Rewriting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #1) (13 page)

The pain ripping through me is almost too much to bear; I feel like I’m going to pass out from it. I almost welcome that; I don’t want to experience this anymore. But the blackness never comes. He keeps thrusting into me harder and faster. I can hear him grunt and groan and all I can do is scream and whimper into his hand while I try to think past the pain and pray that it ends soon.

It feels like hours later when he thrusts one last time and then stills inside of me. I can see black spots in my vision, but before blackness takes me from lack of oxygen, he lifts his hand from my mouth and removes himself from me. I spit the panties out of my mouth and try to take in as much air as I can, but it’s made difficult from the sobs ripping through my chest. I can feel wetness seep out of me and run down my buttocks as I lay broken and sobbing on the bed.

With shaky hands, I pull my dress down and roll over into the fetal position. It hurts so much. I hear him zipping up his pants and then see him walk in front of me. He squats down so he can look into my eyes. “You know you wanted it, so if you try to tell someone otherwise, they won’t believe you.” He smirks at me and leaves the room. As soon as I hear the door close, I lose it.

***

I pull myself together as best I can and open the door to see if anyone is in the hallway before making my way into the bathroom. I check myself out in the mirror and see that my eyes are bloodshot from crying, I have the start of a bruise on my cheek, and my lips are bruised and puffy. I glance at my legs and see blood running down them. I take some toilet paper and try to clean myself up as gently as possible. My crotch burns and the pain travels all the way up into my stomach.

Once I’ve cleaned myself up as much as I can, I open the bathroom door and look around again to see if anyone is there. As soon as the coast is clear, I make a beeline for the front door. Thankfully, I don’t run into anybody and I don’t think anyone even notices me.

I find my way to Zane’s truck and see that his keys are on the front seat. I climb in and sit down as gently as I can. I start the engine and peel out of the parking space. I don’t care how reckless I’m being; I only want to get out of there and fast. I don’t even know where I’m going; my only thought is to get as far away from here as I can.

Ten minutes later, I’m in front of a Wal-Mart. I grab my purse and go into the clothing section to find some sweatpants and a shirt. Then I go to the pharmacy section, throw the morning-after pill into my cart, grab some wet wipes, and head to the checkout.

The cashier looks at me strangely, but doesn’t comment on my appearance. She can probably tell what happened to me, but she doesn’t ask if I’m okay. She rings me up and avoids eye contact.

I step into the bathroom, clean myself up with the wet wipes, and change into the sweats. Then I cup my hands under the faucet and take the pill. The guy didn’t use a condom when he raped me and I’m not on birth control. There is no way I can allow myself to get pregnant. I’ll have to make sure I go to the clinic soon to get tested for STDs too.

Once I’m back in Zane’s truck, I try calling him. It goes straight to voicemail. I hang up and open my messages.

Me: Where are you? I need you!

I sit there for five minutes without hearing back from him. I call again, and get his voicemail. “Zane, where are you? I need you. Please call me back!” I try to hold back my sob but it breaks free as I hang up the phone.

After I wipe the tears and calm down a bit, I text him again.

Me: Zane, please, answer me. Where are you?

Ten minutes later, nothing. I drive to my dorm and go to my car. I get in and sit there. I don’t want to go into my dorm. I don’t want my roommate to hear me talking to Zane when he finally answers. But after twenty more minutes, he still hasn’t called or messaged me back. I call and leave another voice message. “Zane, please pick up. Why did you leave me at that party? Please, call me back, I really need you.”

A couple minutes later I text him again.

Me: Answer your fucking phone, please!

After what feels like hours later, I finally get a message back from him.

Zane: Jesus fucking Christ! I’m sorry, but I do have a fucking life ya know. I can’t be there for you all the fucking time. You need to learn to take care of yourself at some point. I’m not always going to be around for every little thing you need! I’m turning my phone off. Maybe I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Make sure to leave my keys on the console.

I can’t believe him! He was the one that took me to that party. He was the one who told me I should come here to go to school. He was the one that said he would take care of me. I didn’t ask for any of this! Fuck this and fuck him.

I start my car and drive the two hours back home. When I arrive, I walk right into my grandmother’s room without turning on any of the lights. The sun is starting to rise so I can barely make out her bed. I throw myself down and cry.

When I’ve calmed down enough, I look on her nightstand and see the picture of her I placed there. I reach out and grab it, holding it to my chest. “What should I do, Gram? I feel so lost!” I cry some more and keep asking her over and over again for answers. Of course she doesn’t reply, but it doesn’t stop me from asking, praying for some sort of an answer.

I fall asleep clinging to her picture. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I do know that I’m never going back to Austin. I can’t face what happened. And I don’t want to face Zane either. He wasn’t there for me when I needed him the most. And when I begged him to answer me and he finally replied, he didn’t even ask if I was okay or what was wrong. He just blew up at me. Well, I’ve had enough. I’m done. Done with him, done with everything.

I wake up a couple of hours later and come up with a plan. I can’t be in this house anymore, and I can’t go back to Austin. There’s nothing left for me here. So I pack up my room and take the few things of my grandmother's that I can’t live without. Then I take sheets and some plastic from the garage and cover all the furniture. Then I unplug all the appliances. I’ll deal with the rest later, but for right now, this will have to do.

Once I pack everything into my car, I grab the football Zeke gave me. I sit on the floor with a pen and paper to write Zane a note and place it in the box with the football. It takes me forever to come up with what I needed to say to him, but finally I find the words:

Zane,

You really let me down. You told me everything would be fine and you would always be there for me. Not only did you break your promise, but you broke ME. I can’t be here anymore, there is nothing here but pain. Everywhere I look, I see a reminder of my grandmother and remember the way things were when Zeke was still alive, but the thing that hurts the most is you. Knowing that you are still here but will never truly be there for me. You have constantly left me behind, forgotten about me, and have damaged my heart so badly it’s beyond repair.

Inside this box is Zeke’s football. I should have given this to you a long time ago, it was always meant to be yours. I hope it brings you peace. Please don’t try to find me or contact me. If you ever cared about me at all, you will let me go so I can try to heal. There will always be a part of me that loves you, but I can never forgive you. I hope you are happy in your life and you get everything you ever wanted.

Danielle

I write Zane's name on the box, then walk over and place it in his parents’ back yard where I know it will be found. Then I get in my car and head west. I don’t yet know where I’ll go, but I know I can’t stay here. I need to make a life for myself somewhere else.

The old Danielle is dead, and in her place is a girl that I don’t yet know.

Chapter 14

Zane

I wake feeling someone’s hand traveling down my abdomen toward my cock. When I open my eyes, I don’t know why I expect to see Danielle, but it's not her—it never was, no matter how much I dreamed it would be—it’s the blonde chick from the party last night.

I have been in love with Danielle since the first time I saw her five years ago. Then what happened between us Thanksgiving night a year and a half ago changed everything.

After I told her I wouldn’t be able to make it home for the holiday—I had decided I was going to join the Marines and had to get shit situated with school—she told me that she and her boyfriend had broken up. I tried to message her and call to see what the fuck happened. If he hurt her, he was a dead man. But she turned her phone off. I was beyond crazy with worry, so I decided to jump on my bike and go to her. I needed to know what happened.

When I got there, she laughed it off like it was nothing. Then when I told her that I couldn’t stay, she broke down and I couldn’t leave her like that. I only meant to comfort her, but what happened next I will never forget. I made her think that it was a mistake and that I was sorry, but I wasn’t. She gave me something precious that night, something that I will always carry with me.

Bringing home the blonde chick last night was a mistake. I shouldn’t have left with her, but I was so pissed off. I only wanted to get drunk and forget about this day from hell, well, everything really, for a few hours. And what better way to do that than lose myself in some random pussy? It also didn’t help that as soon as Danielle showed up at her dorm, I wanted to bend her over my truck, she looked so sexy in the dress she was wearing. All I could think about was the way she tastes, the way she feels, and how much I love her.

The day had started turning to shit when I got a call from my Commander telling me that we’re getting shipped overseas in two months. I haven’t even been able to tell Danielle that I joined the Marines yet. How the fuck am I going to tell her I’m getting deployed for at least a year?

When I graduated high school, I wanted to follow in my brother’s footsteps, but after a huge argument with my parents, I decided I would give myself a year to make the decision. But then four months into my schooling, I knew joining was what I wanted, what I had to do. I didn’t tell Danielle because I figured it would bring up old memories about Zeke. She wouldn’t understand that it’s for him that I have to do this. Shit, my parents didn’t even understand. Not only did we get into a huge fight when I told them what I wanted to do the day I left for school, but they pretty much disowned me the day I finally decided I was going to do it. I should have said something to Danielle the day I left, but I thought with everything else going on, she couldn’t handle it.

Over the past two years, I’ve had lots of times to tell her, but really no time at all. When she would call me, I would ignore the calls because I needed more time to figure out what to say to her. I would always send simple text messages to let her know I hadn’t forgotten about her, but it was never enough. Then, when I left for training, I had no phone to call or even text her. I know I missed her birthday and her graduation, but I figured she would understand when I finally told her. She’d be upset, but she has always forgiven me. And after the shock wore off, she’d be proud of me, like she was of Zeke. She would get it, and I knew that, but I still couldn’t make the words come out.

Then it didn’t help that she was dating that dipshit for a while after I left. I would love to be able to say that she was always with him and I never had the chance to tell her, but that would be a lie. She always made time for me, and if I told her I needed to see her or that I had something important to tell her, no matter where she was or who she was with, she would have dropped everything for me. That’s just who she is—selfless and purely good. She would do anything for the people she cares about. But I couldn’t bring myself to tell her.

After her grandmother died, I couldn’t leave her there alone anymore. I knew I would have to tell her as soon as she got here since she would find out I was no longer in school eventually, but I wanted to find the perfect time. But a couple hours before she arrived in Austin, I got the phone call of the impending deployment. Time had officially run out.

***

When I drove to meet her at her dorm when she first arrived, the first thing I noticed was the dress she was wearing. It was white, short and made her look like an angel—my angel. I had to calm myself down before I did something I couldn't take back. So instead of unpacking her stuff right away, I figured we could delay for a bit and get something to eat first. Plus, I really needed a drink if I was going to make it through the night. I had to control myself because the alternative wasn’t an option. I couldn’t lose her, and I knew if I took what I really wanted—what I needed—I would, and I couldn't let that happen.

While we were at the bar eating, I got a phone call from a buddy of mine from when I was still at school, Liam, about a party his boy was throwing. I figured it would be fun for Danielle, and I would be able to delay telling her the news until tomorrow. Maybe this would work out for the better.

We pulled up to the house, and as soon as we walked in, I noticed the looks the guys were throwing her way. I was pissed off, but knew I couldn’t do anything about it. She was bound to find someone soon anyway. I would have to get over it.

I only introduced her to a few people I knew, because frankly I only knew a handful of people there since I don’t go to school anymore, then led her to the living room to sit with our drinks. She went off to the bathroom soon after we arrived, and the only thing I thought of while she walked away with her hips swinging from side to side was following her. I wanted to push her up against the wall and ravish her sweet body. It didn’t help that I already knew what she tasted like, what she sounded like when she came. I knew I’d had too much to drink. I would have to slow it down and get a handle on this shit, and fast.

As I got up to clear my head of all the things I want to do to Danielle, this busty blonde comes over and takes Danielle’s spot on the couch beside me.

“Hey, sexy, thought you could use a drink.” She hands me a beer and starts talking, but I don’t hear anything she says because I can see Danielle coming back into the room. I give her a look, trying to see if she is okay, but before I can make out her expression, the blonde starts rubbing her hand up my thigh. Fuck, that feels good. Since Danielle arrived today, I’ve had a constant hard-on.

Over the next hour or so, I am barely able to sneak a glance at Danielle, but she doesn’t come over and she hasn’t said she isn’t having a good time. She’s probably used to this anyway. It sure as fuck reminds me of a lot of the parties in high school—me having to let off steam in another chick’s pussy while only thinking of Danielle.

Things with Blondie are starting to really heat up, and unless I want to fuck her here on this couch in front of everyone, we need to take this private party outside. I’m thinking we can have a quickie in my truck, and then I can come back in and grab Danielle.

I get up and try to find Danielle to tell her I’ll be right back, but I don’t see her. Before I can look around for her, Blondie sticks her hand down my pants to stroke my cock. I won’t be long anyway, I decide. I’ll find Danielle when I’m done. It will probably be better this way, because if I see a look of hurt or disappointment on Danielle's face, I probably won't be able to go through with it. And that's not an option. If I don’t do this, I’ll risk attacking Danielle and losing her.

Once out in my truck, things happen pretty fast. I barely get my jeans unzipped and a condom on before she is sinking down on my cock. “Fuck!” Damn, this is exactly what I needed. I grab her hips and start to pump harder and faster into her, racing to the finish line. I don’t care if she gets off or not, I just need relief.

I close my eyes and picture Danielle in that white dress, imagining that it’s her riding my cock. Though if I was being honest with myself, I would never fuck Danielle here. She deserves a bed and soft lovemaking, not a hard fuck in my truck.

“Oh God, baby, I’m gonna come!” Blondie interrupts my thoughts and the sound of her voice almost makes me push her off of me in disgust, but once I feel her clench around my cock, the only thing on my mind is getting off. I pump into her three more times before I release myself into the condom.

She slides off my lap, but instead of fixing her clothes like I thought she would, she takes off the condom and leans down to start licking my cock clean. Holy shit, is this chick for real? I can already feel myself harden again.

“Let’s go to your place, stud, and I’ll take care of you all night long.” Before I can reply, she latches on to my cock and sucks until I come again. Fuck, this chick is exactly what I need tonight. I pull her out of my truck and tell her she’s driving. At least this way Danielle will have a way back to her dorm.

***

My phone would not stop ringing. As soon as it turned silent, I would get a notification that I got a voice mail and then a text message would come in. What the fuck? Can’t they take a fucking hint? I don’t even reach over to silence my phone; instead, I continue banging Blondie into my mattress.

After I finish and she finally passes out, I grab my phone to see what the fuck was so important. I have four voicemails and at least 10 text messages. The first one is from Danielle. Great, is she bitching at me for leaving? I open up the first three messages.

Danielle: Where are you? I need you!

Danielle: Zane, please, answer me. Where are you?

Danielle: Answer your fucking phone, please!

I don’t read any more of the messages and don’t even bother to listen to my voicemails. She has no idea what the fuck I’m going through and she says that she needs me? What, does she need me to hold her hand on the way to truck? Fuck. I don’t need this shit right now! I have enough on my plate as it is.

I type out my message and then turn off my phone. I’m probably going to regret that in the morning, but she needs to understand that I’m not always going to be able to be there for her, even though I wish I could be. Fuck, this deployment is ruining everything. I toss my phone onto the end table and roll over to wake Blondie up so I can fuck her one more time before passing out.

***

It takes me longer than it should to get Blondie out of my bed, but finally I am able to call Danielle. It goes right to voicemail, but instead of leaving a message, I decide to drive over to her dorm. It’s better to apologize in person for the way I acted last night anyway. Plus, I really need to tell her about my deployment. It’s time she knows.

I walk outside and remember she has my truck. “Fuck!”

I call Liam and have him come pick me up to give me a ride over to her dorm. It takes him a half an hour, but then we are on our way.

“So what the fuck happened to you last night, man?” he asks as we pull out of my parking lot.

“I hooked up with this chick. She fucked my cock till it about fell off, man!” I try to laugh, but it falls short. That shit isn’t funny, but I don’t need to explain to him about me and my feelings for Danielle.

He shakes his head and looks like he is pissed about something. Not sure what his problem is, I decide to ignore him. He’ll get over it soon enough; he always does.

When we are almost to Danielle’s dorm, he breaks the silence. “I can’t believe you left your girl at that party last night to get your dick wet.”

Who the fuck does he think he is? I feel like shit about doing it already, I don't need him to tell me how it is. “Listen, save the fuckin’ lecture, I’m sure I’ll get enough shit from her when I get to her place, all right?”

I know it was fucked up, but I’m sure Danielle understands and like I said before, she’s used to this shit from me by now. And it’s not like I left her there without a way home. I’m not a complete dick.

“Look, man, I didn’t say anything to you before because I figured you wouldn’t leave her there by herself, but if I were you, I’d make sure she is okay.”

What the fuck does that mean? “Why wouldn’t she be all right? I left my truck there for her and she’s a big girl. She's fine. Pissed off maybe, but she’ll get over it.” I don’t see how it’s any of his fucking business, but if he doesn’t shut the fuck up soon, I’m going to lay him out.

“Look, there was a guy at the party last night that has a bad reputation with the ladies. He takes what isn’t his. All’s I’m saying is, make sure she’s all right.”

He takes what isn’t his? What the hell does that mean?

We pull up to her dorm and park by my truck, but I don’t see her car.

“Where the hell is she?” I say more to myself than to Liam. I get out and look in my truck. Maybe she left a note, but I don’t see one. My keys are still in the ignition, but what catches my eye is what looks like a blood stain on my seat. What the fuck? I know that wasn’t there last night, so where the hell did it come from?