Riding Ryder (4 page)

Shiiiit.
“And now me,” Logan said with satisfaction.

“And now you.”

He was intrigued. Come with no body, hand, or stimulus? Didn’t seem very likely. Still, he watched as Caleb’s breathing became deeper, slower, and regular.

“You do it, Logan. Count to five. In. Hold. Five. Out.” The voice was serene. He found himself matching Caleb breath for breath. He saw Caleb’s eyes darken. Logan thought he should be freaked out by what was happening, it was all so new and different, but he wasn’t. He listened carefully as Caleb began to speak.

“I’m clearing my mind. Listening to my heartbeat, to my breathing. You try. Don’t search, just let it happen. Your mind will be wide open. Use perception, have no thoughts, just sense what is there. Can you feel it? Don’t force yourself. It will happen.”

He tried and noticed himself relaxing. His mind wasn’t empty; it definitely was not a blank space. Instead, it was a calm, swirling kaleidoscope of colors. Dreamy, misty colors. His blood was pounding, and his heartbeat echoed. The sense of anticipation was overwhelming. Huskily, he said so.

He heard the satisfaction in Caleb’s voice as he responded. “Good. Now hold that thought, or lack of it. Your colors. They are yours and yours alone. Your mind’s spark, its lodestone. Can you hear music?”

Is that what it is? That swirl of sensation? Well it’s not Madonna or the Stones, that’s for sure. But chill-out music? Yup, I guess.

“Good, that’s music. Your music.” The contentment in Caleb’s voice was good to discern. “You will never forget that. Now you need to watch. Don’t worry about how you feel, or where you are going. Try to focus on me as well as your inner mind. Open yourself to me, and I’ll show you something that one day may be yours.” Caleb laughed his deep, sexual laugh.

God. That goes all the way down to my cock and back again.
Logan looked deep into Caleb’s eyes. What he saw there made him want to rant, to cry, to rail at fate. Or life. Bugger it. It was not fair.
Shit, now I sound like a whinging kid.
A look of anguish briefly flickering across Caleb’s face made him stop in his tracks.
Not one-sided, then. Bollocks. Grow up, Logan. Fucking well grow up.

Caleb was speaking again. Logan listened intently, impatient with his cock as it grew and hardened. That was Caleb doing that, not him.
Down boy
.

He watched, fascinated, as Caleb’s breathing grew even slower. He listened to his voice and suddenly realized the honor given to him. With total openness, Caleb was baring his soul. He concentrated on Caleb’s voice, melodic and mesmeric.

“Watch my body. See my cock; see it get longer, thicker, harder. Why? I have no thoughts, except of myself. No visions, no pictures in my mind. No one to hold or caress. I can say these things and get no reaction. My body is concentrating purely on me. Only me. One day you will do this. Now, you help yourself.”

WTF? Does Caleb mean get myself off? While I watch him come? A massive turn-on, so easy to do, but is that really what he wants?

Even in his self-absorbed state, Caleb read and answered him. “Exactly that, Logan. Come and be satisfied. But watch and learn first.”

Logan nodded, one hand tight on his cock, before he realized Caleb might not see his acquiescence. “’Kay, Cal, oh yes, shit…
Okay.
”

“Good.” There was quiet satisfaction in Caleb’s voice. “So look now. Let me come in this way for you, for me, for us.”

“Never before for anyone else?” His tone was one of wonder.

“Never.”

Oh fuck, shit, and any other epithet allowable.

“So.” Logan knew he sounded smug, but so what? He felt smug. All for him. Goddamn, all for
him
. He wanted to stand tall and pound his chest. All. For. Me.

He watched, entranced. Caleb’s eyes were truly fathomless. He seemed to be looking inside himself, but seeing all around him. Logan was awed. Without thinking he said so.

Caleb laughed. “You’ve got it.”

“How the hell can you laugh and talk to me when you are trying to screw yourself?” He was truly interested.

“Patience. Training. And love.”

Well, holy shit. Love. Oh, fuck in a box, love.
Wow. So did he sit? Just watch? Not hold himself?

“Yeah.”

“Oh, bollocks.” That sense again. He took his hand off his dick in a hurry.
Watch yourself, Logan.

“No, Logan.” Caleb’s voice was patient, amused. “Watch me. Look, feel, and see what happens. Not just to me, but to you. See how you feel. Don’t touch; just absorb.”

O
-
kayyy.
He watched and marveled.

Caleb appeared to be sitting straighter, if that was possible; looking out into space. His eyes, dark and opaque, turned inward. His breathing seemed deeper and slower. Logan curled his fingers, his heart thudding and his own breathing matching Caleb’s.

His cock unfurled and left its cozy nest to stand hard and erect, a mirror image of Caleb’s. Then Caleb’s voice came to him, soft but definite. Sexual and sensual. Stimulating and attentive.

“I can feel my cock, feel how aroused it is. I am totally focused on my feelings, my well-being, and myself. As I breathe, I know I am excited, alive. My body wants me to be satisfied. It has aroused me. I know my nipples, my ass, my cock, are all ready, all charged with emotion. I know. I
know
.

“My cock is harder; silk, steel, iron, velvet, ready, aroused. My cum is waiting. There, nearly there.
Now
I will come” His voice trailed away, quiet but triumphant as his cock, magnificently aroused, jerked and cum covered it. “Now I have come. I have reached.” He stopped. His voice firmed. “This, Logan, it is for you.”

He moved so swiftly, Logan did not have time to blink before he was rolled on to his front.

“Knees up; we will be lovers.” Caleb’s tone changed from formal to lover. “Christ, Logan, I can’t deny us, not totally. I need to feel you. If you don’t want it, tell me now, and I’ll stop.”

Logan thought it seemed as if the world held its breath.

“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” Logan knew he was begging, but he didn’t care. “I’m ready. Oh, so ready.”

Logan was aware of a slick and firm cock probing his ass. Caleb had found a condom and some gel from somewhere. Aroused and anticipating, Logan sighed with pleasure as that hard, eager dick explored his anus and pushed. Oh, sweet Jesus. God forgive the blasphemy, but
oh
yes
. Heaven. Caleb had been right, he thought hazily as he sensed him move gently inside him. He would never be the same again now. How would he cope if this all finished, was over before it really began? Was he prepared to tell Caleb to stop? Hell no. No chance. Enjoy and live.

“So
fucking
good.” He moaned his appreciation, feeling Caleb moving steadily. In, out; in, out. Gently. Nothing harsh or sudden. Just the knowledge, the feeling of Caleb’s dick moving in him, filling him.

“You help. Pump that magnificent cock.” Caleb’s voice urged him on. “Go on,
feel
your hands on yourself. So good, eh?”

“Jeeezzzz, so good.” He rubbed and touched himself, harder and faster. He could feel Caleb, one hand touching his nipple for him; see the other supporting himself as he moved steadily, in and out of his ass.

“Fuck it, Cal, I’m gonna come. Bugger…ah…” He sensed Caleb watching intently as he spilled cum over his hands, over the grass. Incredibly, he realized Caleb was about to climax again. His yell of “fucking fuck” confirmed it. Oh shit, his knees were giving way. The feeling of Caleb lying across his back, breath labored as he recovered, was the best feeling he could imagine.

It wasn’t until Caleb became soft and slipped out that Logan started to wonder. He heard soft rustlings as, presumably, Caleb dealt with the condom. Damn, he had been so far gone that little security addition hadn’t really registered in his mind. Oh, bloody hell. Thank goodness Caleb had used his sense and not just his gonads.

What on earth was going to happen next?

Chapter Five

“Don’t know the answer to that. I suppose I should say that wasn’t meant to happen.” Caleb’s voice was slurred. “So, okay, that wasn’t meant to happen. It sure as hell did though. Bloody sure as hell did. Mmm.”

“Do you regret it?” Logan’s voice was shaded with anxiety.

He considered carefully; no glib answer would do here. “I could never regret making love to you, Logan. Few people are lucky enough to experience that instant attraction that makes them realize they have just met their soul mate. I did when I met you, and not to know the essence of you at least once would be a sin. But I do regret the problems we have caused ourselves,” Caleb said somberly. “Now that I know you, d’you think I don’t want to know you again? To feel my cock in that tight, welcoming ass? Of course I do. To feel you in me? To make each other come, any which way we want? Of course I bloody do. And I’m guessing by those subtle little wriggles and moans you’re making, you feel like that as well. But dare I let it happen?” He sighed and pressed a lingering kiss on Logan’s nape as he reluctantly moved off his back, rolling onto his side.

He stood easily, pulled Logan from the bed, gathered him into his arms, and walked to where the Jacuzzi was still bubbling quietly. Moving swiftly down the three steps into the water, he deposited Logan on a seat and sat next to him, letting the jets soothe and cleanse.

“How the hell do you do that, man?”

“Eh? Do what?” He sighed as the water caressed him. He was weary, both in body and spirit. Making love, within himself, always drained him. To have then been able to make love so thoroughly to Logan was incredible. But now, seated in the water, if he’d been asked to raise a finger he’d be hard-pressed to comply.

“Carry me and make it seem so easy. Hell, I’m not much less than you in height, and about the same weight, and you pick me up like a bag of sugar after limb-weakening, mind-blowing sex. How the hell did you do it?”

He laughed. “Fuck if I know. Mind over matter? Seriously, I think getting us into here was still part of our loving. So adrenalin kept me going. Now? I couldn’t lift a bottle of beer. Well, maybe that, but not a lot else. Can you stretch your arm out to that fridge behind you, d’you reckon? There’s beer in it.” He smiled, sexually sated and happy.

Logan stretched his arm, found the fridge door, and took out two beers.

“On the side, in arm’s reach.”

“Damn it, Caleb,” Logan snapped. “You’re doing it again.” He pried the caps off the beers with the opener—exactly where Caleb had said it was—before handing one over, and taking a long swallow of the other.

“Force of habit. It’s second nature to me.” He replicated Logan’s swallow. “Damn, that’s good. You are good.”

“No, we are good.”

Yeah, that was it.
They
were good. Shit.

For a while, a serene silence surrounded them. Caleb, his mind empty, lay back in the warm water as he let it lap around his body. Next to him, Logan also seemed content just to sit and dream.

Eventually, Caleb stirred, aware Logan was looking at him.
Oh shit.
Caleb sensed what his lover was wondering. He had really hoped not to have that particular conversation just yet. Perversely, he chose not to acknowledge knowing what Logan was going to say. He could feel the other man waiting for him to speak. He knew Logan was surprised and perturbed that he was not going to help him say what was on his mind.

“So, Logan, how long have you been in Scotland, then?”

Logan looked surprised. “Oh, er, cuppla weeks. I was in Brighton and then London for a while before that. Say, Cal…”

“And before then? Straight from Australia, or was it enjoy the Aussie summer and then hightail it to Europe? Did you surf St. Amour beach?” Caleb interrupted.

“Yeah, sort of. Bollocks, Caleb. You know what the hell I am thinking, so why are you talking about my travelling, for fuck’s sake?”

Caleb sighed, weary of everything. If only he could just sleep for a week. No work, no Logan, nothing. Just him. Not even any dreams. He didn’t even think he had the strength to meditate, to refresh his inner self. Logan was still half-turned toward him, looking at him intently.

“Because I don’t want to have the conversation. But…” He lifted and then dropped one shoulder. “I want to hear you say it. All of it. Everything you are thinking. Then once I’ve answered, I’ll ask you if you are ready to come to the house with me. Yes, it is as critical as that.”

“But you know what I’m thinking,” Logan replied plaintively.

“Yeah, and so do you. But to understand what you are asking,
really
understand, you need to vocalize your thoughts.” He watched Logan’s face intently. Did he realize that this conversation was, in effect, make-or-break time?

“Okay, then.” Logan sounded resigned. “Bugger, Caleb, I need to get out of here so I can see your face clearly. Can we?”

“No problem.” Caleb hesitated. “Bed? I’m not sure if that’s the best place, but let’s give it a go.” Caleb stood, ignoring Logan’s thoughts, and threw him a towel. He watched as Logan caught it and wiped the droplets from his body, then returned it to allow Caleb to do the same. As Caleb wiped his face, he was surrounded with that special essence, the scent of his lover. Was there anything more arousing?

“
Move, or else we’ll never get this conversation underway. Now that it’s uppermost in both our minds, we need to have it.” Throwing his towel down, Caleb began to laugh, as
Logan’s thought came across loud and clear
.

Nice ass; wouldn’t mind myself in there for a bit
.

Caleb wouldn’t mind it himself, either.

After walking to the bedroom, each moving smoothly to opposite sides of the bed, Caleb threw back the covers, sat down, and leaned against his pillows, watching hungrily as Logan did likewise before turning slightly, so he could see his face.

They really should be having this conversation sitting opposite each other, across a table where temptations to forget everything except themselves would be less obvious, Caleb realized. However, sensing Logan needed to feel the closeness of their bodies, he gave in to temptation. Unheeding of what he ought to do, he put his arm around Logan’s shoulder and pulled him to his side.

“Maybe not a wise move,” he said, his tone wry. “But what the fuck. I need a hug.”