Return to You (20 page)

While she desperately wanted to take a shower, Selena needed to leave this house. It was James's home—a place she never should have come to. Why had she let herself get caught up in the fantasy of having a future here in this house with him? Why had she taken the time to walk around and touch everything and imagine herself here? She felt like kicking herself. Why hadn't she just stayed at Jen's? Or the damn hotel? None of this would have happened if she had.

That's not true
, she thought.
It
still
would
have
happened. You just wouldn't have known about it.
Looking around the room, she saw that everything that belonged to her was packed up. Good manners dictated that she at least make up the bed. As much as it angered her to do it, she wanted to make sure she wiped every trace of herself from his space.

She didn't want to leave a doubt in his mind that she was gone.

* * *

“You can't just leave.”

“Why not?”

“Because you can't!” Jen yelled. “You have to give him a chance to explain.” Jen was in panic mode as she paced her living room. How was she possibly going to explain this to William and Ryder Montgomery? Granted, it wasn't her fault that things had happened this way, but she also knew that she had to do everything possible to convince Selena to stay and give James another chance. He certainly wasn't doing them any favors, though, with his current behavior.

“Explain what? That he has a damn file on me? Why?”

“That's what I'm saying! Why? He's a cop, Selena, he's used to looking into people's backgrounds and whatnot. Maybe he just wanted to see what you were doing with your life, maybe it was his way of keeping some connection to you.”

“You know what would have been a better way to keep a connection?” she snapped angrily. “By actually keeping the damn connection! For all I know, he's known where I was, and he never did a damn thing about it! Do you know how that makes me feel?”

Jen could only imagine. If it were her in Selena's situation, she'd be furious too. Unfortunately, she had to remain neutral here and get things back on track. “Okay, you need to calm down…”

Selena waved a hand in front of her. “No. No I don't. Do you know what it's like to have people making major, life-changing decisions for you your whole life and not giving a damn about what it is that you want?” Her voice rose with each word.

“No, but…”

“Well I sure as hell do! First my father and now James.”

“You cannot compare James to your father, Selena. It's completely different!”

“Is it? The way I see it, my father took away my right to have a life with James; he lied to him and sent him away. James took away our right to be together by being a coward and staying away. Neither of them cared about what I wanted; they only thought of themselves.” Selena looked around Jen's living room, unsure of what she was even looking for. Her bags were in the trunk of the rental car; all she had to do was change her flight to leave today.

“I know this looks bad, but there can be a completely logical explanation, Selena! Give him a chance!” Panic laced her tone as she saw Selena looking toward the door to leave. “You'll never have peace until you know why he did it! You've been living your life in a constant state of suspension because you didn't know why James left. Can you honestly stand there and tell me that it will be any different this time?” She watched as Selena's expression began to soften a bit. “I know you want to believe the worst right now, but I'm telling you, there could very well be a good explanation for all of this. Please. Wait and talk to him.”

On some level, Selena really wanted there to be another explanation. She had no idea what it could possibly be, but she wanted one. She wanted to finish this trip and have her time with her friends. She wanted one more visit with her grandmother. The thought of staying, however, terrified her. James had had the nerve to talk about not being able to believe her, and now she knew exactly how he felt, because no matter what he said, no matter how logical his explanation, she had a feeling she wasn't going to believe it.

She glared at Jen. “Fine. I'll go to the softball game, and I'll wait for him. Hell, I'll even wait until everything is said and done and the crowds go home before confronting him if need be. But after that, I'm gone.” There was a finality in her words, and Jen didn't push it.

“I'm so sorry, Selena,” Jen said quietly. “I feel like this is all my fault.”

“Why? Did you tell James to have me investigated?”

The question hit a little closer to home than Jen was comfortable with. She may not have known that James had been keeping tabs on Selena for God knew how long, but she did know that the Montgomery family had done a certain amount of tracking her. If Selena ever found out that Jen had been a part of that whole thing, she knew her friend would never forgive her.

“Jen?”

She shook her head. “I…I just feel like I pressured you to come home, and it's because you're here that all of this happened.” Her eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Selena. “I really am sorry.”

Selena thought there was something a little off about Jen's words, but she walked over and hugged her nonetheless. “Like I said, there's no way you could have known that James was having me investigated. No matter when he started doing it.” She hugged her a little tighter before stepping back. “This has nothing to do with you. This is between me and James. And it's the last confrontation we're ever going to have.” She looked over her shoulder, out the window; she longed to be in her car. “I just can't trust him, Jen. Too much has happened. I was a fool to think it was going to work out.”

It was pointless for Jen to argue. At least for now.

Together they got themselves ready. Dressed in casual and comfortable clothes, they left Jen's in their own cars and headed out to pick up food and drinks before going to the high school for the final part of the reunion.

The end couldn't come soon enough for Selena.

The weather was a bit cooler than expected, but it didn't seem to hamper anyone's spirits. Four teams were set to play, so there was a full day ahead of them. Jen and Selena had set up camp in a sunny spot on the sidelines, with a large blanket and two coolers of food. Together and separately, they had mingled with everyone, and although Selena did her best to put up a cheerful front, inside she still felt sick.

There was enough going on and enough people around that if she chose to leave, no one would probably even notice. Unfortunately, she gave her word to Jen that she would stay, and now more than ever, Selena wanted to prove that
she
didn't lie and could be trusted. It may be petty and childish, but she'd stay and prove her point even if it killed her.

And it just might, judging by the way her stomach was churning with anxiety.

“Hey, Selena! Where's James?” She turned to find Kent's wife, Nancy, walking her way.

Hiding
like
a
coward
or
rotting
in
hell
was what she longed to say, but she chose to take the high road. “He got called in this morning. Some big case he's been working on landed an arrest last night, so he had to go in and do paperwork or whatever it is that cops do to finish up a case.” She didn't really know, and right now she really didn't care. Knowing that Nancy was watching her, she forced a smile to her lips. “If all goes well, he'll be here soon. He promised.” Just like he promised all those years ago that he'd always be there for her. He had been a liar then and clearly he still was.

“Well, that's good. I mean, we get to see him fairly often, but it was nice to hear that he had taken some time off finally. He works so much.”

Selena shrugged at first, thinking she didn't care, and then realized an amazing opportunity had just presented itself to her. She had so many questions about James, and even though she had no desire to learn anything more from him, Nancy could be a wealth of information. At least this way she was guaranteed to get the truth—she hoped. Looking around, she saw that Kent was in the outfield, so technically the coast was clear. The inning was just starting, so they'd have some time without Kent's interference. “Come on and sit down. I've got enough food to feed an army here.” Honestly, she had questioned her own reasoning when she filled up the cooler at the deli, but now that she was here and in this situation, she was glad that she had.

“Thanks!” They sat and watched a couple of the plays before they each seemed to lose interest. “I know Kent loves this sort of thing, but I'd rather be inside right now, curled up with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Sports so aren't my thing, and on top of that, I was really tired this morning,” Nancy said.

“Me too. Although my beverage of choice would be a hot chocolate.” She made a mental note to stop at a Starbucks on the way to the airport.

“Oh, that does sound good.”

Selena looked at Nancy and thought, at another time, maybe they could have been friends. Nancy's blond bob and her big smile just seemed to scream friendly, but right now, Selena was a woman on a mission. “I'm glad Kent and James keep in touch. It makes me sad when I think about the rest of his family and all that's happened with them.” Since she didn't know any of the particulars, she had to keep all of her commentary extremely general. Luckily Nancy didn't seem to notice.

“Oh, I know. They are all incredibly sweet, and I know it breaks his mother's heart that he lives so far away and goes home so little.”

“I know he has his reasons,” Selena lied smoothly, “but I had hoped that by now he would have gotten over them.”
Give
me
something, Nancy!

“We should all have his troubles, right? My family's too rich, I want to be my own person, blah, blah, blah… I'm telling you, I don't know how Kent puts up with it. Whenever we're together and James goes off on that rant, I have to leave the room. I mean, Kent and I do just fine, but if either of us came from a family as wealthy as James's, well, let's just say we would breathe a whole lot easier.”

James was wealthy? He came from a wealthy family? What in the world? “But Kent and James are cousins,” Selena said, confused.

“On James's mom's side; the money is all on the Montgomery side. I don't know if you ever had the opportunity to meet any of them, but they are quite an impressive bunch. Besides being filthy rich, the whole lot of them are disgustingly attractive.”

Selena remembered the photos. “Yes, they are.” Rich and beautiful. Boo hoo. If she hadn't felt like punching him before, she certainly did now.

Nancy picked up some chips and nibbled at them. “It's not like Kent's jealous of them, though—they are the most generous people I've ever met. We really just hate the fact that James continues to isolate himself so much from them. I mean, what is he trying to prove? Maybe back when he was a teenager, there was pressure on him to join the family business, but he's done quite well for himself. I'm sure no one even thinks about it anymore. Only him.”

“He is stubborn, that's for sure.” Understatement of the year.

“Mmm.” Nancy nodded before turning and cheering for her husband who was now up at bat. Selena tried to digest all the information she had just gotten, but rather than it answering any questions, it just seemed to make her want to ask so many more. Looking around, she still didn't see any signs of James, but she did see Jen off in the distance on the phone, looking rather upset.

“I'll be right back,” she said to Nancy before rising and heading across the field toward Jen. She hoped it had nothing to do with Todd. Was it possible that he was harassing her again? She would feel terrible about leaving and going home if that were the case. This time, she'd convince Jen to come home with her. Get them both out of town and away from all of the drama that seemed to follow them around here.

As she got closer, Selena could only hear part of Jen's conversation. Between the cheers from the crowds and the fact that Jen was talking softly, Selena still had no idea what was going on.

“She's calmed down a bit,” Jen was saying, “but she was really upset.” Silence. “He's still not here yet—he got called in to work, and so it was up to me to keep her here; otherwise, she'd be on a flight home already.” Silence again. “Look, I know I said I'd help, but I didn't think it was going to happen like this. I'm sorry, but I've done all I can. Good-bye.” Head down and shoulders drooped in defeat, she turned and let out a small yelp at finding Selena standing so close.

“Everything all right?” Selena asked calmly.

Jen nodded. “Um…yeah. Just a call I had to take.”
Oh
God. Oh God. Oh God. How much did Selena hear?
Jen thought frantically.

“Who was it?”

“Who?”

“That's what I asked.” Selena's patience was at an end. Something suspicious was going on, and she'd had enough of the games that people were playing with her.

“Oh…um, nobody important.” Jen looked around nervously. “Is that Nancy sitting over there with our stuff? Did you offer her some of the potato salad I brought? There's enough there for an entire team.”

“Nice diversion. Yes, it's Nancy. No, I didn't offer her the damn potato salad. Who were you talking to?”

A shaky hand through her hair and a weary sigh later, Jen looked at Selena with defeat. “I really just wanted to help.”

“I think you'd better explain.” It was amazing how incredibly calm her words sounded when inside she was fairly vibrating with outrage. Jen was in on this too? Was this entire trip a lie?

Without giving too much away, Jen gave her best
Reader's Digest
version of meeting with James's family, and how they all were just hoping for a chance at reconciliation between Selena and James.

“Did James know about this?” The question barely came out through her clenched teeth.

Jen shook her head. “Things just seemed to fall into place once you came home.”

“So this whole reunion thing? Was there even going to be one, or did this uncle of James make that happen?”

“He was the one who supplied the funds.” Jen looked up at her helplessly. “I didn't know what else to do to get you to come home! I know how much you love what you do, so I just thought if I had a job here that intrigued you enough, you'd be tempted.”

“What about everything else? Was there ever really a stalker? Was Todd even real?'”

“Of course he was real! I would never make something like that up!”

“You'll have to forgive me if I'm not one hundred percent convinced. I mean, most of this trip has been a damn lie.” Everyone betrayed her: her family, her friends…James. When was she ever going to learn?

“Selena, please… It's not like that.”

“You know what?” she said wearily. “It doesn't matter. The day is almost over and then I'll be gone. And really, I'm fine with it.” She wasn't, but Selena knew the only way she was going to survive was to put on a brave face for the masses and then head home, where she could kick and cry and lick her wounds. She'd done it before—multiple times—and she'd do it again. Turning, she was about to head back over to their blanket when she saw James jogging across the field toward her, a big smile on his face.
Oh
God, I can't do this,
she thought to herself despairingly.

“Talk to him,” Jen said quietly before turning and walking away.

“Hey!” James said as he came to a stop in front of her and kissed her soundly on the lips. He didn't even seem to notice that she didn't react or participate in the kiss. “Did I miss much? I worked like a beast to get out of there, but the good news is that I earned an extra day off. How does that sound?” He was so caught up in the joy of simply being there with Selena finally that he didn't immediately notice the look of animosity on her face. “Selena? What's wrong? What happened?”

Looking over her shoulder, Selena scanned the field for someplace they could talk in private. She wasn't comfortable talking in the middle of so many people. Without a word, she walked across the parking lot to the opening to the football field. James followed silently until she finally stopped by the bandstand.

“Do you remember when you used to meet me here after the games?” she asked absently.

He nodded. Whatever she was leading up to, James knew it wasn't going to be good. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and as much as he wanted to answer it, he had a feeling it would only add to the already charged atmosphere, and not in a good way.

“I used to look forward to finishing up with cheering and meeting you back here and going off on whatever adventure we wanted. You'd greet me with hot chocolate, and we'd go off and hang out and talk and just… Everything was so easy back then.” If she closed her eyes, she could hear the crowds cheering and the marching band playing. She had relived those days so many times that it almost seemed like she had stepped back in time for a moment.

“What happened, Selena?” Worry crawled up his spine. The woman standing before him barely resembled the one he had spent the last week with. She was tense and on edge, and for the life of him, he had no idea what had happened to cause it.

“When? Then or now?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm.

“Now. Obviously something happened to upset you. I mean, I know you were tired this morning, but clearly something else has happened to put you in this kind of mood.” He looked over his shoulder toward where the crowds were. “Did someone say something to upset you?”

“No,” she said with disdain. “Everyone here has been great. Very friendly. Very open and honest. They're a great group of people.”

What the hell was she getting at? “Look, you'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue as to what you're talking about. Now I'm going to ask you again, what happened to put you in this mood?”

“And what mood would that be, James?” she demanded, but before he could answer, she went on. “You think you know me so well, probably since you've been keeping track of my life for the last ten years! But maybe your investigator didn't do a thorough enough job if you can't figure out what's got me so pissed off!”

“Keeping track…? Investigator…? What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, torn between confusion and anger at her accusation.

“I found the file you have on me! How long have you been doing that, huh? A week? A month? Years?” she screamed. “Tell me, damn you!”

“Selena,” James began calmly. “Let's go home and…”

“No!” she yelled back. “I'm not going anywhere with you! You lied to me. You betrayed my trust. I thought things were going to be different this time; I thought the worst was behind us. But I was wrong. It's never going to be all right.” Her voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears.

His gut clenched as he watched her fall apart. “It's not like that,” he said, desperation lacing his tone. “Please, let's just get out of here and then we can talk.”

She shook her head, her long hair nearly coming free from its ponytail. “I…I can't. I don't want to,” she said. Her whole body was shaking and a part of her wished that James would simply take her in his arms and soothe her. But the other part just wanted to hit something. Hard. Preferably him.

“Selena…?” he pleaded, but saw her expression shift from one of anger to one of sadness.

“All this time, you've known where I was and you never came back for me…”

And that was it in a nutshell. She could forgive the invasion of her privacy. She could forgive him lying about his family and who he really was. But she couldn't forgive him for abandoning her. Again.