Read Real Vampires Don't Diet Online

Authors: Gerry Bartlett

Tags: #Horror & Ghost Stories

Real Vampires Don't Diet (14 page)

"Local TV doesn't exactly love me, Barry. One reporter in particular keeps trying to make something of the Vintage Vamp's thing. Like I'm a vampire. Can you believe it?"

We both had a good laugh at that. "I say we run with it. The mysterious Glory St. Clair. Only comes out at night. I've seen the pictures. The agency has a file on you, of course. Started it as soon as Ray was seen with you the first time. That vampire mural on your shop wall is dynamite. Great draw for the store. I'd say you're a marketing genius." He grinned and turned when the closet door opened.

Ray stuck his head inside. "Do I have to throw a jealous rage here?" He threw his arm around me. "Glory, let me know if Barry tries to overschedule your life. I'll make him back off. You should see the list of phone interviews he handed me a few minutes ago."

"Right. And Chicago's next. I'll get them on the line." Barry held out his hand and took the cell phone from Ray "Great to meet you, Glory. I'll be stopping by your shop. Got to see that mural for myself. Oh, and I already met your dog." He shuddered.

"Heavy duty, isn't he?"

"You'd better believe it." I watched him look at a list on his BlackBerry, then begin to punch numbers into the phone before he sat on Ray's bed and started to talk.

"You okay with this?" Ray kept his arm around me.

"Sure. Publicity for the shop. But let's cool the idea of playing up the vampire angle. Not my style. I'm into blending." Ray frowned. "You'd better teach me that whammy thing soon then. Barry can be made to forget all about it. If he gets out of hand, that's your answer."

"Right. Now I've got to go."

Ray walked me to the door. Since Barry was now standing next to him with the phone, he obviously felt compelled to lay a kiss on me, a lingering, full-throttle kiss that curled my toes in those much-too-big flip-flops.

"Come on, Glory, I'll introduce you to Sienna." Nathan opened the door and we almost tripped over Valdez. "Your sentinel is on duty as usual." He closed the door behind him.

"Woof." Valdez looked around to be sure we were alone.
"Wait'll you see Sienna Star, Glory. Ooo, baby."
Nathan grinned since everyone in range can hear Valdez talking inside their heads just like I can. "She's got looks
and
attitude. Just ask Dex. Watch yourself, Valdez. Not sure what she'd do if a dog talked to her. I hear she packs a gun in her designer bag."

"I'm immortal. All a gunshot would do is slow me down a little.
"

"But you'll keep your mouth shut anyway. You've been wounded enough lately."

"Listen to her, Nathan. Glory's worried about me."

"Sure, I'm worried. The way you play hero, it's a miracle you've lasted this long." I stopped at the top of the stairs. "Let's go. I need to get to the shop. But I want to talk to Brittany first." I looked back at Valdez. "Remember Brittany? The woman you are supposedly crazy about?"

"Hey, I can be crazy about Picasso, but that doesn't mean I can't admire a Van Gogh."

"Wow, listen to the art references." Nathan stared down at Valdez. "The canine has hidden depths."

"The canine has been living with me and my art-loving roomie, Florence, for too long. Flos slept with every major artist since Leonardo da Vinci and has the stories to prove it." I patted Valdez on the head.

We trooped down the stairs and I heard the piano being played in the living room. Not the hard rock I'd have expected. This was a beautiful classical piece. But not one I recognized. Not that I'm all that conversant in such things, but I've been exposed to culture, even if I'm not particularly highbrow. Jerry loves stuff like the opera, the ballet and the symphony. Go figure. Another guy with depths. I'm about as shallow as a discount store cheek cream.

"Come on, you've got to meet her." Nathan grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the living room. The song reached a crescendo and it actually gave me goose bumps. I looked out through the open drapes and sawoh, my God!Aggie leaning on the rocks, listening and swaying to the music. I hurried over to the wall of windows and pressed the button for the automatic shades to close just as the woman sitting at the keyboard lifted her fingers from the keys. The sound lingered in the room for a few breathless seconds.

"Bravo!" Nathan clapped and stepped forward. "Is that one of yours?"

"Yes, but it needs work." The tiny woman stood and looked at me. Her spiky hair was a collage of blond, pink and purple that trailed halfway down her back. She had piercings on both eyebrows with a sapphire on the left side of her nose that matched her eyes. Her skin was pale and flawless, her eye makeup stripes that matched her hair. Full fuchsia lips pouted for a second before she grinned and stepped forward, right hand outstretched.

"You've got to be Glory. I've read so much about you."

"Please don't believe that trash." I found myself smiling in return even though she made me feel like an absolute Amazon. I took a second to admire her pink leather miniskirt and blue sweater before reality set in. I
had
to get outside and make sure Aggie got away from Ray's deck before anyone else saw her.

"Sorry I closed the shades like that. I thought I saw one of those paparazzi trying to scale the rocks with a camera. I'd better alert the bodyguards. They usually hang out in the kitchen." I was shaking inside. Sure, I could whammy Sienna, but what would Aggie do next, slither up to the door and ring the bell?

"I can do that, Glory. They should be out on patrol." Nathan started toward the kitchen.

"No!" I leaped to put my hand on his arm. "I have to walk Valdez anyway."

"Thanks for running them off." Sienna made a face and shuddered. "Did you see the picture of me on the topless beach in Cannes? I looked like a boy. Didn't help that it revived rumors that Ian is gay. Which I'm here to tell you that, as far as
I'm
concerned, he's definitely not."

"No, I guess I missed that one. But in person you have a great figure." I smiled. Always nice to meet a fellow victim of tabloid abuse. And I was glad to hear her boyfriend, a hot British movie star, wasn't gay. I'd had some nice fantasies about him.

"Well, fifteen million other people didn't miss it." Sienna plopped down on the sofa and kicked off her four-inch Louboutin heels.

"I don't believe anything I read in those rags. For instance, you're so much smaller than your pictures. Those creeps obviously use Photoshop. Bastards!" She held out her hand for Valdez to sniff. He shamelessly licked her palm, then moved in for a full head rub. "What a sweet dog! I'm on the road so much. No time for a pet. What's his name?" I loved this woman. I was "smaller" than my pictures? Obviously my Sienna Star boycott was over. I looked around. The house seemed curiously empty after the crowd of the last few days and apparently a cleaning crew had been in downstairs while Ray and I had slept.

"Valdez. It's a Spanish name. The tabloids figure he's named for a former lover." I forced a smile. "Whatever." Valdez laid his head on her knee, and she ran her hand over his back. He suddenly jerked.

"Oh, no!" Sienna held up her hand, her opal ring now sporting a hunk of his black fur. "I'm so sorry." She looked at me. "Did he say 'Ow!'?"

"Of course not. 'Bow wow!' What else?" I grabbed his collar and inspected the new quarter-size bald spot on the middle of his back. "Don't worry it'll grow back."

"Oh, gosh, I guess I'm not a dog person after all. Or maybe it's because, according to the tabloids this week, I'm an androgynous alien who is the long-lost granddaughter of Marilyn Monroe. Which is kind of cool actually. The Marilyn Monroe connection anyway." Sienna stood and laughed. Valdez got up his nerve and approached her again for a head rub. I turned to Nathan. "Where's the band?"

"I told them to go home. Sienna and Ray need to practice alone. The guys understood. We've got studio time lined up and they can meet there if they want to work on their own tunes." Nathan moved to put an arm around Sienna but she headed back to the piano.

"Did you say Ray was on his way down, Nathan?"

"He's on the phone. Interviews. Give him ten more minutes."

"Go hurry him along." Sienna was suddenly all business. "We've got a lot of work to do and not much time. This performance has to be perfect."

I glanced at Nathan. He shrugged and headed back upstairs. "Guess I'd better leave you to it then. Glory, you're alerting security?"

"Thanks." Sienna was already making notes on some sheet music.

"On my way." I tried to read Sienna's mind. No go. Some mortals are like that. All you get is white noise. But I recognized a hard driving professional when I saw one. She and I looked about the same age, early twenties, but I had a few hundred years of experience under my belt. I'd have liked to have told her to relax, enjoy this early fame, but she'd never listen to a nobody like me. In fact, I was pretty sure she'd already forgotten that I was in the room. She was humming the famous duet she and Ray were going to sing. It had sold millions. A love song that couples probably danced to at their weddings. Very sexy. And the video they'd made showed them with some great chemistry.

I felt something that was an awful lot like jealousy poke me in my size-twelve midriff. Sienna was a zero, size two max. Flat chested or not, she put off a sensual vibe that men responded to. I heard a sound from outside that brought me back to reality. Aggie or a fog horn? Didn't matter. I didn't have time for imagined jealousies. I had a real problem to deal with.

"Nice to meet you, Sienna."

"Oh, you too." Sienna looked up and smiled. "It's good to see Ray with a real woman, not one of those plastic Barbies who usually pursue him. Don't let those tabloids get you down, Glory. I'm really sorry about hurting your dog."

"Thanks. And don't worry about Valdez; he'll be fine. I'm sure I'll see you again before you leave town." Real woman? If Sienna only knew. I hurried to the kitchen, where Valdez stopped to show Brittany his wound.

"What happened to you, Rafe?"

"Sienna Star."
Valdez craned his neck.
"Hurt like hell. How does it look? Ami completely bald?"
Brittany made sympathetic noises, but I didn't have time for this.

"Look, I've got an emergency outside. V, you coming with or should I go it alone?" That got his attention. Valdez rocketed out the door as soon as I opened it. He jumped into the elevator.

"So what's the emergency?"

"You'll see when we get downstairs." Sure enough, Aggie was lounging on Ray's boat like she owned it.

"Are you freakin kidding me? What the hell is that?"
Valdez's jaw dropped open, then he seemed to remember that he was supposed to defend me. He growled and was about to spring when he dropped like a stone, frozen in place on the wooden decking.

"I'm your friend Glory's Siren, fur ball. I'm not a 'that,' I'm a 'who.' A shape-shifter like you, only usually much prettier, thank you very much." Aggie ran a claw down her scaly body.

"Why are you here? God, Aggie, anyone could have seen you outside that window. How can Ray and I function if you cause mass hysteria among the mortals he has to live with?"

"I guess I don't give a flying flip how you 'function,' sweetie, as long as you get the job done. You made any progress? You got somebody for me yet?" She lifted her green snout and sniffed. "I smell a vampire in the house, and it's not you or Ray. Bring him out. It would be a start."

Will. Oh, God, please let him stay inside. "What's your range on pulling in vampires? Can't you
get
him yourself?" My stomach heaved and I glanced up at the deck off the kitchen, terrified that Will would suddenly appear and swan dive down to the water next to the boat dock.

Aggie frowned. "I wish. Why do you think I had to sing to get you two? But once I have your scent, up close and personal, you're mine, sweetie. Forever. So get cracking. Start with that fang banger in the house there."

"No. I want to bring you
bad
vampires. Vampires who deserve to die, not my friends. Can you blame me?" I took a shuddery breath. "You have friends, Aggie?"

"Sure I do." Aggie pondered a long claw and frowned. "At least when I'm not looking like the wrath of a goddess. None of my friends would come near me now even if they knew where to find me here in the back of the beyond." She glanced at Valdez, who actually stirred. "Never mind. Your dog is pretty powerful. I never had a shifter able to break my freeze before. You get him to stay in line or I'll take you to Circe anyway. Got it?"

"Yes, I've got it. Now get this. I need the full three weeks. If you want to listen to music, sneak up here to the dock, but stay out of sight. Ray and Sienna are going to be practicing here. I'll tell him to open the windows and you should be able to hear some pretty awesome tunes." Why not throw Aggie a bone? Keep her in a good mood? Because Aggie in a bad mood Well, I sure didn't want to think about
that.
"But if Ray sees you out here, he'll move them to a studio downtown and you won't hear a thing. Wouldn't that be a shame?"

"Hah! He'd move downtown if he could move at all. But I hear you, sister." Aggie frowned when Valdez wobbled to his feet and shook. "That woman sure can play the piano. Bet she can sing too. But she needs a new hair stylist. And Ray I can't wait to hear him sing again." She stood and glared at Valdez. "Listen to me, dog. Don't try to come at me again. I can take your vampire down easy as pie. Watch this." She waved a scaly hand and I froze.

"
Glory
?" Valdez circled me.

Yeah, I could tell he was doing it, but couldn't freakin' move a muscle. God, I hate the freeze thing. Valdez growled and launched himself at Aggie. I swear if I could have yelled, I would have been hysterical. Was the mutt trying to get me or himself
killed?
There was a blur of fur and scales. Some cursing like you wouldn't believe. Finally Valdez staggered back to the deck and spit out a chunk of green scales. Aggie collapsed on Ray's white bench seat and dropped a hunk of black fur into the water.

"That was fun."

"Speak for yourself, woman. Gack. You taste like the bottom of a cesspool."

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