Redeeming Kyle: 69 Bottles #3 (25 page)

“If it would be easier for you, and for Kyle, if he comes back to do his job, not having me around might be the best way to do this right now.”
 

“No, it’s not. I’m a mess when you’re not around. I’m a mess, you saw it yesterday, I couldn’t get the track down because I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and him and how much I love both of you. It destroyed me. Without doing anything, you ground me. You make me feel love I never knew I was capable of. If you leave, I will lose that. I will lose it all and I can’t do that. I can’t do this without you, so please dear god, do not leave. I will be ready, I know I will. I know I will because the idea of losing you, and losing them kills me. That’s how I know that I will be ready to meet them when they’re ready to meet me.”
 

I don’t say anything, I don’t know what to say to him right now.
 

“Please, Addison, please tell me you won’t leave.”
 

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “I can’t promise not to leave the tour. But I can promise that I won’t leave you. If he comes back to work, and nothing else, that is stress that I won’t be able to handle. It will be unhealthy for me and for the babies, because I can’t look at him and not love him. I can’t look at him and not have him in my arms or by my side. It will kill me.”
 

He runs his hand through my hair. “I understand because I don’t know if I can do it either. I feel so lost and broken since he walked out that door. I feel like my life has gone more upside down than it did the moment we thought you might be pregnant, then finding out you were, then to top that off, it’s twins. Kyle walking out that door has ripped out half of my heart. Someone that I’ve finally given my love to takes it and runs away, like it’s trash, like it means nothing to him. Addison, I have to have him back. I can’t do this,” his hand rubs along my belly, “without him.”
 

I stand up, my legs shaky from sitting so long and I grab his hand. “I can’t either,” I say through tears. I reach out for his hand and he wraps his arms around my thighs, pressing his head against my pouch.
 

Eventually we move onto the bed and I snuggle into his chest. Holding him while he holds me, I fall asleep.

Talon wakes me only briefly to tell me he’s leaving for the studio. I fall back to sleep. Sleep is my safe haven right now. Nothing hurts me there…

Tuesday, after Talon left for the studio, I woke up long enough to eat and go back to sleep, only to wake up again, to eat and go back to sleep or to pee and drink. Sometimes I wonder if I was actually sleeping or just lying there with my eyes closed.
 

I kept my phone close, just in case Kyle decided to call, but I never hear from him. Talon comes home, exhausted, but the music is down and I will go in with him tomorrow to lay down the vocals. Doing that gives me something to look forward to because right now, I have very little, or at least feel like I do.
 

When Wednesday morning rolls around, I wake up and I actually feel rested and even a little bit better, that is until morning sickness kicks in and I spend five minutes over the toilet, alone. I try my hardest to not let it get to me and fail. Talon is off doing something; he wasn’t in the guest room with me when I woke up. I jump into the shower and am getting dressed when Talon comes in. “Hi angel,” he says. “How are you feeling?”
 

“I feel rested, for once, physically I feel good. Emotionally I’m still a mess. What about you, big man?”
 

He gives me a half smile. “I miss him. I miss you. I miss being with you and him.”
 

“Have you heard…” He doesn’t let me finish before he shakes his head. I nod and go back to putting on some light waterproof make-up.
 

“I brought my phone, it’s Wednesday.” I see him in the mirror and he has a slight smile on his lips.
 

“I can’t, it hurts too much.” His face falls.
 

“I know, I…”
 

“Hey, I’m not saying we won’t do it, just, not right now.”
 

His eyes are heavy with emotion. “Can I see and say hi?”
 

My eyes fill with tears and I nod. He reaches out for my hand and I put my stuff down and take his. He pulls me into the bedroom and over to the chair he was sleeping in the other day. “Sit, angel,” he says and I move to stand in front of it. I lift my shirt and lower my pants, though they’re dipping rather than sitting flat.
 

Talon slides to his knees and he looks up at me asking for permission. I nod and he places his hands onto my belly, I shiver under his touch. My heart races for the first time in what feels like an eternity as he brings his lips to my pouch, which is rounded further today than it was last week. “You’re growing so big,” Talon whispers and moves his lips to the other side and kisses there too. One for each baby. “I hope you’re being nice to mommy. She’s under a lot of stress right now, she misses one of your dads like crazy, so do I, but soon, we’ll get him back soon.” He kisses again and then kisses the other side again. “Be good in there, panda cubs.”
 

I press his hands to my pouch and I sit down in the chair, tears weakening me. I take his head into my hands, staring into is eyes. “I love you, Talon Carver.” I lean forward and press my lips to his, kissing him through our tears. He too is crying.
 

“I love you so fucking much, Addison.” He brings his head to rest gently on my tummy and I stroke his hair.
 

“I think it’s time to call him,” I breathe.
 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls his phone out, handing it to me. I slide to open it, click the phone and the call history. There are no calls to or from Kyle since last week. I find his number and I press the call button then the speaker button.
 

With each shrill of the ring, Talon flinches. Finally his generic voicemail greeting comes on. We don’t even get to hear his voice.
 

I feel drops of tears falling against my bump. I stroke his hair. “Give him some time.”

“It’s been two days.”
 

“I know. Come on, big man, we have to get going.”
 

“Wait…” he says, holding me in place. He lifts his head. “I miss you too, you know. I miss making love to you, I miss movies and popcorn and ice cream.”
 

I cup his cheek. “I miss you too. Believe me, I miss you so much, but I’m not ready. I either need him back or I need closure from him. Until I have one or the other, I don’t know if I can…”
 

“I understand, but please, don’t be mad at me if I try.”
 

I tap his nose and give him a small smile. “Never. Now let us up so I can get dressed.” He smiles at the word ‘us’, I do too. And he leans back and he catches the first glimpse from the side.
 

“They’re growing,” he says, “I can see it.”
 

“My pants are feeling it. Look.” I show him how I can’t pull them up and have them fit. They rest along the lower swell.
 

“Do I need to take you shopping?”
 

“No, not yet. This is okay, for now. I think it depends on what I’m wearing. I can’t button my jeans anymore. But if I leave them unbuttoned, I can wear them.” I give him a small smile. “I have a lot of pants that I can wear for some time before I’ll need new ones.”
 

He nods. “Go get ready.”

We make it to the studio on time and sit in the mixing room. We listen to the music tracks that have been mastered and the drums added to Talon’s guitar. I have to agree, it adds a little something extra to it.
 

My head is a bit dizzy so I sit in the chair a little crooked with my head in my hand. “Addison, are you alright?”
 

“Hmm, yeah.” I tell Talon.
 

I don’t need him worrying more. I try and rack my brain for why I could be feeling like this, but nothing is coming to me.
 

“You ready to give it a go?” Talon asks.
 

“Absolutely.”
 

I get up and try to catch my balance but my head is spinning so bad, the next thing I know I’m falling, Talon’s arms come around me hard and fast as I black out.

“Call nine one one,” I tell the sound guys. “Addison? Addison?” I lay her down on the floor and I vaguely hear Marc calling for an ambulance. She’s breathing, she has a pulse, I think she’s just passed out, but I can’t wake her up. “Addison? Come on angel, come back to me. Come on, Addison.” I smack her on her cheek lightly, and she doesn’t come around.
 

“They’re coming,” Marc tells me.
 

“Mills!” I shout.
 

“I’ll get him,” Marc says as he opens the door. “Mills!” Marc calls out.
 

I hear footsteps. “Shit, Talon, what happened?” Mills comes to the other side of her, shoving the chair out of the way.
 

“I…I don’t know. She was sitting here one minute, she didn’t look right but said she was alright, then she stood up and went over.”
 

“When was the last time she ate?”
 

I try to think, I know she ate last night. “Damn it! Last night.” God, I need Kyle so much. Fuck, he was so damn good at making sure she ate.
 

“I called nine one one,” Marc tells Mills.
 

“Okay, we’ll give them a minute, then I’m taking her. Talon?” I look at him. “Breathe buddy, let’s lay her down.” I nod and he helps me lay her on the floor. He checks her pulse. “It’s weak, but it’s there. Addison?” he says, trying to bring her around but nothing happens.
 

“Damn it.” A buzzer sounds.
 

“They’re here,” Marc says. Fuck, that was fast. Then again, maybe not.
 

The paramedics come in and I’m too shaken up to say anything. Thank god for Mills. “She’s six weeks pregnant with twins and she just passed out,” he tells them and they lay down a backboard and go about their work. I stand up and start pacing.
 

“Wha…” Oh god.

“Addison?” I try to squeeze in.
 

“Hey, let us do our job, okay?” the paramedic says. “Addison? Hi Addison, my name is Sam,” he says to her. “Do you know where you are?”
 

“Uh, the studio?”
 

“Okay good, do you know what day of the week it is?”
 

Hell, I don’t even know that. “Wednesday, I think.”
 

“Okay good. Listen, can you tell me how you’re feeling?” the paramedic Sam asks her.
 

“I’m dizzy. I was dizzy, then everything went black. Talon? Where’s?”
 

“I’m right here, angel,” I say with a tight throat.
 

“Addison, when was the last time you ate anything?”
 

“Last night.”
 

“Okay Addison, we’re going to take you to the hospital, okay? Let’s get you checked out. Are you in any pain?”