Reunion Pass: An Eternity Springs novel (19 page)

Killer?

Reflexively, his hand formed a fist and he could all but feel the knife hilt in his grasp and the drag of flesh against the blade as he sliced and plunged. Jerk. Failure. Killer.

Avenger.

God, help me.
When he opened his eyes again, Lori was gone and Lana stood cuddling the puppy, watching him with a stormy expression. She hated dogs. What the hell was she doing here? Damn, he was tired. Exhausted. He wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep … forever.

Instead, he made his first effort with Lana since they’d fought about the Markhor Pass shoot in Chizickstan. “So, how was Denver? Did you find your dress?”

Storm clouds dissipated and she offered up a hesitant smile. “I did. Your mother is such a sweetheart. You are awfully lucky when it comes to parents, Chase.”

“Yeah. I know that.”

“I found a gorgeous dress and picked out one for your sister to wear—she’ll be my maid of honor, of course. We also found a cake topper. Your mother isn’t going to make our wedding cake. She and Caitlin convinced me that I should take up Maggie Romano’s offer of an Italian cream cake.”

Chase’s throat suddenly tightened. The famous cake. Was there anything that better symbolized an Eternity Springs wedding, Eternity Springs’s relationships, than Maggie Romano’s cake? He murmured, “It’s why I wanted to get married in Eternity Springs.”

“A cake? Seriously, is it that good?”

No, not the cake. The promise of it. The community, the ideals, the sense that no matter how crazy the world has gone elsewhere, in Eternity Springs, honesty and integrity and responsibility matter. Compassion and forgiveness and generosity are on display daily. And the thing that keeps the world of Eternity Springs spinning? Love.

Love that isn’t always perfect, but one that endures.

Enduring love, like what you feel for Lori.

Damn. Chase rubbed the back of his neck. He was so screwed up.

“I have an appointment with Celeste Blessing later today.” Captain began to wriggle and Lana set him on the ground. “She told me she has a storeroom full of antiques that would be perfect to furnish our little cottage in town.”

Antiques? The woman who furnished their entire Manhattan apartment in European Modern was talking antiques? Talk about screwed up. This wasn’t the Lana Wilkerson he knew and, yes, loved.

Because he did love her. Maybe not in the same way he had before … everything. Maybe not the way a man should love the woman he promised to marry. Chase thought it entirely possible that he never could love anyone with a whole heart again. To love with a whole heart, one’s heart must be whole, correct?

“What are we doing, Lana?”

She misunderstood the question. “Well, your mom mentioned that they keep mountain bikes up here. I wouldn’t mind going for a ride. First, though, we should probably go change my flat.”

For an instant, he hovered at the edge of the conversational cliff, ready to make the leap. In the end, cowardice won out. Again. “You’re right. I’ll take care of it, though. You don’t have to come with me.”

“I want to help. Besides, I have something for you in my car. I picked up a gift and I’m totally excited to give it to you.”

She started down the road. Burying a sigh, Chase fell in beside her, his thoughts in turmoil. He needed to get his crap together. He couldn’t let this fairy tale Lana was building continue, and not because of the complicated feelings he had for Lori, either. He needed to get his head on straight because he did still care about Lana, and this “happy small-town housewife” thing she had going on concerned him.

Caring. Concern. Love.

Whoa. Those were emotions. He didn’t want to feel emotions. He couldn’t. He needed the ice around his heart. It was protecting him. If the ice melted, what would hold off the guilt? The grief?

Chase’s stomach made a slow, sick flip. Hell, maybe he’d been wrong about this whole thing from the git-go. Maybe he shouldn’t be anywhere near Eternity Springs and its magic. Maybe after he changed Lana’s tire, they should load up and return to Manhattan. He’d drop the dog off at Lori’s on the way.

Upon reaching the car, Chase made quick work of changing the tire while Lana continued to rattle on about wedding plans. She never once mentioned Thrillseekers, and for the first time since leaving Chizickstan, Chase found himself wondering about it. Out of the blue, he asked, “Has the show been canceled?”

Lana stiffened and darted him a glance. “We’re officially on hiatus. The crew needed to work, and we couldn’t leave them hanging.”

“Everyone found work?”

“Yes.”

“That’s good.” He stowed the jack in the trunk and pushed the lid shut. Glancing at Lana, he saw that her expression had grown pensive. Was she thinking about the loss of her show or the loss of two of her crew? She wasn’t a cold woman. The events in the mountains had not left her emotionally unscathed. Chase had been so wrapped up in his own trauma that he hadn’t spared her psychological state any thought until today.

She’s as screwed up as I am. After all, she’s picking out bedspreads for a house in Eternity Springs.

Catching his look, Lana gave her head a little shake, then beamed a bright smile his way. “Thank you. I have to admit that tire-changing is not on my list of favorite things to do. Gift-giving, on the other hand, is something else entirely.”

She opened the backseat of the car and removed a square gift box tied with a ribbon and sporting a big red bow on top. Excitement and anticipation glittered in her eyes.

It’s wrong. This whole thing is wrong.

“There was a shop just down the street from the bridal salon your mother took me to,” she said. “I thought it was a sign. The owner was extremely helpful and I’m fairly certain I got the right things. Once I decided to do it, I called around to people we know and got recs, but it will be no problem to exchange anything that isn’t what you want.”

“Lana—”

“Open your gift, Chase.”

She shoved the box at him, and coward that he was, he allowed the distraction. He tugged the ribbon, opened the lid, looked inside and froze.

A camera. She’d given him a damned camera.

Blood. Warm and thick and pungent with the scent of copper, it soaked his clothes, his hands, even his hair. His breath came in harsh, shallow pants and his heartbeat continued to thunder. The physical exertion of the past hour and a half had been beyond anything he’d ever experienced. Now, as he stood at the precipice of the rocky cliff, the victorious predator over his kill, he lifted his face toward the sky and roared out his pain, his grief, his fury, and his triumph.

Then with one last heave, one final shout, he threw his camera off the cliff.

Chase hurled the gift box away. “No!”

Then he turned and walked—ran—away.

Chapter Eleven

Running in hiking boots and blue jeans was almost as foolish as attempting to outrun his demons. What Chase needed to do was to stop, turn around, and give those demons hell.

Yeah, well. He needed to turn back time, too. That was just about as likely.

His friends wore jumpsuits. Blood orange. Orange and bloody. Shutter click. Shutter click. Shutter click. Hands tied behind their backs. Was Bradley limping? Shutter click. Shutter click. Shutter click. Faces bruised and swollen. Broken noses. Busted lips. Focus on the mouth. Shutter click. Shutter click. Our Father who art in Heaven.

Chase muttered an expletive and stopped in the middle of the dirt road, panting hard, sounding like an out-of-shape tourist trying to pedal a bike up Sinner’s Prayer Pass. He bent over, resting his hands on his knees, as Lana caught up with him. “Don’t you dare run away from me,” she challenged, a sharp edge to her voice. “I’ve just about had it with you, Michael Chase Timberlake.”

She’d said the same damned thing to him that fateful day in Chizickstan. Hearing it now pushed his temper over the edge.

Chase whirled on her and exploded. “Then go! Leave. I didn’t ask you to come here. I didn’t ask you to stay. I damned sure didn’t ask you to buy a house in town and become BFFs with my former lover!”

The color drained from Lana’s face, and from the corner of his eyes, he saw Captain dart away from him and crawl beneath a nearby bush. Both things served to stoke his temper.

She’d had it? Well, so had he! It was always about her, what she wanted, what she needed to accomplish, what she required. Hype, photo ops, ratings. Always the damned ratings.

“You should have listened, Lana,” he yelled, his hands fisting at his sides. “You never listen to me. Why don’t you listen to me! They’d all still be alive if you’d listened to me!”

“Don’t you think I know that?” she fired right back. “It haunts me!” Tears flooded her eyes and slipped down her cheeks. “I know it’s my fault and I’d change it if I could, but I can’t bring them back! I’ve been doing what I can. I’m living in Eternity Springs.”

“And what the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“I’m trying to fix what I can fix. I’m trying to be what you want. What you need.”

“You don’t know what I need. You always assume you do, but you don’t. You bought me a damned camera. The very last thing I need is a camera.”

“Why? I don’t understand. Talk to me, Chase. Tell me what happened to you!”

To me?
Nothing had happened to him. The blood wasn’t his. Not the blood he’d watched erupt from the safety of his hiding place, through the magnified power of his camera lens. Not the blood, warm and sticky and coppery, that coated his hand.

Bile rose in Chase’s throat. “I won’t talk about it.”

“Why not?”

When he didn’t respond, a frustrated whine emerged from her throat. “Chase, please. If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you.”

“No one can help me, Lana.” It was true. There was no help, no cure, no moving past. He couldn’t turn back the clock and choose not to get on that godforsaken helicopter.

“Then I can’t fix it, can I?” Her voice sounded as broken as his heart. “I can’t fix us. This won’t work, will it? You will never forgive me.”

“This isn’t about you, Lana. I’ll never forgive myself.”

Her lips twisted. “It’s a version of the old ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line, isn’t it? I’ve used it myself a time or two.”

He didn’t respond to that and a full minute ticked by. Then, a second minute. Chase couldn’t look at her. He knew where this was headed, where it needed to go, but he was too much of a bastard, a coward, to broach the subject himself.

Finally, Lana spoke again. “Why didn’t you tell me to stay in New York? Why let me come to Colorado?”

Chase still didn’t speak, but by now, she didn’t appear to expect it. She continued, “You don’t care one way or another, do you? Not about anything.”

Or maybe I care too much. You’re a reminder. Of the crap that went down. Of the terrible choice I made.

“I’ve thought a lot about the mistakes I made in this relationship of ours. I do think that when we first got together, I was the right woman for you. My strengths supported your weaknesses and vice versa. We made a good team. A great team. Life was fun and exciting—a wild ride. We were happy together, Chase. Do you remember that?”

“I do.”

“When did it change?”

He didn’t have to think about it. “When the show hit.”

She nodded. “I began to find TV ratings more thrilling than the adventures we filmed. My focus shifted. Yours really didn’t. It was always about the adventure for you, never the show, wasn’t it?”

“I felt the life we had slipping away.” He hadn’t wanted that to happen. It had happened once before, and he didn’t want it to happen to him again.

“So you asked me to marry you.”

He’d never asked Lori. “I loved you.”

“I loved you, too. Notice how we both used the past tense there? I see now that I put the show ahead of you and look what happened. I made a terrible decision that cost two good men their lives. I have their blood on my hands.”

As do I.

“It’s something I’ll have to live with the rest of my life.”

It was the crux of their problems. She had allowed ratings to rule their lives and she now had to live with it, as did he.

“You were right, Chase. I should have listened to you.”

“Lana, I—”

“Let me get this out, Chase. I need to say this. I need to try to explain. When word came that you were missing, I spent a lot of sleepless hours thinking about you and about us. About our relationship. About the show. I realized that I rarely put your wishes and desires ahead of my own. That’s not love, Chase. I swore to myself that if you came out of those mountains alive, I’d change that. I’d be the woman you needed me to be.”

“An Eternity Springs housewife?”

“Sounds silly when you say it like that, doesn’t it?”

“You’d never be happy here, Lana. It was stupid of me to suggest it.”

“I don’t know. It is a very nice little town. I think I could be happy here—under the right circumstances. These aren’t the right circumstances.”

“You’re a big-city girl, Lana.”

“Yes. And that’s not who you need right now. Oh, Chase. Don’t you see? I was the woman you needed for a time in your life, but I’m not the woman you need for the rest of your life.”

He quelled a bitter laugh. “Don’t take this wrong, but a woman is the last thing I need right now.”

“I don’t know about that,” she mused. “Nevertheless, I’m going to keep my promise and be the right woman for you.”

She slipped the engagement ring off her finger and held it out to him. “And being the right woman means knowing when to walk away. You belong here, Chase. You need to heal here. Amid the forests and mountains. I thought I could help you, but I see now, it’s better for both of us if I head back to New York. That’s where I belong.”

“Lana, I…” Chase let the sentence trail off. She was right. He couldn’t dispute that. He couldn’t bring himself to ask her to stay, because in the end, he knew this was best—for both of them.

She took his hand, placed the ring in his palm, and curled his fingers around it. “You will always own a piece of my heart.”