Reasons Not to Fall in Love (2 page)

“Skye had her baby. A little girl. She’s called her Evie,” I announced.

Finn, as I expected, wasn’t overly bothered by the sound of his response. “That’s nice.” He was still playing the game in the background; I could hear guns blazing and Doug shouting things at the TV.

I frowned, trying not to let him ruin my happy mood. “Yeah. So, can you go home and pack up some overnight things for the three of us? That’ll save some time. I finish work at half past two so I’ll go pick up Theo from school, and you can meet us just outside the school gates. I’ll snag us some food to eat in the car. It shouldn’t take more than an hour and a half to get there.”

“What, car, what you talking about?” he asked, now obviously tuning in to what I was saying.

I sighed deeply. “Visiting hours start at seven tonight. Mum said we could stay at hers for a couple of days, but I’ve just switched shifts with Karen so I need to be back here for Sunday morning. We can stay there tonight though and then drive back tomorrow or something,” I explained.

“That sounds like a great plan,” Finn replied. I smiled and nodded, but the smile fell from my face as he continued, “But I’ve been drinking so I can’t drive.”

My heart sank. “You’ve been drinking? Seriously? It’s not even lunchtime!” I stated incredulously.

“I’ve only had two beers, but I’ll be over the limit. I can’t drive. Plus, I have plans tonight anyway,” he answered.

I scowled down at the floor at the word ‘plans’. I didn’t need him to tell me what his ‘plans’ were, I would bet last week’s pay cheque that it involved him getting drunk, losing money at cards and, if he was drunk enough, sleeping with some slut who happened to look in his direction. I tried to keep my cool and not shout at him. I was used to things like this; he’d been cheating on me with anything that moved for the last four years. At this point, I genuinely couldn’t care less. I was with him because I didn’t want to be on my own and because Theo deserved a dad.

Of course, I’d broken it off once. Three years ago I got it into my head that I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and I’d left him. I was strong for a while, and Theo and I coped on our own for almost a month. Then the unthinkable happened. One night, while Theo and I slept, a man broke into the poky little flat that we lived in. I’d woken to find him raiding my living room, looking for cash or anything that he could pawn to buy drugs if looking at him was anything to go by. He hadn’t hurt us; he’d actually looked just as startled as I had felt when I stumbled upon him with my handbag in his hand and my mother’s china figurine in the other. He’d run out of there as fast as his legs could carry him, barely getting away with anything – but that encounter had struck a deep terror into my heart because I knew, deep down, that if he’d
wanted
to hurt us, he could have done. If hurting us had been his intention, I would have been powerless to stop him. I hadn’t slept right for days after; nightmares of me being unable to protect my defenceless young baby plagued my mind. That was when I made the decision that I regretted almost every day – I took Finn back. But, admittedly, having a man there at night time gave me that safe feeling back that I so desperately needed after seeing someone force their way into my home. Having Finn there kept me and my son safe, and stopped me worrying about things that would have played on my mind otherwise.

There was no longer any love between us; hell, we barely even tolerated each other at times. Sometimes I even struggled to remember what it was that I saw in him the first place. Usually I convinced myself that it was his looks that I fell for, though even those had lost their appeal to me because I knew he’d rather be off sleeping with other girls than me. Ours was a marriage of convenience, even though it was inconvenient most of the time. Another reason I was with him was because I didn’t have the energy to find anyone else. I’d been young when we’d gotten together, merely seventeen, and I knew that the dating scene had moved on pretty rapidly since I was last a part of it. In my opinion, I was too old to be single again, so I’d just have to suffer and grin and bear it. Many women went through their lives in an unhappy marriage. I was no different to any of them. Not everyone found their Mr Darcy and lived happily ever after, some people just had to take what they could get and be thankful. Clearly I was one of those people.

“But I need to go there tonight. That’s my sister and my niece,” I grumbled, kicking the toe of my shoe against the wall in anger.

Finn sighed dramatically. “If you really have to go there tonight then take a train or something. It’s a waste of bloody money but just do what you want. I guess I can cancel my plans and have Theo.”

I recoiled, shocked at his words. He never usually did anything for me, but now he was offering to cancel his plans and stay home with our son? “Seriously?” I hadn’t considered a train, but I could easily do that.

“Yeah, whatever. You’ve been banging on about this baby for months. I honestly can’t take the pouting and whining you’ll do if you don’t get to go there. I’ll get the blame all night long because I had a couple of beers to unwind.”

I smiled weakly. So he wasn’t suggesting that I go for me, he was suggesting that I go because I’d be complaining and blaming him if I didn’t. Typical Finn, something that benefitted him again.

“Will you come tomorrow and pick me up? Bring Theo so he can see my mum?” I asked hopefully. My mum would be upset if she didn’t get to see her grandson too.

He groaned loudly. “Can’t you just buy a return ticket?”

“Finn, please?” I begged. “My mum would love to see you two.” That wasn’t strictly true, she would probably rather not see Finn. “Please? If you come and pick me up in the morning we can spend the day down there or something?” Finn’s relationship with my family wasn’t exactly a good one – they were amicable enough, but it was a polite front that they all kept up. My parents had never thought he was good enough for me after he accidentally got me pregnant when I was seventeen. When my father had died two years ago of cancer, Finn hadn’t even bothered to go and say a final goodbye, and had been drunk at his funeral. That hadn’t gone down well and would probably never be forgotten.

“Ugh, fine! I’ll spend three bloody hours in a car tomorrow, just to see your flippin’ family, does that make you happy?”

I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Yes, actually,” I admitted. “Thank you.” Silence rang out as I struggled to find something to say to diffuse the tension. My happy mood was now gone. “I’d better go see about a bus ticket or something. Make sure you pick up Theo from school at half past three because I won’t be here to do it.” I frowned, praying he wouldn’t forget to pick up our son. “And don’t drink any more if you’re going to be in charge of him,” I added as an afterthought.

“I’ll be there. Call me later.” He hung up before I even got to answer and drum into him how important it was for him to arrive at the school on time. Deep down, I knew that Finn would be there on time – although he was a terrible husband, he actually wasn’t a bad dad.

By the time I finished my shift, cleared my section after a particularly rowdy group of teenagers had been in, and clocked out, it was past three in the afternoon. I was now running late. The train that I needed to catch to Bath left in just over half an hour – and I hadn’t even packed yet.

After a mad dash home, I threw a few things into a bag, and then scribbled a note for Finn telling him that I’d put some beef casserole into the fridge from the café for them to have for dinner. After I’d written my note, I practically ripped off my work uniform and changed into jeans and a black, stretch t-shirt. Before leaving my flat, I headed over to the food cupboard, going up on tiptoes and reaching into the back. My hand closed around the jar of money that I kept there. As soon as I picked it up and heard the pitiful tinkle of the change in the bottom of the jar, I knew something wasn’t right. When it came into view, I groaned. It was supposed to be our emergency money, something I put into each week from my wages in case something went wrong. It looked as though Finn had had a few emergencies and had neglected to tell me.

After unscrewing the top and tipping the meagre contents out onto the kitchen counter, I counted out thirty-seven pounds and seventy-two pence. I’d already been told over the phone when I called about the trains that it was forty two pounds for an off-peak ticket from Paddington to Bath. I ground my teeth, picking up the crumpled notes and change, shoving it into my purse, before stomping over to the sofa and thrusting my hand down the back of the cushions, looking for anything that might have dropped out of a pocket by accident. I needed another five pounds for the train ticket. The clock on the wall suddenly caught my eye and I gasped. If I didn’t leave this very second, I wouldn’t even need to worry about being short on cash because I’d miss the train.

After swinging my overnight bag onto my shoulder and picking up my handbag, I ran the whole way to the station. Sweat trickled down my back by the time I arrived. The whole time I’d been running, I’d kept my eyes peeled on the floor, searching for any cash or change that someone might have accidentally dropped. Just my luck though, it seemed that the streets were clean for once.

Once I got to Paddington station, I got in the queue to buy the ticket from an actual person rather than the automated machine. My mouth was dry as I tried my best to come up with an excuse why I didn’t have enough money to pay. This was going to be embarrassing, to say the least. I gulped as I got to the front; the haughty-looking woman eyed me expectantly as I stepped forward. As I expected, when she rang my fare through the price was forty-two pounds exactly. I didn’t have enough.

Time to bring out the bad acting…

I opened my purse, pulling out the money I had, and then gasped, pretending to be shocked. “Damn it, I swear I had another ten in here,” I lied, shaking my head and pulling open all of the sections.

“Ma’am, do you want the ticket or not?” she asked with no compassion in her voice at all. She’d probably she’d seen this act thousands of times before.

I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I really need the ticket. My sister just had a little baby, and I need to go and see them. I don’t get to see them very often; I need to get on that train. Is there some way you could let me off of the five quid?” I asked, looking at her pleadingly.

She sighed and shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. My till would be wrong at the end of the day; I need all money accounted for. If I discounted your ticket I’d have to discount all the people in the queue,” she stated, waving her hand behind me for dramatic effect.

“Please? I really need to get on that train. Maybe I could drop in the other six quid tomorrow night when I get back?” I suggested. I would do it, I wasn’t one to lie.

She raised one eyebrow as if I had suggested something ridiculous, and I felt my heart sink as my eyes prickled with tears. I desperately wanted to see my sister and niece tonight. I didn’t want to be the last one to see her.

“Bronwyn?”

I turned curiously, wondering who had called my name. Rex stood there in his black security guard uniform with his little shiny gold badge pinned to his breast pocket. I smiled weakly. “Hi, Rex.” I’d forgotten he once told me he worked security at the station.

“Something wrong?” he asked, walking to my side and looking from me to the ticket lady.

“She doesn’t have enough to pay her fare,” the lady stated heartlessly.

Heat crept up my neck and over my cheeks because someone that I knew had witnessed my shameful attempt to beg my way onto the train. “I thought I had another ten in my purse, but Finn must have taken it or something. I’m just under five quid short,” I muttered, snapping the clasp of my purse shut angrily. I would just have to go tomorrow morning with Finn in the car; there was no alternative because I didn’t drive so I couldn’t get there any other way.

Rex smiled and shoved his hand in his pocket before holding out a ten pound note to me. “Here. Call it your tip for the next couple of weeks, huh?” he offered.

My heart leapt in my chest at the gesture. “Seriously?” I gasped as he pushed the money into my hand.

He nodded and smiled. “Seriously,” he confirmed.

My shoulders relaxed as I grinned in thanks, turning and sliding the total through to the lady at the ticket booth. “Oh God, thanks so much, Rex. I really, really appreciate it,” I gushed.
Maybe he isn’t such a bad guy after all!

He laughed and pulled out a set of keys, unlocking the door to the ticket office. “No worries. Maybe next time I ask you out, you’ll consider it for a split second before you turn me down,” he joked. I laughed, knowing it wouldn’t happen because I was married. He winked at me playfully before heading into the ticket office and settling himself into a chair.

“Rex, you’re a star! Dessert is on me next time you come to the café, OK?” I grinned happily as the lady slid my ticket across to me. “Thanks again. See you next week!” I called over my shoulder as I sprinted for my platform.

The train ride was long, but luckily I had found a magazine on one of the empty seats so I kept myself amused by perusing that. To keep myself busy I made a call to Finn, double-checking that he’d picked up Theo and that he’d feed and bathe him before bed. He agreed to leave London the following morning early, so would be at my mum’s house a little after ten in the morning. That would give Theo a fair few hours with his grandmother.

When the train finally rolled to a stop, I couldn’t keep the ecstatic grin off my face. It felt nice to be going home. Bath was where I grew up as a kid. We all moved away when I was in my early teens, but in the last few years my sister and mother had moved back to be closer to other family members. I’d elected to stay in London with Finn. As I stepped out of the train and onto the platform with my overnight bag on my back, I wasn’t expecting to see my mother standing there with a huge grin on her face. My heart leapt into my throat as my eyes prickled with happy tears. It had been way too long since I’d seen that smile.

A squeal escaped my lips as I ran the five steps to her, engulfing her in a hug that was sure to have crushed her ribs against her lungs, but she hugged me back with the same intensity. The smell of her hair wafted up my nostrils, and the feeling of being a child again washed over me making my stomach clench as a contented sigh left my lips.