles on and I reset the watch. As soon as she jumps in and begins swimming it dawns on me this is the first time I’ve ever actually seen her swim. I’ve seen the snapshots in the papers, been to a couple of swim meets, but I was only there to check out the chicks in swimsuits. And as I watch Skylar swim, I suddenly see what everyone else has been saying about her for years. Her energy and fierceness is something so unique and rare it makes me want her that much more. But what really sucks is I don’t think I have a shot in hell of getting her.
Chapter 37
Skylar
To say that I’m not nervous when I’m around Caleb would be a flat-out lie. The boy has abs in places one should never have abs. And it’s so difficult not to stare, let alone trace my fingers along his washboard stomach. So I’m happy to be away from him for a few minutes.
I think about staying in the cold water as long as possible in order to drown my desires for Caleb. At the same time, the competitive side of me wants to impress him with my skill. So instead of swimming at a medium pace, I’m all-out sprinting this two hundred. My first hundred is done with ease, it’s around the hundred-and-fifty mark I start to feel the solid burn in my lungs and legs. I flip into the wall and push myself through the pain. I feel winded; I should have paced a little during that last fifty but my stubbornness is in overdrive.
Using whatever else is left in me, I finish. Pulling my head out of the water, I take a huge gulp of air. Caleb stares at me with a look I’ve never seen before. I look away and breathe heavily. “What’s my damage?”
“One minute, twenty-seven seconds, and forty-seven milliseconds.” Kayla beams with a closed fist extended out to me. I hit it with my own and pull myself out of the water. My limbs are on fire so I slip a little, but a strong grip catches my arm and helps me out of the water. I pant as water beads off me and Caleb gazes at me. He’s so close his hot breath is setting butterflies off in my stomach. My skin tingles not from cold but want. He shakes out my towel and wraps it around me. His touch burns right through the cotton. I start to lean toward him, wanting more of his touch but then stop and remember myself. He rejected me. He doesn’t want me like I want him.
I laugh to shake off my own stupidity and turn my attention to Kayla. “Ready for your fifty breast?”
She nods. We continue to swim like this for the first half hour. However, as much as I want to forget about my horrible crush on Caleb, it’s very difficult to do when he’s standing so close to me. Sometimes I want to press myself against him, tilt my head a little, and place kisses along his neck and chin. And why does he have to look so hot without his shirt and pants? I swear God is punishing me for something.
After practice, Kyla and I head to the locker room, where she attacks me with a thousand questions regarding Caleb. “Oh. My. Goodness.” She slaps my arm as I pull back the shower curtain to the shower I’m going to use. “You have a major crush on Caleb.”
“Oh…whatever. You’re high.”
“You totally do.” She laughs. “You’re blushing and everything. Does he even know?”
I feel my eyes expand. “No!” I grab her by the shoulders and shake her a little. “You can’t tell anyone either.”
She smiles. “It’s so cute. The two of you.” She claps her hands and squeals. “Oh wouldn’t it be so fun if Lance and I finally went out and you and Caleb went out? It would be completely awesome.”
I can’t glow in her little happy dream like I want to. Because no matter what, I can’t lose myself to false hopes, and Caleb falling for me is totally a false hope. He showed me a few times how much he doesn’t want to get with this, so there is no use wishing for something different. That kind of crap is for people who watch way too much Disney and expect Prince Charming to come sweep them off their feet. However, the reality is the world doesn’t work that way.
We slip into our own separate shower stalls and for a moment or two, I can forget about everything.
***
Caleb and I are in my car heading back to the house. He taps his hand against his thigh and hums along to the song currently on my iPod. “I hate winter, well, I hate snow,” I blurt out.
He laughs, and the volume on my car stereo lowers. “I’m worried when I go off to college someone will be a better quarterback than me, and all this stardom will be gone.”
“All I ever wanted was to go to Duke. And at the Reynoldsburg game, I was so jealous and pissed because someone from my dream college was scouting you. It was like one of my worse nightmares coming true.” I sigh. “But here I am thinking I can finally have my chance. Impress the college I’ve been dying to go to since I was nine. And you know what? I’m flat-out terrified that once the rest of the swim team finds out I’m on the team they’ll do everything to screw my chances of getting a scholarship to go there.” I can’t believe I admitted one of my biggest fears to him.
“Take a left up ahead.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Just do it, Fletch.”
I turn onto Manchester and sigh. “Where am I going?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll direct you. For now, just go straight.”
I drive about five minutes down the road and Caleb says, “Turn right and take this out of the city.”
I do as he says. We are silent for most of the ride. He hums softly to whatever is on the radio, and I take in the countryside we’re passing. Caleb points over at a two-story, dark-red brick home. “That’s where I grew up, well…until I was thirteen.”
I keep driving. The house is beautiful with a great big yard. It makes me a little sad to see a part of his past. It looked like the kind of house that would be filled with a lot of great memories. About ten more minutes down the road he whispers, “Turn right.”
We’re at a cemetery. I glance over at Caleb but he’s looking out the side window. He tells me to park my car along one of the paths close to the back of the graveyard. He gets out and I don’t know what to do.
“You coming, Fletch?”
I swallow and get out of the car. I follow him but make sure to keep a little distance between us. He stops in front of two tombs decorated with concrete angels. I look down at the scriptures and read, “Victoria Morgan and Jackson Morgan, beloved parents of Caleb Alexander Morgan. May you both rest in peace.”
“Oh, Caleb, I’m so sorry,” I breathe.
“I don’t bring people here.” I just want to hug him and absorb all his pain away. I chew on my lower lip instead. “They were that sickly-in-love couple you see every once in a while, either in passing or maybe they visit your coffee shop. You know what I’m talking about?”
I nod. Those people make me smile with envy. They’re the kind that give people like me hope for that forever kind of love. Caleb continues, “Well, they always went out every Friday for dinner and a movie. One night when I was thirteen, they were on their way home, a drunk driver hopped the curb and slammed right into them.”
We’re silent for what seems like forever, but it’s probably only three or four seconds. I reach over and grab his hand. I squeeze it once and then whisper, “They sound like really wonderful people.”
“You would have liked them.” He smiles.
“I’m glad you shared this with me.” I’m being honest. It’s heartrending, but he’s sharing a bit of his pain with me and it’s touching. He certainly didn’t have to, but I’m glad he did.
He nods. I let go of his hand. “I’m going to give you a few minutes.”
***
I lie on my bed thinking, well, more like drowning in my own thoughts. In a few days, I’m going to be in New York and Caleb is going to be there with me. He’s going to see the side of me I hide from everyone who’s not my mother. It’s dark, it’s ugly, and it disgusts me, but there’s nothing much I can do. My father and his new family bring this side out of me and I’m not looking forward to it. Then there is Caleb, who’s been on my mind so much lately it’s beyond stupid. He shares incredible things with me that are very significant to him, yet he continues to keep me at a distance.
As soon as we left the cemetery he didn’t say one word to me. I asked if he still wanted me to come to his game and he shrugged. What the hell is that? I asked if he wanted some lunch from the Thai place down the road and he just snorted and walked away from me. He’s so hot and cold I can’t keep up with him.
I glare at the screen on my iPod then rip the earbuds from my ears and toss everything aside. I push off my bed and begin to pace my room. My phone buzzes against the wood of my dresser and I pick it up. “Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me. Are you ready?” Kayla asks.
“Oh, um…give me ten minutes.”
“It’s cool. I’m walking up to your front porch.”
The doorbell rings and I laugh. “Okay, I’ll let you in or…nope, my mom is getting the door,” I say as I peer over the banister.
Kayla enters the house and I tell her to come on up to my room. She enters my bedroom and the first thing she does is look around. It’s the first time she’s been in my room so I don’t mind her fiddling through the trinkets and stuff resting on my dresser and desk. “I must admit, I thought your walls would be black with skulls and maybe a bulldog ripping apart a bobcat displayed on a wall.”
I snort with laughter. “Really?” A knock comes at my door.
Caleb steps into my room and stops as soon as he sees Kayla. “Oh, uh, I didn’t know you had company. Erin needs you to move your car. It’s blocking hers in.”
“Okay.” I walk over to my dresser and snatch up my keys from the dish that looks like a milk cow.
“I can move it if you trust me.”
I slip my keys into his hand and gaze into his eyes. “I trust you.”
He smiles and leaves the room. Kayla squeals as soon as I close my door again. “You guys are beyond cute.”
“Don’t start,” I grumble. “He doesn’t like me like that. Besides, he’s dating Danielle.”
She sneers. “Danielle is so fake and a twit. And I don’t care what you say, guys who want you in the friend zone don’t do what he just did.”
“He’s moving my car.”
She laughs. “He lingered. He smiled as soon as your fingers touched his. It got wider when you said you trusted him. He likes you. And besides all that, he was totally checking you out at practice today.”
I shake my head. “Whatever. I’m going to finish getting ready so we can go.”
She walks over to my closet and opens the doors. “Oh, wow.” It never gets old. I’ve got this terrible habit of putting everything in a particular order. My closet goes by colors, sizes, and seasons. My underwear ranges from female-problem-day undies formally known as “granny panties,” to sexy/date undies, and last, to everyday hipsters and cheeky undies. Even the literature in my room, as well as movies, are in alphabetical order.
Kayla flips through some of the clothes and picks out the outfit she thinks I should wear. “I-I can’t wear that.”
“Why not? You’d look great in it.”
Because it’s something I’d wear to a club, or on a date, not to a football game. But I don’t say this, I just smile. “It’s going to get way too cold out for that.” I start to reach for a hoodie when she slaps my hand.
“Uh-uh, you wear enough hoodies. Here.” She hands me my soft gray cashmere sweater and a cream-colored tank to wear underneath it. For the sake of not arguing with her, I change into the outfit.
Once she does my hair and makeup, we head out the door. Roaming through the kitchen, the backdoor opens just as I collect my purse and scan the countertops for my keys. Caleb smirks and jingles my keychain in my face. “Looking for…” He trails off while his eyes study my body from head to toe.
I blush a little when his eyes go wide and then soften right when he reaches my stare. “Did you have trouble with my car?” I ask as I take my keys from him.