Rex Stout - Nero Wolfe 25 (13 page)

The phone rang, and I answered it, and was told by a baritone that I recognized, “This is Rudolph Hansen. I want to speak to Mr. Wolfe.”

I didn’t bother. I said curtly, “Nothing doing. Orders not to disturb.”

“Nonsense. He has already been disturbed by the message from Mr. O’Garro. Let me speak to him.”

“I haven’t given him the message from O’Garro. When he tells me to disturb him on no account he means it.”

“You haven’t given him that message?”

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

“My God, how many times must I say it? Do … not … disturb.”

“That certainly is a strange way of—no matter. It’s just as well. Mr. O’Garro was too impetuous. His message is hereby canceled, on my authority as counsel for the firm of Lippert, Buff and Assa. Mr. Wolfe is too highhanded and we would like to be kept better informed, but we have full confidence in him and we want him to go on. Tell him that—no, I’ll tell him. I’ll drop in a little later. I’m tied up here for the present.”

I thanked him for calling, hung up, and mounted the stairs again to Wolfe’s room; and by gum, he wasn’t reading. He had put the book down and was sitting there looking imposed upon.

“I said I’d be down shortly,” he growled.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to. Go right on working. Hansen phoned as counsel for the firm. O’Garro was too impetuous, he said. They have full confidence in you, which shows how little—oh well. You’re to keep at it. I didn’t ask him if the conversation was recorded.”

He picked up his book. “Very well. Now you may reasonably expect a respite.”

“Not for long. Hansen’s dropping in later.”

He grunted and I left him.

The respite was a good ten minutes, maybe eleven, and it was ended at the worst possible moment. I had turned on the television and got the ball game, Giants and Dodgers, and Willie Mays was at bat in the fourth inning with a count of two and one, when the phone rang. Dialing the sound off but not the picture, I got at the phone, and received a double jolt. With my ears I heard Oliver Buff saying that both O’Garro and Hansen were too impetuous and had it wrong, and going on from there, and simultaneously with my eyes I saw Mays pop a soft blooper into short center field that I could have caught on the tip of my nose. I turned my back on that, but the rest of Buff I had to take. When he was through I went and turned off the TV, and once again ascended the stairs.

Wolfe frowned at me suspiciously. “Is this flummery?” he demanded.

“Not to my knowledge,” I told him. “It sounds like their voices.”

“Pfui. I mean you. The call by Mr. Hansen voided the one by Mr. O’Garro. You could have invented both of them; it would be typical.”

“Sure I could, but I didn’t. You asked for a ceasefire on badgering and got it. This time it was Buff. LBA seems to be tossing coins and giving me a play-by-play report. Buff voided both O’Garro and Hansen. He says they have been conferring and just reached a decision. They want a report by you personally on progress to date, and they’re all at the LBA office, including Talbott Heery, and can’t leave to come here, so you’re to go there. At once. Otherwise the deal is off. I told him, first, that you never go outdoors on business, and second, that I wasn’t supposed to disturb you and I wasn’t going to. He had heard that before. He said you would be there by four o’clock, or
else. It is now a quarter past three. May I offer a suggestion?”

“What?”

“If you ever take another job for that outfit, even to find out who’s stealing the paper clips, get it in writing, signed by everybody. I’m tired out running up and down stairs.”

He didn’t hear me. With his elbow on the chair arm, he was pulling gently at the tip of his nose with thumb and forefinger. After a little he spoke. “As I said yesterday, the tension is extremely severe, and something had to snap. I doubt if this is it. This is probably merely the froth of frustration, but it may be suggestive to watch the bubbles. How long will it take you to get there?”

“This time of day, fifteen to twenty minutes.”

“Ample. Get them together. All of them.”

“Sure. Do I just tell them I’m you, or shall I borrow one of your suits and some pillows?”

“You are yourself, Archie. But I must define your position. You’ve been demanding instructions and here they are. Sit down.”

I moved a chair up.

M
y visit to their office that afternoon probably cost LBA around three grand, maybe even five, for I found occasion later to describe the layout to Wolfe, thinking he should have it in mind when he was deciding on the amount of his bill, which he surely did if I know him.

From the directory in the lobby of the modern midtown skyscraper I learned that LBA had six floors, which opened my eyes and made me pick one. Choosing twenty-two because it was marked
Executive
, I found the proper elevator, was lifted, and emerged into a chamber that would have been fine for badminton if you took up the rugs. With upholstered chairs here and there sort of carelessly, and spots of light from modern lamps, it was a very cultured atmosphere. Two or three of the chairs were occupied, and at the far side, facing the elevators, an aristocratic brunette with nice little ears was seated at an executive desk eight feet long. When I approached she asked if she could help me, and I told her my name and said I wanted to see Mr. Buff.

“Do you have an appointment, Mr. Goodwin?”

“Yes, but under an alias, Nero Wolfe.”

That only confused her and made her suspicious, but I finally got it straightened out and she used the phone and asked me to wait. I was crossing to a chair when a door opened and Vernon Assa appeared. He stood a moment, wiping his brow and neck with a handkerchief, and then came to me. Short plump men are inclined to sweat, but it did seem that an LBA top executive might have finished wiping before entering the reception room.

“Where’s Mr. Wolfe?” he asked.

“At home. I’ll report. To all of you.”

“I don’t think—” He hesitated. “Come with me.”

We passed through into a wide carpeted hall. The third door on the left was standing open and we turned in. It was a fairly large room and would be a handsome one after the cleaning women had been around, but at present it was messy. The gleaming top of the big mahogany table in the center had most of its gleam spotted with cigarette ashes and stray pieces of paper, and the nine or ten executive-size chairs were every which way. A cigar butt had spilled out of an ash tray onto the mahogany.

Three men, not counting Assa, looked at me, and I looked at them. Talbott Heery wasn’t so broad and tall when he had slid so far forward in his chair that most of him was underneath the table. Buff’s white hair was tousled, and his round red face was puffy. He was seated across from Heery and had to twist around to look at me. Rudolph Hansen’s long thin neck had a big smudge below the right ear. He was standing to one side with his arms folded and his narrow shoulders slumped.

“Goodwin says he’ll report,” Assa told them. “We can hear what he has to say.”

“To all of you,” I said, not aggressively. “Including Mr. O’Garro.”

“He’s in a meeting and can’t be here.”

“Then I’ll wait.” I sat down. “He canceled the agreement, and it wouldn’t do much good to come to an understanding with you if he phones as soon as I get back and cancels it.”

“That was on his own initiative,” Buff said, “and unauthorized.”

“Isn’t he a member of the firm?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll wait. If I’m in the way here, tell me where.”

“Get him in here,” Heery demanded. “He can get the goddam toothpaste account any time.”

They all started clawing, not at me but at each other. I sat and watched the bubbles, and heard them. LBA was certainly boiling over, and I tried to take it in, knowing that Wolfe would want a verbatim report, but it got a little confused. Finally they got it decided, I didn’t know exactly how, and Buff got at a phone and talked, and pretty soon the door opened and Patrick O’Garro was with us. He was still brown all over, and his quick brown eyes were blazing.

“Are you all feeble-minded?” he blurted. “I said I’d go along with whatever you decided. I don’t intend—”

I cut in. “Hold it, Mr. O’Garro. It’s my fault. I came to report for Mr. Wolfe, and you have got to be present. I’m willing to wait, but they’re in a hurry—some of them.”

He said something cutting to Heery, and the others chimed in, and I thought the boiling was going to start again, but Buff got up and took O’Garro’s arm
and eased him to a chair. Then Buff returned to his own chair, which was next to me at the left.

“All right, Goodwin,” he said. “Go ahead.”

I took a paper from my pocket and unfolded it. “First,” I announced, “here is a letter to Mr. Hansen, signed by Mr. Wolfe. It’s only one sentence. It says, ‘I here with dismiss you as my attorney and instruct you not to represent me in any matter whatsoever.’ Mr. Wolfe told me to deliver it before witnesses.” I handed it to Assa, he handed it to O’Garro, and he handed it to Hansen. Hansen glanced at it, folded it, and put it in his pocket.

“Proceed,” he said stiffly.

“Yes, sir. There are three points to consider. The first is the job itself and how you people have handled it. In the years I have been with Mr. Wolfe he has had a lot of damn fools for clients, but you have come pretty close to the record. Apparently you—”

“For God’s sake,” O’Garro demanded, “do you call that reporting? We want to know what he’s done!”

“Well, you’re not going to. Apparently you haven’t stopped to realize what the job’s like. I’ll put it this way: if he knew right now who went there and stole the wallet—and killed Dahlmann, put that in too—and all he needed was one additional piece of evidence and he knew he was going to get it tonight—if he knew all that, he wouldn’t tell any of you one single damn thing about it. Not before he had it absolutely sewed up. In the condition of panic you’re in, all of you except Mr. Hansen, I don’t know how much you can understand, but maybe you can understand that.”

“I can’t,” Buff said. “It sounds preposterous. We hired him and we’ll pay him.”

“Then I’ll spell it out. What would happen if he kept you posted on exactly what he had done and was
doing and intended to do? God only knows, but judging from the way you’ve been acting this afternoon there would be a riot. One or another of you would be calling every ten minutes to cancel what the last one said and give him new instructions. Mr. Wolfe doesn’t take instructions, he takes a job, and you should have known that before you hired him.—You did, didn’t you, Mr. Hansen? You said that all of you would be at his mercy.”

“Not precisely in that sense.” The lawyer’s eyes, meeting mine, were cold and steady. “But I knew of Wolfe’s methods and manners, yes. I grant that the conflicting messages from us this afternoon were ill-advised, but we are under great pressure. We need to know at least whether any progress is being made.”

“You will, when he is ready to tell you. He’s under pressure too. You have to consider that he’s not working for you … or you … or you … or you … or you. He’s working for the firm of Lippert, Buff and Assa. I can say this, if the men authorized to speak for the firm want to call it off, it may be possible to make another arrangement. Just a suggestion: do you want to ask Mr. Heery if he cares to take over and have Mr. Wolfe represent him instead of LBA?”

“No!” O’Garro blurted. Assa looked at Hansen and the lawyer shook his head. Buff said, “I can’t see that that would improve the situation any. Our interests are identical.” Heery, sending his eyes around, said, “If you want it that way, say so.”

Nobody said so. I gave them four seconds and went on. “Another point. I’ve told you that Inspector Cramer of Homicide came to see Mr. Wolfe last night. I’m not quoting him, but when he left Mr. Wolfe’s main impression was that he wasn’t completely sold on the idea that one of the contestants killed
Dahlmann to get the paper in the wallet. Someone could have killed him for a quite different reason and didn’t take the wallet or anything else, and later one of you went there to see him and found him dead. You looked to see if the wallet was in his pocket, and it was, and you didn’t want it found on his body on account of the risk that what was on the paper might possibly be made public, so you took the wallet and beat it. That would—”

They all broke in. Hansen said, “Absurd. Mr. Wolfe certainly wasn’t—”

“Just a minute,” I stopped him. “Mr. Wolfe told Cramer that he thought it likely that one of the contestants took the wallet, and that he was assuming that whoever killed Dahlmann took the wallet, but that doesn’t mean he can toss Cramer’s idea in the garbage as a pipe dream. He has no proof it didn’t happen like that; all he has is what you men told him. So if he doesn’t want to run the risk of being made a monkey of, which he doesn’t, believe me, he has to keep that on the list of possibles, and in that case how can he tell you what he’s doing and going to do? Tell who? His client is Lippert, Buff and Assa, but there’s no such person as Lippert, Buff and Assa, it would have to be one of you, and it might be the very guy who went to Dahlmann’s place and retrieved the wallet. Therefore—”

“It’s absurd on the face of it,” Hansen said. “It would—”

“Let me finish. Therefore Mr. Wolfe has a double reason not to keep you posted on every move—first, he never does with anybody, and second, one of you could be holding out on him and set to spike him. I don’t think he thinks you are, but it’s a cinch he wouldn’t take that chance. There’s no use trying to
persuade me it’s absurd, because Mr. Wolfe is the expert on absurdity, not me, and I wouldn’t undertake to pass it on. That about covers the situation, except this, that he’s fed up with your shoving. I had to disturb him to tell him about the performance you have put on this afternoon because I had to ask him if he wanted me to come up here, and I am now reporting that he is fed up. He is willing to go on with the job only with the understanding that what he is committed to get for you is results as they were outlined, as quickly and satisfactorily as possible, using his best ability and judgment. If you want him to continue on that basis, okay. If not, he might be willing to take on the job for Mr. Heery, but I doubt it, without the consent and approval of LBA, because you’re all in it together.”