Authors: Ahren Sanders
“You okay?” Her voice brings me back to where I am.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about something. Can we talk back at your place after ice cream? Maybe when you put Davis down for a nap?
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Please, Ari? It’s important.”
“Sure, but I have some friends coming over tonight. There’s a chance they may show up.”
Nodding my head, but in my gut, I hope I can at least tell her my plan before having to face the firing squad. When we broke up, I covered my pain and ache with booze and women. She didn’t and no doubt, her friends have hatred for me.
Ice cream with Davis is more of an event. I’m glad Ari brought a change of clothes because he is wearing more of the chocolate than he ate. When we drive up to her house, she puts her finger over her mouth to mimic ‘shhh’.
She unleashes him from the contraption and goes to pick him up but I step in.
“Let me.” I whisper.
She looks at me warily and I mouth ‘please’.
Picking him up, I follow her into the house and to his room. She pulls back his sheets and I put him down gently, trying not to wake him. As soon as he leaves my arms, I feel a chill. His little body smells like sweat and chocolate and I miss it. Before I know what I’m doing, I kiss his forehead and breathe him in once more.
I join Ari in the kitchen and watch as she wipes her eyes. She looks upset.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I didn’t think I’d ever see that.”
Well get used to it is what I want to say but hold my tongue. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I’ve only been around him for a few hours today, but I want more. I haven’t been able to get him out of my mind since the day on the beach and when we talked on Tuesday, I made a decision.”
She looks at me as if I’m crazy but waits for me to talk. “I’ve made arrangements to do my physical therapy up here for the rest of the summer. I can go back to Jacksonville for my meetings and when training camp starts. I’ve found a place to rent down by the beach.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that little boy is my family and I want him to know me. That’s not going to happen with a few hours on a Saturday at the park. I want to be with him, learn from him, and maybe even teach him a few things. Eventually, we have to tell him who I am, and then I want to invite my mom and sister up from Orlando to meet him.”
Tears fill her eyes again and she looks away. “This is all really fast, Reed. You’ve only been around for a few hours.”
“Get used to me, I’m gonna be around a lot more.”
“Can you give me some time to think about it? I don’t want to hold you back, but I also don’t want to confuse him. He’s still a baby to me and I can’t think of letting him out of my sight right now.”
Now it’s my turn to be confused. Who said anything about letting him out of her sight?
“Ari, that’s not what I want. I’ll come to you two. We’ll start with afternoons and then maybe a few dinners. I want him used to me. I also want to help you.”
She stays quiet for a few seconds then shakes her head in agreement. “Promise me, Reed; promise me you’re serious about this. I can’t let him go through getting to know you and then you disappearing.”
“I told you, I’m not going anywhere. And let’s go ahead and get this out of the way. I know you’re with Luke now. It’ll kill me, but I’ll be respectful and give you two you’re privacy. But please don’t keep me from Davis.”
Surprise spreads over her face. “I’m not with Luke, Reed. I never have been. He’s still my best friend and Godfather to Davis.”
“Then why were you vacationing with him? You two looked pretty close.” The statement comes out harsher than I meant it to.
She squints her eyes at me and my blood chills. She’s mad.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he invited us along to his company retreat. It was a family function and we’re family.”
“Bullshit! He’s always had a thing for you.”
“No, Reed, he hasn’t! He’s dating a co-worker of mine. They’re coming over tonight together. You were just always jealous.”
There’s no use in trying to argue back she’s right—I was always jealous of her relationship with Luke. I’m of the opinion that men and women can’t be friends. I knew how important he was to her and slowly started to understand their bond. But all my acceptance disappeared when I saw them together on campus that day.
“You’re right. I was jealous of him and now that I know he got to experience the most important moments in our sons life, I’m resentful.” I say through gritted teeth.
“Are we going to rehash that now? After a really good day? You know why I went to him. You should be thanking him. If it wasn’t for him and Soph, Davis and I may not be here right now. That’s how bad I was, Reed, I could have died!”
Hearing her say the words breaks something in me. A world, my world without Arianna, would be dark. I’ve lived the past few years fast and free, but only in the past few hours, have I felt alive.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. But shit, Ari, all I’ve thought about the last three and a half days is you and Davis. I’m pissed at the world and at the same time, I’m thanking God. Someone conspired to keep us apart. I want to fucking kill them.”
“You may think that, but maybe it was meant to be.”
“What? I didn’t lie to you. I wanted you with me every second of every day. When I was injured last season, the first face that floated into my head was yours. I’ve never forgotten how much I loved you.”
“
Stop!
This isn’t about you and me anymore. We’re over. This is about the little boy in the other room who deserves to know his father. I can do this Reed. I can allow you to be a part of his life. But what I can’t do is allow myself to feel anything again for you. It broke me.”
Her statement sparks a drive in me. I see it in her eyes and feel it in the room around us. There’s still a chance for us. She’s given up, but I haven’t.
“Okay, Angel. We’ll put that conversation aside for now. Send me an email with your normal schedule and we’ll set up a routine of me stopping by. I was thinking maybe that I could take y’all to dinner on Monday night. I’m moving my clothes into the new place tomorrow.”
“Okay, I can do that. And Monday is fine, but we need to invite Grandma.”
Shit! This woman may chop off my balls. I’m sure her opinion of me is a piece of trash.
“Don’t look so scared. She’s calmed down in the years. Davis and she are really close and it’ll help if he thinks she likes you. She won’t be ugly in front of him.”
“Let me know what time to be here. I’d like to ride together. Maybe I could come back and you could teach me how to get Davis ready for bed afterwards.”
“Sure.”
There’s nothing really left to say so I get out my keys and make my way to the door. She follows me, and her arm brushes up against mine. The tingling returns.
Taking her by surprise, I pull her into a hug and kiss her temple before leaving. She grins at me sadly.
When I get into my car, I vow a few things. Number one, I will find out who worked to break us up all those years ago and why. Number two, I am going after my family. Ari will be mine again.
“Nope, I’m not fucking kidding. That’s what he said and how the day went.” I slur.
I’ve drank too much and will regret it in the morning, but when Reed walked out, I knew how my night would end. I called Sophie and told her to pack a bag. She was staying. She didn’t argue and showed up first to help me cook. She even bathed Davis while I drank a glass of wine and cried in my bedroom.
What the hell is wrong with me? I have a life now and he has no place in it. There’s no more talk of moving around the country with him. Things have changed. So why did I feel like the twenty-one year old love sick fool when he walked away from me today?
“I love you to death, babe, but maybe you should listen to him. He’s obviously upset about what broke you up.” Sophie says and nods at Luke.
“Listen, A, I don’t want to see you hurt again. He’s making a gesture to see DL but be careful.”
“Seems to be the motto of my life right now.”
Sarah, my co-worker and Luke’s new girlfriend, looks uncomfortable so I change the subject and we spend the rest of the night talking about other subjects. I go to bed with Sophie beside me and I lean back into her.
“What do I do, Soph?”
“I wish I knew, honey, but this is up to you.”
Davis wakes me with a splatter of water to the face. I open one eye and see him trying to brush his teeth by himself.
“Baby, what are you doing?”
“Trying to unti-tash.”
“What?”
“Aunt Sophie told me to unti-tash and brush my teef and wake you up. She said to tell you cowfe is ready.”
“Do you mean multi-task?”
“Yep, that’s what I say.”
God! You have to love the vocabulary of a three and a half year old with a toothbrush in his mouth.
“Okay, sweet boy. Meet mama in her bathroom so we can wipe the toothpaste line from your face.”
He smiles at me with a mouth full of foam.
I get up slowly and don’t feel as bad as I should. I help Davis finish his teeth and then send him back to Sophie in the kitchen while I wash my face and get dressed.
The kitchen is a wreck when I walk in and see both Davis and Sophie bent over a box of pancake mix. She looks at me with guilt and he looks at me with pride. I laugh and join them to clean their disaster.
During breakfast, Davis talks about Reed non-stop. He’s so proud to talk about our new friend that likes to fish and play tag. Sophie listens intently and looks at me with a starry glaze. She believes in the happily ever after and has always wanted it for me. She even turned me on to her smutty romance novels, which leave me more hot and bothered than satisfied.
After we’re done, I want to run. I ask Grams to watch Davis and Sophie agrees to go with me if I keep it to a light pace. We start out at towards the beach and then run on the sand for a mile before turning back. I see him coming at me and can’t hide my surprise
“Holy shit, is that Reed?” Sophie asks.
“Yep.”
“He’s still gorgeous, but now in a more manly way.”
“Yep.” My heart beat races and not from jogging. His body is a masterpiece. Muscles ripple from his shoulders to right above his waistline, creating the ‘V’ that disappears in his shorts. Sweat glistens on his skin, and I can’t tear my eyes away. My mouth waters at the sight and the image of him naked fills my mind.
We slow down when we meet up with him. He looks nervously at Sophie who just stares at him.
“Good morning, ladies.”
“Hi, what are you doing here?” I question him.
“Well, I was able to move into my new place last night. Running is part of my therapy so I hit the beach before it gets crowded.”
I nod my head and realize Sophie is still staring at him. She winces when I elbow her but snaps out of her ‘Reed Matthews’ haze. She looks between us and I can tell she’s torn about how she should act. I try to communicate to her with my eyes to act normal.
“Hi, Sophie.” Reed says hesitantly.
She finally acknowledges him with a head nod.
“Well, enjoy your run. I’ll get that information to you tonight about my schedule.” He looks at me and disappointment flashes on his face.
“Actually, Ari, I think I’m going to head back. I probably shouldn’t have eaten that extra pancake this morning. I’m cramping. I’ll get Davis from Katy and see you when you get back.” Sophie tells me and gives Reed a look I can’t read.
“I’ll come back with you.”
“No! Enjoy your run. I know how much you love running every Sunday on the beach,” she says so fast, I get suspicious.
“Really, I can run another time.”
“Actually, I’d love to join you. What do you say we hit the grey marker by the beach shack and back?” Reed interrupts us.
“Um, that’s okay Reed, I’m sure you have your own route.”
“It’s settled! Reed, will you make sure she gets home okay?” Sophie starts back peddling and grins at me.
I’m going to kill her! Cramps my ass. I give her a dirty look that hopefully lets her know she’s on my shit list.
“Sure, Sophie, my pleasure.”
Looking between them, I see her give him a small smile. I want to argue but resume my jog. Reed runs in step with me.
“How was dinner with your friends?”
“Nice. Sophie stayed over.”
“Was Davis good?”
“Always. He enjoys entertaining. In his mind, everyone comes over for him so therefore he rules the room. Last night he had Luke building a Lego castle.”
He’s silent for a few minutes and his face is unreadable.
“Wish I could have been there. I’ve never built a Lego castle before.”
Even I can’t miss the hurt in his tone. Why did I even tell him? “I’m sorry for telling you.”
“Don’t be sorry for telling me, be sorry I wasn’t there. That’s the first thing going on my growing list of things I want to do.”
“He’ll love that.”
“God dammit, Ari! Aren’t you mad? I’m furious!” He stops running and leans his elbows on his knees.
“About the Lego’s?” I stop beside him.
“Never mind, I guess you wouldn’t understand.”