Risk It All (Risqué #2) (11 page)

‘Just relax,’ Lyssa said, but it didn't make Bri feel much better.

After making the decision to work hard to get herself into a place that she could be intimate with Blaser, it had been all that she could think about. Her appointment with Lyssa had been scheduled for today anyway, although it wasn’t until the afternoon.

Bri had been ready for the meeting far ahead of time and had fidgeted around the apartment, then began her walk over here early, just because she was anticipating getting here and getting to work. Now that her heart was in it, she felt different about therapy and she had Blaser to thank for that. Not only was she grateful to him for connecting her with a professional who could help, she was also grateful that their new “relationship” had provided the impetus she needed to face the horror from her past.

As it turned out, Colt was out on a job and so she didn’t have the threat of him looming nearby. Bri wondered if Lyssa had set it up that way for her patient’s comfort. Lyssa greeted her and took her into the office. Bri was ushered into the neat, professional office and seated on the leather couch opposite Lyssa’s armchair that was angled toward the couch. After she was sitting with her hands folded in her lap, Lyssa sat in her chair beside the clipboard and pen as she had before.

‘I don’t really know what to do here,’ Bri said. ‘I mean… I don’t know what to say.’

‘Just think of this as a time for us to get to know each other,’ Lyssa said. ‘I understand that you grew up around here?’

‘Yes,’ Brianna said, trying not to squirm, she kept her eyes fixed on a spot on the rug. ‘Gary and I came from what I guess you’d say was the wrong side of the tracks.’

‘Is that your description of your childhood home? Or someone else’s?’

‘It was no secret that we weren’t from a great family, my dad used to drink and then when I was a bit older my mom started taking drugs. I don’t remember when exactly.’

‘That must have been very difficult for you and Gary.’

And it was when Lyssa said her brother’s name that she looked up. There was no judgement in the doctor’s eyes, but Bri shook her head. ‘This is stupid.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘You’re going to marry Colt, who is, in all likelihood, going to stand up against my brother in court. I can’t reveal my life to you.’

‘You don’t have to say a single thing that you’re uncomfortable with,’ Lyssa said. ‘But what you say in here will always be confidential.’

‘How can I believe that? I’ve seen you and Colt together.’

‘I love him, nothing you can say in our sessions will change that. But he respects what I do, and the day he asks me to divulge personal patient information is the day I tell him to stop meeting beautiful women in dark alleyways.’

That made Bri think and her intrigue made her frown. ‘What is it Colt does now? He left the police force at the same time he got divorced, right?’

Lyssa nodded. ‘Now he does what he did then, but without the rules.’

‘So he meets clients and investigates their problems?’

‘He’s a little more niche than that,’ Lyssa said, picking up her clipboard. ‘You decided to keep your appointment with me today. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure that you would.’

‘It’s Blaser, I… he really trusts you,’ she said though her answer was only half true.

‘Blaser is a great guy, I think he struggles to believe that himself,’ Lyssa said.

‘That’s true. He always thinks the worst of himself, he’s always been the same. I think that’s part of the reason he got sucked into crime, he didn’t believe he was worth fighting for anything better.’

‘But he had you.’

‘Yeah,’ Bri said, reaching for a cushion on the couch beside her, she began to pick at the corner. ‘He tried to protect me from it. But he… I think I was part of the problem, he wanted money to take care of me. Blaser hated to see Gary and me struggle so he sort of moved in with us for a while. I know he begged his parents to let me move in there, but they wouldn’t have it.’

‘His parents were concerned about youth pregnancy I imagine.’

‘That was no less likely to happen,’ she said. ‘We had sex anyway, lots of it.’

‘Ruger was in the house too, and he is the youngest, they wouldn’t want to set precedent.’

‘God forbid that Ruger be inconvenienced,’ she said, trying not to grind her teeth. Just the mention of his name made her want to scream and that was something that she had to get over if she wanted to be any part of the Warner family.

‘Ruger has upset you? Did you two have an argument? He hasn’t mentioned—‘

‘No, he wouldn’t mention it. You don’t know what he does, none of you do. I know that you’re clueless because I was too, completely clueless until they took me.’

‘They?’

‘The Sniveller and some guy called John…’

‘They’re the ones who assaulted you?’

‘The Sniveller did,’ she said, closing her fingers around the edge of the cushion. ‘I should never have been there.’

‘With them?’

‘I blamed Blase at first, you know?’ she said, closing her eyes on the memory. ‘I sat chained up in that cell cursing his name because if he’d just gotten to the restaurant sooner, if I hadn’t gone outside… But it wasn’t his fault that I was there. I know that now.’

‘It wasn’t your fault either.’

‘No, it was Ruger’s fault that I was taken,’ she snapped. ‘I was there because he walked away. They wanted him to work for them and he refused, he walked away, and that’s when they took me. I was supposed to be an example for him of what they could do, what they were capable of. He didn’t have a girl of his own, so they took his brother’s, neat for me, huh?’

Lyssa put the clipboard aside and slid to the edge of her seat. ‘Are you saying that you were kidnapped and held prisoner in order to encourage Ruger to do something that they wanted him to do?’

‘Yes,’ Bri said, angry with herself when moisture slid out of her eyes.

‘I can’t believe that he would know something like that and not do anything about it. Did you see him in—‘

‘No,’ Bri said, sniffing and brushing a nostril with her fingertip. ‘I didn’t see him. As far as I know, Ruger never knew that I was there, he had already left their crew by then. They were human traffickers, they were going to sell me to the highest bidder to scare him into coming back. They were going to show Ruger what they’d done, prove that they were serious and he had no choice except to work for them.’

‘How on earth did you free yourself from that if Ruger didn’t—‘

‘A cop saved us,’ Bri said. ‘There was a group of women and we were being transported, the cop ran us off the road, he was looking for his own girlfriend. Apparently this group made a habit of abducting the women of those they wanted working for them, it greased the skids and ensured their compliance.’

‘Brianna,’ Lyssa exhaled. ‘I am so sorry that you went through that experience. It must have been terrible for you. Did you go to the police or—‘

‘There were investigations and I talked to cops, I told them my story. But by then all the men involved were dead.’

‘So no one was prosecuted?’

‘No one that I had contact with. I know the feds went after those higher up in the chain, but that was nothing to do with me.’

‘You told the police about Ruger’s involvement in—‘

‘No,’ she said, releasing a laugh. ‘Is that your main concern, doctor? No, I didn’t get Ruger into any trouble. I played dumb about why they took me. I only know because John told me, him and his buddies really delighted in letting me know that I’d been kidnapped because of my boyfriend’s brother.’

‘Blaser, they believed that you were in a relationship with Blaser?’

‘That night was our first official date,’ Bri said. ‘I was so excited about the idea of dating Blaser in a grown up way, as opposed to how we were when we were kids, just showing up to fall into bed with each other, you know?’ Lyssa nodded. ‘I sat in the restaurant waiting and he didn’t show, so I went outside to call him and that’s when they took me.’

‘So you blamed him for being late and allowing you to be taken?’ Lyssa said.

‘Except now I know that he didn’t know anything about it.’

‘How long did they have you?’

‘Just over a week,’ Brianna said. ‘The first couple of days were terrifying, there was no food and it was so dark and there were others… no one knew what was happening.’

‘I can’t imagine how scared you must have been.’

‘I kept thinking about Blaser, about how he’d think I stood him up. I just… I couldn’t decide if I should hate him or feel sorry for him… and then… one night I… they took me out and fed me, and I was so grateful, but this…’ Her lip curled in disgust. ‘I told him to stop, I begged, and I…’

‘It’s ok,’ Lyssa said. ‘Just take your time.’

‘It was just that once, but it was… I just switched off, I tried to kick and fight, but it was useless. My hands were tied and he hit me so hard I passed out. When I came to he was… I just had to block it out.’

‘You did what you had to in order to survive,’ Lyssa said.

‘I felt like it was my fault,’ she said, biting her lip, but it was hopeless the tears came anyway. ‘And Blaser… I knew he’d… I couldn’t let him near me when I was so filthy… I couldn’t bear to have him turn away from me. He had never turned away from me and if he rejected me because… because of what The Sniveller did to me.’ Covering her face with her hands, she tried to count her breaths in and out to stop herself from really losing the battle with the distress. Her body shook and her quaking fingers only reminded her of what it was like to be on that stinking floor with that slimy bastard on top of her.

‘Take your time,’ Lyssa said. From the proximity of the voice, Bri could tell that the doctor had moved. When she took her head out of her hands, Lyssa was beside her holding a box of tissues.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise,’ Lyssa said, tugging out a couple of tissues and handing them to Bri, who took them to wipe her face. ‘You’re doing really well, and everything you felt, those are perfectly normal reactions to such a horrible violation.’

Lyssa kept hold of her hand and after taking some time to measure her breaths, Bri managed to compose herself. ‘I told Mattie Warner that I was sleeping with Blaser,’ she said, choosing to switch to a different topic.

‘This was last night during the family meal? Why did you do that?’

‘I think that Mattie wanted to… I don’t think that he intended for it to be a family meal. I asked Blaser to come because I worried… being alone with men who have ideas of intimacy is difficult for me.’

‘Mattie is apparently an intense character,’ Lyssa said. ‘Colt didn’t want us to come because he doesn’t get along with his cousin.’

‘They’re opposite ends of the same spectrum,’ Bri said. ‘Colt has always been the moral sort with a strong set of ethics and Mattie isn’t interested in a rule unless he’s finding a way to bend it. If I had your job, I’d say that Mattie seeking me out at Risqué, and asking me to dinner, was his way of bending the family rules.’

‘Family rules?’

‘As far as the Warners are concerned, I’ve always been Blaser’s property. Mattie heard I was back in town and not on Blaser’s arm…’

‘So he thought he would take what was Blaser’s?’

‘Mattie doesn’t really want me, we never got along.’

‘Why not?’

‘I didn’t want Blaser to have anything to do with him,’ Bri said. ‘I knew that what Mattie was into was illegal, but Blaser is so big on family… and Gary was getting him into all sorts of trouble. I guess that Mattie thought it was hypocritical for me to object to him… which I guess in a way it was.’

‘You were trying to protect Blaser,’ Lyssa said. ‘You shouldn’t allow yourself to get drawn into their alpha male pissing contest. If either of them want you, then they’ll have to prove it in their own way and win you over. If you’re not ready or interested—‘

‘I want to have sex with Blaser,’ she said and Lyssa clamped her lips together. The glitter in the therapist’s eyes made Bri think that maybe she wanted to smile or laugh, and she questioned if it was in joy or surprise. ‘I’m sorry to be so abrupt, I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have said that.’

‘You can be completely honest here,’ Lyssa said, squeezing her hand. ‘Can I ask if you’ve been with a man since the attack happened?’

Bri shook her head and dropped her focus to her knees. ‘After it I just wanted to curl up, you know? I didn’t want to see Blaser or anyone. He called me for months and… I just shut everyone out.’

‘But you came back here?’

‘I’d come to the conclusion that I wasn’t going to settle in Jersey, not after what had happened to me. But I was trying to get better, to get over the issues caused by what I’d gone through. I bought books and worked through the steps, trying self-talk to make sure my anxiety didn’t get the better of me and that I didn’t automatically go to a negative place. I was really determined not to let him win.’

‘That’s very good, it sounds like you’ve been using cognitive processing approaches.’

‘Gary had been asking me to come home,’ Bri said, ‘so I did.’