Remembering You (25 page)

“It would have been much better if there was some big fight. We could have fought about work, or family, or anything. It would have been great if he would have yelled at me, and if I would have yelled even louder at him. And if I would have thrown something and hit him square in the forehead—that would have really helped. But I got a stupid note and all my stuff back. And when I tried to call a dozen times, he ignored the calls. And then he changed his number.” A sob broke through, surprising her. She wiped her dripping nose with the back of her hand. “And so do you know where that left me?”

The motion of his hand stopped.

“It left me thinking and rethinking. Replaying our conversations and trying to figure out what the heck I did wrong. I did something, that’s for sure.” She swallowed hard and a hiccup escaped. “And I—I just have to make sure I don’t do it again. It hurts too much.” She turned and buried her face in his shoulder. “It just hurts.”

“Oh, Ava.” Dennis scooted closer to her and then wrapped both arms around her, pulling her tight. She felt warm, protected. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so cherished. She also couldn’t help but think back to Jay’s voice on the phone. Even after all he’d done to her, it still felt good to hear his voice. To know he cared. That he’d missed her.

They sat there for a while, her just resting in Dennis’s arms. He smelled like a spicy musk, and his T-shirt was soft on her cheek. A boat passed by, and passengers on the deck took photos of the town. She would be in their snapshots, forever captured in this embrace. She liked the thought of that.

“And you know what the saddest thing was?” she finally muttered, leaning back slightly.

“What?” Dennis paused and turned, looking into her eyes.

“When I got the note and looked into the bag, the first thing that came to mind was ‘That’s it? This is the man I was going to marry and that’s all he had of mine?’”

“I can top that.” Dennis’s eyebrows peaked. “I have the beach towel that you used every time we went to the lake. The pink one with yellow flowers. I found it in my car after you left, and I still use it to dry my car after I wash it.” He chuckled. “I also have the program from when we went to see
Grease
at the community theater.” His tone grew more serious. “And the photos of us sitting on the roof of the cabin, trying to coax down the squirrels with raisins.

“I also have the three letters you wrote to me, including the one that said you met some guy at college.” Then he took her hand. “After the big fight, I was going to go along with your suggestion that we just be friends, but even that didn’t work so well—”

“The guy was Chris Anderson. He played football and was a total jerk. We dated for three weeks.” She pulled her hand from his, mostly because she was afraid. She could feel the anxiety moving through her body like an electric current, a reminder of the pain of losing Jay and a realization she’d messed up this whole thing with Dennis all those years ago. Messed up big-time.

“I can’t believe you kept all that stuff. It’s crazy. Really crazy. And kind of creepy.” She smirked. She rose and moved to the railing at the river’s edge that overlooked the water.

“You meant a lot to me.” He followed her, standing by her side. “I wish we could start over. Maybe this trip is a second chance.”

Ava shook her head.
“
It’s just like that summer. When this is done, I’ll go back to my life and you’ll go back to yours and we’ll lose touch just like we did before.”

“You don’t really believe that. You’re just saying that because you’re afraid of getting hurt again. I can see it in your eyes. Besides, we’re adults now. We have cell phones. Heck, e-mail has been invented. You really don’t think I’ll just return to my normal life and forget about you.”

She turned and began walking.

“
Ava, will you stop? Will you look at me?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re right. I’m afraid.” Ava slowed, but she refused to look at him. She couldn’t.

Dennis grabbed her arm. She paused, but she still refused to turn. “If I look at you, I’m going to fall in love with you. And if I love you, it’s just going to mess everything up.”

“What ‘everything’ is going to be messed up?”

“Nobody’s perfect, Dennis. Even though I try my best, I’m far from perfect. And you’re not perfect. And do you know what happens when two imperfect people get together?”

“What?”

“Disaster. Heartbreak. Pain. A big mess. Don’t you see? I told you I was falling for Chris Anderson because he wasn’t nearly as wonderful as you. If things didn’t work out with Chris it wouldn’t hurt so badly. It was the same thing with Jay. He was nice and handsome, but he talked too much. And he spent too much time at the gym, and his feet stank horribly.”

Laughter burst from Dennis’s lips.

Ava looked up at the sky, focusing on the white clouds being pushed across the sun. “I was grateful for those flaws because I figured then Jay could deal with all my flaws. I didn’t have to be perfect, because he wasn’t perfect. If things didn’t work, I could remember all the things I didn’t like about Jay and so much the better. I realized this after he broke it off. Realized it had been in the back of my head all along.” She tucked her hands into her jeans pocket. Her fingers touched her cell phone, and she tried to push Jay’s voice out of her mind.

“Is that what you thought about us too, that things wouldn’t work out?”

“I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt too young to be making adult decisions. You wanted us to move near each other. You were talking about marriage in the near future. I had a list of things I needed to do first.”

“I would’ve waited,” he said quietly.

Even though he held her hands close, she refused to look at his face. She heard the pain in his voice.

Finally, she lifted her face and looked into his eyes.

“Don’t you see, Dennis? I love your smile and your passion. I love the way you talk to me, and how you make me talk about things that no one else would care about. I love the way you think that the best day is one that you spend with your grandpa. And I love how beautiful and wonderful I feel when I’m with you.”

“And the problem is?” he asked, scratching his head.

“The problem is that nothing that wonderful can last,” she admitted. “It would end, and I’d be heartbroken big-time. I grew up with a single mom. That’s all I’ve ever known. And while most moms dump on their exes, my mom did just the opposite. She told me how great and handsome and smart he was. No one came close to him. Every day I could tell she still thought about him. It was heartbreaking to grow up like that. She’d found someone she’d given her heart to and then had to live her life without him. I—” Tears interrupted her words. “I couldn’t imagine that. I didn’t want to live like that. I didn’t want to hurt like that…so I found a way that I thought would hurt less.”

“Oh, Ava.”

Before she knew what was happening, his arms were around her again, pulling her into his chest. “I wouldn’t have left.” He kissed the top of her head. “It’s no accident we’re here, now, together. It’s no accident at all.”

He lifted his hand and brushed the hair from her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. “What I do want is to love you. And to be loved by you.”

“Dennis…I don’t—”

“You don’t have to feel pressured to tell me how you feel yet. I just want to know if you think this is something worth pursuing—something that won’t end when we fly two different directions. I have a feeling it could work, Ava. I have a feeling we could make it work.”

Ava didn’t answer. Instead, she stood on her toes, narrowing the gap between them, and brushed her lips against his.

Chapter Twenty-Six

After picking up their grandfathers, it took less than an hour and a half to get from Passau to Linz. When they got to the hotel, Ava couldn’t help but smile as she saw the other veterans milling around, all wearing Eleventh Armored Division caps.

“You excited to talk to these guys?” Dennis reached over and squeezed her hand.

“If you are, don’t let them know. You don’t want them to tell you too many stories.” Grand-Paul chuckled. “Theirs aren’t nearly as interesting as ours.” Then without hesitation, he and Grandpa Jack headed out to find their friends.

“I think I’ll join them in a little bit.” She yawned. Missed sleep last night was taking its toll. That and the fact she had too many things pressing on her heart.

“Why don’t we meet downstairs in an hour?” she told Dennis.

“Sounds like a plan.”

Dennis carried her luggage upstairs for her, and she opened the hotel door.

“Thanks,” she whispered and then went inside. He looked down at her, as if wanting another kiss, but she quickly stepped back. “See you soon.”

She carried her video equipment and small satchel to the table and thought about checking her e-mail, but she was too tired. Just then, her eyes caught the address of the hotel on the stationery on the desk.

“Kaerntner Strasse,” she mumbled. That sounded familiar. Ava went to her purse and pulled out the slip of paper on which she’d written down Angeline’s address. It was the same street. What were the chances? Suddenly she was no longer tired. She grabbed her purse and camera and headed back downstairs. Outside the hotel, she checked the numbers. From the looks of it, Angeline’s flat was only a few blocks from the downtown area.

Ava quickened her steps as she walked. How amazing it would be to end her trip by finding Angeline. Her grandfather had searched for her to no avail. Would God bring Ava to the woman just a couple blocks from the hotel?

The area changed from a business district to small apartment buildings as Ava approached the address she’d found online. A young woman was helping an elderly woman out of the car in front of it. Ava froze in place and her heart did a double beat. Would either of these women have the answer? She hurried to them.

“Excuse me. Do you speak English?”

The young woman lifted her head. “Little.” She raised her hand and held up her fingers, showing just a small space between them.

“Do you know an Angeline Pirard? Does she live in this building?”

“Ja,” the woman said. “She used to. She died few months ago.”

Ava’s heart sank. Had she missed Angeline by just a few months?

“But husband, he lives,” the woman said. “Mr. Pirard should be home.”

Mr. Pirard, yes of course. Pirard was her married name. Ava didn’t know why she didn’t think of it. Angeline would have most likely gotten married, which would make finding her even harder.

“No. No, thank you.” Ava smiled and then took a step back. “I won’t bother him at this time. But thank you for your help.”

She turned and slowly walked back to the hotel, and the weight she’d been carrying returned. Finding the woman seemed even more impossible now. Doubt sent gray shadows across her heart.

Back at her hotel room, Ava glanced at the clock and was flustered to see she was already ten minutes late to meet Dennis, and she hadn’t had a chance to check her e-mail to see if there was any news from Jill.

Forget the e-mail
. She took in a deep breath, trying not to be too disappointed about Angeline. She still had an evening of interviews to look forward to.

She ran a comb through her hair, brushed her teeth, wiped smeared mascara from under her eyes, and was about to hurry downstairs when she noticed a note that her grandpa had written on the small desk. Her grandpa must have come by when she’d been out.

“
Going with Paul to meet friends for dinner across the street. Meet us when you return.
”

Ava smiled and tucked the note in her pocket. The town wasn’t very big, and she guessed it wouldn’t be too hard to figure out where the restaurant “across the street” was.

She grabbed her camera and equipment and hurried downstairs. She scanned the small lobby, looking for Dennis. She didn’t see him, and she was about to head outside when she noticed him standing on the small side deck just off the hotel’s main patio.

From where he was standing, there was a good view of the main square and the large pillar statue. Gold-plated rays reflected light from the top. Heaviness weighed on her. She had to tell him about the phone call today. As much as she didn’t like it, she still had feelings for Jay. Yet those feelings paled compared to how she felt for Dennis.

She approached him and placed a hand on his back. He turned to her, smiling. “Ava—”

She held up her hand, halting his words. “Before you say anything, there’s something I need to tell you. That phone call today…it wasn’t work. It was my former fiancé. It was from Jay.”

Hurt flashed in his eyes and Ava thought she was going to be sick. She never wanted this. Never wanted to hurt Dennis.

“What did he want?” Dennis reached forward and took her hand as if holding on to a lifeline.

“He wanted to tell me he still cared. He wanted to know if I did too. I told him maybe, but now I know that’s not true. After today I realized—”

“There you two are!” Grand-Paul’s voice boomed across the patio, interrupting Ava’s words.

“Yeah, we’re here. Just enjoying the view. Beautiful place.” Dennis stroked Ava’s hair as he spoke, and Ava was certain she saw Grand-Paul’s smile brighten at seeing their closeness. She’d wanted to tell Dennis more—how she felt about him—but now was not the time. She’d get another chance. She looked at him and smiled, hoping he believed that Jay wasn’t the one she loved.

“Yes, well, it’s pretty inside the restaurant too. Aren’t you two hungry? Besides, there are some folks I want you to meet.”

Ava poked Dennis’s ribs with her finger. “I think it’s time to go introduce ourselves. I have a feeling we’re going to hear some stories.”

“You think?” Dennis grabbed her hand and held it in his. Held it tight.

She squeezed it back. “Yes, I am looking forward to it. Looking forward to hearing the men’s stories.”

“But didn’t you want to tell me something?”

Ava shrugged. “Later. Let’s talk about that later.”

* * * * *

Ava held her breath as she walked into the dining room of the small Austrian hotel across the street. As she scanned the room, she recognized many of the men. They were the same ones she had met her first night in Paris—a dozen in all. Yet there seemed to be something different about them. Or maybe the difference was in her.