Renegades of Gor (19 page)

“No,” she said.

“It could have gotten you killed,” I said.

“I realize that now,” she said. “It was terribly foolish to carry it.”

“True,” I said.

“Beyond such matters,” she said, “I should not have had such a thing. It was

pretentious and wrong of me to have had it.”

(pg.127) “Perhaps you will avoid such mistakes in the future,” I said.

“I will,” she said.

A woman’s defenses are not steel, but such things as her helplessness and

vulnerability, and her capacity to give astounding pleasure.

I stood up.

I glanced into the tarncot. The bird was finishing the meat, that which had

earlier been suspended on the rope.

The attendant was near it, his hand on the harness.

I glanced back at the woman.

“I left you an amplitude of garments,” I said, “though they would have to be

redone, or resewn. They could, at least, have been clutched about you. How is it

then, that you are dressed as you are?”

“It is appropriate for me,” she said, “that I should have this to wear, or such

things, or less, or perhaps nothing.”

I did not respond.

She lowered her eyes. She seemed terribly embarrassed. Doubtless she was

extremely sensitive about her degree of exposure. Yet she had herself arranged

it so. She was extremely white-skinned. Doubtless this was in major part because

she was very lightly complexioned genetically, but it was, too, in part,

doubtless, because she would have commonly worn the ornate, heavy, stiff,

cumbersome robes of concealment affected by most well-to-do Gorean women. The

contrast between the robes of concealment and her present revelatory vestiture,

more suitable for a property girl, must be particularly, and shockingly,

dramatic to her, who knew her own antecedents and station. She must now be

experiencing a wealth of new sensations, for example, kneeling on damp stone,

and feeling the air upon her body.

I looked into the tarncot. The tarn was finished feeding now, and was being

watered. The bone which had been within the meat lay to one side, with a tatter

of rope, amidst straw. It was deeply scratched and furrowed. The bird thrust its

beak into a tall, narrow vessel. It would draw water into that dreadful recess.

It would then put its head back. Then, shaking its head, it would hasten the

water down its throat.

“Ah,” I said, suddenly bethinking myself of properties, “though you are a free

woman I have you on your knees (pg.128) before me, as though you might be a

slave. How rude! How boorish of me! I am sorry. Forgive me, Lady.” I hastened to

lift her to her feet.

“No,” she said, quickly, again, frightened, kneeling.

I stepped back, puzzled.

“It is here that I belong,” she said, “on my knees, before a man such as you.”

“I do not understand,” I said.

“You disarmed me,” she said. “You gagged me. You made me helpless, putting me in

a trussing suitable for a slave. You pulled my hood down about my face. You made

it so I could not see without risking my own face-stripping. You made my

garments such that they were mere covers, strips and pieces, such that I dared

not move, lest I be lying naked in a public place, such, too, that they might be

lifted from me at a man’s pleasure.”

“I had not found you pleasing,” I explained to her.

“It is my hope that in the future,” she said, “I may be found more pleasing.”

“The tarn is ready,” said the attendant. He led it from the cot, it stalking

beside him, its head moving about, its eyes round, bright and sharp.

The woman, at the sight of the bird, shrank back, frightened.

“Farewell, free woman,” I said.

“No,” she said. “Please!”

“Take it to the tarn gate,” I said. It was there that I should mount.

“Please!” said the free woman.

The attendant led the bird about the cot and shed, toward the tarn gate. I

followed him. There he led the bird up the ramp to the landing platform. Again I

followed him. From this height I could see the countryside for pasangs about.

The air was exhilarating. The tarn was excited. It opened its wings. The beams

of the platform were very sturdy. The attendant untied the mounting ladder at

the saddle.

I think it must have taken the girl great courage to follow me up the ramp, onto

the landing platform, in the vicinity of that winged monster.

When I turned about, to regard her, she knelt swiftly, spreading her knees. It

was in this fashion that I had had her (pg.129) kneel earlier, in the inn yard,

before me, when I had assumed she was slave.

“Farewell,” I said.

“No,” she said. “Take me with you!”

“What?” I said.

“I have sold my things,” she said. “ I have now no more than what you see upon

me, two slender black cords, and a strip of yellow cloth, and these coins!” She

held them out.

“The purse is heavy,” I said. “Buy what you need with it.”

“I will give you them all,” she said. “Take me with you!”

“I do not understand,” I said.

“You have conquered me,” she said. “You have taught me that I am a female!”

I regarded her. She did look well on her knees.

“Oh, this did not just happen,” she said. “I have known this about myself for

years. I fought it for years. And now I surrender!”

“Completely, and without reservation?” I inquired.

“Yes!” she said. “Yes!”

“I see,” I said.

“I am tired of living a lie,” she said. “I am feminine, truly.”

“I see,” I said.

“I belong to men such as you,” she said.

That did not seem to me unlikely.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“I am Phoebe, Lady of Telnus,” she said.

I smiled inwardly. Cosian beauties make excellent slaves. They are not unusual

in Port Kar.

“That is a pretty name,” I said.

“Take me with you!” she said. “I will pay!”

“In the direction I ride,” I said, “there lies danger.”

“I accept the risks,” she said.

“Even as you are?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, “yes!”

To be sure, the risks were doubtless less for women than for men, for the

dangers would threaten primarily from men, and men would know what to do with

women. Perhaps the worst that might happen to her would be that she would find

(pg.130) herself in the chains of a slave, and laboring, under whips, as a

female beast of burden. To be sure, she did face danger, as she was free. Free

women, being persons, are far more likely to be killed then slaves, who are

animals. Sackers, for example, particularly when the blood lust has passed from

them, would not be likely to slay slaves, assuming they are docile and

desperately concerned to be totally pleasing, any more than kaiila. They would

simply appropriate them for their own.

“I do not need a slave at present,” I said. Such did not accord with the first

portion of my plan for entering Ar’s Station.

“Take me as your servant,” she begged.

“My servant?” I asked, looking upon the slim, kneeling, half-naked beauty.

“Yes!” she said.

“The tarn is ready,” said the attendant.

“I beg female fulfillment!” she said.

“You will not receive full female fulfillment as a mere servant,” I said. Such

is not totally owned.

“Take me then as a slave!” she said.

“I do not need a slave at present,” I said.

“Take me then as a servant,” she said. She held out the coins. “I will pay you

to do so.”

I considered her, her needs, her beauty, her desperation.

“And if I server well,” she said, “perhaps later I will prove worthy of the

collar.

She lifted the coins higher, pleadingly.

“What sort of servant is it which you wish to be?” I asked.

“Whatever sort of servant you desire,” she said.

“A service without restriction, or reservation?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, “such a servant!”

“A full servant?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said, “a full servant!”

“It is only as such a servant that I would consider taking you,” I said.

“Take me as a full servant,” she said.

“In whose name do you ask this?” I asked.

“In the name of all women such as I, and all men such as you,” she said.

(pg.131) “You are but a hair’s breadth from slavery,” I said.

“It is my hope that you will eventually permit me to traverse that hair’s

breath,” she said.

The tarn opened and closed its wings, and she lowered her head, turning it to

the side, and shrank down, frightened, cringing, so low that her head was but

inches from the ground. She was terrified of the bird.

I considered the mounting ladder.

“Take me with you,” she begged, lifting her head.

I saw the desperation in her.

“I want to be myself,” she said, “what I really am!”

“Do you know what you are asking?” I asked.

She shuddered.

“Where I am going,” I said, “men do not compromise with females.”

She looked up at me, trembling.

“And clad as you are,” I said, “I assure you men will see you as a female.”

“It is what I am,” she said.

“Do you understand the nature of such men?” I asked.

“I do not desire a relationship with any other sort of man,’ she said.

“Such men prefer slaves,” I said.

“I will serve them as such!” she said.

The tarn moved again, shifting about, and she cried out, frightened, again

shrinking small.

How terrified she was of the tarn!

She was very beautiful, so slim and piteous, kneeling on the heavy beams of the

platform.

“No slave need I now,” I said.

“Take me then now only as your servant,’ she said.

“My full servant?” I smiled.

“Yes,” she said. “Then afterwards do with me what you will.”

“You tempt me,” I said. “You are a beautiful female, one worthy to be sold from

a slave block.”

“Let me buy my servitude,” she said.

“I hesitate to carry a free woman into danger,” I said.

“You would surely hesitate less,” she said, “if I were a captive, or servant.”

“True,” I said.

(pg.132) “Them,” said she, lifting the coins, “let me buy my captivity, and

servitude.”

I took the coins from her, and out them in my pouch. “Stand,” I said. “Put your

head back. Open your mouth, widely.”

I determined in a moment or two that she was not concealing any small coins or

tiny jewels in her nostrils, her ears, her hair or mouth. I then conducted her

by the arm to the side of the threshold of the tarn gate and stood her there,

her feet well back, her arms extended, the palms of her hands leaning against

the wood. There was nothing concealed beneath her arms, as was easy to

determine, she in this position. I lifted her feet one at a time, checking the

insteps and between the toes for any taped materials. I then examined the rest

of her body. “Oh!” she said. “Oh!” I then pulled the cloth up again, snugly, as

it had been. I then pulled her back from the side of the gate, standing her

again on her feet.

She looked up at me, reproachfully.

“it would appear that you are coinless,” I said.

“I am,” she said.

“Put out your hands,” I said.

She did so, and cried out, suddenly, startled, as slave bracelets danced upon

her wrists.

She lifted her wrists before her, as if not understanding how they could be so

suddenly clasped in steel.

“You are now my captive,” I told her, “and I am going to keep you, for a time,

though for perhaps no more than a few Ehn, as merely my servant, though a full

servant. At the end of that time, however long I choose for it to be, I will do

with you as I wish, perhaps making you a slave, perhaps giving you to another,

perhaps selling you into slavery, whatever I please.”

She looked at me, frightened.

“Do you understand?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said.

I then thrust her, not gently, toward the tarn, until she stood near the foot of

the mounting ladder, it dangling from the saddle.

There, in the proximity of the winged giant, she trembled.

“Hold still,” I said. I then, with a piece of scarflike cloth taken from my

pouch, a wind veil, sometimes bound across (pg.133) the mouth and nostrils of a

tarnsman, usually at high altitudes, blindfolded her. A great many women,

particularly the most sensitive and intelligent among them, fear tarns greatly.

It is not unusual for them to become hysterical in their vicinity. It is not

uncommon then for the tarnsman to hood or blindfold them. This aids in their

control and management. Too, of course, if the woman is a captive, or slave, one

may not wish her to understand where she is, or be able to retrace her route, or

know where she is being taken. It is enough for her to know, when the blindfold

or hood is removed, that she is in perfect custody. Sometimes a woman does not

learn for weeks, sometimes until, say, the very night of her sale, where she is,

in what city she finds herself.

“I can’t see!” she said.

“That is the purpose of a blindfold,” I said.

“You could punish me, couldn’t you?” she said.

“Yes,” I said.

“And you would, wouldn’t you?” she said.

“Yes,” I said.

I then put her on my shoulder, her head to the rear, as a slave is carried, and

mounted the ladder. I put her before me on the saddle. She grasped the pommel

desperately. At the sides of the saddle there are various rings, and straps,